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Cause i feel like i am the only one with these thoughts

I think i am getting better and i try to ignore my undiagnosed hocd but sometimes is really hard,the weird dreams,and sometimes idk if someone has this my mind is talking for myself like “i am bi” and i get really scared or completing things and is horrible and i have a compulsion and a fear for the feauture like what if i like girls and i dont want to let me or something else and i get really scared and i just know i am not bi i get scared when i am next to girls and anxiety and i want to be me again without hocd(i always had ocd but hocd is hell ) The hocd simptoms came like 3 months ago i started asking myself if i liked my friend just because we were understanding eachother better,then i saw i girl after a few days and i like how lashes suited her then my mind was telling me that i like her then a fear started,i vomited felt scared(i didnt know about hocd) and started feeling depressed,having intrusive thoughts all day,compulsions, dreams and then i found out abt hocd i felt better because i knew ways to feel better,TIPS if someone has this find a hobby to clear your mind,pray,meditate,and talk to someone But i just cant accept the uncertinty i just dont find normal sorry

Hi everyone, I’m considering starting therapy and possibly SSRIs for HOCD, but I have a few questions I’m hoping you can help with before I dive in. Right now, I often get fleeting images, mental scenarios, and emotional sensations sometimes sexualized, sometimes just “feeling into” a scene involving women. These sensations trigger a lot of panic and anxiety, and I constantly worry that they’re proof of hidden desire or orientation. Or its genuinely me.. I’m wonderingAfter therapy and/or SSRIs, will these images and sensations stop completely, or will they still appear but feel neutral? Will I experience them in the future and potentially feel anxious, or will HOCD lose its power over them? How do you approach these sensations in treatment do they naturally fade, or is the goal more about learning to experience them without panic or meaning?(do this waay the lose their power and stop interfering??) I want to start therapy, but I’m nervous because I feel like I might always have these thoughts or sensations, and I would end up liking them😞 Im done it makes me feel like its better not to approach for therapy self help would be best..

Ok so TRIGGER WARNING if you are not in therapy for SOOCD or are early in therapy for SOOCD please don't read this. Hi, I'm Maddie. I'm 19 and bisexual and diagnosed with OCD (mainly harm OCD and contamination OCD). I am religious and am a nonacting bisexual that happens to be married to a man. Despite this I am still attracted to women. I have also dealt with SOOCD or internalized homophobia, I'm not sure which, where I have second guessed my sexuality over and over and had intrusive thoughts about kissing random people, mostly girls. It took me from 6th grade to 9th grade to finally accept that I am attracted to women as well as men. I would compulsively take sexuality quizzes, avoid thinking about women I found attractive and a lot of things that were definitely compulsive, but I am not sure this was SOOCD or not because I actually am bisexual. At the time however I was thinking I was straight and absolutely terrified of being gay. Now I have accepted myself (conveniently after finding a boyfriend during my questioning) and the compulsions have passed, though some avoidance still occurs. This said, I am wondering if what I experienced was SOOCD or just internalized homophobia from being a Christian? ( Now I believe that being gay is not a sin but acting on it may be, though I don't know for sure. Please don't hate me for that, it's something I only apply to myself not to others. I have no desire to force others not to act on their feelings or beliefs)

Hey everyone I’ve been doing good lately. I have an ocd therapist and I’m working on myself. Haven’t been doing as many compulsions or checks The last couple days I feel like I lost physical attraction to my wife and my mind says it’s because I’m gay. At this point I’ve been going back and forth on this for years so I’m more accepting but it still freaks me out. Then I noticed a coworker who is define as an attractive guy and thought about what it be like to be gay with him. It didn’t seem horrible but it seemed off somehow. Fast forward I tried gay porn…..again. At first like always it did nothing but I kept like making mental accommodations and trying to physically put myself in the situation. Then all the sudden I ejaculated. Sorry if too graphic. It’s happened before like that but I don’t get why. I feel horrible after it happens too. Anyway I tried straight porn to balance it out and it took forever. Maybe I just need to accept I am gay or not totally straight. I notice attractive guys and girls but I dream about my wife/girls, feel more comfortable thinking about a heterosexual relationship and can’t like get aroused to guys outside of porn. Can anyone relate? What does this mean? I might be seeking reassurance but need help

Just a short post cause I got homework to do lol but I’ve searched all over the internet for stories or just people that deal with this form of ocd and I haven’t gotten anything I’ve just decided to put myself on front street and speak on my experience with it and how it effected my life and hopefully someone can learn or feel better knowing they aren’t alone with this honestly fucked condition it’s terrible and something I honestly wouldn’t wish on anyone on top of my troubling childhood but honestly what frustrates me is the fact that theirs no videos on it honestly besides the professional stuff

PLEASE an OCD conqueror or someone who knows how to deal with this shit, I need actual fucking useful tools PLEASE. I’m going to contact a therapist tomorrow but I want to try and deal with this now. If you go back and read my posts (there’s a good amount), you’ll know I have a new bf and I was doing pretty good, minus the rumination. But I guess this relationship was a huge fucking trigger/exposure and my untreated soocd and roocd woke up and decided to try and make me go crazy again. I was getting a hold on the rumination (i think im doing rlly good with that) but when my anxiety triggered my groinal response, my brain immediately started checking. Checking for attraction to woman (soocd…this one fucking sucks it’s so fucking annoying), men (my ocd made me so numb i havent found anyone attractive other than my man), my arousal (libido is basically non existent), my feelings for my bf, if im feeling the “right” feelings, if im anxious, etc. I think I do a good job managing it sometimes (definitely not the best 😀) but FUCK the checking for attraction is so fucking annoying and it’s really ruining my progress. When I’m on social media and I see a pretty girl, someone w a nice body, or someone dressed provocatively I IMMEDIATELY get anxious and automatically start to check for any attraction (and ofc majority of the time it will trigger the groinal). Same thing with any handsome man. I’m so worried I’ll become numb to my boyfriend so I’ll start to check if I find the man on social attractive and automatically panic when I just feel numb (mixture of rocd and soocd fears). I’m willing to put in the work to get through this. I have tasted what it feels like to have a breakthrough/living life without ocd controlling me and I REFUSEEEEEEEEE to let this fucking flare up take this shit from me. I feel like shit rn but if I have the tools ik I will get better. So pleasaaseeeeee someone respond with something useful 😭😭😭!!!

How is hocd still affecting me after 5.5 years? I don't understand. I've started to believe around 2 years ago it's real it's just not stopping. I have no idea which gender I actually like or should pursue. My attractions and interactions with men and women are are all messed up This deep feeling of uncertainty and not knowing is excruciating yet I think I know the answer but it causes distress

hellooooo i’m back again!! im currently experiencing a SOOCD and ROCD flare up. i really want to know how i can stop mentally checking (feelings, emotions, arousal, attraction, etc). my main compulsion was ruminating and I was able to stop, and my mental checking wasn’t bad bc my anxiety wasn’t that bad. i was successful for the last 3 weeks, my numbness was SLOWLY fading (i was even finding celebrities attractive again), and i had many GREAT moments with my bf and i was able to enjoy being with him and being intimate (even tho i did have slip ups, i could redirect myself) and all that. sitting with the anxiety made me start to worry that all the anxiety was going to trigger my numbness even more (even when i was having really nice dates with him, i redirected myself successfully, i didn’t search for the “right” feelings/attraction i just let myself be there, and even allowed myself to be slightly intimate with him even when i was worried my checking and numbness would make me feel nothing), and ruin my relationship with him, and i started to get a huge wave of anxiety which triggered my groinal response. the next day i sat with the anxiety, discomfort, and had a major breakthrough. i felt happy and connected w my feelings but at night, i noticed the anxiety again and how it triggered my groinal response and then i started focusing on that. i kept focusing on it which scared me, and when i went on social media (not trying to use it as a distraction i was just bored) i would immediately get anxious seeing the triggering video, check for any arousal, or attraction, and got the groinal again, and now my soocd decided to flare even more. now im starting to automatically check for any attraction or arousal to girls, triggering the groinal response, reviewing past behavior, past sexual experiences where i was too numb from all the anxiety and checking to enjoy it, making me more anxious, and making it harder for me to stay in the moment. i’m worried my brain and emotions will just shut off. i had small wins today where me and my man would call and he said some “things” to me and i was excited and flustered, i had moments where i stopped trying to feel if i was feeling “right”, but i would immediately go back to trying to see if i was feeling the right things. at the restaurant i went to i automatically started checking if i was feeling any attraction towards other men (checking for numbness) or checking if i found a woman attractive (my soocd) which triggered my search for numbness and the groinal. even when im not anxious im checking if im feeling numb. i swear im not doing it on purpose it literally just happens. i really love the feelings i have with him it’s so fucking freeing it makes me feel normal. i really hate how when i finally start to get my shit together ocd tries to take it away. regardless i’m stilllllll going to do my best to get better idgaf how anxious it will make me i will not roll over and die like i did in my teen years. PLEASE, anyone going through this or any ocd conquerors, just give me some tools on how to deal with it and i’ll use them.

I feel like I want to be lesbian. I want to cry. I gave into compulsions and I went on lesbian TikTok. It feels like something I want to try and do and that I’d be happier. Why is it so real. I don’t want to be lesbian but I feel like I’m pushing down the truth. How do I stop giving into these compulsions and feel better, I can’t do this anymore. I don’t even remember being straight or liking men. I hate this.

I was wondering if this also happened to anyone. I grew up very open-minded and allowed myself to question my sexuality when I was younger. I explored feelings for both genders and attraction to them from afar, because I didn't have any friends or experiences to guide me through them. When I started dating, I was open to both but slowly and surely naturally phased out women. It always felt performative, like pretending to be upset they didn't respond, choosing who to be attracted to, and while present with them, wanting to back away or feeling a level of discomfort. When my SO-OCD started, these experiences made it very difficult to navigate the anxieties and intrusive thoughts. My thoughts often circled back to the idea that if I wasn't attracted to women, I wouldn't have tried to in the first place. This type of thought is like a Catch-22. On one hand, I am surveying my past actions or memories for any signs of true attraction or trying to pick at moments where I could prove that I was actually uncomfortable. On the other hand, the thought of being uncomfortable with a moment is tainted in my brain because of the idea that I could just be in denial. Any emotion I've ever had gets scrutinized in hindsight, making it feel like any way in which I feel is wrong. SO-OCD has been particularly difficult because of the fact that I've never been pejorative towards being queer or the LGBTQ+ community. It goes against my own values whether or not I am actually queer or actually straight. I remember growing up in an environment (whether school, family, or friends) that was always lined with prejudice towards any type of outsider - OCD makes me feel ashamed for my own want to understand any group or background different from my own. Essentially, I wanted to know if that's also something that plagues others with SO-OCD. For me, no matter what side of the fence I fall on my OCD rewrites it as bad: Either I'm in denial and lying to everyone even though they already secretly know, or I'm a homophobe. Sometimes they even mix. It doesn't make any sense.

obviously, not over here actually looking for a genuine answer lol. but ik they go together alot im autistic and have had compulsions my entire life. like its just an everyday part of my existence since … middle? ish school. so 10 years. tho looking into it i dont think its just autism, and my therapist told me she suspects OCD but i wanna get fully tested before slapping a label on it (again. like already got CPTSD BPD MDD and GAD) does any one here also have the tism and ocd and tips on how they happen to juggle the two? not asking professional advice lol. just some solidarity. i’m a lesbian and i think i may have SO-OCD which is so annoying

What is it about getting a groinal réaction, feeling like you are into it with the not-prefered gender and not getting any with you partner and prefered gender? As i am not fzeling anxiety it really confuses me like do i want to have a girl not a boy

I was looking at adult pictures and I had a small groinal response to a really triggering picture of a man and it’s making my sexual orientation OCD go into hyper mode, idk why I do this shit to myself I keep acting on compulsions that just make things worse

I try not to pay attention to my thoughts. I realized that when a thought pops up for me (sex scene), I go back to it a couple of times to figure out what I am I also felt whether, and I simply decided to let them go..however, I am worried about that feeling of sensation in my groin at those scenes in my head, I am afraid of the fact that I can feel something while I am imagining it and that it is spinning non-stop in my mind! l imagine Just A part and it's constant for some days (like a part of a face, a look or something) the whole scene goes to that I spontaneously imagine and I have the feeling that only that part "turns me on" at the beginning, then the rest... Have you had similar experiences and how to overcome? thank you (edited)

I'm going to preface this with: I just wanna vent a bit. Maybe show you a piece of my and many others' experiences. I just need feedback, not even reassurance. This is what some of if not most of my days look like. I keep asking if it's just OCD. I've been stuck researching and ruminating, anxious, trying to figure out whether I'm having OCD or going into the territory of sexual deviation. My thoughts involve multiple taboos and also fears of sexual abuse. I just can't tell sometimes, and I'm scared. I keep asking myself whether OCD hasn't changed my morals, why I'm desensitized to the unthinkable, and I feel like I am beyond repair. I've read about everything from arousal nonconcordance, to groinals, to even false attraction - and I'm not sure if it isn't just all cope to deny a real problem. Did I get desensitized when it came to Harm OCD too? Sure. Was I panicking? You bet I was. But it once again feels like OCD has gathered enough evidence to make me anxious again. It all feels too real, like too much. I've been anxious for the past few hours just stuck. Pure O is a living hell - if it still is Pure O. I keep looking into my past, asking myself "Does this increase the risk of me being a pervert?" "I've heard childhood trauma can lead to paraphilia - what if that's happening?" "I was exposed to NSFW at a young age - oh my god, what if I end up being a r*pist?". I question every decision I've made, my reactions and behavior, I look for symptoms to confirm or deny whether I am a sociopathic deviant. I avoid certain situations because I fear getting the intrusive thoughts, experiencing attraction or straight up finding out I'm someone I don't want to be (even though all of that sounds absolutely insane and irrational). Whenever I see a trigger, I immediately start checking if I'm feeling something. I can't even look in the general direction of it because I'm afraid I will feel something. I tend to physically avoid triggers. Sometimes I feel like people around me can sense my OCD and look at me because of it, then stay away from me from sheer disgust. Sometimes I'm afraid of even my own imagination - it's very vivid and detailed which would be a great thing.. if I didn't have OCD to use it against me by giving me mental images of the most disgusting and abhorrent scenes imaginable. I'm afraid of doing art because I feel like I'll lose control and draw something deeply disturbing, or somehow uncover some hidden truth about me in the process. It really sucks. I can't be the only one in this, right?? I can't be the first person on planet earth to have gone through this exact torment? You guys, I just need advice / support. Please, to anyone who's gone through something similar, feel free to share your experiences. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, seriously.

Hey, I am a 19 year old girl, who have since February 2024 begun questioning if I am a lesbian. I have always LOVED boys, and have always known that I do not like women sexually, but I remember one night I got the thought “what if you like women” and I have not been able to not think about it since then. I remember I began questioning this during Covid when I was home alone in 2020, but has since then been able to be 100% that it was just a fase where I was curious, but had since then been able to talk openly about me not liking women without it triggering something. But since February I have thought about it EVERY day and every single minute of the day. I have a boyfriend of 3,5 years who I love so much, but since I began having these thoughts I cannot feel attracted to him. I need to ask him for reassurance 10+ times a day “pinky promise I’m not into women but only men” and have to ask him a certain way. I also think “oh I feel the need to look at women’s private parts and get a tangly feeling 3 or more times before I can look away cause it has to feel right. I also feel like I can’t listen to eg “I kissed a girl” or “born this way” because if I do I will feel attracted to it. Another example is that I constantly seek reassurance from Google, ChatGPT or TikTok and it is so draining because in the end I keep thinking “I don’t have a OCD diagnosis what If im in denial and is just a lesbian who is lying to me bf” I feel as im in denial just writing this. I have lived with it for a year now and is starting to question “what if I have just changed and must accept that I don’t like boys and is masculine e.g.” but the thing is, I have ALWAYS loved makeup, and loves girl stuff, but when I have these thought I can’t feel as I am in control of who I am. It makes me question myself to the point where I feel as I have to go out and be with a women because it is what my brain tells me to do. During a 5 month period in between this year the topic changed to “what if I have cheated on my bf without him knowing because I don’t remember” and I went down another dark hole. I have thrown all my clothe from that period of time out because I felt guilty and as it held “bad memories” and now I regret it because the topic has changed. But during that time I had to seek reassurance from friends “have I flirted - do u think I talked flirty or looked at them, have I done anything” and I had to have it IN writing, otherwise it wasn’t valid. I even promised God that I would not go out clubbing until New Year’s Eve at 12 am, because then he would forgive me and it would make me a not lesbian person. But it did not help a bit, the topic just changed and my “am I a leabjan” spiral started again. And it makes me so sad because why can it not just think “okay you are bisexual” NOT JUST “oh you are either heterosexual or ONLY into women” it is like my mind is afraid. So I guess my hope and question is, is there anyone who can tell if this sounds like OCD, and if I am into women. Before gaining these thoughts I was certain, and I know i don’t ONLY like women, but I can’t even be sexually active with my bf because if I think of women during it, I must get turned on by it and be a lesbian. I am so exhausted. Sorry for the long question, I am just so drained. Backstory: my family has a lot of mental illnesses on my dads side, and when I was a child I dealt a lot with having to wash my hands until they bled and crying because i did not know why I lived. I was never diagnosed.

So I don't have sexual ocd at all haha. I just have trouble figuring out what it means to be butch or futch for me because of ocd thoughts like constantly questioning myself over again. What does it mean to be butch for you? For me, it's about how I feel inside and my romantic preferences for women, for sex, and romantic dynamics. So I like to be dominant, a carer in a way, and I like femmes obviously, my girlfriend is a femme on the inside but since she's trans she does dress outwardly masc most of the time because of her safety, which is fair. On the inside, I love feeling like a masculine woman, never a male though. I've never questioned my gender because I've never had to: im just a masculine woman. But the thing is because of my autism, when people talk to me I tend to make my voice really high and sweet sounding like a nice sounding lady, but it's instinct so nobody really perceives me as butch in my personality. Because I'm not really a stone butch at all and I still like wearing feminine things sometimes. But the catch is I've never felt "dysphoric" wearing man's clothes, only femme things (and that's on occasion, I have a whole dress and skirt collection that I wear in spurts, so for a few weeks to months I will be confidently butchy and wearing my loose jeans, my work boots, and I've literally never shaved nor worn a bra, even when I'm femme. So haha yeah. But if I'm feeling like wearing feminine things it's usually because of the weather or because I want to appear girly and feminine, but I could stand to not wear it if I didn't wanna. It's so complicated. I'm not at all non binary or gender fluid believe me, I feel like a woman 100% of the time, just can't decide if it's a butch woman or a futch or what. Idk.

can someone with pocd, socd, zocd, intentionally create images in their head and add details, even try self pleasure as a test, conscious or unconscious? Chat gpt says he can't, that it's a fantasy, while before he said he could?! I'm honestly in a panic!

what would a therapist say:things I would say to my therapist:It began on monday when I had a massive spike in my brain that i couldn't sleep I was 25 weeks into 10mg citalopram then in the morning I felt nauseous and then in the car I had urges for men while listening to the radio then while I was talking to my mother then during my temp work and then during lunch it felt like I wanted to be with men and my throat burned in the afternoon my urges switched to ace / aro and then my brain relaxed and got urges, it felt too normal, then on wednesday my urges for men came after listening to the radio, and during my temp work, I had feelings of wanting to be with men in my brain but my throat burned, on thursday I thought of playing project diva x and wanting to kiss kaito and create songs with his voicebank then I thought of how nice my sis friend was (male) I was watching over students and my mind drifted then I had thoughts of touching then or cuddling them and my brain wanted it but then I thought of female squid game characters and I had a thought of having sex with my friend (female) then in the car I had ace / aro / lesbian thoughts but my urges for men returned eventually, today my urges for men were there until I took a shower and then I thought I was ace / aro AI told me my urges for men were OCD and I started crying but then I thought if I had throat burns I can't be attracted to men and I am ace / aro am I not attracted to men because my ace / aro urges feel normal as if there is no OCD now when I think of men I have throat burns even when my brain wants it now I have urges to be ace/ aro and I do is this a false signal AI tells me that my OCD therapist would it is false urges created by OCD and that my throat burns mean it is OCD and I am ace / aro because my brain is relaxed I have urges and my throat doesn't burn but I still cry but AI says it is internalised expectations