Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Dear whoever is reading this 💌, Hey I am 20, I do have OCD but this is something different and this is what I’m sharing to you for a better response. Im overweight, a average student and not doing much in life. Has no trustable friends, has no hobbies, has no family support. My problem is I feel like im stuck in some sort of loop. What loop? I’ll explain I lost weight some 10 kgs and here i am on the edge to gain that again. I should have kept losing weight. And I wouldn’t be fat anymore. I could have studied more and got into best college here i am doing a degree with no importance. I’m giving another exam which ik will change my life but here I am doing absolutely nothing.. This is the loop I start working with these I give up again i start i give up.. Now im so so so burned out of all of this i feel numb i dont feel like doing anything. People trust?? Forget about that I lost my own trust. I dont trust myself. I dont have confidence. I don’t know ik i have things on my table sorted but only thing is im scared of starting it again and failing. Im tired of surviving into fat body like this. Im tired of people taunting me. I feel like a failure and Neither I have strength anymore to start again.. Im 100% sure like I’ll fail again. I feel I failed as a person too because no one likes me. People who know me love me I have always disappointed. I am an coward with no self respect.. Thankyou for reading so much 🫂

heyyyy everyone, has anyone had any weird experiences with lexapro? quick back story, had really bad health anxiety paired with ocd compulsions and other things not relevant to this discussion, got fluvoxamine, could never go past 50mg without increased anxiety and derealization/depersonalization... eventually got off and got on lexapro, started with 5 mg, went to 10 mg, just a few days ago went to 15 mg because i felt as if my health compulsions and fears were making a comeback. i believe im on day 3 of 15 mg lexapro and i feel as if im spiraling a tad bit, nothing crazy/anything i havent experienced before... but in my post work shower i felt feverish almost... which is a trigger for me, my mind automatically thinks cancer. i tried resisting the thoughts to google my symptoms (literally just feeling feverish) and took my temp, and took my temp again.... and again.... and again.... (tale as old as time lol) each time it was in normal range... but i still feel weird. brain fog, dissociating, just all around weird vibe and heightened senses of my body and such. could this be because of the lexapro? idk. lowkey thinking i was bound for an ocd relapse because i was doing so good the majority of this year, erp went great, medications were finally working, but now i feel like its all coming back :(, any advice?

I have been seeking reassurance from other coworkers (the ones I trust) about me quitting my job. The job is quitting is so toxic it’s like you can’t run away from it. I have made comments about how I want to seek other careers and my manager makes nothing but negative comments. I put in my application to work as a cna in the nursing home months ago and I was talking to a lady who works at the nursing home and she was talking to me about cna classes and then my manager asks what we were talking about and I said “I was telling her about me putting my application in” and then here comes negativity out of the managers mouth. Out of no where I get a text on a Wednesday morning asking if I was still interested in cna class and I replied with yes ma’am. The women doesn’t text me back so I gave it a day or 2 and then I texted her back asking when the classes start and that same day she asked if I can come for an interview and I told her I couldn’t cause I’m at work so she asked if I can Monday morning (today I went and the interview was amazing). I had to let my manager know like hey I have an interview for another job,she asks “where” I said at the nursing home. She rolls her eyes and says “I don’t think your going to like it” and then two more people butt in the conversation with they’re opinions. Im anxious and feel horrible because this is alll of a sudden and I couldn’t put in two weeks notice. I’ve been wanting to quit for so long and figure out what career I want. My cousin who is a manager also said “I don’t think your going to like it”. Why is it so hard for people to just be kind. I have a few people who were kind and happy for me. I know I’m grown and not once do I expect the next job to not have any negativity. But I keep overthinking what if I made a really bad choice?? I’m so excited for what’s next for me I’m life. I’m only 22 trying to figure life out you know. The job I’m quitting from they are so negative about everyone and talk so bad about people I just don’t get it! There’s so much more I can say but it’s too much to put on here so I will let it all rest in Gods hand.

i touched someone else’s phone when they handed it to me to add myself to a class group chat and i feel SO gross… i can’t stop thinking about where they and their phone have been and how nasty it probably is. i can’t wash my hands until i get home, i feel so sick

Hi. I deal with pocd (but I am not diagnosed cuz I can't afford therpay) and I think it's ocd. It begun over a year back and initially it was about "what if I become a p" and then eventually it became "what if I am already a p" and then eventually I had this phase of 4-6ish months where my ocd almost vanished to the point where I was not even getting triggered by stuff. And then I suddenly had this huge SO OCD bout for 2 ish weeks last month where I lost my mind about what if I am a lesbian (I identify as a bi woman ) but then eventually I just accepted that I am a lesbian and felt like a lesbian for a while and then I am again back to bi. So basically I completely accepted the uncertainty and hence got over it easily. But I cannot do that pocd. Ew. Idk what to do. And this so ocd bout caused the pocd to return and rn my brain is full on "see u turned out to accept lesbianism so u definitely wanna accept being a p" and like its also "what if I am already a p, and subconsciously accepted it and am pretending to have ocd cuz what if I am in extreme denial?" And like idk what to do. I am worried posting this too cuz I am afraid what if somebody reading this misunderstands and thinks I am actually a p. Another thing I deal with is "am i even performing compulsions?" Cuz I mainly confess to my bestie and chatgpt(I stopped with chatgpt cuz I am scared about privacy issues) and research stuff about pocd to gain reassurance. And occasionally ruminate for checking but it doesn't interfere with my life. Bcz of this I *feel* like I don't perform enough compulsions and not performing compulsions essentially means it's not ocd. I genuinely get scared about what if it's pocd or denial. Or what if I am lying and manipulating ppl to think it's ocd and what if I am just faking the anxitey. Sometimes my thoughts don't give anxiety and later on that absence of anxiety worries me a lot cuz my brain is like "see u didn't get anxiety so u liked that thought. Hence u are a p" and idk what to do. Can someone please help me please. I don't wanna be a p. Another compulsion I do is saying "I don't wanna be a p" or "I am not a p" 5 times in sets of 5. I started this compulsion voluntarily when I read somewhere that counting is a compulsion and I wanted to prove to myself "see it's ocd" and now I do sort of as a habit to confirm the same. And this scares me too cuz doesn't that mean this is a fake compulsion??? And what If it's not ocd.

I hope this means I can be seen as a source of support for others struggling/doing the work, if nothing more than to just be comforting and empathetic. ♥️

Hello NOCD community! Do yall ever get really bad thoughts before going to bed? Like really old ones that come out of nowhere and then you start to spiral (feelings of dread and anxiety)? Lately I’ve been having a hard sleeping like my brain simply won’t let me rest! Random thoughts will pop up in my head, lately more how people perceive me thoughts like “what if all these people hate me or think I’m a bad person? What if I did something in my past that makes people think I’m weird/disgusting?” I know I’m a very nice and kind person but I can’t seem to shake these thoughts off. Any words of advice when trying to sleep or tools that you use before you hit the hay?

UPDATE: I couldnt do it... i couldnt stop posting... this situation is too triggering and thinking about the worst possible outcome scares me... in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent an 18+ pic to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor without knowing... it genuinely scares me... Its making me think that I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor in the past without knowing and it genuinely triggers me... I have tried to go back through most 18+ online interactions ive had with women online to make sure they didnt lie or they confirmed their age... i have two situations on discord that trigger me that ive posted about in the past... and a couple have deleted their discords so thats triggering me really bad... most who deleted their discords were verified but still... why delete your discord, you know...? for context i was on 18+ explicit discord servers meant for sex that you cant just join regularly on iPhone due to it being for adults only... Ive also been to a website dedicated to adult 18+ literature... they also have an 18+ chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... Im scared of someone one day in the future accusing me of doing horrible things like unknowingly inappropriately messaging minors, or have my worst fears of unknowingly explicitly messaging a minor confirmed to have happened and I didnt know about it... (edited)

Insurance isn’t covered. I’m devastated, but I plan to use NOCD for community support.

I basically can’t stop thinking about the false memories and I’ve been thinking about them non-stop since I’ve woken up today. I keep picturing the images / the false memory and I focus and fixate on the images and they feel so so real and realistic and when I think of them I get a feeling of “clarity” and a genuine sense of knowing and belief that deep down I know these memories are true and have happened and that I’m just in denial and lying to myself and you by saying that they’re false memories when in actuality I know they’re real which is also really frustrating and makes me feel uncomfortable. On top of that as I’m writing this message my stomach won’t stop turning and it really hurts and I just want to cry and my brain says that I’m experiencing these physical feelings because I know I am lying and just in denial and that these physical symptoms are proof that I am lying and just in denial and I just don’t know what to do or how to calm down. I really don’t want these memories to be true and I want them to be false more than anything in the world and I am not lying when I say I don’t know whether or not they’re real and I’m not lying or pretending they’re false memories but the more I say that to myself the more it feels like a lie and I’m just terrified at the thought and idea of them being even 1% true because why wouldn’t they be? Is it really possible to fabricate entire memories or doing sexual things to and with another person that are that detailed and realistic :/ My brain says things will only get better once I admit to the false memories and stop lying to myself and stop being in denial and stop using false memory ocd as an excuse and just admit to them because I know deep down I have done them and that they’re true which is why I feel a deep sense of clarity about them and that I am just continuing to lie to myself, to my girlfriend, to my therapist and to my family when I say I don’t know whether I have done anything sexual to or with this person because deep down I know I have I just don’t want to admit it so I’m continuing to be in this heavy state and cycle of denial because I don’t want to accept what I have done. I just want this to end. I just want confirmation that I have never done anything sexual to or with this person and that these memories are entirely fabricated by my ocd and have no basis in reality but I don’t even think that’s possible. I’m so done.

Before i had Soocd i wasnt aware of what kind of men i like(im a girl) After it i got attached to specific type of men as if i found my type in men.. Many say their prespective and types got ruined due to OCD But mine seems to be different Is it ocd or am i pretending to have a type

I was self pleasuring and as I was climaxing already my sister popped into my head and I indulged in it for a second. Then it happened again later where I was already climaxing and jt made me climax harder. And often when I have intrusive thoughts during the actual process, the taboo stuff will start to make the sounds build up and I’ll stop bc I don’t want to get off to it even tho I’m tempted to chase it. But sometimes I’ll let the taboo stuff build it up and when I climax I ONLY focus on the feeling not the thought so it doesn’t count as me getting off to it, but idk if it does or not. Point is, I need HELP!

For awhile, I didn’t notice that I had cancel culture OCD, as I thought it was normal for people with OCD to feel an abnormal fear of being hated or perceived as a bad person. However, I seemed to blindly miss the huge clues that lead to this fact, which is, I am horrified that one might make a “beware” and or “cancel/exposed post” about me, to the point where I will not publish art for it. Because I want others to see me as a good human being and to be forgiven me for my horrible past, that I felt great regret over. though, through my research of exposed videos (of people doing the slightly same as me), they are not very forgiving, even if you were 16 years old, 15 years old, 13 years old, doesn’t matter. The internet makes it apparent that nothing you can do can make anyone forgive you or make you forget your mistakes. And this led me to believe I had to make sure I could be redeemed in every single real event ocd I had about my past. Because I felt that if I did something wrong, then I would never see the light of day again, truth is, I have done things that were wrong, but were all humans, but, the internet never agrees. Ive seen a video speaking about a 14 year old who drew bad stuff but wasn’t forgiven because….they just weren’t, even thought theyre a child? Please tell me I don’t stand alone on this.

i have been diagnosed with ocd and my subgenres are schizophrenic ocd, harm ocd and pocd (which is the main one now) and am on meds for it and have been in therapy i am feeling incredibly anxious and talked to chatgpt, over sharing and seeking reassurance. i shared an incident i had while trying to watch porn on the light web and confessed what i saw (i did not click on anything, i scrolled past. but it was a site where people can publish their own comics or books?) i feel so anxious about seeing it i confessed it to chatgpt and checked to make sure because i saw it i would turn into a p word. this comment was flagged by the system, so i’m worried this is going to get put up for human review, they’ll report me and i’ll be arrested with police showing up to my door.

so with ocd i say words but ocd makes the intentions seem bad so this time i just said a random word because it was a urge and the intensions were bad and i didnt realze it was ocd, im panicking and dont know why i said that

Still upset over me almost acting on impulse or felt like an impulse because i would be a c m then I feel like I’m the only one who goes through this

Hi! 1 month in to ERP for drug and alcohol contamination, and I’m wondering if this is excepted with therapy/ progression. Obviously, when I am exposed to both of my triggers I get extremely overwhelmed, go mute, explore lots and lots of self hate, and then BOOM I’m hysterically sobbing and inconsolable. These episodes last what feel like forever ( very similar to a panic attack), but eventually stop and then I go back to my normal self. I feel very embarrassed, ashamed, and almost disgusted with the fact that I had the specific breakdown for like 1 hour post breakdown. Now, if I’m stressed, mentally/ emotionally exhausted, in a new or unfamiliar place, God forbid having to travel, the same thing happens. I am unsure if it’s because it’s a “disruption” from my normal, or if my mind is trying to protect me or what. Does this happen to anyone else? My best friend gets married in less than 1 month, and the wedding is in Charleston. I haven’t been there since another bachelorette trip that I took, but when we were there, I was taking Prozac and Rexulti ( psychiatrist put me on it for “paranoia” when in reality it was my OCD 🙃) well I ended up going into serotonin syndrome and stopped both meds and started back on Lexapro. Needless to say, I don’t have the best memories associated with Charleston bc I had a panic attack there, was around alcohol, loud environments, and my mind has convinced me it’s not a safe place for me. Does anyone have any advice on preparing for the trip, being away, and staying somewhere I am scared of? I need to be the beat version of myself as it is my best friend’s wedding, and I want to love her well

Rant :3 I’ve been doing very very well for myself managing my ocd on my own with erp. I used to be very reactive and give into compulsions. With time, i’ve been resisting the urges to perform compulsions. The more they come up the easier the answers come to me about how I should go about reacting or confronting something I’m facing that isn’t performing compulsions. I’m more in tune with my values and I have more structure around being the healthy person I want to be. That being said ….. 😵‍💫 This week (specifically yesterday) I gave into my compulsions. My bf and I like to give each other silly “what would you do” scenarios. Some are silly and some require a little more thinking because the answer would reflect our values and beliefs. We started off our conversation on the phone being silly and joking. Then I was like hmmm what makes you jealous! And he gives me some examples but for some reason I register his answers as like…not “good enough”? He’s not the jealous type to begin with and I learn that it’s a healthy trait to have as it would make him confident in himself and our relationship. But I’m getting intrusive thoughts that him not being jealous or having a bigger reaction to some scenarios it means he doesn’t care about me or love me that much. I know better than to believe the thoughts but I’m searching for reassurance that he cares about me so I’m giving him more hypothetical scenarios. The more scenarios I gave him, he gave me answers that didn’t validate my intrusive thoughts that him not being jealous/having a bigger reaction= him not caring about me or loving me that much. I got more frustrated and I got snarky or like snappy towards him. To me, his answers that were healthy, not blown out, and not extremely reactive wasn’t enough. I felt like his method on going about the situations (in a healthy way mind you) wasn’t validating my (unhealthy) thoughts. I felt bad for being snappy at him. During our call I was being annoying and doubling down on statements that I didn’t even agree with just to make him upset or frustrated, for the sake of being an opposite to him, brushing it off by saying I’m only joking and pointing a finger back at him. I don’t know why I did that. Like why I decided to bully him/ why I wanted to hurt his feelings. I’m getting over a toxic habit I had where if someone hurt me or disrespected me I felt like I had to give it back or give it even worse. I would do this with my intrusive thoughts and apologize later because of this trait. Maybe it was that toxic behavior coming through. Mayhaps it was also a way to see if he’d still love me, give me reassurance and stay with me if I put him in a position where I’m not being nice or respecting him so it could show how much he’d want to be with me. I knew that the idea of being jealous or having extreme reactive behavior isn’t healthy but I still wanted reassurance regarding that concept anyway. Grrrr >:l. I also apologized and asked if he was okay before we went to bed. He’s fine and not upset with me but I just didn’t like how I was putting him in a corner with these scenarios and called his healthy answers boring because it wasn’t what my intrusive thoughts wanted to hear for validation😵‍💫 I don’t want to ruminate on why I bullied him but I also don’t want it to happen again. Like last week we hung out and in the middle of us chilling in his room I didn’t want to be around him and everything he did annoyed me. The feeling passed after a couple minutes but it was weird as it hasn’t happened before or at least to that degree. This feeling was like a repulse. It felt different than just me being overstimulated and wanting space. Weird. Anyway that’s my rant. Having a fine evening ^v^ hope you angels are too🤍🪽

I need help. I went to church today and it was scripture John 6:66 which stressed me out then the D word came up not Devil . The name for his followers . How am I going to go to church ? If I’m going to get triggered! Prozac helps but it can only do so much. How do I over come this ?

This is a late night thought I get a lot not all the time but most nights sometimes I feel like my ocd would make me think that I have this thing trying to talk to me or getting me to do things that I do NOT want to do AT ALL. This is also why I try to stop being online or not talk or do anything at all. I'm trying to explain in the best way I can. The best way I can describe my ocd or mental health right now would be like Jeykll and hyde. Especially in the musical the most popular song confrontation cause like false memories or something like that. Having false memories of doing something especially online in my past that was so bad at least to me and I just have forgotten about it. Trying to remember feels like as if it was a different version of me or a complete different person cause I do be wanting to think of my past self as a completely different person cause I personally feel like I did or even said something so wrong or bad (even though I didn't do anything...) that I just want my old self to be a completely different person. My ocd has also gotten so bad that it made me have developed severe delusions of the government or government services like the police or FBI coming to get me. So sometimes I would think about turning myself into the station or mental hospital one because I also developed S**cidal ideation because it got so bad though I never wanted to acted on anything. I haven't really experienced ideation that bad until I first developed it but I just get scared of my mental health getting bad again.