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the NOCD Community

TW there’s a girl i don’t like very much. but i know it’s only because i envy her so it’s not a very valid reason and i feel ashamed for it. she’s a big personality, very caring and stuff but also like a ‘queen bee’. anyway, i just asked myself if i’d care if she died and honestly it felt like i wouldn’t which makes me feel so terrible and anxious. like what the hell. i know it’s silly since i’d care if anyone died, but i feel like i should feel more distraught at that thought. if i think of any family members dying or friends etc, i feel very upset. but with her i just don’t. and i’m worry this means something terrible... like i’m so insecure that it’s affecting my empathy towards her (or people i envy in general) :(

Dude I’m so done with this shit. I do every fuckin thing ive been taught yet I can’t get over my shit. Like do I even have ocd or do I have some other type of mental disorder? I do everything I’ve been taught. I’m not even sure whether or not the stupid thoughts I hear or that just automatically pops up when I see a girl is ocd or not I need a therapist to verify with me it is indeed ocd and help me with a plan.

Hi everyone! I am a University student with moderate OCD. I was wondering if anyone else on this app is also a college student? If so, how has OCD been impacting you during the pandemic? I would love to discuss with anyone who is willing how COVID has impacted you and what tricks you’ve found for coping. I’ve had a bit more trouble with my OCD than normal.

Hi...I decided last night, after thinking about it for a long time...that I need to leave college. My mental health is not good...so I really need to focus on that. This is a really hard decision that I know will come with many regrets...but I’m barely able to take care of myself at college...let alone pass my classes. I’ve been going back and forth about this for a while now. But I think I have finally decided that going home to heal (as much as I hate it) is the next step that I need to take... That’s it. That’s all I wanted to say. I just wanted to share that with somebody...

For those with SOOCD, loss of attraction to the gender you are dating is very common with this theme... anyone here been through this and have some insight on what that erp process looked like for you? I'm struggling hard with this process and could use some support. It feels like it will never feel right to be intimate with my bf again 😟

Naa this distress and depression is to much today i just feel gay 😥... how could my love women just go ?

I feel so terrible. My ROCD striked when I was the happiest person. When my partner told me he loved me. When we were awaiting the New Year. I was to happy and then at one moment I had an innocent thought 'Why did I just spend a couple of hours doing my thing and didn't think about him?' I felt really bad, got so scared I felt my body numbing out. It got worse over time. At first, I was panicking as hell. Cried my eyes out, because I didn't know about ROCD. Then, I got depressed as hell. I lied in my bed for a couple of weeks, feeling almost dead from the stress. Then it got a bit better. I felt a lotnof anxiety, but the thoughts didn't attack me as much. I tried to live my life Now it's worse again. I want to cry all the time. I cannot study. I cannot do anything. Thoughts change rapidly. I feel a lot of guilt and I am very scared. Sometimes I say I want to die. Because I don't feel like myself anymore. I don't know who I am. I just want to be happy again with him. He's the best person I've ever met. God, please, I want this to be gone. I want this to go. I feel so terrible. I beg you please. I don't want to lose the person I loved the most. Everything beautiful has just begun then. I wake up with a feeling that I don't know where I am and who I am. Why does my bf has to love me if I'm like that? I hate myself.

So now I have another thing that's just confusing me. So I met this one girl back in 9th grade and we were together for a bit then split and became friends. Recently we've been talking alot more and I've actually started to grow some feeling and attraction towards her. She's really beautiful and awesome to get around but my thoughts are making me feel weird. It's like I want a relationship but its like I feel so isolated and alone and it feels like my feelings aren't vailed enough to be in a relationship. I still am dealing with hocd and ocd but it's like I'm just trying to be happy with someone. My thoughts just keep hurting me it's like "What if your in denial or what if you end up hurting yourself and her and what if your just getting with her to hind something about yourself". In trying so hard to not engage but I just feel so empty and sad and it's like weird man. I don't really know what's going on but there's like those void that makes me feels weird and isolated and it's like what if that void is the latent homosexuality coming out and it just feels like this is never going to end because I'm scared of the results and in afraid of doing something in the future that's not me

TMI 18+ I’m more aroused by erotic images of women in porn than men. I’m turned on by doing things with men but I’m afraid this is proof. I know women are soo sexualized and I have always wanted to be that sexy women to men. But not being turned on by naked men alone vs women in porn makes me so sad and anxious. God every day it’s something new

does anyone else feel like they invalidate their feelings and trauma? i’m currently 21 and i’ve had some very hard years since the age of 16 which have been a huge contribution to my excessive anxiety levels. the ages 16/17 i went through some really bad bullying (by people i considered to be best friends) which caused a lot of stress and anxiety. they picked on my looks and body. this is when my ocd first hit so i was feeling very alone and having people make fun of me for my mental health etc made it that much worse. i was also in a relationship at this point and it was starting to get toxic. this is the time i started to develop an eating disorder. i lost so much weight. my parents didn’t understand my anxiety at the slightest. then school was a big pressure for me and i had certain sets of teachers that used to be very nasty and belittling. in 2017, i was 18, my uncle passed away due to drug abuse. my anxiety and everything was high so i didn’t do as well on my a level exams as i thought so i didn’t get into the uni i wanted which caused a lot of stress. in early 2018 my granddad suffered a heart attack and was hospital bound for a week which made me feel very stressed and sad. but again, i invalidated my feelings and pushed them down bc my mind made me feel like i shouldn’t be upset. in the summer of 2018 my uncle took his own life which was a VERY horrible period for me and my family. it was my first funeral and i’ll never forget it. on top of this my relationship with my boyfriend was extremely toxic. in the summer of 2019 my grandma collapsed and was taken into hospital where they found a brain tumour. so the whole of summer was spent in hospital before and after her surgery. again, my relationship was very toxic. then when 2020 came along, the first week my intrusive thoughts were so bad and it was the first time i ever experienced false memory ocd and it was so so scary. this continued for so long and 2020 as a whole was so so difficult. with the pandemic and my relationship too. i was constantly called names, belittled, crying. i even self harmed for the first time because i felt so alone and upset and i didn’t know what to do. i don’t feel like i had the time to ever sit down and grieve everything that happened. even now i find myself invalidating my feelings and trauma. i always expect myself to be strong and perfect. i’ve had times during these years where i have acted out and not been myself which then adds onto the real event ocd. i’m now going to be 22 and i’m not in uni anymore bc my ocd was so bad i had to drop out, i’m extremely underweight and i just feel so sad and guilty all the time. i’m not writing this for any sympathy but i just wanted to see if anyone else feels like they invalidate their own trauma and not think it’s a big deal? i know this is a very long post so i appreciate anyone that has taken the time out to read it. ❤️

To my fellow female SOOCD sufferers: I had some really good two weeks with some moments of clarity where I could see through all the bullsh*t my brain is producing. However I got pulled back in the cycle and here we go again 🙄 Atm I‘m not even that panicked about liking girls it is more about my attraction to men that I‘m obsessing about. I don‘t get aroused by just seeing a hot naked guy. I do fantasize more about being touched and everything by a guy and being wanted by him. Sorry if this is tmi but I‘m stressed that this means I don‘t like men enough and that Leads back to my fear of being in denial about being a lesbian. Because then I worry that I could be aroused just by the picture of a woman even if that has never happened before. And also men can get of just by lookin at pictures of hot woman, does that mean that if I am a straight girl I should be able to get turned on by just looking at good looking guys? This has been confusing the hell out of me and the whole concept of comphet hasn’t helped as well. Anyone who can relate?

I fucking hate having ROCD. Once minute I love him to death and the next I’m not feelin it. I know I generally love him, and I know that I’m in love with him (OCD makes me doubt if I am or not all the time) but sometimes my head feels so empty when I’m with him. Whenever we get intimate it’s amazing. I always get flashbacks, and I miss his kisses, the way he knows my body so well. But when I’m physically with him something inside me doesn’t enjoy the moment and worries about the future. Because when I’m alone all I want to do is be with him, kiss him all over, lay on him, but when I’m with him, sometimes all I worry about is the future, whether it be about us, or the world. I’m not sure how to get out of it.

I feel like I can't think about anything or watch or read anything without my thoughts coming into my head. Even if I push them away or let them pass they keep coming back. It's worse when I see children in things cause I can make a comment or do nothing at all and then the thoughts start. I hate this so much and I need it to end. I'm also scared that I'll never stop thinking this and I'll never be able to live normally again without these things popping into my mind. I hate if here so much. I'm not diagnosed with anything.

Does anybody have trouble telling the different between children and adults in your imagination or sometimes through perception? Where like you try to imagine an adult that you are sexually attracted to and then your brain turns that adult into a child or makes you think that is child? Or like, your watching a video and for a quick second it makes the adult look like a child? Or it tells you its a child but its clearly not? Why is it doing that?

I send intrusive thoughts in emails to caregivers they get alarmed and think I act on it I don't does anyone express thoughts in email messenger and whatsapp

Dealing with a lot of feelings of guilt about how my OCD affects my boyfriend’s life. I’m constantly seeking reassurance from him (ROCD, health OCD, etc) and the worse I start to feel about it the more reassurance I feel like I need from him and it turns into a vicious cycle. I’m starting treatment next week but was wondering if anyone knew of any resources or support communities for partners/loved ones of those with OCD

quora is actually the worst site ever

Yeah man. Living life or not living is the same for me either way nothing changes nothing gets me out of my head completely. nothing makes me want to get up and do anything everything just sucks. I’m a just lay in my bed eat when I’m hungry and workout when I’m bored of that cuz doing any sort of exposure or any reassuring doesn’t do anything for me. I rather just avoid people all together now.

i feel like i HAVE to react to my thoughts in order to feel okay and secure, and by reacting i don't necessarily mean doing time-consuming compulsions etc but even making a disgusted face or shaking my head is enough. it kind of reassures me that i don't agree with my thoughts and that I'm a good person. i was wondering if anyone else's had this.

Tw: bestiality, false memories Sorry for bothering you... But I have a new false memory and it's really gross and idk what to do. I hope you don't hate me but I needed to confess to someone. I burst into tears last night and I feel trapped... In the past, I've had a false memory with my dog (that I had s-x with her) the other day I saw something that triggered me and I began feeling shitty again. Yesterday something popped up in my mind that was really scary and I somehow believe it. TW for grossness but I have the brilliant and disgusting false memory that I "m" ( stimulating my cl-t by rubbing it against her vag-na). I honestly want to throw up... And the shitty part is that I'm not sure.... You know that feeling leaving the house and thinking you forgot something? It's like that.... Ofc, it doesn't mean you left the oven on but you aren't sure until you check. And I can't check if I did it or not! I'm 90 percent sure I didn't do anything... The closest thing I remember was to "m" next to my dog. I was in my bed and she was in hers. That's it.