Woke up from a nap to an ocd attack, anxious and very numb depressed state of mind, my fam wanted me to take them to the beach, It was so tough even getting out of bed at first. I locked myself in the bathroom mustered all the energy I had and went. Got there and was triggered by many guys, I constantly had an urge to do stuff with them (Non Sexual) or be close to them. Something I never felt for women even, It was a weird fearful feeling. And It felt like I just wanted to do it but had to stop myself. It even felt like I was "liking" the thoughts ? I wasnt anxious at all, I think depression was overpowering the ocd symptoms? Or maybe I am just gay.
I felt no attraction to women at all which made me very disheartened, Its like theres a veil or a blockage in my brain. Anyways, I accepted myself as gay this morning but I dont know, I just want to feel somewhat straight again and feel like I can like girls and have relationships with them. I want this ick feeling towards girls to go away its so intrusive and I hate it with a passion.
Time at the beach felt ok I guess, Im still numb so didnt really feel many emotions or felt like I was actually conncected to myself. But yeah.
Any advice or Opinion Please?