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But now I feel like I'm just spiraling. Intrusive thoughts and false memories escalating to the worst possible outcomes. I could barely eat for the rest of the day. Ugh I can't help but feel like I just want to curl up in a ball and stay in bed forever. This is the worst feeling in the world.

I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.

Helppp😭 what do I do? I'm going to hell for blasphemy. I can't get it to stop and that's the sin that is unforgivable. How do I beg the holy spirit, I have prayed many times? Please can he have Mercy on me? I didn't do it intentionally. I don't want to do it or or go to hell. I can't even go to sleep rn because I'm scaredd... please am I alone😭😭 please someone say something 😭🙏🏼 I'm a believing Christian and can't believe I'm doing this...I have failed...I keep on saying derogatory stuff about HIM, please helpppp

I’ve been dealing with ocd for years when it first happened it tore me apart I completely convinced myself I was the worst person on earth and I could not continue after months my ocd jumped to different themes and each one usually distracted me from another. Fast forward I recently went through another bad episode constantly focusing on the past and how I’m a horrible disgusting person comparing my story to everything I could and coming to the conclusion mines the worst and therefore I’m X or Y then it went into somatic/idk if I actually have this incurable condition that terrifies me but now it’s both it’s the uncomfortable sensations and going back on certain memories that I can’t tell if are real/don’t want to be real/ don’t make complete sense but feel real and now I can’t get out of the idea that even ifs not real I’m always gonna think it might be idk it’s a lot I just know I don’t want to be these things and never will ever want to be. I want to confess again so bad but my bf is not understanding at all like these “memories” or thoughts genuinely traumatized me when I remembered them.

Had a false memory that I touched somewhere inappropriate to my cat while petting its mid / lower belly so ive been compulsively petting my cat on its belly to make sure I did it “just right” and to replay my memory and show myself I didn’t pet my cat wrong. Now I feel much worse. (Wrong meaning scared when I was petting it my arm touched its groin) so I put my arm in the way I was petting it in my head (regularly) and trying to see if any way I moved it was inappropriately touching my cat. I was sitting here inspecting my cat (not touching it inappropriately) but just making sure wherever I pet wasn’t touching its groin. Or trying to see if the false memory in my head could’ve been real. So everytime I pet it’s lower belly I was checking to make sure and see if my cats groin was touching my arm (which it wasn’t) but now im scared if I accidentally did while doing this compulsion and I would’ve known but im just scared. Compulsions make me feel worse ik this I just was scared and trying to make sure

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Is this ocd ? Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? Can someone help me ?because I'm really hopeless. I csnt afford any help sincr im a minor and I need support

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Is this ocd ? Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? Can someone help me ?because I'm really hopeless. I csnt afford any help sincr im a minor and I need support

Since I read that it's symptoms of schizophrenia voices in head who order to do bad things Usually I can deal with it but when I'm highly stressed I start to panic and idk if I believe voices and then I imagine living with it 24/7 it's horrible Im like it's unblerable part to feel pot in my stomach .. Am I in psychosis guys My psy is on vacation help ..I feel hopeless 🥺 Every time I read an symptoms on internet my mind manifest it but it's been a while my mind imitate voices because it's what scare me the most 🥺🥺🥺 A side note : I can attest that before reading symptoms it never even happened to me in my whole life

any advice for this? just trying to not seek reassurance. Anything helps!! Hard time moving on Ages 5-12 OK, so as a kid I did go through COCSA from different individuals (I don’t really know how many, I can remember one in good detail!), and also had a family member try to do something to me and also was gr0 om online. But anyways, I was a victim, but then I also did it to other kids. I would try to kiss, or ask them to do very grown-up things with me . I had very poor boundaries, was very pushy, and even sometimes manipulative and didn’t understand why they didn’t want to do it. I thought all friends were to do something sxual. Also fast-forward to middle school , where boys were very touchy with the girls including me… and did not know boundaries at all, I was a girl who was like that to some of the boys, but I didn’t think of “im going to SA”, but it was poor boundaries and I was very touchy. Just acting grown like ugh why. Anyways, that being said, I am going to be in my 20’s, and nobody has brought anything to my attention, and I know asking people I think it could’ve happened with if I SA them is not the answer to this OCD episode, but I am honestly feeling bad, shameful, and guilty. Being a victim is one thing, I am just a little upset at myself for putting other people through that. Only thing I asked about this was back in 2021 There was one guy that told me how I was a little touchy sometimes, but that’s it nothing extreme. If you read this, thank you I just need a little help.

Hi everyone :) I'm fighting with false memory/real event ocd right now and I just need somebody to be completely honest with me. Last year i met a new colleague and she's gorgeous. I was feeling a little self conscious about my looks but it wasn't like I couldn't stand her or anything. I tend to always compare my bf to other boyfriends and when she showed me her bf I THINK (i'm not sure) my head went "oh oh what if he's better looking. What if you'd rather have a bf like him than yours? " but also statements and not only "What ifs". I remember liking talking to her because she's a very good listener but she told me that she knew her now boyfriend while she was with her ex still and they met each other again through friends and she broke up with her ex back then because he was kind of toxic. This was a huge trigger for me too. And she's like 4 years younger than me, you could tell by the way she was acting and no offense but i was just not fully vibing with her. Now my head keeps telling me that I didn't want to stay in contact with her because I thought that her bf is better looking than my bf I have to hide my bf WHICH DOESNT MAKE SENSE I LITERALLY SHOWED HER PICTURES OF MY BF. I love my boyfriend so much it make me sick to my stomach to even think about this being true. Am I an as*hole?

I usually don’t post on here but today has just been something else. my normal 20 minute drive to work took me 50 minutes, and my way home from work took me another 50 minutes, and then getting back in my car to drive back and forth around for like another hour. allll because of hit and run ocd. i’ve been conquering ocd now for quite some time and i was doing so great, all of a sudden the intrusive thoughts/images are like a level 10 anxiety. today when i drove around again to check the roads i went on, the compulsion barely even worked to ease my anxiety momentarily since my brain would come up with a new one the moment i got to the street. at some point i had to be like ok this is out of control im going home. now i sit at home dwelling on my whole drive! mentally reviewing (my go to compulsion with this theme) is not working either, cause my brain won’t let me like fully see the memory. it keeps giving me what ifs and blurry confusing memories. just looking to see if anyone relates as this is one of the most lonely themes ever for me :’) and it feels embarrassing for me when the people around me are witnessing it!

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? Can someone help me because I'm really hopeless?

Hi everyone :) My name is Ezzy, joining from Germany. I've always had OCD since I was a little kid (I'm 23 now). Since I'm in my first real relationship for over two years, my OCD decided to cling onto it. I struggle A LOT with false memory ocd too. The thing I wanted to talk about today is about false memory OCD too I think but I'm really not sure. But I want to accept the fact that yes, maybe it did happen the exact same way. But I feel nauseous accepting it. Last year in August I think I met a new colleague and she is GORGEOUS!! She showed me her boyfriend and my head immediately started comparing her bf to mine. The part which I am very unsure about is that I got envious of her boyfriend. Now as much as I remember I never had that problem before but my head keeps telling me that this definitely happened. Let's say it did happen, how can I cope with this? I feel disgusting even thinking about this. Please tell me how to deal with this. I don't want to confess to my boyfriend but it feels so wrong not to. Thank You in advance ❤️

i don't think i ever felt this bad before. ive had ocd since i was 14 or so, almost a decade, but now it's truly the worst it's ever been. i can't even enjoy being with the love of my life anymore, everything about our intimacy triggers me, im costantly afraid that i abused her in some way and that she doesn't remember because she's in denial, or im always terrified im having some horrible intentions towards her and that i always end up forgetting them. it's so deeply confusing, she seems so happy being with me she says she loves me so much and i can see it in how she looks at me, but i feel like a monster. most of the time i wish she could find someone better, if she asked me j would break up with her and do anything in my power to make her have the life she deserves. i don't know what to do anymore im exhausted. therapy is not helping at all, i Just get told constantly that i shouldnt think about these things, that its illogical, and it does nothing for me.

Does anyone else struggle with this? It's been the main thing powering my POCD, and it's only been getting worse. Especially when I see posts online of people sharing their personal stories relating to CSA, specifically grooming. It's so triggering now, but before this theme developed, the most I'd feel while reading posts like that would be disgust targeted towards people who did those things. Now, my first thought is, "What if I do something like that one day? What if I've done it before and I don't remember or didn't know I was doing it?" I have many, many different intrusive thoughts or worries related to this theme, but it all circles back to this specific fear that I'll become like the people who hurt and took advantage of me. Does anyone have advice for this? I'm not sure if I've asked a similar question in the past or not, but is this something I need to deal with separately before beginning ERP for OCD? I'm just curious and also lost on where to begin with all of this. I'm just glad I'm able to begin working through all of these issues now, rather than later in life when I'd probably have a lot more responsibilities. Anyways, any feedback is appreciated! 🤍

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those secual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself allover again Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD?

how do you forgive yourself when you’ve made really bad mistakes as a child and some now? I’m having a hard time feeling like I deserve to get better and be treated for OCD. I have thoughts that what if it’s not OCD and I need to be treated for something much worse. The mistakes I made when I was younger I consider morally wrong, and the ones I made recently I sortve consider but it was fueled by OCD and not a direct harm I guess just crossed my own moral boundaries. I believe deep down I am a good person, there’s a lot that proves that, but there’s a lot that says otherwise. I know everyone makes mistakes but I can’t shake this feeling. I also have this weird thing with feeling like my mistakes fall under a “extreme” category, like think about a prison and how the really bad sickos are all together, my brain tells me I fall under THAT.. and belong there. I just want a normal life, whether that’s a family or me just being happy on my own. But I feel like I can’t…. I’m so young!! Why me :( I feel so gross and like a fraud 24/7, and that I can’t even have friends or a partner because I would need to tell them eevery mistake I made and let them decide from there. I feel like my OCD case is so much weirder than others but idk. If you read this thank you!

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this?

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this?

First of all I am French so sorry if my writing skills are not the best. So I guess I have always suffer from OCD. I always needed to check things to seek for reassurance. First that was with objects, closed door, windows, stoves … But about 3 years ago it’s started getting worse, I mean I started to understand that something was wrong. So I started to be scared to pee myself in public. So I started to touch my legs to see if everything was alright ( I still do it ).But I somehow find a way to calm my anxiety and to keep it undercover so I never talk about it before the 1 December 2024. In fact, something happened the 1 December 2024 and since then I have been struggling so bad due to a false memory on a real event. So to give you more context I always felt really anxious after parties. I always needed a friend to tell me that everything was ok. 3 years ago my boyfriend and I started dating. He is really so perfect for me is like the man I have always dreamt of I have never felt anxious near him or because of him. But after a party with or without him I still always check if I didn’t do something bad to feel better and not stress about things that did not happen. And recently I had OCD thoughts about cheating. Like for exemple at work a male coworker acted strange with me and I started panicking because I told myself that I had sex with me but didn’t remember it. It stayed a week in my mind because I didn’t want to cheat on my boyfriend I thought I was an horrible person. And then this obsession started to calm down because I knew that it was impossible. But I went to a party with my uncle we had few drinks but I wasn’t wasted drunk we finished the night into a club and a guy started to say flirty things to me and I know I told him I was in a relationship so the discussion stopped and I went dancing. While I was dancing I started to felt anxious and needed to check with this guy if I wasn’t firlty and if nothing happened he told me that no and that he wishes me the best for my relationship. But the day after I started to feel so anxious I had the feeling I cheated on my bf I felt so bad and so strange because I knew I didn’t do anything but I was so scared I did it and forgot ( it’s impossible because I was talking to my bff and bf the entire night and I told them everything that this guy told me) the day after the party I asked my uncle if I did something bad he told me no but the even with his confirmation I wasn’t in peace I was so scared that I did something bad that will cause me to lose my boyfriend. So I told everything to my bf I told him that I know I didn’t cheat on him but I was still so scared I did. He reassured me but I felt even worst because he was the one reassuring me and I was feeling like the bad one. So I asked a friend to asked the guy of the party If something happened that night he told her no so I felt better during a week but the feeling came back because i was scared that he didn’t understand the question and so give a wrong answer. Now it’s been 2 months I still have some doubts I now I didn’t do anything but I am so scared I cheated on my bf. Sometimes it’s like I am trap in the past and I can move on from this event that didn’t happen. I am scared of losing my boyfriend and of being a really bad person it’s so paralyzing. Sorry that was long ahah