TW--- I feel different from most hocd sufferers, like Im standing on one bridge and looking at everyone on another. Genuinely think Im gay and looking at the proof ocd or my brain gave it makes sense to me I thought It was just self esteem issues but It was me being gay all along. For some reason it became an obsession and I think I wouldve realized it even If I had never got ocd. I think ocd and me discovering this unfortunately paralleled with each other which would explain the anxiety all these months. I literally feel like my whole identity is shifting, I also have a good idea as to why It became an obsession of mine perhaps because I was never going to be able to accept it or admit I was in denial? This also explains what I thought was a painful self discovery was just me being stubborn and not accepting it due to internalized homophobia, heteronormativity and a little bit of not wanting to be judged by others. Now Im worried that Ill never be able to accept that Im gay and continue to suffer. And all this explains why Ive been badly depressed lately This is messed up, why wouldnt my brain just tell me Im gay when I was really young wtf.