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Does anyone have a specific fear that feels too real? that it’s painful? I have been struggling with false memory OCD for almost 3 months, and this current thought that my brain has latched onto 4 days ago is the worst thought I have ever dealt with in my OCD. I am having constant breakdowns, it’s hard to sleep and find my appetite. I just keep feeling feelings throughout my body that make the thought feel like it does exist and that it is real. It’s worse especially if you deleted an old account that you can access anymore (which I did) and the thought has to do with “What if I sexted or flirted with someone and forgot?” Or “What if I sent or posted an explicit picture of myself on there and forgot?” I’m terrified. My body feels like it’s in panic mode and I keep getting scared that these feelings I have of guilt, anxiety, panic and worry means that it did happen. My OCD is trying so hard to convince me it did happen and I’m starting to believe it. I love my fiancé and the thought of this being true makes me feel like I’m the worst person ever. I wish I could just remember everything and say “No I would never do that, I know what happened and I’m not letting my brain tell me otherwise.” OCD is so convincing it feels like I can’t trust myself, and now I can’t even remember the memories about it at all because I thought about it so much. I hate thisss, I’m going to be trying to find a therapist soon.. but I’m starting to feel convinced it did happen and that I just blocked the memory out and that I’m just an awful person. The flashes and visuals I see of me committing the act make it so much worse, I’m genuinely terrified and i dont know what to do at this point. I know I’ve posted about this story a lot and I am doing my best to not ask for reassurance, but I know a lot of people deal with this theme, but I wanted to know if anyone has a theme like this that specifically deals with something along the lines of my story.

I have been with my boyfriend for well over 3 years. I didn’t develop these unwanted thoughts until last December, so almost a year ago, and they have been plaguing me since. We have such an amazing relationship. We have the same values, he respects me, and I know I love him. The past few days have been extremely rough on me. I have felt completely disconnected and almost numb. I say almost because sometimes when we’re eating and I lose track for a minute, I feel happy. But then, my mind says that I’m just faking my emotions. Anyways, i was confessing to my boyfriend today about my current struggles and he asked me out loud “do you love me?” I said yes and then he asked “do you want to break up with me” because I had told him that was one of my thoughts. I said no, but ever since then I feel extremely guilty because I’m scared if it was a lie. I feel so guilty for not knowing whether or not I want to stay. I had an immense break-up urge because of this while we were having dinner to where all I could do was argue with myself on whether or not I “wanted” to be with him. I couldn’t stop from crying and it was kind of hard to breathe. Is this a common obsession for anyone? Is this ROCD? My newest therapist said that she does believe I am experiencing ROCD, but I’m scared it’s not, and it’s just me losing feelings and love for him. Is it common to obsess over if you want to break up or not? I think deep down I truly don’t because I know we have made an amazing relationship that doesn’t have any external bad things going on. In fact, I very very much wanted to marry him before all of this happened. It is just all in my head and in my feelings. Is this a common thing to obsess over?

I read a post from a while ago where someone was scared bc they had friends straddle their lap or sit on them and it always made them aroused. Someone who commented said they dealt with that and SOOCD for 28 years and ended up being a lesbian. It made me immediately remember the time where I was in middle school and my best friend at the time was showing me some kind of martial arts move (more like straddling on the floor), sat on my groin area (like pubic bone), and I felt a tingle down there. I know for a fact I never was attracted to her. She was a great friend but I never once thought of her, my other friends, or other women in a sexual/romantic way. When it was happening I remember being super uncomfortable and stiff bc I’m not really a touchy person with my friends. Minus a couple of guy friends that I had (like my current bf) I would want them to touch me or want them to WANT to touch me if that makes sense. I also remember uncomfortably thinking “this is like a sexual position she’s sitting on my thing rn” and obv my focus was on my groin and that’s when it happened. Bc in my middle school mind that position was reserved for like a bf and gf getting intimate or being touchy. I remember being so uncomfortable and scared bc it did not feel right and the tingling made me FREAK out(also at the time I had no idea I had ocd so idk if it was my ocd doing things). I immediately got up and had to leave to the bathroom bc I felt so confused, scared, and uncomfortable. I ended up forgetting about it and continued being her friend like normal till high school. I forgot about that memory up until a couple months ago. Now when I think about this memory I’m getting the groinal response 😭 (prob just bc I’m thinking ab getting some sort of groinal response). I’ve had friends sit on my lap before and I never felt anything and I never really liked it because Im just not a touchy person with friends and close contact w my girl friends in that way doesn’t feel comfortable to me. Even now I would never let my friends or another girl straddle me or be touchy like that bc I don’t want it, I never think ab it, and it just doesn’t feel right. But bc of that persons comment and memory I’m afraid it’s a “sign” from my body, a secret desire, or me being in denial esp bc prior to SOOCD I did get turned on by a lot of sexual things (porn, sexual pics like nudes or very sexual attire, sexual music videos) and did some sexual experimentation/exploration as a kid (i’ve explained this in other posts), and some memories that may or may not be fake/dreams. Like in my mind if I saw something I would be like “oh this is sexual stuff, this means sex” NOT “omg she’s so 😍😍.” I had some bad anxiety and depression issues in middle school-high school so I wasn’t really having strong crushes so that worries me. But I did have a lot of celebrity boy band crushes like A LOT. But as I got older the worse my mental health were getting because of some personal family issues. I didn’t know how to deal with my mental health so the more I ignored it, it would end up getting worse and evolve. During this time I started to get more unwanted groinal responses and I started to notice and be more uncomfortable with the fact that I felt unwanted groinal responses watching/seeing certain sexual things even though I didn’t feel attracted to it (prior to full blown SOOCD). This also led to me getting more intrusive thoughts. I have been dealing with this theme since I was 15 and It makes me feel like a liar. My libido and attraction to men have disappeared for years, and even when SOOCD isn’t bothering me as much I still can’t get it back. I have had a boyfriend in the past (with SOOCD just never received treatment) which was the early stages of soocd so I was unsure about it first but I ended developing a crush on him and felt cute young love feelings for him but SOOCD, doubt, and the mental compulsions were always there and would numb my feelings and attraction. As our relationship grew and we grew up I was never able to get aroused whenever we were intimate (or in general/by myself I had no sexual drive). I wanted to feel things so bad but I couldn’t. I would feel it sometimes but I was always analyzing my body sensations, emotions, attraction, which made me feel more numb. Before this theme I used to fantasize ab being with a guy or doing *things* with one, and it always felt right, so being intimate with him always made me feel sad and anxious bc I couldn’t feel anything. I reconnected with him a couple years ago and idk what happened but I was extremely aroused by him. All we did was kiss a little and talk but It was the first time in years where I felt genuine arousal. But it only lasted a day and I went back to being numb. Fast forward, I have a new boyfriend who was my friend for a while. I’m pretty sure I liked him since high school but idk bc I’ve been so numb for years. Three months ago when I first felt true, clear, genuine attraction to him I was so happy and excited. But ofc I started to get thoughts about my numbness, no libido, and all that. I even remember when I found him cute and started feeling those crush feelings my mind went into analyzing mode and I couldn’t feel it anymore. I also can’t get aroused with him anymore either 😭. I would be able to (never fully) whenever I was in the moment but my mind would always go back to analyzing. I really hope it’s my bad depression and ocd and nothing more. It’s like there’s a mini me monitoring everything in my brain and I can’t feel things (except all the things I don’t want to feel). All my worries and thoughts triggered this SOOCD flare up and now I feel nothing. I’ve made a post about my feelings for him before so I won’t go too into it this is already too long. I’m just afraid this memory and all the other weird things, past/present groinal responses, and years of no libido/attraction mean something. There’s nothing wrong w being gay but It just doesn’t feel right. If I was I wouldn’t jump for joy I would just end up being single all my life bc I don’t even want to experiment/experience it. All I want is to enjoy my relationship. I really thought SOOCD was going to finally leave me alone 😭. Im not religious but sometimes I find myself trying to negotiate with whatever “higher power” is out there. I just pray that If this isn’t ocd and depression I just want my feelings back for my bf, I want to fully enjoy a relationship with a man at least once and I’ll be satisfied. All this makes me feel like i’m lying to myself but I swear I felt all those things for him 3 months ago, even with OCD and my compulsions messing with my head. I just want this to end already 😭.

So to keep things short, I’ve struggled in the past pretty bad with p*rnography. I still struggled with it when I first started dating my fiancé. I would look for it in websites, twitter (now known as X) or even find it in video games, ai games etc. My issue with it was that I used it as a quick release or stress reliever for whenever I was overwhelmed or I just needed to find something to relax me, which even after it never helped. So this is the ocd thought that has been bothering me. I used to go on Twitter to watch things for that quick release because it was quick and it was fast and I could just get it over with. However, I had a really bad OCD thought like this, “What if I sexted someone? Or what if I flirted with someone on my twitter account and etc etc etc.” and I spiraled so bad and still am. My fiancé knows about all of my struggles and I told him everything especially since when we first got together, we never really discussed the boundaries with p*rn and such because we just were so focused on spending time with each other and getting to know each other more. And I told him this OCD thought where I told him I was worried about if I did something if I flirted with somebody on there if I did a video chat if I sent pictures if someone sent me pictures, etc., etc. My fiancé knows me better than I know myself and he always reassures me and tells me I would never do such a thing. And I know deep down I wouldn’t either, but what if back then I was horrible and didn’t care? What if back then I was just careless, and it’s eating me up everyday, my ocd has always been attached to the fear that “What if I cheated and blocked out the memory and don’t remember?” And now this thought has been killing me for days. I don’t struggle with p*rn anymore because my fiancé and I agreed that it’s a horrible platform and we don’t need it, which I was really happy about because it showed me that I had growth. But the thoughts like “What if I sexted someone on twitter? What if I flirted with someone?” Are killing me. I know that if I intentionally did something, I would remember every single detail and I would remember it fully, and I also wouldn’t have told my fiancé about it if I actually did do it, but I always get flashes or “visuals” of me committing the intrusive thought and my anxiety shoots up because I don’t know if it’s real or not. Does anyone else relate :(

Does anybody constantly think about how a therapist would react to your real event if you were to tell them about everything you’ve been going through with intrusive thoughts and past memories/actions when surrounding taboo topics. Like my brain is telling me that even though they may not directly say that I’m a sick/bad person, they will secretly think it. Like one of the biggest reasons as to why I haven’t sought out a therapist is because I’m afraid they’ll secretly think I’m a pedo. I also keep imagining actually meeting with a therapist and then them going home, sharing their day with other people like we all do and then saying things like “ I had this new patient and this is what she did, when she first told It was the first time I’ve been taken aback and I had to hide my disgust, she’s really sick” like that’s literally the worst case scenario for me. I think because my real event(s) doesn’t involve any one real or has to do with anything illegal and my brain can’t turn to what are the consequences of this it turns to my own morality and catastrophizes it in the sense that I’m actually a sick person and although my undiagnosed ocd is a mental illness, it’s only bringing to light what I didn’t recognize before my ruminations and obsessions.

If you look at one of my other posts, I reunited with an old friend. I don’t want to be super close to her but I still reach out so I know for sure we’re on good terms. She’s a slow responder and it drives me crazy because I keep thinking she still hates me and it was all a mistake. I get like this when people don’t respond very quickly often. I can’t stand not being liked and it drives me crazy, how do I cope with this?

I have health OCD and I went to the dermatologist today to get some weird moles checked out and get a full body check. I asked her to go back to one and she apologized that she missed it and biopsied it. Since then, I’ve noticed that I have some other moles that I am nervous about and I’m scared she didn’t check them because she was in a rush and missed one that ended up getting biopsied. I really want to schedule another appointment but I’m struggling to be able to tell if this is my OCD brain or my rational brain and I don’t want to get in a loop of mistrusting doctors and scheduling more appointments and I don’t know how to navigate this without seeking reassurance.

In an effort to prepare myself for the impending ERP, I decided a couple of months ago (prior to starting therapy) to work on a new exposure that I was sure would “poke the bear” that is my contamination-related OCD. Despite 20+ years of therapy, I still have daily struggles with my contamination obsessions and compulsions, including vacuuming and using the swifter to clean the floors of our home after we have visitors. Let me explain… My wife and I have a no-shoes rule in our house because our 8-month-old and 3-year-old rugrats are always on the move. But c’mon, this couldn’t be enough to satisfy my OCD, could it?! Nooooo. My OCD’s line of thinking is this: Even if a visitor takes their shoes off before coming into my home, that doesn’t mean the socks that they’re wearing don’t have similar “contaminations.” Maybe they wore those socks in their house where they allow shoes to also be worn. So, if they’re wearing socks and walk where someone is wearing shoes, and then come into my home wearing those same socks = Like, zoinks, Scoob! *I’d like to take this moment to thank anyone who a) completely understood what I just wrote, b) had to stop and think about it a bit more before realizing what I wrote or c) still don’t understand what I mean but are still reading. My latest exposure is ongoing and has been to avoid this cleaning when my mom comes over to watch our kids. Currently, my mom left our home two days ago and I have not yet cleaned the floors. All this to say: I have days when I don’t feel hope. But beginning my NOCD journey has reignited this hope and I already feel the support of this community. I’m excited to give any advice I might have to offer, but more importantly, I can’t wait to learn from all of you.

I’m in my 30s and just got diagnosed with OCD. It feels like a mix of relief, validation, and overwhelm. So much work ahead of me and can’t afford therapy right now. Had to go stay out of state in the house I was chronically traumatized in with the parent who harmed me most after my safe/loving parent died unexpectedly. I was there for several months and me, my partner, and our animals all got very sick. The house is legitimately contaminated- infested with black mold, mildew, cockroaches, termites, asbestos. It’s also “contaminated” with my childhood trauma. It stirred up a lot of OCD. There’s a new worry that my parent died because of me in some way, and that I might accidentally cause someone else I love to die if I don’t do x, y, z. Also worry that us being there might have long term effects & I’m the reason we were there. I’m scared my animals might have been exposed to something horrible and could die because we were there. I took them both to the vet and did some testing but feel embarrassed of how others perceive me when I express my concerns that are often hypochondriac based. I’m so physically, mentally, emotionally exhausted. When I start to relax, my anxiety/ OCD runs rampant trying to find something to feel bad about myself for. Dealing with resentment related to my family system, and the other adults in my life who didn’t do anything to protect me as a child despite me begging for help. Then I feel bad for not appreciating the love & kindness & privilege I did have. My living parent was saying lots of things that reignited old worries & created new ones. I’m home now, but the clothes/ personal items I brought there & special stuff I inherited or brought home is stressing me out. I’m worried it’s contaminating my clean safe space and I can never truly get away. I’m recognizing how that environment I grew up in conditioned this level of OCD distress. I need to start a new job now that I’m home, but it’s hard to do anything… cue the “I’m a bad person” thoughts. Applying for jobs is stressful too. I know I’m highly qualified but that’s stressing me out because I’m worried I’ll get an offer or an interview before I’m truly ready/ capable to start. I don’t have money to keep waiting and need health insurance ASAP. Worried I’ll accept a job that doesn’t have as good of insurance as a hypothetical other opportunity. It’s all so overwhelming and I’m really struggling to calm my mind, body, & soul. I’m not sure what I’m looking for from this post. Maybe ideas of how to quiet/ calm the panicked rumination that keeps creeping in as I settle in so I can feel more grounded & emotionally stable? Any coping skills that have helped you for these patterns/ themes? How you handle perfectionist tendencies in work environments?

I was very close friends with a girl last year, so close we were like sisters. But eventually, she treated me and my twin sister terribly. (one upping me, lying to me, trauma dumping on me and not being there for me at all in return, lowkey praying on me and my boyfriend breaking up.) I tried confronting her but it kept getting worse, and with so much stress it came to a head. She came to me saying her boyfriend was doing some really bad things to her. I told her it would get worse, that she needed to leave, and that she was in an unsafe position. She didn’t listen, she insisted she loved him. She would barely tell me because “it would make me mad” Eventually I sobbed to my mom about it, who contacted her mother but nothing was done. The next day, with the stress I was going through being in the middle of competing frequently, college prep, everything she told me, how i felt about her treating me became too much and I blew up at her. I yelled and cussed and to this day I regret it. I would spiral about it. No matter how many times people told me I was okay and my feelings were valid, it took me so long to stop believing I was a terrible person. I tried to cut her off and it didn’t fully happen until she lied to me about coming to a VERY important event and SHE told ME we couldn’t be friends. Since then I’ve had so much hatred towards her but still a lot of care, that it became an obsession. I got to college and told all of my friends about it who validated me. Through this, the hatred wound down. But I still couldn’t help but want to see what she was doing. To me she has always been better than me. I wanted to BE her. I was, and still am, a little jealous of her. She looks perfect, dresses perfect, and just is perfect to everyone. I unblocked her, re followed her, reached out and apologized. She apologized to me, and said she had been thinking about our friendship a lot and was glad I reached out. My parents didn’t like that I reached out because she created tension between me and my sister. My sister says that what I did was valid and supports me. My boyfriend supports me because he loves me so much and will always support me, but still doesn’t like her because of her unsupportiveness of our relationship. My friends question why I would even do something like that. I think it made me feel better, but I think my thoughts and feelings about our friendship, and how much I wanted to be like her, and how much I regretted how our friendship ended, and how betrayed I felt became an obsession for me, and I fear reaching out was a compulsion. She’s been really nice and I’m glad we’re on good terms but I think she wants to be closer than I want to be, simply because she’s in high school, I’m in college, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to be super close again. Idk I think I feel better about it but I’m a little worried. What should I do moving forward? I don’t want to cut her off, but I can’t be best friends with her again.

How do i stop my compulsive tendencies & come to terms with my actions? I just recently got diagnosed with OCD & it finally feels like I have answers to my obsessions. Context: Ive (25) been with my boyfriend (28) for 8.5 years. We were high school sweethearts & now we have 2 kids together. Recently, i confessed to my partner that before we officially dated, i slept around. In the months leading up to us dating, we were discussing us being “official”. He asked me during that time if i was sleeping with anyone else & teenager me lied & said no. He was a big flirt in high school and had lots of girl friends. I was insecure & thought he was lying to me about not sleeping around since he was always flirting, so my reasoning was, “if hes not going to be truthful, then im not.” I realize now that it was wrong of me to not be truthful during that time, but hes upset that i kept the truth for so many years. To me, we weren’t boyfriend/girlfriend yet so it didnt matter, and in the 8.5 years i have never been unfaithful so, i didnt think telling him would change anything. Whats done is done & we have to move forward. However, he cant move forward & now is talking about breaking up our family because he believes our relationship was built on unfaithfulness & mistrust. He said he views me completely different and he would have never asked me to be his girlfriend had he known. He thinks since i kept the truth & lied for years, i could easily cover something more conspicuous up. Ive apologized time and time again but it doesnt seem to matter. Ive kept replaying that time period over and over again to the point where im not sure whats real and whats something ive convinced myself must be true because i am a bad person. How do i stop obsessing over proving im not a bad person? I made a terrible judgement years ago & Im reaping the consequences now, but my thoughts are consuming me. Its getting to the point that i cannot eat/ sleep. Im 9 months postpartum with our second and my breastmilk supply is plummeting due to the stress. I had bad postpartum depression with my first due to my undiagnosed OCD & i fear now im starting to slide in my depression pit again due to this. Ive been obsessing over proving to him that im not that stupid teenager anymore & i regret my actions. How do i come to terms with the fact that i cant change the past? I wish i could go back and tell myself he wasnt lying. I know these are all compulsive thoughts to dismiss my anxious thoughts so how do i stop obsessing over it? I apologize for this being lengthy but it has consumed my life at the point. Its been a month of me obsessing over every detail during that time period. Its gotten to the point where im second guessing my morals and who i am as a person. Its effecting my every day life.

I think sometimes my OCD will interupt a normal thought that will maybe slightly include something to do with a trigger and twist it into something disgusting that wasn't intended, I don't know I can't tell if I was like unintentionally doing a compulsion and testing my reaction to a thought, a random thought that was twisted into an intrusive thought, it was just a straight up intrusive thought (It did kind of come out of nowhere (other than being related to the trigger I mean) and caused me a lot of distress but most of the time my intrusive thoughts are vague and I don't really know if this is what they feel like when they aren't. If it wasn't an intrusive thought I don't know why I would've thought something like that though. For context, I saw someone quoting an alt-right YouTuber who is a confirmed predator who also physically abused his underage victim (Despite his fans denying this vehemently) and had a thought that I think was GOING to be "He wasn't even good at hiding it" (Even then I think I meant trying to hid it) but was twisted into "He wasn't even one of the good ones" and I immediately spiralled afterwards and went "What? What? Why? Why did I think that what's wrong with me?" Is it possible for an intrusive thought to feel real? I know I really didn't like the thought and it wasn't wanted but that doesn't feel enough for me to call it intrusive and it's scaring me. I can't tell if this is a thought warped by OCD, just a "normal" intrusive thought or a genuine thought I had (which is obviously the thing I dreading the most)

As I've previously mentioned, I have a reporting compulsion and also am quite generous with blocking people (Not just for the reasons I'm reporting people) and one particular account I've blocked and reported is followed by someone I follow and I compusively check their following, the person doesn't do anything illegal but they are really creepy and objectify celebrities (Albeit more second-hand with retweeting other people's posts and following people who are worse) and I don't know why but I'll sometimes compusively check their account and my OCD tells me it's because I want to see them objectifying celebrities but I don't, I also sometimes forget why I blocked people and if I see them in someone's following I may double check to see why I blocked them and again my OCD assigns bad reasons for this but I don't think I've ever seen anything really bad doing this and if I recognise any red flags in their bio, the most I'll do is report them without viewing posts, maybe I don't want anything to "Slip through the cracks" and have to know whether I need to report it or if I was being paranoid when blocking them. I don't think I've ever done this and seen anything bad, I also think I want to check to see if people I follow them/still follow them. The account I checked I know doesn't post anything explicit on twitter but does on patreon and I think I got worried I was overly paranoid reporting it and wasted someone's valuable time that could've been spent actually removing bad things because I feel like I may be infantilising the characters and don't whether they are supposed to look underage (Because people I follow who I am fairly certain have been outspoken about the stuff I'm reporting them for follow them) and I felt the compusive need to check their account and I reported them again because nothing happened the last time I did and I thought they were being dodgy again (Although nothing overt, more so eluding to things that triggered me and got me to obsess over the characters age) and I have this... anger(?) or rage(?) that my reports are being ignored and need to know if I'm overreacting, even just a simple "Yes, this is a false report" would fix it because at least I'd KNOW, I reported the account again because it still kinda rubs me the wrong way even if I am being paranoid. This is the only account it's happened with though I know it's still bad but I sometimes feel like I HAVE to know if my report did anything and again my brain tricks me into believing the reasoning is evil and I usually resist this compulsion, I just want this all to be gone, my OCD and this disgusting shit (Pardon my language) and I feel like if it's not removed then I must've not reported it enough and I have to do it again (Again, this is like the only time I haven't been able to resist this compulsion to report it again). Also I know this could end disastrously even if my intentions are good and I won't do this again even if they're not banned (Which I have no way of knowing because twitter's report feature doesn't give me proper updates and just bugs out). I just want to do the right thing and feel like I'm failing at it through being overly paranoid and wasting people's time or that twitter is failing me by not taking action against these accounts (From the accounts I see are blocked but not removed when I check people's following, I don't click on them). Am I a monster for doing this and trying to convince myself my reasoning is to get rid of this for the internet? I'm scared that could be the real reason even though I don't want to do this, I feel like I HAVE to, to get rid of it and if I could invoke real change and not just report singular accounts obviously I would want all of it gone and feel like that's the only way I could ever have a semblance of peace is knowing with certainty that those things are gone forever even though I know that's unfortunately impossible EDIT: Kind of loosely related to this, I saw someone talking about how anime has unfortunately always sexualised childlike/underage characters and someone posted an image that was censored but of a childlike character being sexualised, I wasn't sure if this was a misguided way of showing proof while not defending it so I clicked on the profile to see their bio and saw that no, they defend all of that and even refer to themselves using the term for people that like it so I blocked and reported them, but I was going to block them regardless because they still posted it even if they meant it only in a different way but it's causing me to spiral that I wanted to see disgusting things but I didn't and all the anxiety is causing a groinal response which is making everything worse and compounding it

I thought I was doing better this week and I have a little bit but ever since I had this one specific thought pop up again it’s been bothering me so much. I’ve posted about it before basically giving the rundown talking about how last year in October about seven months after my fiancé and I started dating, an old guy friend messaged me on Snapchat and awhile later I was in the shower and went on snap for some reason and saw the chat and then I responded, I don’t remember what he said and I don’t remember what I said, but I remember that I removed him right after because I didn’t talk to him anymore and I just wanted to be respectful of my relationship, that part I know. My OCD has been trying to convince me that I flirted, or that I cheated on my fiancé, which I know that I would never do. What bothers me is that my OCD didn’t attach to that memory until months after it happened. The memory happened in October 2024 and then I told my fiancé at the beginning of this year because I remembered it, and I was anxious about it for awhile until my OCD attached to something else. Then it came back to this thought and I’ve been struggling with it for almost 3 weeks. Mostly because my OCD is like “If you didn’t tell him right after, that means it happened and you were hiding it,” or “If you’re feeling anxious and guilty and so worried about it, that’s means you did it.” Etc. And my OCD is convincing me I’ve done it when I know I’d never ever do that to my fiancé, I truthfully don’t know how to deal with this thought because I know some people say you have to say “Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t,” but I can’t even say that because I can’t even fathom or imagine myself doing these things to my fiancé it hurts my heart too much and makes me sick to my stomach.

i’ve been diagnosed with ocd, specifically i deal with relationship and morality themes. yesterday, my boyfriend and i were carving pumpkins and he wanted to watch a movie he suggested. throughout the whole movie i was getting increasingly more and more agitated as the insensitive jokes piled up and i watched him laugh. it all came to a head after we finished and were alone in bed where i started to spiral. i told him it worries me that he thinks jokes that rely on sexism, racist undertones, and mocking lgbt+ individuals are funny. his response is that he thinks all jokes that are told as jokes are funny. he is a good person who would never say anything derogatory to someone for any reason and he is telling the truth that he finds jokes about anyone funny. i try to explain to him why those jokes are insensitive and he shouldnt laugh at them all the time and last night i just lost it completely spiraling to “if you don’t care about other people, what’s going to make you care about me or our future family? if you have no empathy to understand why these jokes aren’t funny, you’re not going to have empathy for your family, you’re going to turn into a man who hates or hurts his family. that’s what all these type of men turn into.” he has shown no evidence of being violent but the lack of empathy and care not to hurt other people’s feelings makes me intensely worried for our future together. for how he’ll raise our future children. i spiral thinking if this means we aren’t supposed to be together or he’s not “the one.” i understand i can’t place my rigid beliefs on him, but i have absolutely no idea how to differentiate between what is actually something to worry about and what is something my ocd is telling me to worry about. i’ve struggled with this with every man ive dated and have stayed with horrible men as a result of it. i understand he is not those people; i am worried he will turn into them in the future. when i think of reality and what he has shown me through his actions, he treats me like absolute gold. he speaks kindly to me, he doesn’t ever raise his voice, he would never even think about hurting me physically or emotionally, he respects me as an individual, he views our relationship as a priority, he is respectful of my family and culture, he involves me in his life, he puts in enormous amounts of effort, we are semi-long distance and he drives the hour to me multiple times a week, we’ve gone on trips together, done countless beautiful dates he’s put thought and effort into, he involves me in his career as a musician and boasts to everyone that i’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him even though he is literally living his dream of being a touring musician, he treats me better than any man ever has or could, i believe. like i said, there is no evidence of the kind of behavior i am worried about toward me, his family, his friends, or anyone he comes across. he is a product of his upbringing and i understand that is why he finds these jokes funny. however, i am worried i am putting myself in the same position i always have and am going to be met with the same result. i love him and i do not want to break up with him, that is not on the table. i need help understanding how to differentiate between actually real issues and what my OCD is telling me are issues so i am not constantly in a state of agitation and not harping on things like him laughing at a joke in a movie and spending an hour on the conversation when we have limited time together before we need to travel the hour home each night to go to work the next day. it eats up so much of my time and energy and i just want it to stop.

🏋🏼I'd been practicing ERP For a week and I am already feeling more in control by relinquishing control IRONIC. But I practice ERP the whole day not just an hour or two

About a week ago I was walking my dog in this quiet and secluded neighborhood that we always walk in. We never run into trouble. However, on this particular day a chihuahua bolted out of a car that had just pulled into a driveway and immediately started barking and biting at my dog’s feet. For context, I have a 2 year old golden doodle. She’s a medium sized dog and is about 80+ lbs. She’s friendly, isn’t aggressive, and is very shy when befriending other dogs. She was ambushed into having this interaction with this chihuahua that’s already starting off hostile so she’s doing anxious circles around me to get away from it. I’m using my foot to shoo it away, trying not to hurt it, as the owner is near me trying to grab it. The owner is taking too damn long to grab his dog so mine, who is a flight rather than a fight, tries to run a bit to get away. Y’all im 5’2 and around 100lbs idk. So when she yanks the leash forward, my upper body goes forward too. My hoodie goes over my eyes and I can’t see where she’s taking me for a moment. I manage to stand up straight and the owner is able to get his dog. My adrenaline was so high that it wasn’t until after the interaction I noticed two of my fake nails had ripped off my fingers and one was bleeding. She is fine as she has a thick coat and has no wounds. She was just stressed and confused. I’ve been monitoring her behavior and she’s still my happy girl ^v^. After this experience I was in my head about what I could’ve done better, what I should’ve done instead, and how I’ll be able to defend her if (god forbid) it happens again. It all unfolded so fast and unexpectedly that I got tunnel vision and blacked out on what to do. I try to walk her at least once a day so we both just get our legs moving and enjoy the outdoors beyond our yard that she enjoys laying and people watching on teehee. So I still want to walk her, I just wonder what measures I could take to defend her. After what happened i learned to not restrain my strength when it comes to being aggressive back if a dog won’t back down. She’s a sensitive dog so I’m going to try my hardest to be her strength if that ever happens again. Any suggestions?

Can someone respond to my previous post, I'm really struggling

It all started 6 years ago when I was 27 years old when I was really stressed at work and my friend said well here's some gummies they have to THC they help you relax.I didn't think anything of it I just popped that thing into my mouth not there a few minutes like the world started distortionating and freaked out because I'd never I done drugs before only like alcohol. It was a hell of a nightmare that night. I keep thinking I didn't feel right and the world felt unreal. etc I asked my sister to take me to the ER the deal all the test said I had the AC on my system and then I have to stay awake at the hospital the doctor concluded I had seizure so she sent me neurologist I was taking the medication normally and then months my friend gave me the THC gummy again 😅. I didn't put 2 and 2 together the first time. Well said let me try it a little bit I'll take it at home but I tried a little bit just a bite during wind again did the world distortion 😑. And that's when I realized it was the gummies but it was too late. I was scared having a panic attack wondering if what was happening was real the world was real if the people were real what was real what was not real in and out of consciousness. And after that day did panic attacks happen that anxiety the depression daily panic attacks daily that I was going crazy. I asked my family to go take me to go get mental health and they gave me medication anxiety subsided a little bit but the intrusive thoughts did not. Always having those thoughts if the world was real if everything were real, if the present was real what if I was crazy and everything was happening in my head what if I was dead etc etc etc anything to do with reality I also got desrealization along with the panic attacks. I tried telling me to this soon my psychiatrist you looked at me like I was crazy and he looked confused. Well long story short that's MY PURE OBSESSION OCD is thinking of the world me around is not real somehow basically. My question is should I drink alcohol to desensitize from it or not because that triggers my obsession and make is really bad

I want to beat OCD because it’s starting to take over my life. I always knew something was wrong/different with me and finally got an OCD diagnosis from my therapist. It made me cry when she told me, but I know I can overcome it or tolerate it better. Please give any suggestions on how you take your mind off of intrusive thoughts, obsessions, etc. 🫶🏼