Being trans is such a normal thing these days that I feel like I'm just in denial. There's no good reason not to transition other than that I "think" I like being a guy more than I would a girl. I feel like there are so many signs throughout my life, and that I'm just using a disorder as an excuse
It depends a lot on whether or not these thoughts of you being trans distress you or not
They do distress me, I think. I don't think I would like being a girl in my day to day, and I have a lot of things I want to do as a man
The truth of the matter is, you shouldn't try to find an answer. OCD is preying on an insecurity, so the best solution is to starve it. Whenever you start doubting your gender identity tell yourself "maybe I am transgender, or maybe I'm not. I don't need an answer right now " then go about your day. I'm going through the same exact thing you are right now and it sucks, but we have to sit with the uncertainty. I believe in you, stranger.
But if it isn't OCD, aren't I just denying things if I do that? If I really am trans then I should think it through, no?
@Anonymous You're not denying anything. You should say that you MAY or MAY NOT be transgender and leave it at that. The possibility exists that you could be. Or you might be cis. The point is your OCD is feeding on an insecurity you have about your gender identity and the way to beat it is to not let OCD have the satisfaction of making you ruminate over the idea. You have to sit in the discomfort of uncertainty and not try to seek an answer. Over time it should lessen it's hold on you. Once it stops being an obsession bringing you discomfort then you should be free to explore your gender identity. I hope that is helpful.
as someone who is Transmasc Nonbinary I 100% understand , this sounds more like gender dysphoria especially since it’s something that you want if that’s makes sense ? i would definitely talk it over with your therapist and see what the symptoms of Transgender Themed OCD versus gender dysphoria , medication transition is a big step and there is also micro dosing , but you also don’t HAVE to medically transition in order to be seen or perceived as there person you want to be . i think as well with this day and age expressing yourself is more open and freeing , you can have labels you can have no labels ! it’s all up to you and what you’re therapist thinks is best .
That's the thing: I don't really think I want it. I'm AMAB and I like my body, the social roles, all of it. Sometimes I get insecure and I don't really love my face, but that's kind of all? I don't really think I would like womanhood. But I cannot let go of the question! When I was a kid I thought I would have to be a girl to express my emotions, but now I get to be a fully emotional man and I really like it
You could also be gender fluid and have female and male together, speaking as a trans person I did know from a young age I just didn't have the words for it but I always felt uncomfortable in women's clothing and loved dressing as a guy, playing house with friends inalways wanted to be the male role. I was a tomboy growing up forsure and was a lesbian it wasn't till college where I found out what transgender was and started transitioning. But gender fluid is a thing too. If you don't have string feelings towards only identifying as male inside and out. But saying that I still struggle with knowing if I want bottom surgery mostly bc of the surgeries that have to be done to do that scare me lol
I hear you. I tried out nonbinary a few years ago, but I couldn't even make it an afternoon. I felt so wrong and uncomfortable, like it wasn't me. I feel like the more exploration I do, the more confused and scared I get. I honestly just want to grow into an old man, but I keep having these thoughts. I'm worried they *must* mean something.
@Anonymous That's fair, what do you think would happen if you started taking testosterone you can start out microdosing and get the facial hair and all that andnsee how that feels if it scares you even more you can talk to your Dr and stop taking it. But I had to get a therapist note in Illinois constant taking testosterone so maybe you can actually talk to a therapist and process all of those emotions and feelings.
@LILBOIIBRENT Oh for clarity I'm AMAB, so I'm already on testosterone lol. I really like the facial hair and everything else, really!
I have the same thing man, but with SO OCD, like I'm finding signs all through my life, that I didn't even knew were there
Does anyone else here daydream maladaptively? Well, I do a lot and my OCD has latched onto that as “proof” that my fear is real due to do contents of my daydreams. To preface I’m 14 and most of my daydreams consist of boys that I like so like 85% of my day is just me daydreaming about these boys in a fantasy world that I built in my head for them. The thing is I have ADHD and I’m super hyperactive and I require a lot of movement to engage in my daydreams (and with engaging in anything in general tbh) so I’m always just randomly walking/running around the house daydreaming. Anyway sometimes I’ll make the same faces my character makes in the daydream and also do like hand movements they do. And I’ve been ruminating about this for months because I’m like “does that count as imagining myself as a boy?” due to the fact that most of the characters in my daydreaming world are male and I panic. I would never imagine myself as a boy in that sense because it makes me uncomfortable, like ever since I got this theme, whenever I walk by a mirror I get these intrusive images of the boy I like starring back at me in the mirror and I get super uncomfortable. It’s like a punch in the gut. I don’t want to look like those boys at all and I know that if I was one of them I would hate my appearance and hate looking in the mirror, no matter how attractive they are. Or when I’m doing something my OCD will imagine ME doing it as a boy like in first person and with the intent of me being a boy and that also really triggers me because that’s not what I want and it makes me real uncomfortable. What I DO want is to daydream about boys, but not about being a boy. But isn’t that what I’ve been doing this whole time without realizing? Like I’m so wrapped in my daydreams that when I’m doing anything I go “Hm I wonder what [my crush] would do in this situation” and imagine him doing it but in a completely different setting and with some changes to the activity added. That really scares me because I go “what if that means I’m a boy” and I get really distressed because I don’t wanna be a boy. I don’t view any of the boys on my daydream as me at all and like, I don’t daydream with the intent to be a boy because that’s the least of my desires, all I do is want to think about boys because boys are cute ofc and I like them. But I’m still really scared. Is my OCD possibly twisting things or am I in denial? :(
Today I woke up and immediately was flooded with intrusive thoughts. I was thinking about how I want to remembered when my time on earth is finished. I want to be remembered by my kindness and my heart. I want to be remembered by the lives i’ve changed. But then it hit me. What if you want to be a girl? What if you’re just telling yourself you don’t want to be a girl? I shouldn’t be scared, my family would love me no matter what I was. But this.. This is taking its toll on me. People call me maam all the time. I have feminine features and qualities.. It makes me question everything I know about my life. But I think what makes it worse is that i’m scared but don’t feel scared? Like I don’t feel intense fear like I once did. I know that I don’t want to be a girl. I don’t want boobs or long hair and nails. I have feminine qualities but I just exist. And this morning it’s hitting me very hard. I hate TOCD. I hate that I can’t just have one moment of peace. That it finds ways to seep into my life by finding areas i’m weakest in. I read other people’s stories and kinda do checking with it. And to make it all worse my for you page is FILLED with trans tiktok’s and peoples experiences. It’s making me mad. Why can’t I just be happy? Like everyone else in my house? Why did I inherit this stupid fucking disorder? And why do I question everything single thing about myself. First it was fear I was going to hurt someone and be a monster. And now it’s fucking thoughts of me wanting to be a girl?? Anyways have a nice day guys.
I want to start by specifying that I am not diagnosed. This feels too real, yesterday I was fine about this, I didn't feel much, I didn't think much and I felt fine, Today I woke up from dreams I had (not explicit) but I really feel like I am this, I don't know how to explain it, I feel like I sexualize everything, I feel like I like it and it makes me uncomfortable, I always feel different from everyone else, but in a bad way. I don't know how to explain it, but I really feel like this is who I am, and what happens to me is that I can't identify with OCD. I avoid everything that reminds me of this And I feel that sometimes I downplay the issue of my "OCD" as if it were not serious and it is
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