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What was the lowest point of your H OCD, mental intrusive thoughts, depression, DPDR and other mental disorders ? Pls explain im in the worst place right now. (I don’t know if i will experience any psychosis later or not im down)

New to the app, 44 yrs old and trying to connect with others that have similar problems. Ive probably had this for a while but its been worse since a car accident in March 2024. Ive been unable to work since, due to severe back problems and intrusive thoughts annoy me frequently. Not feeling like im enough in multiple different ways. Money worries, loneliness and depression to say the least and im married with 3 kids and 2 at home. Already on script for nerve problems(Amitryptiline) and wondering if thats making worse or better?? Was helping with pains but idk if its whats making me more obsessive, I also pick at my fingers at times. Thanks!!!

I've been broken up with my ex-fiancé for over a year and a half. We were together for almost five years. We decided to end it because we both weren't happy. As much as we would try, we both couldn't come to some consensus on how we wanted to do things. It was an amicable breakup, and there were no hard feelings during it. Now that time has passed, lately I have been thinking about her. I go through the usuals of what went wrong during the relationship and the many what-ifs that either I or she could've done differently. But there has been one particular aspect that has been bothering me lately, and it has wormed its way into my usual OCD frenzy. When we did break up, we did spend a couple of nights together. After that, we would go our separate ways. For some reason, though, a fear would pop up. A fear that I got her pregnant, and that after all of this time now, she is with my child, and I have no idea about it, and it's been wracking my brain ever since. Here is the kicker, though, looking through her social media, everything that she posts and has done since indicates nothing - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING - that she ever got pregnant or has had a child. Even a friend of mine has looked through her social media and has seen nothing about a kid or anything like that. But, yet, for some reason, in my head, I have convinced myself that she was so diabolical enough that if she did get pregnant, she would make sure that she doesn't put any trace of that child on the internet so that I might find out. And, the real obsession here is the fact that I feel like I need to communicate with her and ask if I ever did get her pregnant. It's absolutely insane, and it has been wracking my brain for the past month. And while some days are stronger than others, I try to tell myself that even if she was pregnant, she would let me know about it, there would probably be some legal implications, and I would assume that her family and my family would be on me knowing that I have a child. But, yet, nothing indicates that she had a child. I should also add that she has PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome), and we were even using birth control during sex. I also didn't want children when we were together anyways. And, yet, despite the evidence, despite everything that proves that she doesn't have a kid, my mind says otherwise. And, I know it's an OCD thing for how I keep ruminating, and, unfortunately, fallen into the compulsions of having to look up her on her social media and get that answer that she didn't have one. What are some better tips that I can try to deal with this? I am tired of thinking this way, and it has hindered how I have been doing things lately. Sorry for the lengthy post, I am trying to get some better insight.

I’m sure others can relate but sometimes feeling alone can hit so hard especially by family. I kinda got my feelings hurt earlier and I try to understand that my mom lived in a different generation so she’ll never fully get it or understand anxiety or OCDs struggles. She’s been complaining to me about work and job finding due to stressful reasons. I hear her and I’m trying to find work but getting a job now is really hard I’ve applied to many places and have only had 3 interviews/responses. Some jobs were too far and others just didn’t have a decent schedule. However I know work is work and I won’t lie my harm OCD has ruined a lot too, even though I’ve applied and done interviews I get bad panic attacks and shoot part of the reason for one job I almost got I declined because I was having bad harm ocd anxiety about it since I’m scared of having panic attacks at work or me losing it (harm ocd thoughts 😞). It’s so annoying and I hate it, however the main reason was also because it was really really far too and my mom doesnt wanna drive all the way out there all the time. Other than that places have barely replied. I know my mom is trying to help in her own way but it’s the way she compared this one friend of hers anxiety to mines. To be fair I’ve never met her friend so I’m not bashing or saying mines is worse, but my mom basically invalidated my anxiety, she started to tell me that her friends anxiety is actually chronic and that she deals with worse because she has had worse anxiety problems than I have and that mines is not as bad and it’s better than hers. Even though I’ve had severe panic attacks, almost every night, I have avoided leaving the house for months and months before, I’ve panicked in public, I do a lot of compulsions to calm down, I struggle with themes she’ll never understand and her saying that made me feel like I’m just being extra and maybe so but she knows I have bad anxiety so I don’t get why she said mines isn’t chronic or isn’t a real struggle like her friend…and that’s the thing when it comes to others who have anxiety she’s so nice but when it’s me it’s pressure, pushiness and her getting mad because she doesn’t understand why I’m this way, and it’s always the “oh back in my day we actually had things to worry about now and days yall have it easier” Type of thing…It’s just so frustrating because family should comfort and be there and mines can’t even do that for me :/. I wanna get help and therapy for my harm ocd but I have to wait to save up more since a lot of ocd therapists are very pricey. I still wanna get better and shoot there were periods of time during my harm OCD where I was doing better but now it’s like back to square root 1. Either way I hope everyone is doing well and remember we can get through all this together.

I’ve been battling my mind since October 13th 2011. Since I was 17 years old. I am now 32 years old and I’m embarrassed that it took this long to be properly diagnosed. Even though I’ve tried to find answers for years. Answer through science, medicine and church. I just finally realized last year in August 2025 that I had False Memory OCD. After years of multiple therapists, trying medications. Anways, I hate my subtype because it is false memory OCD. It’s the most vicious of them all for me because it involves harm OCD. This got reignited after my great grandmother passed away with me in January 2022, she was 89 years old . I started to detach from reality after weeks of dealing with her death and my family and I planning her funeral. I started to detach from reality and I accused myself of smothering her with a pillow. Because I just could not understand why and how she would pass away with me out of all people. Even though all the signs of her transitioning naturally were there. I couldn’t believe or accept it. I started to have nightmares that I miraculously smothered her. I loved her, I can’t even remember getting disciplined a lot as a child. She also never bothered me as an adult either. I would have to make her leave the house to go grocery shopping. We were thick as thieves ! It took me quite a few episodes to realize, my memory of her death was false ! A year later, my childhood boyfriend grandmother died in 2023 when she was like 94 years old . I was nowhere near her death or near her years prior to her death either . I had not been around her since 2016 when I was 22 years old . But in 2024, I seen him and I started having a plethora of intrusive thoughts and sadly intrusive images. I’ve been currently battling and thinking about times I’ve been alone with his grandmother overnight ( even when he was not around ). His grandmother would beg me to spend a night with her and I could never tell her no even though him and I were not together anymore. My mind went as far as convincing me that I poisoned one of her bottled water in her refrigerator, with a little house hold bleach. Let me remind you, I never cooked for his grandmother , I never cleaned their home or anything. She moved around really well back in 2016. It’s like my mind, is creating a space where, I get out of bed in her guest room, sneak in her kitchen in the middle of the night. And take a jug of bleach ( from I don’t know where because I’m unsure where they would keep it ) maybe under the kitchen sink. And I grab an already cold bottle of water , and I add bleach to it and place it in the refrigerator. My mind is like.. maybe the bleach ate through her organs , cause lung and blood challenges. Then that’s how she dies 7 years later ? I hate it so much because I would never desire to harm anyone. But I worry. Am I sick and evil OR am I mentally ill ? No negative thoughts come to mind when humans are in my presence. But it can be 10 years later, my false memory will have me doubt memories and it will create intrusively. I’ve already tried to do right by everyone I come in contact with. I don’t have children yet. But I’ve been a care giver to almost everyone in my life from raising others children and taking care of elders. But what if I’m not the person that I say that I am ? I worry about being a monster in plain sight. I don’t want to lose this battle. I’ve fought so hard to be alive and exist. Nothing has seemed to work. What if these things are true.

Hi everyone. ❤️ I hope it's okay for me to post here even though I'm not the one who has OCD. My boyfriend has OCD, and I love him very much. Seeing how much he struggles sometimes breaks my heart because I wish I could make things easier for him, but I know I can't "fix" it. I also know that good intentions don't always mean I'm actually being helpful. That's why I wanted to ask people who truly understand what it's like to live with OCD. What are some things your partner, family, or friends have done that genuinely helped you? And, just as importantly, what are some things they did with good intentions that actually made things worse? I want to support him in the healthiest way possible, respect his boundaries, and be someone who makes him feel safe rather than accidentally feeding the OCD. I'm trying to learn as much as I can because he means the world to me. Thank you so much to anyone who's willing to share their experience. It would really mean a lot to me. ❤️

When I was younger 5 or 6 I won't get into great detail but something inappropriate happened to me.. my whole life I've questioned wether or not it happened I convince myself I'm lying because I want attention because I don't fully remember. I've ruminated on this ever since. I'm 21 years old now. I'm not sure how to express my feelings but. I am always questioning my reality. A coworker of mine physically pulled me by my shirt aggressively and My family convinced me to tell my boss. I have two managers and I spoke to the one under the main manager he said to let the main manager know. After a few days of thinking I convinced myself that it was just me that I'm jealous of him for some unknown reason "I'm just jealous" and I'm evil for trying to make him look bad. So I decided not to say anything. To my benefit my boss told the main manager for me so I didn't have to say anything. I grew nervous as I saw the video fully believing that I conjured up a whole lie just to fit my narrative of being eveil and jealous. She pulled up the footage and it's exactly what I thought I just second guessed myself so much that I literally lost my perception of reality. I know anxiety and ocd have similar symptoms but what really makes me think I may have ocd is the amount of time I spend ruminating on things and how they affect my life. Please share your opinion from what I've said

It is so hard to navigate the heart break of saying goodbye to someone for one side of them that's unhealthy, when the other side of them was so good. 💔 I am looking for advice on how to handle a back-and-forth internal fight in my heart and mind after making a major decision; for several days I can feel completely okay albeit a little sad about my choice, but then the next week I feel absolutely awful and think, "What the hell did I do?" I recently ended a very long-term relationship with my boyfriend. Over the last few years, I grew and focused on my well-being, while he remained stagnant. Though he could be affectionate, his behavior was often exhausting, performative, and controlling. He adopted (maybe unknown to him) a "toxic positivity/guru" type of persona—sometimes even policing whether or not my reactions were uplifting enough, or concise enough, etc—yet underneath the mask, I believe he is a genuinely vulnerable, lonely man who deserves compassion.I ended things firmly, sent a loving letter saying I can't be in a relationship right now, and requested no contact on phone after he was messaging me like it's any other day. Of course, it's not that I wanted to be so extreme, and I would love to get to a point where he and I can send letters or emails but I needed to draw a line. I felt secure in my choice (albeit still sad) until a massive wave of grief, sobbing, and guilt hit me yesterday. I am deeply worried about him being middle-aged and alone (he's kind of a lone wolf type of man), as I was his best friend and he doesn't have a lot of other friends in his immediate day to day life. I struggle with standard advice to "just cut off a toxic narcissist" because he wasn't just that, and I am genuinely mourning the vulnerable person beneath his complex persona. How do I navigate this intense guilt and worry for his well-being without breaking my boundaries? Any thoughts or shared experiences would be deeply appreciated.

So, I haven't been on this website in a while. I posted once before. Yeah, things have gotten better for me since my last post like I believed. I don't go to therapy or anything. Can't afford it on a weekly basis so I learn on my own. Always self sufficient pretty much. Yeah, I know... I'll feel weak if I went anyway. It's hard for me to trust anyone these days with all the stuff going on too, you know what I'm saying? But I got thinking again about how OCD behaves and even to the level of crippling for some. I was borderline crippled myself after experiencing the loss of a close one. It created a rippling effect within me. And I know how that feels with all the sleepless nights that came with it in the past for me. But I found a nice analogy for myself. I was thinking late at night when I came up with it. So here we go: Look at yourself as a kind of legislator, writing down these OCD laws for yourself which were set forth to help give relief for your own compulsions toward certain things. You believe these OCD laws are good because they provide a sense of comfort and protection for you as long as you 'behave accordingly' AKA doing the compulsive action. You think these laws are your safety net and that it's for the best. But you forget that these laws are really only giving you a false sense of security to your well being. Your laws don't actually make you free if you live by them. They just create the illusion of freedom and only serve to oppress you in the end. True freedom comes from being the outlaw, and not being afraid to break these OCD laws which you ultimately created for yourself as a defense mechanism for your compulsive behavior. If you really want to take back your freedom, start breaking these laws. And just like real outlaws from the wild west days, you will start getting used to breaking these laws without the fear or thought of the consequences. You will then start to realize that the laws you enacted were of no real benefit to you all along. It's ironic, but now the legislator, you, has to finally start breaking your own laws because you learned it was all a mistake and not helping you live the life you truly desire. You're finally getting a glimpse into what true freedom is like, you've awakened. But now, how will your brain react to this defiance of the laws which were already written down and passed by you? The real wild west outlaws feared the sheriff, but you fear how your brain will react to your conscious decision of giving up this false sense of freedom. It's like if you break these OCD laws, then the 'sheriff,' AKA your brain, will try to arrest your psych for it and get you back into your compulsive cycle again. This is what I describe as 'the battle with the self.' You may very well end up in a tug of war between your conscience and your brain along the way, but if you persist in resisting this illusion of security, then your conscience and mind will once again reconcile with your brain's response and peace will ensue, a unity will take place. This is true freedom. The brain will recalibrate and your mind won't feel the struggle anymore. That is my analogy and how I look at OCD as a whole now. I just want to say a couple more things. Your mind and brain are separate properties. OCD shows this to be true and makes you aware of this. They both work together but they are certainly not one of the same. But if there is no equal balance between the two then there is disorder, just like tug of war. Now you see your mind fighting with your brain. You have the ability to make the conscious decision to react or not to react to your brain's response to your urges or anything else for that matter. I know it's very hard but not impossible. It's just easier to react and give in because there is no effort needed to make any changes for yourself, and that's why you do more wishing but without much effort if any. And that can be said for any problem in life like drug addiction, alcoholism, video game addiction and let alone obsessive compulsive disorder. All of these have something in common and that is building resistance to them. Anyway, hope you like my little analogy of the 'sheriff and the rogue legislator' interesting or at least thought provoking. I'm just some 28 year old guy going through the motions with my own life. My somatic OCD is still there but it's far better than before. See you around.

Since March this year, I have been emotionally invested in a 36-year-old woman residing in Kuala Lumpur. I am a 47-year-old, also in Kuala Lumpur. We're both expats. At the age of 16, she was forcibly married off and became a mother soon after, then divorced; an intense trauma that, according to her, triggered her severe OCD and clinical depression. She has been living on her own in Malaysia for the past ten years. In March, she was put on a high, sedative dosage of Clomipramine (10 pills/day), which was further increased in late April. Initially (during the 10-pill baseline in March/April), our digital communication was highly mutual, fluid, and expressive. She would both reciprocate and initiate despite her medication-induced fatigue and long sleeping hours, even initiating a two-hour phone call. While we could not meet in person due to her prolonged sleep cycles, she warmly welcomed and initiated ideas of meeting up once she felt better. However, following the medication increase in late April, her communication patterns underwent a drastic structural shift. That shift was too obvious to ignore. Rather than directly questioning or pressuring her, I chose to educate myself about OCD in the background. I adjusted to a low-pace check-in style (two to three times a week), to which she would often respond with a very short phrase or a hearting reaction. She would continue to view my stories and posts most of the time. Our medium of communication has always been Facebook and Messenger. While I shared my phone number with her, I never asked for her number back or to connect through other social media platforms, for fear of overwhelming her in her current state of mind. On Mother’s Day, I sent her a greeting. She responded with gratitude, sharing that she unexpectedly had to fly to her crisis-torn home country, a high-stress environment, at the request of her ailing father (I presume to see her before he passes). Recognising the massive escalation in her family stressors, I avoided asking for heavy details but maintained my low-pace check-ins, actively avoiding open-ended questions. As a supporter, I have been closely analysing her reactive patterns, and I have noticed a highly specific coping mechanism that I wanted to get your perspective on, as carers/partners of people with severe or highly medicated OCD: - The Filtered Battery: When she has tiny windows of energy, she will actively engage with, "heart," or briefly respond to concrete, non-threatening, and low-stakes messages (e.g., photos of something I cooked or a bouquet of flowers I bought, or a light joke or poem I’d write for her). - The Open-Ended Freeze: Conversely, she will completely bypass or ignore standard, low-effort, open-ended questions like "How are you doing?" or "What is new with your father?". They are prompts I rarely ask, but thought fit the context of her temporary stay back home. Through learning about OCD, I understand the clinical rationale behind this. To a blunted, exhausted brain, "How are you?" requires immense internal processing and emotional accounting, whereas a photo of food is a safe, bounded boundary that allows a micro-connection without any emotional demand. However, as a non-OCD partner, my "understanding battery" frequently runs flat. My natural logic defaults to expecting basic reciprocation (like a standard, automated "I'm fine, thanks"). When that is missing, my anxious mind naturally compares this current pattern to our early March/April communication style, then distorts the silence into a narrative of "she is just losing interest," rather than "this is a medical freeze." While my overthinking and analysis of this are starting to burn me out, I definitely won’t be externalising this to her. - Is the communication shutdown I am observing a typical presentation of heavy Clomipramine titration/blunting combined with environmental trauma? - How do you advise partners to manage this specific "conflict of logics" without burning out? - Specifically, when an OCD partner relies on hyper-filtering communication to survive a flare-up, how can the healthy partner emotionally distinguish between a clinical shutdown and a genuine romantic retreat?

Housing vs Room Renting The most persistent, harmful, class based myths in U.S. housing culture. Let’s break it down in a way that fits casework, social work, recovery planning, and SDOH frameworks. Why People Equate “Rooming” With Something Being Wrong With You This stigma comes from history, class bias, mental health stereotypes, and outdated housing norms, not from anything about the person choosing shared housing. Below is the real explanation, written in the tone of a CW/SW/Recovery Planning professional. 1. Historical Bias: Rooming Houses Were Once “Poor People Housing” In the early 1900s–1970s, rooming houses were: • Used by low income workers • Used by people with disabilities • Used by people exiting institutions • Used by people without family support Because of this, society built a classist association: “People who rent rooms must be struggling.” This stigma stuck — even though the economy of 2026 makes rooming a normal, rational choice. 2. Mental Health Stigma Got Attached to Rooming Houses When states closed psychiatric hospitals (1960s–1990s), many people with mental illness were discharged into: • Rooming houses • Boarding homes • Shared living • Adult care homes This created a false stereotype: “Rooming houses = mental health or behavioral issues.” In reality, most people in shared housing today are working adults, students, or people priced out of the rental market. 3. Boarding Houses Used to Be Poorly Regulated Some older boarding homes were: • Overcrowded • Unsafe • Run by slumlords • Used as last resort housing This created a public perception that “rooming = unsafe or unstable.” Modern shared housing (PadSplit, Bungalow, SpareRoom, etc.) is nothing like that, but the stigma lingers. 4. Classism: Americans Equate “Success” With Living Alone There is a deeply American cultural belief: “If you’re doing well, you live alone in your own apartment.” This is not global, and it’s not realistic in 2026. Shared housing is normal in: • Europe • Asia • Latin America • Australia • Canada But in the U.S., people still cling to the idea that “independence = solo living,” even though: • Rent is at historic highs • Wages have not kept up • Inflation is real • Housing supply is limited So when someone chooses shared housing, people assume: “They must be struggling.” When in reality, they’re being financially smart. 5. People Don’t Understand Functional Independence For SSI/SSDI/DDI individuals, the public often assumes: • “If you don’t live alone, you must need supervision.” • “If you rent a room, you must have limitations.” This is incorrect. Many people with disabilities: • Prefer community • Prefer not to live alone • Prefer affordability • Prefer safety • Prefer predictable costs • Prefer companionship Shared housing is independent living, not “supervised living.” 6. People Forget That Humans Are Social Creatures Some people choose shared housing because: • They don’t want to be isolated • They want community • They want safety • They want companionship • They want to avoid loneliness • They want to share responsibilities But society frames it as: “You can’t live alone.” Instead of: “You prefer not to live alone.” 7. The 2026 Economic Crisis Changed Housing; But Culture Hasn’t Caught Up In 2026: • Rent is up 30–60% in many regions • Utilities are expensive • Groceries are expensive • Wages are stagnant • Affordable housing is scarce • Developers build luxury units, not workforce housing Shared housing is now: • Normal • Practical • Financially wise • Emotionally healthier for many people But people still judge based on old norms. 8. Stigma = Projection, Not Reality When someone says: • “Why are you renting a room?” • “What’s wrong?” • “Is it a boarding house?” • “Is it for mental health people?” They are revealing: • Their class bias • Their outdated worldview • Their lack of understanding of modern housing • Their discomfort with economic reality It has nothing to do with the person renting the room. 9. The Social Work / Casework Reframe Here’s how we frame it professionally: Rooming = Independent living with shared resources. Boarding = Structured living with meals or services. Group Home = Staffed, regulated care environment. Shared Housing = Community based, cost effective, independent living. None of these imply: • Mental illness • Behavioral issues • Instability • Inability to live alone They simply reflect different housing models. 10. The Recovery Planning Reframe Shared housing can actually support recovery because it provides: • Community • Accountability • Reduced isolation • Predictable costs • Safety • Stability • Social connection Isolation is a risk factor for: • Depression • Relapse • Anxiety • Functional decline Shared housing can be a protective factor. Bottom Line People equate rooming with “something wrong” because of: • Outdated stereotypes • Classism • Mental health stigma • Historical misuse of boarding houses • Cultural pressure to live alone • Ignorance of 2026 economic reality But the truth is: Shared housing is normal, smart, safe, and often healthier — especially in today’s economy. It is NOT a sign of dysfunction. It is a sign of adaptation.

Hi guys! I was doing so much better I feel like to the point where I thought the ocd completely went away and then my anxiety came back a bit and then I got my first period coming off birth control which REALLY messed my head up. I am someone whose always felt a little rigid in sexuality (I believe sexuality is a spectrum for most people and not uncommon in women it’s ok if you disagree) but I’m someone who developed a fear over the fact that I can sometimes have attraction to women or think they’re hot or whatever. For me it’s always just been sexual and I’ve never done anything in real life, I don’t love labels but I’d say I’m bi-curious maybe bisexual maybe just somewhere on the spectrum or straight i don’t know and I don’t care! I started having a fear that because I can get aroused by women sometimes it cancels out all my feelings or sexual,romantic or any feelings I’ve had for men my entire life. I was even trying to think about how I started liking these men, and I was like does it really matter how you started or just the fact that you did like these men, it doesn’t matter how it started or how you met. I just struggle with intrusive thoughts sometimes of “you’re lying to yourself” when deep down I know I’m not, I’ve always been aware my arousal can be flexible, which is not uncommon and if you’re also going through something similar just know that it’s truly not uncommon and normal in human sexuality. I guess sometimes I just need to remind myself things can coexist? I don’t have bi-phobia, I definitely did earlier in life when I realized I sometimes have attraction to women physically. I became perfectly ok with myself feeling rigid and then a fear came on that I was lying to myself completely, when in reality things can coexist and u can experience different forms of arousal and it doesn’t have to change how you identify. You could call me bi, bi-curious, straight mostly, or even heteroflexible, and I’m fine with all of those. I had a fear that since I find women attractive from time to time or whatever, it cancels out my feelings for men, which is NOT true! I guess this isn’t really asking for advice, just sharing my thoughts and story. Maybe this will help someone else out. It helped me even just to type it, because sometimes my ocd makes me feel crazy! I wish you all well

Hi I honestly don’t know if this is p behavior but it seems like it to me since my character is dressed as Maddy from euphoria and in my head it’s like I want to look good for myself or other guys Also I’m on Roblox playing this game and I was playing this asylum game and this dude was a guard and I was this mental patient being crazy and I liked the way we played and I liked being near him he added me on Roblox and I added him back and I’m worried if I’m a pedo for that because I don’t know his age and I kept going back to him because I felt good around him or in love this is probably ridiculous but at least my chat is disabled because of the p worries like I can’t talk to nobody on chat but it still worries me Because of course this is p behavior Roblox is filled with kids why would I want attention and compliments?

I am now at a place where my ocd fears are so much easier to manage since doing ERP and am on the right medication. I have been feeling so much happier although I now find myself constantly thinking about how I was approx 40 years ago ,before knowing that I had ocd. I feel so guilty of all the things I did for reassurance which I now know were testing compulsions. I ended up having a mental breakdown and I worry how all of this and the testing compulsions which were all based around my children could have affected them.as I wasnt diagnosed until 25 years ago They do not remember any of it, and I never ever harmed them or anyone else although as some of the horrible compulsions involved them I am getting into a bit of a state over this. I find myself wanting to tell them everything about the things I did , but cant as they dont remember I feel it would be unfair as it obviously had no impact on them, and it would probably be me just to make myself feel a bit better, is this just another kind of compulsion? i Am I thinking too much into this as I myself was so traumitised at the time. Please help me if you can as I have been so happy that I am now managing my ocd and I have had this horrible thing for 50 plus years , thank you for listtening

I made an account on an app named“I am not Saint Joan”. Do you guys think that’s offensive or disrespectful to her? I have religious OCD but I love religious imagery and theology and saints and all of it. But I’m scared it’s offensive or disrespectful to her. What do you guys think? I really like the name.

I have hocd and when I was going through my old songs from 2020, I saw that I had this inappropriate song called slumber party by ashnikko in my likes and it’s making me worry because I was a child listening to that song and I didn’t even know what that song meant nor did I even know that wlw relationships existed until I got older. I recall only listening to that song because it was trending on tiktok at the time and i thought of it as a “confidence booster”. I looked this song up on tiktok and saw everyone saying how this song was their gay awakening and how the straight women are in denial if they listen to it. I’ve always been into boys and seeing those comments on tiktok confused me because does this mean that I am secretly gay and had no idea? I keep going back and trying to remember what I was thinking about in the exact moment and now I’ve scared myself into believing that I was thinking about me and another women and now I don’t know if it’s true or not. Is this also a sign of false memories?

When you get this badge NOCD invites you to look back on the changes you’ve noticed on your recovery journey and share them with our community. I want to share some things I’ve learned. I guess the change I want to share is I’ve done and am doing the hard things and can offer advice now rather than feeling hopeless alone scared and lost. I’m glad I’m still here if I’m brutally honest because at first I didn’t know what was going on and just knew I couldn’t continue to live like that. So thank you me, NOCD, this community, my wife and daughter, etc. First, you’re the expert on you - you’re the only one inside your body who knows what’s going on inside you - so advocate for yourself. I know trusting yourself at first feels impossible and with OCD is more complicated but it is a process so as you grow more confident know that you can change your therapist by contacting member advocates, your hierarchy - talk with your therapist, seek recovery information in support groups etc, medication under a provider’s guidance may need adjusting too. I thought these things were set in stone for a while but they’re dynamic and can change throughout the process just like you do. Second, when you reach conqueror status you’re going to have a lot of feelings and questions about it. For instance, I think we’re afraid sometimes to say feeling nervous about a big change is normal because we care about and don’t want to reassure each other. However I think it’s not ocd when it’s a normal thing to be nervous about, it’s human and it is a big change. OCD can latch onto it like anything else but being nervous isn’t always OCD. Remember to live in the gray not black and white. Third, living the B- (good enough not OCD perfect) ERP lifestyle is good for future you and to continue all the progress you’re making here. So when it gets hard ask yourself “is it worth facing the fear for you?” And I hope that answer is yes. I have come to think of it as a way of taking care of myself now as weird as it sounds (facing the fear). And therapists don’t all get trained in ACT but utilize the blog posts here like: https://www.treatmyocd.com/search/Value Because in my opinion ERP in it’s own without the values over fears piece is like climbing Mt. Everest without any climbing gear or a coat. Find your why for doing ERP. it helps you choose your values over your fears on those really tough daeys It’s been hard 2 take in this badge. I know it’s an accomplishment and I’m proud of myself. The reality is I’m having a bit of a spike this week so of course OCD has something to say about the truth and validity of this. It’s a little hard to take in also because I’m getting used to a new autism adhd late diagnosis and life stresses. But to myself and all of us I want to say congrats and keep up doing the hard work! “It’s a beautiful day to do hard things.” (Kimberly Quinlan) and like I learned from Mackenzie and Alex in support groups “you got this.”

A year ago I went to a portable potty downtown and I used the toilet paper 🧻 in there. A couple months later or days later can’t remember. My friend was like “I would never use a portable potty or the toilet paper in there. Have you heard about the drug addicts cleaning their needles by poking it in the toilet paper and now a year later it came up again because I masturbated the day before and went to work the next day and as I was using the restroom it hit me what if when I got up and put my pants back on some flung on to the toilet paper next to me. Now I’m thinking great everyone who used the paper is now infected with an std or something bc I MIGHT have std from the day I went to the porta potty a year ago. I feel so alone and lost and anxious and scared. I feel like I’m the only one with this specific scenario. Can I even get infected like that?

I've been dealing with OCD for a while, and about 3-4 months into my current relationship (we've been together 7 months total), my theme shifted in a really distressing way. What triggered it: My sister jokingly called me "gay" during a phone call. I know it sounds minor, but it sent me spiraling. I started getting intrusive thoughts about my sexual orientation, which then brought up traumatic memories from childhood when I was sexually abused by older boys in my neighborhood. More recently, I was watching an interview to try to cope with and process some of that trauma. The guest mentioned that he was gay but married to a woman, and said he could still orgasm fine with her — and now my OCD has completely latched onto that. It's been feeding my intrusive thoughts and sending me into a new spiral, even though I was just trying to help myself heal. Since then, I've been stuck in this cycle: - Constant intrusive thoughts and "false memories" that feel incredibly real - Severe performance anxiety with my girlfriend - Fear that I'll get flashbacks during intimacy - Ruminating over past experiences (including inappropriate situations when I was 11–12 that I now question endlessly) - I went from being confident in bed to finishing too quickly because I'm completely in my head For context: I was in a 10-year relationship with a woman before this and never had any issues with attraction or performance. I know my orientation — this is 100% OCD intrusive thoughts, not genuine questioning. I'm currently on SSRIs and SARIs plus L-arginine and L-citrulline. The meds helped initially with physical symptoms, but now I feel like my body's adjusted and the anxiety is back in full force. I'm so embarrassed and don't know what to do. Should I: - Find a specific type of therapist? (ERP? Trauma-focused?) - Is this even pure OCD or something else given the real childhood trauma? Has anyone dealt with sexual orientation intrusive thoughts combined with actual childhood trauma? How did you work through it? **Please don't tell me to "explore my sexuality" or suggest I might be gay — I'm asking for help with OCD intrusive thoughts, not questioning my orientation.**

We’re supposed to accept the intrusive thoughts and carry on regardless without doing anything to reassure ourselves but how do you deal with the feeling that you’re in denial, burying your head in the sand when you don’t do the compulsion ? This is what I struggle with most.