Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I’m trying to do ERP therapy, but I keep thinking my subtype of ocd is the worst there ever is. I tried going on a walk tonight and the adrenaline in my body along with the shakes and the burning in my chest got so overwhelming. I felt like I was just about to lay down in the gutter along the sidewalk. I’m not trying to be super negative. I just don’t know what to do anymore. If it’s not one thing it’s another and I just wanna cry so bad and I want it to go away but it won’t I almost feel like I have to call a crisis line or something even right now while I’m writing this I’m crying so bad. I can’t enjoy a single thing. I joined a support group tonight, but I just feel like I feel so bad for everyone because of how awful it is. I know what I’m writing right now doesn’t make a lot of sense but I just don’t know what to do anymore. Part of me wants to quit ERP therapy so bad cause I don’t think it’s gonna ever help. if anyone has any advice or suggestions, that would be greatly appreciated.

If I manage to get a girlfriend will the ocd go away or will it get worse and be combined with rocd aka “what if I don’t actually like her and want to be with a guy” and then it will all go downhill. If that’s the case I don’t think I should start a relationship because I dont want the girl to go through all that.

for me, it's like there's two folders of my thoughts, 'main thoughts' and 'sub thoughts' and it's like a background voice of my background voice, you know? like so quiet and irrelevant but it's still here and i can try to ignore it but not fully and it feels like it's just really nasty, like it's warring with me, never shuts up and just keeps nagging me with those thoughts

I'm just laying here avoiding being an adult and wondering if during ERP the therapists are mean. Like, is it a "tough love" type of situation? That makes me anxious

I found out recently that my boyfriend used to go to strip clubs and hook up with strippers when he was younger and called them “hot”. I suffer not only from OCD but borderline personality disorder and it kills me to know that he thinks they’re hot. I just think it’s disrespectful and I feel really insecure more than I did. I’ve just been obsessing over this.

Everywhere people talk about people who look at horrible stuff and how they are monsters. Well not long ago, like probably 1 year ago, when i was a young adult still, i tried to find an illegal video. Im a victim of CSA and i have this issue where i get obsessed with victims of csa and obsession with csa and i hate myself so much why did i try to search for a horrible video?? It was a video which i had read about from a victim who was used in the video. I felt like i needed to see. Thankfully it was not there. But i also looked at CSA paintings, and looked at the social media photos of some 12-14 yrs old where i then stared at the shapes of their body and even searched up their TikToks

Last night, I was scrolling on TikTok and saw a video in photo mode. It was about a girl who was raised by her single mom. Her mom was always there for her, loving and supportive. As I swiped through the pictures, a horrible thought suddenly appeared — a wish of death on the mom. I don’t even know why it happened. I can’t remember clearly if I shook my head or reacted in some way. My memory feels blurry, and now my mind keeps going back to it. At the end of the photo slideshow, it said her mom had passed away. The moment I saw that, my heart sank. I felt this terrible, overwhelming guilt, as if I had somehow caused it just by having that thought. I can’t forgive myself for it, especially because the mom was so kind and loving. The pain hit me so hard. I felt like a monster. I couldn’t tell anymore if it was just an intrusive thought or if it actually came from me. I kept thinking, “What if I meant it? What if I really wished it?” The guilt started to eat me alive. I felt disgusting, unforgivable, and full of shame. It feels like I commit an unforgivable crime. That night before bed, I cried and prayed to God. I asked Him to please forgive me, even though I felt too horrible to be forgiven. I tried explaining to Him how confused I was, how I didn’t understand my own thoughts. I prayed and begged Him to take my life already. I wished for it because I was just so exhausted from the pain, the guilt, the fear, and everything my mind was putting me through. I feel so awful, and since I don't have the courage to end my life, I keep wishing God to take my life, hoping He hears me. I'm honestly rooting not to wake up on the next morning. This morning, I woke up and didn’t feel relieved. I hate that I woke up because I knew the guilt would still be there. It felt like I had done something terrible, and I couldn’t escape from it. I kept questioning, “What if it wasn’t OCD? What if I really meant it?” I felt trapped in my mind, unable to breathe, unable to feel peace. I feel so lost, like I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m not suicidal. I just want this suffering to end. I feel like I don’t deserve to go to heaven because I’m a horrible person. It breaks me to think that God might not forgive me anymore and that He’s already done with me.

I've recently decided to get tested for HSV because I have kissed someone with HSV-1. I tested negative several months ago, but I want to be sure. Today I started feeling a tingling sensation and when I pressed my lips together I felt a bump there. So ever since, I've been trying to confirm if there is or is not a bump, where it is, if it's an early HSV breakout or an early pimple. The web searches say that tingle sensations usually means cold sore, but I know that as of a few months ago I tested negative and I have in fact had this tingle happen for zits along my lip line. So I'm super confused and dying to have an answer. I'm planning on heading in to a clinic for a test first thing tomorrow morning but if I can get any advice or knowledge I would so appreciate it, even if that advice and knowledge is helping me break from my compulsion to fidget with my lip or search up information.

I feel afraid that if my friends knew the type of ocd I have they would not understand and I’m scared if they knew the compulsions I did and the results they would not love me anymore. Scared that anyone I meet might not really love me because they don’t know this about me. Scared of getting in a relationship because of this. I hope I can find therapy soon to relieve the guilt but I just wish I could have the confirmation that my loved ones would love me anyways. I feel like I have a big dark shameful secret. I care so much about what ppl think, letting that define what’s true or not about me but I care much more about the opinions of those I love and that love me, which is why it’s scary.

Some one please help me. My OCD is phobias of lice and scabies. I feel like I’m always going to catch it. I stayed at a Disney hotel last week and now I have a bump on my hand. Doctors have said you can get them from hotels. Is this scabies starting or is this something not to worry about and it’s just my OCD taking over.

We still don’t know what happened to her. Young, healthy, vibrant. I have so many thoughts…I want to know what happened to her. She is the one I would go to for times like this. I feel selfish as well. I’ve been seeing her for ten years. I can’t imagine starting over. So many strong OCD issues that she helped me through. I have lost an important person in my life. My heart and prayers go out to her family.

Hi everyone, I'm in a bit of a difficult situation and I wanted to ask for some advice. I recently finished my studies and I am living from my savings while I look for a job. However this process has turned out to be a lot more difficult and tedious than I expected. I suspect I have OCD as I relate to a lot of the experiences described here, in particular those corresponding to pure OCD. I have continuous intrusive thoughts about how what I'm currently doing is not enough, I constantly need to reassured that what I'm doing is right, with some magical thinking and concerns about my relationship sprinkled in. These intrusive thoughts have made it very difficult to make any significant progress in looking for something. Added to this I'm not even sure I have OCD as I don't have the money to afford therapy right now (my mind keeps telling me that it's silly to write this message because there's no way I have OCD). I live in Switzerland so as far as I understand my insurance won't cover sessions with NOCD. In conclusion I'm a bit stuck, therapy would help with finding a job but I need a job to get therapy. If any of you have had any similar experience and have some piece of advice it would be very welcome.

I’m on track to getting my diagnosis and i’m already questioning it. Pocd feels so real, and even though i once saw someone say “it has to feel real or you wouldn’t worry” which is like god level reassurance honestly, it hurts. I can’t look at children, they deserve better. My usual attraction seems to be gone and i can not think about anything else. At the same time i don’t really feel anxiety. I’m scared i don’t feel bad enough, if i just smiled maybe i honestly wouldn’t feel bad? I don’t have many other ocd symptoms either, except for some stuff when i was a kid and like questioning everything about myself. I’m clinging to the hope that this is Pocd instead of me being a Monster and at the same time i’m so sad that i have to go trough this. I don’t like myself but i’m sorry for my younger self. I just want to be held and be told that everything will be okay but how can i know? Even then i feel like comfort of that kind only really applies to others who are struggling and aren’t horrible like me. In so many ways i sm convinced i am a monster even though it might be a bit irrational. Maybe i’m a monster after all and then i should really get away from everyone i love. They deserve better :( After a lifetime of struggles (nothing super serious) i’m just getting started with therapy and i’m so.. scared. What if it won’t help? What if it turns out i’m the bad person i fear to be. Is there any way i can prepare or some tips or literally anything else? I would appreciate any wise words

Just thinking about how ocd attacks and latches onto all the things that mean the most to me. And makes me petrified about them. Ocd has got to be one of the cruelest mental health issues going. And it takes my biggest fears and makes me believe them. What is the point of ocd ? Why does it exist? It's like my own brain is trying to destroy my life...it makes no sense.

If you can elaborate on them, I would be more than happy.

Feeling like I am a burden on my parents as well on me. No my parents never said anything like this. I just want to end this life which is full of mental suffering which can't be explained. Feeling like I will never be able to do anything in my life. I so want to go far away from these things where there will be only peace.

feel like I’ve been stuck in this ROCD cycle for so long that I don’t even know what’s real anymore. Everything feels so heavy and confusing. I keep having thoughts like “I don’t love him,” “I never really did,” “I’m just used to him,” or “I’m staying out of guilt or fear.” They come with a strong emotional pull that makes it feel like I’m finally facing some ‘truth’ — but I don’t even know what that truth is. Even when things are going well with my boyfriend — when he’s loving, caring, affectionate — I still feel disconnected, like I can’t feel love or calmness. And then I feel guilty for not feeling what I think I should feel. I overthink everything: memories, how I used to feel, how I feel now, what I might feel tomorrow. I can’t tell if I’m just scared to lose him or if I’m trying to force something that isn’t there. I’ve read so much about ROCD and I know I’m supposed to sit with the thoughts and let them pass, but sometimes they feel so real that I don’t know how to keep going. Sometimes I even feel numb and that scares me too — like if I don’t react with panic, it must be true. I just want peace. I want clarity. I want to stop analyzing and doubting every moment. Has anyone else felt this way? How do you sit with this and not spiral? Thank you so much for reading. 💔

If you truly aren''t homophobic you wouldn't be afraid of being gay unless in very specific cases of bisexual cycling, what is the difference?

Do you think God can help me with ocd-Religious themes thoughts... the problem is they feel so real, which is a diagnostic of ocd, and are robbing me of any peace and a true, full loving relationship with Christ. I feel anxious/depressed 24/7 and have such bad intrusive thoughts I'm almost permanently frozen in bed. I feel disabled and behind in life (I'm turning 22 in a few months, currently a student) I trust in Christ alone, but I really don't understand have I am expected to live like this. I don't know what God's will is or if these thoughts are spiritual/ocd. I'm trying to the lose my mind. I know He has enough grace, but I am desperate and my mind is so ill. I am so afraid of sinning against Him or leaving Him. I am so scared of my thoughts I cant share them, I am trying to get better, trying to live a normal life but I am sweating through my clothes, dizzy, foggy, crying screaming, etc. I dont know why God would allow this when all my soul wants is to love and obey Him, and to make my will His very own. Please please help. I know we have to pick up our cross, but I also know Christ said that He came to set the captives free, I have been tormented beyond recognition since age 13, I believe (to some extent) that ocd can be spiritually related, if you would entertain that thought, or perhaps not? I need answers from God. I can barely behave like a human or have any normal conversation my mind is running a marathon every day. My dreams are slipping away and I want to be independent, more than anything I want to do what pleases the heart of God and to live with eternity set in mind. This thing is trying to consume me. I feel like a dropping weight to my church even though they have done nothing but patiently support me. I hate being mentally tormented. Pray for me!

I have been constantly ruminating about if God wants me to be with my boyfriend. I am so hyper fixated on Gods will for my life that I often overthink every move. I have constant “what if” thoughts or “if God wanted him in your life you wouldn’t be having these thoughts”. I can’t differentiate Gods voice with my thoughts. What if this is God speaking? I also keep seeing TikToks that say if God wanted this person in your life they wouldn’t do blah blah blah. I am just not sure what to think anymore. I want to be with my boyfriend and he wants to be with me. However, as of lately we have been having some issues because we show our love differently. Then I see these TikToks saying that the right person will love you the way you need to be loved naturally, nothing will ever need to be forced, rhat I’m forcing a rib into the wrong man, etc. and then I’m like is this God talking through these videos saying I shouldn’t be with my boyfriend? I am not sure what to think. I just feel like my mind is in a constant spiral and I get so confused.