I wanted to share something positive!
My main theme is ROCD, but SO-OCD has taken over (because duh, it’s a threat to the relationship I’m in) so I have been diligently practicing ERP daily. I took it easier for most of the day today, and finally I said “I can do hard things” and I read a chapter of a book about a woman who falls in love with her best friend (another woman). This chapter was specifically about her experience of realizing she was in love with a woman, whilst married to a man.
This is my biggest OCD fear.
I sat through it though. I sat through the immense feelings of anxiety and the repetitive thoughts/images/urges my mind was desperately throwing at me. I cried. The fear and feelings felt SO REAL. I felt AWFUL, but I sat with the anxiety. Once it subsided from an 8/9 to a 5/6, I got up and grabbed my laundry, did some dishes, washed my face, brushed my teeth, made myself some tea and sat back down.
I realized my anxiety was down to about a 2/3, and that I wasn’t getting triggered by things I usually get triggered by- the thoughts were there but it was easier for me to say “perhaps! You never know” and move on.
ERP is HARD and feels devastating in the moment, but that feeling passes and I cannot believe how much it helps. I’m not sure if I did it perfectly, and I’m sure OCD will find it’s next opportunity, but this gives me the hope and strength I need to keep at it.
Do the work! We can do hard things!!! Sending love and light to you all ✨