i know this sounds awful but i want my ocd back. i want the huge panic and constant rumination back. at least back then i knew it was ocd and it wasn't me, now i don't even know anymore. now it just feels like these are my own feelings and i have 0 panic

You may not feel panic but your posts indicate other wise. You may not have physical or noticeable signs of anxiety - but you posting over & over is definitely anxiety driven. Anxiety sneaks up on us and sometimes we don’t even notice it!!

but it's not even emotional anxiety? idk anymore dude i just wish it were bad because at least i knew it wasn't me or i knew i didn't like it. now i still get those feelings PLUS the lack of anxiety

@Lilyrosalynd I have had that happen too where my anxiety was like gone & I was like omg this means it’s true / real. I know how tough that is but you need to fight through it posting on here repeatedly is a compulsion!!

@cc97 thank you so much for being so patient!

Also remember if OCD didn’t feel real it wouldn’t be able to trap us into the loop of anxiety, checking / compulsions