Pedophilic Obsessions OCD - Community

I suffer from many forms of OCD, but P and Z are by far the worst. What makes me wonder though, is my high libido. It might have to do with my biological clock ticking, or with me focusing on feelings in my groinal area to check, if I get aroused by children and/or animals, and/or me getting aroused through tensing my muscles there, whenever I have a P/Z OCD thought, or urge. I don't know and I try to not think about it too much, in order to not feet the OCD monster. What strikes me as odd, is that the slightest thought about sex seems to turn me on, like not false OCD arousal, but real, not that I'm in to children, or animals, or elderly, or family members, but as I said anything slightly sexual seems to turn me on. When I hear moans of pain, that's bad, too. There is nothing sexy about it. This "everything turns me on" feeling had never been there before P/Z OCD started and it didn't start right away, but developed later, I think after I got the pacemaker for deep brain stimulation for people with treatment resistant OCD. The pacemaker made me more aggressive, causes me to talk much more (too much for most) and might be also responsible for the higher libido. Can anyone with POCD and/or ZOCD related to what I am experiencing? Does anyone on here also has a pacemaker for DBS?

As someone who once couldn’t sleep because of their POCD hanging over them. It started over a year ago now. Yet lately I’ve noticed I actually have gotten better, whether slightly or significantly doesn’t matter. What matters is that I FEEL better. Some things I’d recommend people who are struggling is this: You have to focus on living day by day, and not focus on the missteps but rather the times AFTER the full step forward. You don’t lose progress in this sort of thing, though it can feel like that sometimes. Even now I’m feeling better than ever and yet the intrusive thoughts still persist, they just don’t last as long because I don’t give them importance. I’m also not terrified of sleeping anymore, though I admit my sleep schedule has been absolutely destroyed. Again, I’m making baby steps and as a community and app that I relied on for comfort and guidance for months, I just wanted to say that here. I also don’t have any therapy or medication, so for those who are struggling to get either, don’t worry it’s not the end of the line for you!

I keep overthinking about if I may have hurt someone or made them uncomfortable. And I’m worrying about if whether or not this is an intrusive thought or it actually happened. The fact I deal with false memory OCD/POCD is so hard because I don’t know if it happened or not. I was hanging out with a guy and we never hooked up but did kiss and I’m over thinking about if I did something and made him uncomfortable. I’ve been overthinking about it with two different guys. We still have each other on social media and did not end anything on bad terms but I’m convincing myself I may have done something and cannot remember. This happened all the way back in 2019 (hanging out with the first guy) and 2021 (hanging out with the second guy). It is making me feel like if I did I don’t deserve to be happy, or to enjoy myself and everyone will hate me. It’s crazy to think about how I may be over thinking about something that never even happened but I’m convincing myself it did. Can anyone relate?

I've been suffering from POCD already for 4 months. Iad fear, I had anxiety and differed tgoughts that changed each other durring this period.And...I can't understand what is going on now, and how it's related to OCD. There is few things: 1) I keep checking the age of any girl that I see on the street, social media, public place etc. to make sure she is not underage. 2) When I go to work on subway and see attractive young girl, even if she is 18 I'm afraid that she is not, because she looks young, but I paid attention, and I start staring to make sure that she is not underage and If she is that I'm not attracted. 3) When I see adult womans age 27-30 I have strange feeling of anxiety and that I'm not attracted to them anymore like before. I look at their body parts, scan my body for any good or bad signs, and feel that level of arousal is lower. Main trigger in this suation is old adult look and body. For some reason I have strange thought in my head, like what if they will look too old for me and it means I'm pedophile. MAIN thing, it feels like perception of object of attraction is distorted. I work with my therapist and feel better but I can't solve this particular moment and connect it with OCD, I can't even explain it.

how do people cope with dealing with the uncertainity when its something so major and terrifying. i feel awful when i deal with the uncertainity because what if its just me covering up the fact i couldve done something disgusting. i know i didnt but my ocd wont leave me alone with the " what ifs "

I really need some confirmation. Is so called false attraction handled in the same way as we handle intrusive thoughts?

has anyone else had this thought? i keep having the thought of what if one day my thoughts aren’t intrusive. not asking for reassurance just wondering

Any advice as to how to deal with false attraction. It bothers me more than intrusive thoughts

I can't take this anymore.... it feels like it's so real. The thoughts are so convincing. I want to tap out. I went four months without them bothering me and my mind was on a different theme... I can't do this again!!!

Why am I starting to actually think I’m a p and I don’t feel anxious?? Wtf and I feel like there’s a lot of evidence to back it up like it’s 100% possible but I could never be a p and identity with that but why am I not anxious.

Someone else has checking compulsion ? I know it's weird but if I feel even a little bit arousal when i see underage profil pictures on social media, i think like "she's cute", "how old is she?" , I'll automatically magnify that and think about sex as if I'm super attracted!!! And I'll have urges to check again and again otherwise it becomes an obsession And after i think i had check because im attract, so i feel so bad. It's really painful for me !

Whenever I see someone that looks like a girl but I don’t know their age or if their actually guys with long hair (mistaken identity) then I don’t find them cute and just stay silent… my HOCD tells me that I’m in denial because of this, but then my POCD tells me that I “found an underage girl cute”. Then my HOCD tells me “you actually thought a guy was cute” when I didn’t even know the persons gender or age… context I’m in a college campus… plus my HOCD is just consistently giving me intrusive thoughts about guys being cute…

can your brain make you think you intentionally thought about something

to me it feels like just being turned on? is that a groinal response? or is it something less than that. to me it is but i wanna know other peoples opinions

Is it possible that something so touching and sweet can cause a groinal response? I was playing with my infant cousin and he was laughing and cooing and I could feel my heart swelling because he’s just so sweet and cute. But I had a groinal response too. This also happens sometimes if my cat does something cute and my heart just can’t stand it and I squeal , I’ll get a groinal response. I try to ignore it but I’m scared it means something more. Does this happen to anyone else??

I believe that self confidence and self esteem are really important in ocd recovery and to prevent relapse , at least bad relapse (not talking about a bad day or so which is expected). Any good advice or sources on how to develop this and become more self assured ?

I am really scared I am 15 and I just feel horrible am scared I really am

has anyone else experienced loss or less attraction towards people that they’re usually attracted to depending on their theme? This is something I’ve been dealing with, feeling like I don’t care to be sexual with people my age anymore and it makes it seem all more real.. I’m guessing I doubt my attraction so much and that’s what causes it? Idk anyone have advice that knows more?

I constantly feel the alarm at the back of my mind, this tainted, guilty feeling, fear my ocd or distress and disgust will come back . I don’t want to feel like this for the rest of my life

So I am a female, and I tend to have intrusive thoughts, like sexual ones, and sometimes I have this weird turn on feeling down there, and feels like a throbbing feeling down there, and I get anxious afterwards, Also had this event where i thought seeing a kid touch the outside of his diaper and had a turn on feeling and didn’t touch myself but did this squeezing thing down there, that i feel awful about, and i’m really scared, i’m not looking for reassurance or anything like that, more so someone to relate too, I am truly struggling and feel like a terrible person, too the point to where I have self harmed over this situation and these feelings I have..

so yesterday i was having a good day. i was hanging out with my friend so i was tending to ignore my intrusive thoughts when they showed up. i was doing compulsions but they weren't as elaborate as usual. i thought that would be enough but last night i kept waking up from my dreams convinced i had done something bad or it was about my intrusive thoughts. however i was also too tired to worry about it so i would try to reassure myself and fall back asleep. it's early in the morning now and i'm having a panic attack because i'm scared i've become a p. this morning my sister was watching tiktok and their was a video about a pedophile and i remember waking up right when the word was said in the video so know i feel more grossed out and scared. my intrusive thoughts are always bad on the weekends. i'm scared i'm slowly becoming one and idk what to do to calm myself.

It's so weird how my brain will convince me that I'm a pedo when I'm obsessed with making sure people are 18+ and I have no desire to seek children out but somehow that's not good enough for my brain. Somehow I'm lying to myself and it's all going to come crashing down one day? Its so weird the more I think about it, the less it makes sense but somehow I convince myself this is all a elaborate trick on myself? Like the logic of my paranoia is so weird but I can't shake it. I hate this. I was doing so well for months, then bam get triggered and I feel like I've regressed months.

I can’t do it. No matter what anyone tells me even my mom and my therapist, I can’t let it go. It hurts 😭

Yet I keep on going on them to look for opinions on my real event. Tiktok is the reason I'm on my current theme. I hate this so much. I hate that the very least I can say is no crime was committed, which is great sure but that doesn't change anything. Part of me knows I'm not a predator, the only reason why I got into a fake short-lived relationship was because it seemed very plausible that if that didn't happen he'd threaten to harm himself. I'm scared though I misread the situation. Is a 1.5 year gap bad with minors? Some no yes and there seems to be a lot on those platforms that say yes. I'm also scared that I'm in some sort of echo chamber with the people who told me I'm ok. My friends say I'm fine but that could simply be because they're my friends, and I'm terrified to tell my girlfriend because what if she thinks I was a predator? I just need to know for sure I'm not.

OCD is soooooooo convincing! I’ve found myself in situations where I’ve been checking if I really want to do sexual things with children (because I have POCD) and every time I think about it to check it always feel so real and that I like it!! It could convince you the sky is green I swear!

can i please talk to someone with pocd? i’m really confused and bothered i don’t know. i’m scared that i might not care about something bad.

hello i need support from this community. i am MFT trainee and a mother and have been struggling with thoughts of harming children. in particular, their sexual weird thoughts. i have been diagnosed with OCD for many years and am starting to believe i am a pedophile and maybe i having these thoughts again because am a pedophile. i am struggling so much . any support will help. Thank you!

One thing I always seem to do is force my thoughts to test how I react to them. However every single time I’m doing it, I always end up liking the thoughts instead of feeling disgusted and I can someone times even get a groinal response. I suffer from POCD so lots of these thoughts will involve me focusing myself to think of sexual situations with children to check if I like them or not but I always end up so liking them and I hate that!! Is this common?!

How do you know if it’s the OCD that’s the problem or if it’s really the Real event or past mistake that’s the problem? I feel like I’m going crazy 😭

Have you ever had an intrusive thought telling you along with an intrusive urge to do something u don’t want to and disturbing? I ignored and had a worst intrusive urge but obviously calmed self but during me ignoring the thought and urge my mind was like just pure fighting and now am stressed if I did something horrible but I don’t want to victimize myself? I was watching the little mermaid when I got it and I was very interested in it and my memory i promise I swear that die I denied doing it, I don’t wanna die but I know did not do it. Beacuse I said no, is my mind playing tricks on me? It’s stressing Beacuse I would never want to do that and I am scared if ever do it Beacuse what if do ? I will never do it but what if I do? This isn’t me and am scared of what kind of the person am turning. I just wish I wasn’t mentally I’ll like this. Like what if I did, what if I did

I was doing okay until yesterday, I was thinking and then the thought felt so mine like I really mean it for real, and it hit me so different that I just want to die. I feel cold inside my heart, help 💔

This happened 2 days ago. I was sitting in the school assembly and there was a girl behind me. I'm 14 and she'll probably 11 or 12 I doesn't know her age. We were sitting on the floor and her shoes came to my back touching my butt, we sit near each other so it was an accident. I panicked after she removed her shoes because 1) I liked the feeling. 2) I think I might've moved so that her shoes are there more. Then I had the thought of what if I tightened my butt in purpose. Idk what I did now but I'm scared and feel like a monster. Cuz even if I didn't move why didn't I look back to tell her to remove it? The thing is that right before assembly I was in a classroom with the lower grades and someone accidentally bumped into me and I was scared what if I moved to be in touch more but I thought I didn't do anything so it was a relief. I'm thinking maybe this happened because I was being a bit anxious about something similar earlier? Idk what ti think but I feel terrible.

do you guys ever have thoughts that feel so real and like u believe it’s your and you believe it’s not ocd and they fele so real and they make u question everything??

I used to struggle with pocd pretty badly. The thoughts were so destructive I eventually spiraled into a major depressive episode and had ongoing suicidal thoughts. I still struggle with some ocd like existence and spiritual ocd but I’m slowly finding ways to manage it. Here’s my tips on what I did that helped me overcome the theme: 1. Trying to prove to yourself it’s “not you” by having an extreme negative reaction will only feed it. Everytime I had a thought that disgusted/ scared me real bad I had the urge to prove it to myself by isolating myself more and avoiding anything that would trigger it. Reactions and compulsions only make it stronger… Trust 2. Unconditional self love and acceptance. After forgiving myself for having major depressive episodes and intrusive thoughts I started loving myself unconditionally and knew instilled it in my brain that no matter what challenge i’d face i’d be OK! Ocd hates this because it’s on the fear of uncertainty all the time… 3. No avoidance, stop trying to repress the thoughts and fears but don’t try to figure it out ever. Don’t try and figure out why you’re stuck on whatever it is you’re stuck on. When I read ocd advice people online said allow it in your mind but don’t have any compulsion, reaction or try and think you’re way out of it… they were right. 4. Thoughts that become powerless and pointless because you have unconditional self love, trust yourself and give no attention or reaction to them become little wispy gusts of wind after awhile. 5. Don’t ever say “Oh if I ever lost control and did this i’d just off myself” “because i’m thinking this I must punish myself by being miserable…” or “I need to compulsively read the bible and pray” and my favorite “If this is real then I wouldn’t be able to live with myself” You’re making yourself more stuck! It’s fueling the fear cycle. Thoughts that have no power over you die off eventually. It takes time. Observe your own thoughts. Fake it til you make it!

Recently I’ve been getting these urges to look inappropriately at children. Every time I think about it, it feels like I’d really like to look but then I question do I really want to look or is OCD tricking me? And if I really do, is that because I’ve convince myself I do or because I’m a p? Is this questioning normal for OCD sufferers? Just feels so real 😥

I’ve had Themes for 15 years now , Started with HOCD where I thought I might be gay because I had intrusive thought over 1 of my mates , which ocd was very new to me so I asked for reassurance and Researched and tested myself for months on end then I found articles about HOCD went to my GP who diagnosed me with OCD and put me on SSRI’s then it became POCD then it became Harm OCD then Health OCD then Suicidal OCD then POCD again and now it’s Death OCD/POCD/Harm OCD, I’m always second guessing myself even when I was in high school I’d get intrusive thoughts but I kinda just shook em away , if my nephew is getting changed I have to look away

Is there anyone with POCD that has recovered? What was your ways that you recovered

I’m back in therapy but I haven’t told my therapist about the Pedophila side of it. I just feel so guilty about it and I’m worried she won’t understand or might judge me. I’m scared to be honest.

Has anyone had this happen? I can literally be fantasizing about a girl my age, and my brain will be like YOU WANT A CHID TO POP UP IN THIS FANTASY RIGHT? FRESH DELIVERY OF MENTAL TORTURE. It's so hard to apply ERP tactics for because just letting it be there quite literally makes me sick to my stomach and make me feel like I want to dig my eyes out with a spoon haha. Idk how to cope with moments like that. It's scary.

You got through this before, you will get through this again. * Also telling myself this*

OCD has created a lot of horrific imagery in my mind as you would expect and since then my anxiety has died down especially in the last week. However, I feel like because I've had images like severe harming or killing someone, stuff that's still really bad but slightly less bad like pedophilia doesn't really seem bad to me. It's scary because I certainly don't want to do anything like that to anyone

Im horrified because my Intrusive thoughts are starting/trying to make me feel like i secretly want these things to happen. I know you shouldn’t do this but everytime i try to say i dont want this now i get this guilt or bad feeling in my system like i actually do. I Also sometimes get that same feeling whenever i hear about someone doing bad things like this on the news like I did it too or i want to do it. These unwanted feelings and urges are starting to scare me more and more to death and idk what to do. Its really making me feel like i shouldn’t be here smh

Does anyone else w sexual/harm OCD worry that their intrusive thought is actually a fantasy? How do you distinguish? What compassionate words or strategies do you use to manage with that worry?

I thought I would be okay but, for the first time in a bit since I started struggling more with my OCD, I had sex with my bf. I'm very stressed because at first, I only had a few minor intrusive thoughts and I thought I was doing well. Then, not to tmi, as I was (climaxing) I had major intrusive thoughts of kids and family and major groinal response. It terrifies me because idk if it was the anxiety that gave me more fake arousal? It was hard to differenciate real from fake arousal and im scared thinking of that made me climax faster. I think it might have been because I tried not thinking about it. I didn't just let it happen. It scares me because the thoughts trigger me, and then I have a pattern in my head I repeat to feel better. But I've noticed this pattern or just thinking of the people I have intrusive thoughts about in general gives me more fake arousal. Not to ask for reassurance but:/ I'm scared that it's not fake arousal anymore..

If you suffer with pocd. You're not a monster🙏🫂we are not monsters. I understand that it is hard to do normal things now, with this condition. Just about anything could be a trigger. So I understand. I tend to isolate for months at a time and I haven't seen my family and a very long time. And it is an unfortunate situation because I miss my family. But I kind of would rather isolate than for them or anyone to see me suffer. I also feel like my family wouldn't understand pocd. They would just call me you know what. My aunt has noticed because she has called me "different" and kind of used to treat me bad knowing that I dealt with what I dealt with. But she wouldn't necessarily tell anyone, she just kind of held that fact over my head. And she started treating me badly. Like the kids in the family really looked up to me. Because I'm so kind and nice they still always come to me to ask me two player board games and I will always play because I'm sort of a big kid myself, which I think is ultimately my problem? I think? But they would always come to me for things and I will want to play board games too but my aunt would pull the kids away from me leaving me alone by myself in the room with a sour taste in my mouth as if I had done something wrong. So instead of dealing with the indirect Jabs from certain family members, I would rather be homeless and live in my car like I'm doing. But it's okay God is with me through this terrible walk. I know that things will be okay. the intrusive thoughts are strong and ever since I've chosen to abstain from certain "activities" the starts in the dreams are increasing. But I will remain strong. I know that we will make it through this Dear God I pray that anyone reading this knows that they are not alone and that they are not a monster and that this is something that they didn't ask for. I know that you are protecting us and watching over us at every moment. I do wonder why at times God that those things were allowed to happen to me when I was younger. And I may never understand. But the fact that I'm alive despite what I've been through lets me know that you are still here with me. My faith is strong my God you are strong and my willpower is strong. I asked God forgive those who are trespassed against me. I got to ask you to forgive me for any feelings that anyone may have had towards me due to this very different condition and I'm dealing with. Something in Me God tells me that this condition is not So Different that my the situation is not so much of an isolated incident. Because of this amazing platform that I'm on expressing these words God I know that there are a lot of us suffering with this and I know that you will protect us through this. God I ask for your healing today for me and the thousands of others dealing with this. In the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit I pray. Amen.🙏

Hi Community. So, I have self-diagnosed OCD. I've struggled with vicious intrusive thoughts since I was a teenager (now 30) I discovered what intrusive thoughts and OCD is only a couple years ago now. I have POCD / False Memory OCD / intrusive thoughts of sexual nature involving family and children. As well as violent intrusive thoughts of things like cannibalism etc. There was a point in my life I felt like a monster, not knowing why I thought these things or couldn't know for certain that I haven't done certain things was eating me alive. After I read a book on intrusive thoughts, I became overwhelmingly relieved to know that the certain mental images I have arent an actual indicator of who I am or what I desire to do. Which has led me to feeling so much better on a day to day basis. However, I still struggle with the anxieties and subtle doubts when ocd/intrusive thoughts pop up. I am wondering if therapy is something I should dive into. I have no therapy experience whatsoever, and am scared of sharing some of the most sickening images and thoughts I have in my head. I am honest to my partner about all my ocd stuff and she is very supportive, and overall I am now able to let most thoughts slide. But when I am put into certain situations like being around children or family, I still have anxiety. Do you think therapy will help me? Can I be confident I wont be condemned and sent to jail for the things I have thought / think about from time to time? Thank you!

I just don’t understand how I can go so long not even worrying about my past to all of a sudden triggered and upset and feeling horrible all over again. Real event ocd is one of the worst themes ever and the what if thoughts I keep having feel so incredibly scary and awful

Just did a difficult one. I made myself read a triggering article. Trying to sit with it, the uncertainty and my the ocd voice in my head making me doubt myself is hard.

sometimes i breakdown crying because i keep having thoughts like “but what if this is what you want? or what if you wanna do this now?? what if your values are changing? what if everything’s gonna go wrong for you?”

is it normal for ocd to not make you react as much? i've been still getting these awful thoughts and such but it feels like i haven't been hit too hard too much? in a way? am i just numb to it cause i'm worried what if this isn't OCD? and i'm just lying to myself this whole time.

My mom woke up and it made me wake up too since we sleep in the same bed but i'm asking myself why the first thing that crossed my head is if I had abused her while sleeping because we were too close?? And I started overthinking and thinking if it is possible to do that while sleeping and from this I started thinking if I would abuse a kid while sleeping i'm so disgusted I just want my head to stop

I feel like my friends hate me. I feel like my own family hates me. My mom won’t even help me anymore and when I bring up what’s bothering me she gets mad and won’t help me. My friends are getting tired of me and I think they hate me. Everything goes wrong. Everyday feels so dark and scary and my past keeps haunting me and it doesn’t matter what anyone says about how I should forgive myself and not be so hard on myself and I can’t do it. I was so stupid growing up as a teenager and I’m afraid of it being past 18 years old too because of a stupid and embarrassing tickling fetish I used to have and the things I’ve come across because of it during self pleasure and I didn’t know better at the time and also characters in memes and so on that had to do with the fetish and I hate myself and now I feel like everyone should hate me too. I feel like I don’t even deserve to live and that no one would miss me if I were gone. I don’t want to be a monster I never have. I never had bad intentions it was all for a stupid fetish 💔 I’m sorry I just need to vent. It’s been bothering me for years and now I feel so haunted

Is the loss of attraction normal in this theme too? I only see people with SO-OCD/HOCD struggling with this and it makes me very concerned

Dont know whether some thoughts are OCD or not, Sucks 😒

Now it feels like I’m starting to like or find my younger peers attractive 💀 ugh I hate this I’m literally turning 19 today too😭 and they’re like juniors so that means they must like 16-17 and it’s so weird I’m not even sure you can say that if they’re cute but not like In a attracted to someone kind away like an adorable cute? Like idk it feels like I’m such a creep :( I hate these feelings it feels like I like them and agree with my thoughts or if I’m coming up with the thoughts it just feels so true like if it’s s truth

Hate it when old obsessions come back, but I know OCD does this because it likes to be in the past and not in the presence

Does anyone ever get false memories about killing someone and forgetting about it. Or molesting a kid and forgetting about it? I got so wasted one night I went for a walk and literally don’t remember it. And I’m like what if I killed somebody?

Why? Why can’t it just go away?

Can you have like conversation with your OCD like it tells you something and you say no but then says something like answering on it? Idk

Had the thought earlier that if any of my thoughts proved themselves to be true I’d have to take my own life and that makes me so so sad

This is so hard. Was putting my daughter to bed and the thoughts were so bad my stomach twisted and I felt like I was going to scream out loud. Then my mind was telling me you like the thoughts and I felt like I did and my mind was telling me my mind would be bored if the thoughts stop. It’s horrendous. I can’t take this anymore. How do I know this is ocd? I don’t want to ask for reassurance but it’s hard to get through the day.

im panicking really bad, me and my sister came to yuma to visit a family friend & my brother told us very clearly “don’t go it’s raining” or drive safe bc of highway parol. and what happened ??? we got pulled over and now im panicking bc what if he’s trying to tell us to go back home bc he’s sensing something else is gonna happen. i’ve been scared the whole way on this trip bc my thoughts have been absolutely terrible & now my thoughts are being linked to this situation and im terrified somethings gonna happen

I need Certainty :(

i’m so scared that ocd is changing my values or something. i just want my life back.

How to Cope with OCD when it targets memory or false memory and just keeps adding Details and stuff?

What to do when OCD targets memory?

Any advice for false memories?

Does anyone feel like they are actually attracted to children. What does a groinal response feel like? Because I will try to think of a kid and I feel like I’m attracted to them. But then I get disgusted and anxious. Then I get false memories. I just don’t know what to do. What do people do with groinal responses.

My last post got ignored but I’m about to see my niece and her step brother my niece is 11 and her step brother is her age or younger and OCD gets so much worse when there’s a person that I’m never around and it causes so many intrusive thoughts and it freaks me out so much. I never met her step brother so I’m already getting strange intrusive thoughts and I’m worried about false attraction along with staring ocd too with POCD. I hate this theme why can’t I just be without being so triggered and scared all the time and feel so much guilt that is painful and nearly unbearable. How can I deal with this, this weekend? I’m so worried and anxious right now

How to make a false memory shut up Any tips? It’s literally just saying stop trying to convince yourself that your a good person and use ocd as an excuse :( this is so hard

I wish a camera followed me all day long because I know I do nothing wrong but my mind tells me otherwise

I hate that my ocd makes me literally feel like my husband is going to harm our children the way I was harmed. I literally listen so closely when he’s in a room with them, and my brain makes me think I’m hearing something happening! Of course when I go check, everything is fine. But this is exhausting and It’s terrifying.

Children do stupid weird sexual stuff, today my brother did one of tjose things and that reminded me of all the stuff i did when i was younger (maybe like 11 or 12, according to the graph i studied at school my behaviors are “moderately concerning” but considering i have autism it’s not very abnormal) Yes i just said all of that to justify myself Anyway I’m feeling very guilty about everything right now and I’m feeling very disgusted with myself.

Is this only me, I get sexual images about people that aren’t appropriate for it (family, young people) and the worst thing is they’re detailed

I went to my cousin's home yesterday and he has a two year old daughter. She's really cute and while I was there we played a lot and nothing bad happened. The whole day I was constantly getting really bad images in my mind and I was constantly checking if I'm getting a groinal. There was a moment while playing when I felt this sudden urge to do something inappropriate and I got scared . Being so scared brought me relief for a while but later I started feeling less scared and now I can't sleep thinking " what if I acted on that urge'. A part of me knows I would never do that but I'm so messed up right now . And then I start thinking ' what if it's not pocd ? ' ughhhh

Has anyone experienced false memory around porn they may or may not have seen at a younger age? I don’t watch porn anymore, but I did a lot when I was a teenager. I had an intrusive thought today about what if I watched something really bad and I just blocked it out of my memory! I’m so anxious right now and nothing is helping :(

i have this real event that i can't come to any conclusion about, it really hurts me to think that i could have done this thing. especially under ill intentions(which i would NEVER EVER DO). anyways i've talked to my friend about it and she said that she doesn't think i would do anything for any bad reason or to hurt anyone, and that what happened wasn't really a problem. but i don't even really remember and/or know what happened, so im going of off what i can put together after going through tons and i mean TONS of ruminations to come to this story. that makes somewhat of sense, but i keep going over it thinking how i ruined someone's life when that's sooo far from true and i know that. but it feels hard to let go.

My mind has recently been trying to make me feel like i want these thoughts and its scaring the hell outta me. Even now when i pray about getting rid of the thoughts my mind is making me feel like im acting even though ive been praying about getting rid of them for almost 2 years now. I want this to go away so bad..Its making me feel like i shouldn’t be here.

TW Real Event OCD and POCD 18+ Don’t ignore…Please help Even if it’s not reassurance just please help somehow I feel like I’m going crazy because this has been bothering me for so long to the point I can’t focus and I feel like I deserve to give up… If back then I was a teenager with no bad intentions at all not even aiming to make a mistake but I make a really bad mistake but I didn’t know it at the time or didn’t know any better until much later than should I be worried? I had a embarrassing tickling fetish when I was younger and I would look it up on ifunny a lot and I would look up just the fetish itself and I also unfortunately struggled with masturbation at this time as well and I non willingly came across certain people or things I shouldn’t have even though they were innocent normal videos and memes or whatever, I guess you can say I was at the wrong place at the wrong time? I don’t know but I’m scared to death of the what if’s. What if it was immorally wrong and I deserve to die? I have talked to my first therapist and my mom about it and my mom said to let it go that I’m being way too hard on myself and that I’ve punished myself enough but I feel as though she is lying to me. I’m going to talk about it with my therapist tomorrow and I’m worried to talk about it but I’m so desperate for help at this point. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to be a monster? I never have and never will. I feel so much guilt and I know I would NEVER make the same mistakes again. But the thought of I was a monster back then and it makes me one now is absolutely terrifying 💔

i feel like this is a never ending cycle. my thoughts are starting to scare me even more. does anyone else’s thoughts try to give them ideas or in a way your mind is trying to convince you of literally everything to act on your thoughts??

I think I just subconsciously admitted I find something sexy that I shouldn’t and I’m terrified.😭😳

I hate myself with a passion. I don’t know if it’s OCD or if I should really be worried but I feel like I deserve to give up and that I need to punish myself by not receiving care or love from family and friends and that I don’t deserve food or like I said to even live. I feel so dark and scared. I don’t know what I’m going to do. My therapist says it’s rumination but I think it’s more than that. She also said that I don’t need to figure it out either but I feel like I have to otherwise I’m never gonna know if I should hate myself or not but I feel like I do.

I just saw this thing abt a 22yr old woman “trapped” in an 8yr olds body... like literally she has lived 22yrs, if you look it up you’ll see what I mean, but my brains like “oh so see she’s legal! Like you wouldn’t get in any trouble.” And.. I hate that. Bc she is an adult and I don’t want to be disrespectful towards her. But I also don’t want to be attracted to her. It makes no sense tho bc I’m not even attracted to women, so wth. This is so anxiety causing, and I feel bad for having anxiety abt that woman. Omg

I think I've cracked the code to where my OCD comes from: It all began with early exposure to pornography. For so long I've beaten myself up for making mistakes with that kind of content, but I also forget I was only a 13 year old child when it began with no outside guidance to correct my perspective in such a position. Can anyone relate? How do you forgive yourself 100% for this? How do you go on? I want to start a dialogue for something like this. Something that helps people learn sex education the right away instead of all of the toxic ways our culture seems to show.

Does anyone with pocd have the fear/obsession of either willingly or accidentally viewing illegal content online and then possibly going to jail for it? It’s killing me

18+ I’ve recently started getting more and more inc3st intrusive thoughts lately about my brothers that I feel disgusting about because I’ve never had these kind of thoughts before and while me and my boyfriend were having sex the whole time I kept getting images of them and my thoughts kept telling me I think they’re attractive and that I’m bored with my boyfriend because I’d rather be thinking about them. And I feel so gross saying all of this but I don’t want to tell my boyfriend even though he knows pretty much everything about my POCD. With all these sexual intrusive thoughts at once it just makes me feel like I’m a pervert and that I want all these thoughts especially when my ocd keeps bringing up my past porn addiction and mistakes I have made. I in no way shape or form want these thoughts but I just feel so guilty considering my past and how my intrusive thoughts seem so real. Ugh I just want to be normal again and have normal thoughts that normal people have.

my pocd is convincing me that the only reason i don’t act on the thought is because it’s not socially acceptable and it’s really playing with me because it confuses my morals , anyone else?

this is sort of stupid but ocd is acting like a bitch rn every time i find an adult man attractive, and i notice his manly features like his facial hair or something my brain is like "oh. your dad has facial hair too. you like your dad?" and it makes this weird association between the guy im attracted to and my dad and it makes me feel weird and yucky and the girl i have a crush on has a rather high pitched voice, and i love her voice because it's soft and soothing and then my brain is like "you like her voice and it's high pitched. kids have high pitched voices too. you like kids?" and it makes me feel gross again it's irrational yeah but my brain makes these weird associations and it bothers me or even shuts off my attraction completely and when i tell myself it's okay to say this man is hot even if my brain is telling me" if you do that you're basically admitting to being attracted to your dad" i just can't do it cuz i feel gross although i know that deep down its a bit of a reach i hope this made sense

i know i ask this a lot but is anyone here almost fully recovered from pocd?😞

My 16 yr old son struggles with sexual/violent OCD, involving unwanted thoughts about killing or raping family members, including his little brother. He opened up to one of his friends about it and now this "friend" has turned on my son and is spreading horrible rumors about my son. I'm trying to encourage my son to come here and talk with others but he is resistant.

Anyone else feel like it’s just a matter of time until their intrusive thoughts come true?

*ur thoughts are typically not an accurate representation of who u are !!* I messaged this to somebody on this app but a lot of people here should hear it too! TW!!!! rememver that “bad people” don’t ask themselves if they’re bad !! it’s just normal for them! that fact that you think your thoughts are scary prove that you ARENT a bad persons. there’s a big different between fantasies and intrusive thoughts. real p*dophiles and m*derers don’t think they’re thoughts are bad and don’t feel scared when they have them!! they’re GOOD to them! although you feel scared you might like them, the fact that you’re SCARED or anxious is what separates it from a fantasy! you’re not a bad person and there’s plenty of people who have the same anxieties and fears as you and we’re not bad people either. your fear is a reflection of what you ARENT. your brain thinks of the worst and scariest scenario and puts that in your head, your thoughts are UNWANTED. also remember that excitement and anxiety feel EXTREMELY physically similar. when you’re scared your heart races but when you’re excited and happy your heart ALSO races. just because you feel something doesn’t mean you like it— it means the exact opposite! you know you’re self and you know you’re clearly uncomfortable, proving these are unwanted feelings and thoughts. OCD is scary but your thoughts are a reflection of who are ARENT!!!

TW suicide and pocd Im starting to think I genuinely would like to die because these thoughts feel so real and I can’t live my life anymore if these are real and me. Someone please help if you relate to how I’m feeling and how real pocd can feel.

Is it still a groinal response if it feels like real arousal? Honestly I hope this doesn't sound inappropriate or tmi but I haven't read this anywhere and I'm just dying in anxiety and fear, hoping I'm not alone: do they feel 'good' but disgusting and disturbing because you know you don't want it to feel like that? I talked with someone and they said it's normal because it's a sensation that is meant to feel like that but then I spiralled thinking, so is a groinal response essentially unwanted arousal? Is that what it is? Because hyperfocus doesn't feel the same at all. I know that I get random movement every day but I don't care because that's happened all my life. But this?

Does anyone else’s pocd make you feel like you need to do certain bad actions in order to feel better? Like things you know you would never do? I’ve been questioning myself a lot lately and if it truly is my ocd or just me being that kind of person.

tips on how to stop ruminating?😣

Help- please reply I never post but I’ve had one of the worst triggers today. I suffer from POCD and have done so for years (15 years+) - varying degrees but especially bad in the last 2 years. I started therapy with NOCD a few months ago. My issue is I worry about micro-actions that aren’t easy for anyone to spot - for example I might be standing and then a c runs or walks past me and I have thoughts and urges and commands to move towards them- then I see or feel my body move slightly in the direction of what my mind has said or for a second it moves until I move it back and it makes me feel like my life is over because what I’m worried about has happened. Today I pushed the button for the lift and out of nowhere a c came past me and I got the thought to bend over towards them but I did slightly bend over and then froze in fear but I think the “freezing” happened after they passed me and Im worried by bending over slightly that they did touch me when they passed me - I felt certain in that moment and the anxiety and the doom and despair is too much to handle. It’s only later once the anxiety starts to settle that I can think “maybe this doesn’t matter” or “maybe nothing happened” as in the moment I feel a huge amount of distress and certainty. Then the distress, certainty, anxiety in those moment(s) are also evidence that it did happen. Does anyone relate to this? I feel so alone and so helpless and never seem to see these types of worries so if this sounds like you too please let me know.

my ocd is spiking. it’s telling me i don’t know what my values are☹️

I’m at dinner with my family and I feel horrible. I don’t want to be here because I feel like I don’t deserve to eat or be happy or have a good time with my family. My past has been haunting me for so long. I feel so much guilt. I don’t think I could ever be free from this. I hate myself and I want to give up because my mind is doing everything in its power to find proof that I’m a monster and I’m scared that my past mistakes make me one 💔

my biggest fear is that my pocd will come up during sex, anyone else have this issue? i’ve never even had sex but i’m still so scared