My friend helped me remember all the things my partner did for me in the beginning of our relationship. Like he would travel long distances just to see me. It helped me remember why I love him. I was able to even kiss him goodbye yesterday and say I love you before I went to hang out with my friends.
Even when I came home he was sleeping I cuddle up next to him saying I love you to him softly. 🥲 but now it’s that break up feeling again… it’s like I really wanna break up… like I don’t love him anymore…
I know deep down I love him and I do wanna stay. When I told my friend about it she was like then why don’t you do it then… I started crying badly… then at last night at the casino I started crying bc my other friend was talking about mental health.
They both were saying how it’s not the relationship that’s the problem. It’s your mental issues that are. My other friend was talking about how she was in a bad place mentally and how she went to therapy it truly helps her.
She even told me how she could tell I have serve ocd tendencies. She was complementing my relationship saying how such a beautiful couple my partner and I are. I started crying so badly…
She said for you both being together so long without any severe issues until this ocd problem is amazing. But she can tell I’m holding stuff in… that freaked me out and gave me a lot of anxiety. After my one friend went to the bathroom my other friend said if I understand what she was saying and I was like yes.. I am just very very overwhelmed and it was a lot of info to take in at once… I am just worried bc now it’s like I can think more clearly… ☹️ and I am worried I actually want to leave my partner 😢