We are the faces of OCD

This may upset some people reading so here is just a warning that these are disturbing I don’t know what to do to make the bad thoughts stop. My mom recently had a baby, my little brother. I wasn’t exactly happy about this pregnancy, but I have nothing against my brother. He’s adorable and silly. Nothing against him. But I feel like these thoughts bug me because what if deep down I do resent him because I didn’t want my mom to have another kid? What if I did act on these things because I hate him? What if I just lose it and do something? It’s all so illogical, I know. Never would I ever want to do that. But there’s times I’m watching him for a few minutes for my mom and my brain just shows me an awful scene of me brutally hurting him or killing him. Or I’ll be holding him and my brain shows me a scene where I purposefully drop him or I just hurt him so badly. I’ll be walking near him and my brain tells me I’m going to stomp on him. It shows me such bad things. I have intrusive thoughts all the time, but this is different because there’s a semi good reason I “could” do it. That being, I wasn’t happy about the pregnancy. And it scares me. I’ve started crying because I was so scared it was going to happen. I have to back up away from him or sit down so there’s no way I can do anything. I feel horrible. I don’t want to hurt him. And I’m so scared I will. But I won’t. I’m hoping this makes sense to others who struggle with this. Because to anyone else who’s never gone through these things I’ll sound insane. And sound like a psychopath. Thanks for reading. Any help would be appreciated.

I had to use a pseudonym and such to join this app in the first place. If I interact with OCD content outside of here it has to be anonymous or very very minimal without any details of what I go through. I consistently deal with shame and even when talking about my OCD with friends/family I become embarrassed and ashamed, fearful of what they might think. I am like this in more cases too. I am a very private person: I use anonymous modes on almost anything, I never post my face unless the account is completely private, I never share my name online, etc. One time I scrubbed a 5+ year old account of any photos of myself or mentions of my name because I was so afraid. It’s been getting easier but that toxic shame is still triggered sometimes especially if I think someone may find out who I am. It is hard to get over especially since I’ve been treated horribly in the past.

I have been doubting my salavtion for 18 years or 15 years does not matter I am 40. I was told I had ocd region last year and tore me apart. It does make sense I have also ptsd and bipolar. How do I know if I have repented and am saved? I feel numb to God. Never any love or change in my heart. I don’t belive good works save me. I know the Bible in my head but how do you know Jesus? I am tired and need a heart change but how does that happens with ocd? Forget about church they can’t handle me and have tried to help but given up. Been told I have been oppressed by demons pray harder trust God more ect. I feel depressed and take my anger out on my kids age 14 10 and 9 and husband. I feel alone and taking medicine does not help. I take my meds for bipolar and anxity. How can I be sure God has saved me or I want God? I am mad at God and been told it’s was sin. I think it is but why did I have to be abused as a kid and have mental health issues and now ocd junk. I don’t have the fruit of the spirit. My mind is in torment sometime and numb myself out with tv sleep drinks food pills ect. Where is Jesus ? Why can’t I have assurence? Just being real and the church is scared of me or I overwhelm people. Jesus offeres peace and rest and I don’t have that. I want my sins forgiven and be loved by God and have him as a my father. Dortine does matter saying the sinners prayer does not save me and I am lost and confused. I don’t want to go to hell. Please anyone have anything to say. I don’t have support

when do you genuinely need to confess things, and when is confessing a compulsion ? i have a really hard time with compulsively confessing things, and sometimes i have thoughts that are like “this is different, this isn’t a compulsion, because it’s actually a bad thing that needs confessing” and i can’t tell when that’s true and when it’s just ocd

Sometimes i feel like im using ocd as an excuse. What if i dont really have it and im just freaking myself out? Does anyone feel this way

Does anyone else experience this lingering fear and anxiety because they think they’re capable of hurting someone? It’s killing me. I feel like I’m such a danger. I feel like I’m a predator. I feel like this awful person and I can’t shake it. I want to carry on with my day but I can’t. I don’t feel like I deserve it. I feel like I’ve done awful things. I can’t stop crying.

Ill be honest, I want to write a letter if anything happens, if I loose this battle and put and end to it. But even if my thoughts keep coming, I try to keep my head up, stand up strong and look them at them for what they are, thoughts. I’m still scared, I still can’t go to sleep normally, but I feel a tiny bit of hope. I really hope my feeling is right, I really hope. Whathever happens, I’m still proud of myself, I’m still proud of my achievements, I am proud of me. Whathever happens, please don’t forget This message. Please, don’t forget me

I feel like it's got to a point that I just can't deal with stuff on my own anymore. I've tried to help myself with compulsions and thoughts and behaviours and it helps to an extent but I feel like I just need more help. But I don't even know where to start, I've felt so ignored in the past and I don't even know where you can turn to. I'm in the UK so it's difficult, especially considering I'm only 17, to get any help for this kind of thing. I just want someone to talk to, something to help – medication, maybe? I want to try it, I want to see if it would stop the overthinking for a while. Stuff isn't as bad as it has been before, but I feel like I can't just leave this anymore. I just don't know who to turn to or where to go from here.

Everyday I wake up worse knowing my exes face is still stuck at the back of my head, lovebombing me for months just to want to split one random Friday in November. The only relief I get is when I am asleep and even then that’s not enough. My happiness was ripped away from me and I don’t know if I should call the suicidal hotline again questioning what direction my life should go after. It feels like a part of me has died and I want to get a lobotomy just to forget all the time I spent with him that is now is just a distant memory I’ll never get back. How do I go on with life knowing he took my happiness with him

I had a blasphemous thought against the holy spirit s few days ago a bc it’s been on my mind. So today i asked my mom: “ does God take someone’s life away if they committed the sin of blasphemy” and she responded with “Maybe yes or maybe no, he can maybe give that person days to live until the destined day that person has to die, dies.” And after she said that i’ve been kind of anxious and asking for forgiveness. Keep in mind that i wasn’t feel bad about this thought before. Idk why. Now i’m anxious.

This topic triggers me so much because I don’t think I ever experienced “gut feelings” about my relationship until the ocd. I know that generally people get these feelings when something’s off like their values are different, or the partner has strong bad habits, or something they’re doing is wrong. But my relationship is perfect to me: we communicate so well and I feel so vulnerable and safe. He’s amazing and sweet and we share the same values and life goals. We’re not perfect but I wanna be imperfect w him. I’ve never felt the way I feel for him with anyone else before. So why does it feel like the next stage of our life (moving in together) feels like I’ll change my mind later on?.. I get anxious at the idea and thought of sharing our whole life but I know I want to marry him. The idea of us growing old together, I feel like my life would be complete with him. But why do I feel like I don’t want to :( Do people have doubts anout their relationship even when there’s nothing to doubt?? There’s nothing wrong with us at all and I want what we have forever but when I think about our future I feel so anxious like I won’t last long until I decide I can’t do it anymore

Nobody told me about the bad things about the person I voted for until now. I can’t tell if it’s all true or fake. I don’t know what to think anymore and it the people are right all along I feel terrible and I don’t think I’ll vote for anyone ever again cause obviously they have to put on a fake act for us to vote or some shit. I’m NEVER voting again after this election fuck this

I’ve had very weird sexual religious thoughts and it has had a bad effect on my image of God and who he really is.

I am really scared of being a narcissist.. I’ve been in therapy and I feel like my therapist isn’t taking it seriously:( like if I am a narcissist I want to work on it I’m just really scared of harming people.. including my partner:( I don’t want be the reason he needs therapy and I don’t want to ruin his life. I’m scared I’m manipulating him somehow to want to be with me and I just don’t know what to do. I NEED to get this fixed before our relationship progresses but I just feel like I’m not being heard by therapists/psychiatrists We want to get married and have children but I don’t even know if I will be a good partner or mom. If I do have narcissism I just think it would be best if I left him alone :( I don’t know what to do I know that people will say that narcissists don’t care about hurting other people or things like that but I just don’t know how true that is. I also have really mean judgmental, cruel, and hateful thoughts about people and I feel like that means I’m a narcissist

Has anyone actually “conquered” OCD? I feel like I’ve never heard a story of someone actually overcoming it or living with it?

hiii ! please can religious folk with ocd give me some advice? i have found that my ocd has made me feel really far from God. i find it hard to focus on prayer, reading the bible, etc. that’s partly because i have a lot of intrusive thoughts that make me feel bad/guilty when i do these things, and partly because my ocd simply is very good at distracting me from actual important things (which makes me feel very guilty too) i feel like i’ve kind of lost my way and i’m starting to feel lukewarm toward my faith, which i don’t want to feel, but i don’t know how to get better again. does anyone have any advice?

I’ve been struggling with this for the part year and it’s been horrible I hate my life and I feel like nothing works , please help or feel free to share tips or your own story

The other day I made a post about being kind and supportive and not being judgmental when commenting on other people’s posts because someone made a comment on my post insinuating that I don’t have ocd and i’m actually just a bad person. At first it didn’t really bother me because I know i’m not a bad person but now my ocd is latching onto their comment and it’s making me feel horrible. My post that they commented on was about how whenever I think things to myself like how my pre teen daughter is blessed to have slim legs and not chubby thighs like mine and she’s growing up into a nice shape or my teen son has a nice shape jawline and neck and it’s good that he’s slim but he’s too slim or how all of my adult kids are so handsome/beautiful my ocd turns my random normal mom thoughts into something inappropriate. I know I don’t think of or look at my kids or any kids or young person in an inappropriate way. My ocd says I do and I was seeking support. That persons comment was so damaging for me. I tried to think maybe they have never had dark disturbing intrusive thoughts with their ocd themes and maybe they just don’t understand or maybe they have never had pocd theme or maybe they are not a parent but even if all of that were true, their comment was still so judgmental and damaging. I am struggling even more now because my ocd is latching onto that persons comment and making me feel like a horrible person. Has anyone else had this happen? How did you get through it?

Is anyone else here a Christian dealing with ocd? I could use some support because I've been having a hard time growing close to God ever since my ocd started getting bad. I deal with a lot of religious intrusive thoughts such as being unforgivable, or being cursed or possessed. What's some advice?

I, like so many others, have had ocd for most of my life. I have had many themes throughout my life. I am a mom and have had harm and pocd as well. For me those have been the most difficult and most painful themes. I have seen many people post on this app and they have had some pretty horrible and disturbing intrusive thoughts or false memories and real events ect. much worse than mine and I have never judged anyone because I know how bad ocd and intrusive thoughts can get. I had someone comment on a post I made recently asking me if I even have ocd insinuating it’s not ocd and i’m a actually just a pedo. That upset me so much because anyone who has experienced pocd knows how horrific and disturbing the intrusive thoughts can get and how opposite of who we really are ocd is. Our ocd already makes us doubt ourselves so to have a fellow sufferer of ocd say something like that can be so damaging. So many people are afraid to seek help or post on apps like this out of fear of being judged so we have to be mindful of what we comment. This person, after reading their bio has never experienced that theme and so they have no idea what it’s like or how bad it can get. I am writing this post because I think we need to be more understanding of those who suffer with themes we haven’t and not be judgmental especially if we don’t know them or their ocd story and what they have been through. I beat my ocd and for years I was ocd free until a recent stressful situation in my life and it came back and has been relentless and worse than ever before. I have had so many kind people give me great support on this app and I give support as much as I can when I see posts of others going through similar things as me. Be kind and think before you comment.