I have suffered with ROCD since the very beginning of my relationship and it makes it really hard to decipher what is real and what is not. Intrusive thoughts include “do I find him attractive?” “Do I love him?” They come as statements too. It’s upsetting as he’s so wonderful and perfect for me in every way and I feel as though I’m constantly lying to him. He deserves better than me. I had two amazing days last week when I fell so happy and in love with him, it was the feeling I’d been waiting for for 4 months. It was incredible. Then after that I fell into nearly two weeks of negative thought patterns and rumination. In a way I believe this could be because those two days finally showed my brain that I DO love him so now OCD has attacked hard and made the thoughts even more real and convincing. So convincing that the last couple of days I’ve nearly cried kissing his cheek incase it’s the last time I do so because I truly believe I need to set him free. I hold onto his hand a little tighter in case I can’t hold it anymore. I can’t tell what’s OCD and what’s the excitement of a new relationship wearing off. I care about his happiness so much so this is destroying me. I’m not seeking reassurance but wanting to get some things off my chest.