Thank you for sharing what you are going through. I've had OCD for many years and the themes of OCD I've struggled with have varied and changed through the years. I've often heard others express this as well. Intrusive thoughts are very common with OCD. Please try to keep in mind thoughts are just thoughts and are not defining. For me if I find myself ruminating over a thought I am having, it helps to remind myself of that and not engage with the thought. Of course, I know easier said than done. Also redirecting by switching to a new task can sometimes help me too. Are you in therapy with a trained OCD therapist or NOCD? I am in ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) therapy for my OCD. It's helped me to deal with thoughts in a clearer way. If not in therapy, you may want to consider reaching out to the NOCD care team.
Good luck in your journey.