i was in your exact place in january of this year. crying, afraid of my own self, and feeling like i had no idea who or “what” i was. i still deal with intrusive thoughts and have my own triggers, but they feel much more quiet. what really helped me was getting a job in which i was forced to get out of the house to face triggers. i engage with my female coworkers and yes, i’ll get a thought like “what if you stared at her for too long cause you’re attracted to her”. but because i’m at work i can’t compulsively google how to know if you’re gay or not or mentally check my groin response. it’s forced me to deal with the triggers and resist the compulsion! sorry this was so long, but i really hoped this helps! it truly gets better with exposure methods
No thank you so much!!! I really appreciate your response! I’m actually in college rn and I’m a resident advisor. So not only am I going to be going to class in person but I’ll also be interacting with residents. So it’ll be a lot of “spontaneous exposures”. The groinal responses have definitely been the hardest for me. That’s what makes me feel like I’m in denial. It’s so hard to think that it doesn’t mean anything. And the things that are triggering them haven’t done it in the past.
@Fruitsbasket yes! groin responses feel so real because we’re giving it so much attention and placing so much significance on it. but i’m glad you at least can recognize that it is a way of checking of itself! it’s easier said than done but that class environment where you’re forced to pay attention and place mental focus elsewhere than the thoughts, it will make a big difference!
and also not every day or moment of the day is perfect. some moments i’m panicking and cluttered with intrusive thoughts and images, others i’m calm. and in regards to your relationship, be open about your struggles but be wary of seeking reassurance. my bf will sometimes engage in a meditation with me when i get triggered and breathe with me which is a nice way for him to get involved in my healing process without it turning into a compulsion!
Okay thank you so much!!!
Hey! I’m sorry to bother you but I was wondering if I could ask you a question? I don’t want to trigger you though so it’s okay if you say no! It’s about intrusive thoughts when you’re with your bf.