- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I'm going through something similar! Please, don't forget that things will definitely get better. You deserve the whole world! 💜 Please don't end your life and please don't hurt yourself. Do you have the Suicide prevention hotlines? And Suicide prevention textline? 💜 Please don't let OCD win.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@lettingifoff Yes, me too. So so so so many people are going through the same thing. You're never alone. ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Feel the exact same. OCD is in the top 10 most debilitating illnesses in the world, and especially with taboo topics like this we have been given a tough challenge, but once we come out of it the other end, there’s not gunna be much left that we can’t overcome! Stay strong you aren’t alone 💙
- User type
- NOCD Alumni
- Date posted
- 3y ago
OCDHaver, I am very sorry that your OCD has brought you to such a bad place, but you are definitely not alone. I was in a pretty similar state before I sought out help for my anxiety/depression and found the underlying OCD that I always suspected was there. You can get through this, no matter how much it seems like OCD has taken over your thoughts and your life, you can take your mind and your life back, especially with the care and help of a good therapist, it just takes time. Also try to remember that you are not your intrusive thoughts, you didn’t ask for them and they do not define you. To me the real event and and false memory are the hardest for me to shake or ignore the intrusive thoughts about as well. Especially with real events from years past, the more I ruminate on them, the more they always seem to distort /warp until I am left questioning what actually occurred, if anything at all, and they become more like false memories at that point. I have more recent events that elven just typing about now causes my anxiety to rise and the intrusive thoughts to start flooding in, but as hard as it seems the best thing is to remind my self that I can’t change the past….no matter how much I dwell or worry about it. The fact that you are questioning whether or not if you are a bad person over events that you regret, to me indicates that you are not a bad or horrible person at all, otherwise you wouldn’t show any regret over your actions or even question if you were a bad person or not. As hard as it seems, try not to give into all the doubt the OCD is causing, much like you did with your other themes. Even though these thoughts are more difficult to ignore and causing much more anxiety and doubt, the same techniques of ERP and sitting with the uncertainty are what is necessary with these themes as well, as insurmountable as that may currently seem. Please stay strong and don’t give in to your OCD Bully, you are not the terrible thoughts it wants you to believe you are, you are worthy of love from your friends and family and you are definitely not alone in this.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 15w ago
My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.
- Date posted
- 13w ago
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
- Date posted
- 12w ago
I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.
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