I need help and advice, what do I do?? :(

Please read all of this. I know it’s a lot. And can someone please respond? I need help :( Update: Hey so I made it worse.. My OCD is so bad now.. I couldn’t leave it alone. And I made it worse.. I went into the chat of said friend. And accidentally clicked on the message at the bottom “can’t contact disabled accounts.” And now the messages are gone. The whole chat history gone. I can’t find them on the list of chats I have. I like to keep my chat history. It may be a compulsion. But I like to be able to go back and make sure I didn’t say anything bad.. so maybe it’s for the best. But it’s definitely making me panic now. And I don’t know what to do now. Fuck! I’m losing it. I didn’t want to delete it! Why did it delete it for me! I didn’t ask it too! Fuck! I can’t even contact them to ask them why they disabled their account. My brain is convincing me it has something to do with me. Even though I haven’t spoken to them in 2-3 months. My mind is racing now. I was sort of supposed to check in with them at some point.. But I have been too in my head. And now I got no way of contacting as we were only online friends. All their socials are gone? I wondered if I was blocked. But It seems they have just disappeared from socials entirely.. I can’t believe it deleted my chat just like that. I already googled. I can’t get it back. And my OCD is clawing at me for this. But it’s the one that made me keep going back and checking and made me press the button! Ugh it always makes my problems worse. ——————————————— Hey so I’m having a bit of a rough one. I know I gotta sit in the uncertainty. I’m just overwhelmed. And I need someone to help me sit in it? If that’s okay? I’m having a major flare up of OCD. I noticed one of my online friends accounts. (At least the ones I have them on) are all like deactivated?. I thought maybe I was blocked.. but it says deactivated. I still have them on gaming stuff. Don’t know how long for though.. I’m overthinking it a lot. Thing is. I haven’t spoken to them in a long while. So I don’t know if I should try and contact them to ask. And I’m ruminating on it. I assume if they deleted everything they don’t want to be contacted. But I don’t know. I hate asking for help like this. But I need perspective. Not reassurance so to speak. I just don’t know what to do. Can someone please tell me what to do? What’s the right thing to do here? I need some guidance. Please..

NW100

Date posted: 13h

1. I’m really glad you are reminding yourself to eat. OCD thrives when your blood sugar is low and hungry. You’re putting your physical body in a desperate place when you don’t eat and it compounds everything. Good job keeping track of that. 2. There are any number of reasons that this person could have turned off their socials. People don’t get off social because of one guy, they just block them. Actually, they tell them to F off and then block them. Haha. 3. OCD wants you guessing and deleting your messages by mistake is something that would happen because of OCD making you go back. I have totally done stuff like this. 4. I’ve been here before, and you just got be like “okay, maybe I did, I’m going to keep on going anyway. If it ever comes up (which it won’t) I’ll apologize.” You gotta to embrace it and move on. 5. The reality is, and you know it, is that OCD creating this problem. You didn’t randomly curse out someone, who it sounds like you hadn’t thought about in months. OCD found a way in and started hanging out. 6. If you don’t have one already, go find an OCD therapist. Not someone with a client or two with mild cases. Go find an OCD specialist whose patient list is almost all OCD clients. It’s tough, but you can get through this.

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 19h

What is your OCD causing you to ruminate on? What are your fears and what are you doing in response?

komorebi11

Date posted: 18h

@MichelleV Ruminating on Whether or not I did anything wrong, why they have done this. If they are okay even I guess? My fears are that I did do something wrong I just don’t know it? That they aren’t okay and I wouldn’t know or be able to find out. That because I deleted my chat.. my ocd is uncomfortable because it was a compulsion to go through and check to see if I wrote anything wrong? Right now I’m not doing anything besides sitting in it. Yesterday I tried to distract myself with a gaming day and listening to music. And making sure I ate. Because when I get anxious like this I don’t eat. Does this help you? Thank you for responding to me :)

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 12h

@komorebi11 Yes, thank you for sharing more ❤️ The hardest part of OCD is all the doubt and the what ifs. The need for certainty can be so strong and so overwhelming. And it’s courageous of you to share your struggles. My best advice is to continue sitting with it, continue sitting in the unknown. You don’t know why this person deactivated. There could be several reasons. And despite what your OCD says, you can tolerate not knowing. You don’t have to know the reasons why. It sounds like OCD is being loud because there’s an opportunity for doubt. This is what OCD thrives on. Can you practice some non engagement responses, like “I don’t know, I don’t have to know. I’m going to continue doing ___, even if you’re being loud OCD,” or when you’re ruminating, saying “maybe this is the reason. Maybe it’s not. Who knows? Not me. That’s ok.” Etc. something that helps me too, is to journal out what I want to do (ruminate, obsess, figure it out,” and then journal what I’m going to do instead (continue on with my day, practice sitting in it, reminding myself this is hard but it won’t be hard forever). If you work with a therapist, it’s a good time to ask them for advice too

why_sunny

Date posted: 14d

Not fully ocd, but I'm feeling very sad and lost

Hey, so I'll try to keep it short but I've been dealing with a lot of emotions and need advise. This is not fully ocd but I really don't have anywhere else to talk about this with. I’ve only ever seriously liked two people: my ex and this guy I’ve been talking to. He’s from a country far away, and we’d been chatting for two months before I admitted my feelings. From the start, he was clear he’s not over his ex and isn’t looking for anything serious. At first, I saw him just as a friend, but the more he mentioned going on dates or seeking a friends-with-benefits situation, the more it stirred panic and fear in me. When he noticed I was acting off and asked about it, I opened up and told him how I felt. He was kind but firm, saying he couldn’t reciprocate but wanted to stay friends. That was nice of him, but it still hurt, especially since he didn’t seem to see it as a big deal, while for me, it was huge. I took a two-week break to process, crying it out and trying to pull myself together before reaching out again. He was understanding and seemed okay with picking up where we left off, but things aren’t the same. We used to talk all day, every day, but now it’s just a few words here and there, and it’s crushing. He seems totally fine—happy, going out, living his life like nothing’s changed. Meanwhile, I’m at my lowest, depressed and unable to enjoy anything. Seeing him share updates or talk about his life just makes me sad, and I can’t even show the support I used to. It’s killing me because I want to be his friend, but this feels so distant and cold compared to before. Texting him back is so hard now, which has never been an issue with anyone else. I don’t want to take another break because I’d just spend it thinking about him, and trying to go back to being friends afterward feels even scarier. I don’t want to lose him entirely, but this is hurting so much. I just want to be his friend, but I’ve never liked someone this much before. When I care about someone, they become my whole world, and right now, mine feels like it’s crashed. Seeing him happy makes me sad, and I feel awful for feeling that way. My ocd is making me spiral about this and keep obsessing about him and this connection making me feel restless. Most friends told me to try and let go and end this because I'm hurting but I don't wanna regret giving up on a friendship tho of I don't want a shallow one word per day friendship either.

Jae18

Date posted: 13d

Please help

Im not sure where to start but yesterday was very painful for me and I was having thoughts about you know not being alive because of how overwhelmed I was with OCD … how guilty I felt about the thoughts that come in my head snd I couldn’t stop them as they got worse by the second … how ashamed I felt … I feel like an awful partner to my person … I get very immoral thoughts and thoughts I can’t even write here or share … and I have been very intolerant to my compulsions and I always tell him my thoughts , the content .. my actions .. everything and I fall for ocd’s tricks … I get thoughts about people .. people .. strangers .. people from my uni .. people he knows or is close with and I hate it .. and these thoughts can range but recently they’ve been enough to make me reach this point .. I made the decision to not tell him anything , to protect him and to get better but I haven’t been fully avoiding all my compulsions yet.. not all.. although the last 2 days I did but I haven’t been feeling or doing great at all .. I have been very frustrated and snappy even with him when that never happens .. I feel awful and selfish , I feel depressed and I have exams this week … hes a really pure soul .. hes nothing but sweet , supportive, patient and understanding but I’m really hurting snd I don’t like feeling this way .. feeling this angry at everything .. being unlike me .. being distant from him .. and I feel like life is falling apart .. I can barely catch my breath , barely catching up to my studies and I’ve been compromising on my attendance… I need help snd I don’t know what to do .. I feel stuck snd lost .. I don’t know if I should be telling him what thoughts exactly come to mind or like what happened the last few days (thoughts includes someone close he knows like super super close to him , had a doubt snd I know it’s intrusive but still , thats just one thought ) or do I suck it up truly and not share anything at all because this is the disorder snd not me .. it’s not my fault or intention ? (Again most of the thoughts that come in like for instance those comments I get about strangers for instance , I don’t want or intend them but they do as if my brain is teasing me and I feel like I’m responsible or at fault ) and I should just treat this as a disorder ? And really know that it’s all just lies snd not ever true or real ?… I can’t help but feel it’s as if I’m deceiving him , betraying him , hiding things from him or cheering on him specially because of these thoughts snd a great person like him deserves the best but I’ve been nothing but shitty hence why.. I’ve been the way I am … I really do need advice snd not just in this but actual advice almost im every aspect of my life right now and I would really appreciate any urgent help or advice … im sorry for how long this is but I thought maybe you’d see the picture clearly this way … Thank you 🙏🏻

Bettterdays

Date posted: 13d

I need help.

Okay I might sound crazy and I need alittle advice. Recently I took off work for a month to go visit Europe. I left being on very good terms with my work friends. They all said they loved me and they’ll miss me etc. They also usually text. Last time I left on a long vacation they would occasionally reach out to me, like my stories, etc. This time around, everything was normal for the first week. They liked my stories and we texted briefly. Now…. A week or so later, it’s dead silent on their end. They haven’t texted. They view my stories but they don’t like them. (I’m not saying they have to but it’s normal for them to do that). I can’t help but think something has been said about me that’s negative. Or they’re mad at me for maybe the one time I talked about them years ago in a slightly negative way because I was venting. (But doesn’t everyone do that at some point?) And I know it’s not nice to hear that a friend said something about you when it comes through a rumor. But that’s all I could think of. Maybe there is a lie being said or misconstrued. Or maybe I’m not that important for them like I thought I was. Or maybe it isn’t that deep? I sound legit insane right now because I feel like it shouldn’t be a big deal but every day I’m waking with anxiety. I feel so down and blue and any time I post I’m anxiously waiting to see if they saw and liked my story. If they didn’t like it but saw it, it just confirms my fear that they’re upset with me. Which devastates me because they’re close friends and they are my community back home. I work full time so I see them daily and we would always hang out. Now I feel like they all are over me and like I did something wrong but I just don’t know what and I’m so sad and anxious and I feel so dumb for even feeling this way because I can identify that I’m having a spiral but I have no idea how to stop it. I’m trying. I won’t reach out and ask them because that would just make my ocd worse. So I’m posting here. Does anyone have any thoughts or ideas on how to help me overcome this with out seeking validation from them? What are your overall thoughts and what techniques or exercises would you recommend for me so that I can stop letting this consume me? Thank you in advance if you are still reading.

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