I used to want to grow a beard since I was young, hit puberty, grew one and loved it, feeling and acting manly, walking tall, with my chest out and shoulders broad. Now I feel like acting girly and fruity and wanting to change into a girl. All my attraction to women is gone completely, its not even loss of attraction, its just GONE. Now that I think of my past, I dont remember feeling sexual towards girls my age in my school, I cant remember I dont think I did and romantic attraction? I dont think I felt that either. Sure I grew up watching only straight porn and having strong fantasies of doing it like that but the attraction Im feeling towards guys in my head feels real, realer than what Ive felt for girls( I cant even remember what I used to feel when I saw girls) but I think this is what real attraction feels like which is why I believe Im gay but now I feel like im also transgender and wanting to be a girl. And until I accept these things to be true and start acting towards them my conditon will keep getting worse Im afraid this hocd and depression brought out and made me see my true self that was inside all along. Theres a quote from the actor Jim Carrey " Depression is your avatar tired of being the character youre trying to play" it makes sense about my situation now. So much fucking despair everyday, its immobilizing, I feel shame and embarrassment. Yet i know once I give in to these thoughts and act em out ill enjoy it and that this is just a ego problem and lots of cognitive dissonance. Fuck man. What do I do.