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It's funny but my soocd subtype seems to pop up during fall and winter, and leaves during spring and summer. Currently it has me overanalyzing my friendship with my friend who happens to be gay. It's really frustrating. What makes this even worse is this friend and I are fairly close, (I see them as a parental type figure) and it makes it really awkward especially when they use words like honey or sweetie. They're biologically female, but identify as he/they, which again doesn't help my OCD. They're like 6 years older than me. Idk I'm just freaking out a bit lol.

Lately, I have been able to manage my OCD thoughts kind of. They’re still there but I kind of push them away? I know that pushing them away doesn’t help but it’s been my only way to survive. I get scared often about things like clothes or my voice or how I present myself. I get scared that I want to dress differently or act differently and it scares me. I know for a fact I don’t want boobs or anything like that, but my mind constantly is like “What if?” and it kills me. It has ruined everything for me. Sometimes I can’t even look in the mirror because I get scared that I won’t like what I see. I’ve also been afraid because I find myself relating to many female characters, or I want to act like them. Like Pearl from Steven Universe. I want to be graceful and elegant like her, but I don’t want to be a girl you know? My mind constantly pushes these thoughts of what if and images. Because I am not like most guys. Which I know is okay. It just freaks me out. It makes me question every aspect of my being. I know who I am, but I know that the only way to move forward is to accept that maybe I don’t.. It’s just a lot.

Hi everyone! I am a 22 year old AFAB nonbinary person from California, and I wanted to come on here and ask about people’s experiences with OCD surrounding taking testosterone and being trans/LGBTQIA/nonbinary. I am not talking about doubting identity but more so doubting whether taking testosterone is the “right” choice or whether the changes you might get are what you “truly” want. I would really love to hear from folks who also identify as nonbinary as I feel that nonbinary folks have a unique experience with taking hormones due to not being a binary trans person. I would definitely love to hear from anyone who identifies as trans or nonbinary, but I think that my experience with hormones is different since I know I don’t want to look or sound or feel like a full masculine person or man. For me, this means I am on a lower than normal dose of T right now, and I also don’t believe I plan on taking it longer than a few months or at least until I get my desired results. I want to be very androgynous, and I keep getting a bunch of intrusive thoughts about waking up and having all these drastic changes to my body and self to the point that I won’t recognize myself anymore. I know this is irrational and definitely attacking the fact that this is a huge decision to make to go on hormones, but I just feel like I haven’t seen this representation yet in both the trans and OCD communities. Again, please feel free to share any type of experience you have whether you are a nonbinary or binary trans person!

I’m scared so bad rn I feel like I might commit . There was a trans girl on TikTok and I thought she was attractive and I’m scared because she’s trans. Is that gay I don’t wanna be gay and now I’m freaking out. It was a guy transitioned into a girl and they don’t look like a guy at all.

Any trans people with ocd here? I’m feeling like I might be trans I’m having a lot of gender dysphoria how do I know if it’s real or if it’s just anxiety

i’m visiting NYC for a couple of nights for my girlfriends birthday. i’m really excited but i’m so scared my intrusive thoughts will ruin the whole trip for me. i have trans OCD and i’ve been learning to live with it but when i get into my panic modes, it’s very bad. what will i do if i have a flare up in the middle of the trip? i’m so scared. i wish i could just experience it and be happy. this is ruining me.

I hate tocd with a burning passion, so I’m a girl right and I love being a girl and I wouldn’t change that cuz like that’s me. But ocd attacks that and I keep getting Intrusive thoughts. Like no bruv I don’t wanna be a boy, stop telling me that ocd😭😭😭 But I know this is just ocd, the only issue is I can’t seem to dismiss the thoughts, I’m always fighting, arguing, swearing that I’m a girl and will never change that (compulsions) and I think that’s what keeps the thought sticky and nonstop but like I can’t stop doing compulsions cuz it feels like I’m like agreeing with the thoughts which I’m not. So any advice would be nice

Being trans is such a normal thing these days that I feel like I'm just in denial. There's no good reason not to transition other than that I "think" I like being a guy more than I would a girl. I feel like there are so many signs throughout my life, and that I'm just using a disorder as an excuse

i feel like having this ocd is making me transgender. i constantly imagine myself as transgender like starting to use t, coming out to my family and my boyfriend. i would really prefer to not be a boy but i don’t even know what i want anymore. and now my voice is triggering me because i sound feminine. what’s going on 😭 im freaking out

As a cis woman I'm ashamed that this is the subtype that causes me the most distress, and that I have to deal with it at all. At the same time, though, I'm relieved that TOCD is a known thing, because it's the explanation for what I feel. About 4 years ago is when I first started experiencing this subtype (though I did not know this until last year). It caused me so much distress that I would spend days laying on the couch doing nothing but crying. This time of extreme distress is also the reason why I went on anxiety medicine for the very first time. I would question my memories and feelings from over a decade ago, every single thought in my head would relate back to this intrusive worry, i was hyper aware of every physical sensation with my body, super conscious of how i perceived myself, super conscious of all my thoughts, forced myself to gather evidence and figure it out/ruminate on it, gaslighted myself in so many ways, questioning if i was just in denial, completely terrified of being anything but me, avoided certain clothes and people, felt others could see what I was thinking, and felt that the real me was truly gone. I was also not present at all. There WAS no world other than my mind. I wish someone had told me at the time that there was a name for this. It would've saved me a lot of time and a lot of fear. A lot of these things I still do without even thinking, though. It did go away on its own for a very long time. Within the past year it's come back, though, only this time I actually know what it is. I don't know how the hell I survived it before when I didn't know what it was. It's because of this subtype that i first learned what intrusive thoughts are. Lately it's been bothering me so much and it's been making me feel ugly and extremely self conscious/judgmental and flat out wrong in everything i do. Everything triggers it— even things that don't relate at all. My mind finds a way!! I don't ever see anyone on here talking about this subtype, but the fact it's listed gives me just a little hope that I'm not the only one.

Hi all! I have had a variety of OCD themes such as Relationship OCD, Homosexual OCD, Transgender OCD, etc. I have a few experiences that I'm wondering if anyone has been through/can shed light on as well: -I feel as if I have a constant feeling that I need to analyze whether or not I'm 100% happy at any given moment. For example I think: "Am I truly happy? Am I experiencing life the right way? If I look around am I experiencing life with 100% clarity?" -One of my themes is stronger/more persistent than the others. And as such it makes me more fearful that it must be true. My Homosexual OCD was the first to manifest and as such I feel like it has ultimate power over me. I also used to experiment with Gay Porn when I was younger but I never felt it was "serious" nor have relationships with men interested me in real life. But I feel as if I am hyperaware of when I find another male attractive yet the thought of sexual intercourse with them doesn't appeal to me. (I'm in a very lucky and lovely relationship with my Fiancé btw). And I find myself analyzing moments of emotion with her. When I cry over something out of joy with her I feel like a fraud, like I am forcing myself to do so. But I've had genuine moments when I imagine our wedding day together alone in my car, I cry because I'm overcome with joy. -How to properly do ERP exercises. I usually attempt to let my thoughts flow like a stream and try not to attach meaning to them. I also try to force myself to imagine scenarios that are incredibly fearful in an effort to desensitize myself which only makes me feel as if I'm actually starting to like the thoughts and then they become an overwhelming, confusing wave. Thanks so much for reading! I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts and I sincerely love and appreciate your time. I hope we can all be in this together! :)

I’ve been much better for months. Deleted this app even. One thing I started to become insecure about is the fact that I don’t have a very girly voice. Then I noticed lesbians have deeper voices. I finally let go of that obsession. But then on Instagram I was suggested a reel about lesbians having an “accent” and I wonder if I have that (???) I didn’t watch it but now I can’t stop wondering and I’m conscious about my voice. Then, I was on IG again and IDK WHY but I was suggested a reel “pov: your friend who doesn’t know she’s queer” - I didn’t watch that either but thought, “what if that’s me? What if I just don’t know?” I’m spiraling so bad for the first time in MONTHS and feel so defeated.

Hello i was a porn addict for 16 years. Iam 25 abused alkohol and was sex addicted to girls never could have enough. Few months ago i was heavily drunk and without knowing ended up sleeping with a trans which i regret heavily I developed HOCD heavily which confused me and brought me to suicidal thoughts i was so confused that i actually believed that iam gonna turn trans without me wanting it then it developed to be scared that i could kill myself without wanting it. I want to just turn normal as i was can anyone help me ?

Do any other trans people with OCD get intrusive thoughts about faking being trans or misgendering them? On a pretty much daily basis I go through this cycle of either accidentally misgendering myself or getting the thought of “you’ve been lying for the past 10 years and you’re actually not trans” and it always sends me into a spiral. My dysphoria tends to fluctuate and it gets worse when my dysphoria is lower than normal. Logically I know fluctuation is a thing that most trans people experience at some point but I still ruminate over it. Any other trans folks here experience something similar? If so, do you have tips to break that pattern of thought?

In my 24 years of living , out of nowhere I had the thought “what if I’m transgender” I tried to treat it as a silly thought , but then it kept popping up in my head and I started getting extremely anxious. OCD really is the tried and true doubting disorder , because what the actual fuck. I love being a man. I literally admire the male physique. I love being able to grow arm pit hair and not get judged. I do of course love women , and I am in touch with my emotions and I’m definitely feminine in a lot of ways , but I don’t want to change my gender. It’s just absurd. I really hate OCD #genderocd

I had the fleeting thought of what it would be like to be a woman, and now I'm overthinking about being possibly transgender.