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Can anyone who has dealt with pocd/harm ocd tell me if it ever gets better? I don’t even trust myself anymore and I’m so tired of it.

I hugged my daughter. While hugging her, my chest brushed against hers. I didn’t repeat the movement, but I panicked right after and backed away. I felt a wave of fear, guilt, and shame. Then I started spiraling with thoughts like, “What if that was intentional?” or “What if I wanted it to happen just a little and didn’t think of the consequences in the moment?” I didn’t feel pleasure, but I felt completely consumed by guilt and anxiety afterward. I’m scared that maybe I had a slight intention or didn't stop fast enough, and now I can’t stop questioning what it meant or what it says about me. I’m trying to figure out if this was just OCD or something worse. I feel terrified and unsure, and I just want to be a good mom.

In Harm OCD, do you feel uncertain about your values because your intrusive thoughts questioned them so much? Earlier, I felt horrified whenever these thoughts popped up because I knew they were against my values. But over the past few months, I’ve had so many intrusive thoughts that questioned why I should believe my values. And that questioned if it really matters if I believe my values. Now I’m not sure if it’s OCD anymore because when I think about what my values are I’m really confused and not sure anymore. And if I think whether I would act on my thoughts I’m not sure and I don’t have an answer and I don’t feel horrified. Has anyone experienced this? I’m really concerned that it’s getting worse

so my dad is Jewish and my mom is Christian. I used to go to Hebrew school when I was younger, but recently I started going to church and becoming a Christian and turning to Jesus and when I recently got diagnosed with OCD a couple months ago I had really really bad religious OCD. I had very disrespectful thoughts about Jesusand God, but mainly Jesus. and I had very disturbing thoughts about Jesus that made me avoid a lot of things, but I know that’s making the OCD worse. I’m doing erp currently my religious OCD has honestly gone away. I’ve dealt with it. I am managing it but ever since I’ve had religious OCD and had disturbing and disrespectful thoughts about God in Jesus mainly Jesus, I’ve felt a awkward distance between me, God and Jesus and it just feels like I’m going to hell and they don’t love me anymore and I haven’t felt the same presence from God ever since I’ve had religious OCD and I’ve had some situations that I felt like I blasphemy the Holy Spirit and I committed blasphemy and I just feel like God really doesn’t love me anymore and I’m done for i’ve kind of been numb to it so it’s not really bothering me, but I want a better relationship with God and Jesus it just feels like they don’t love me anymore. Has anyone else gone through this? and I’ve had situations where I felt like I was very disrespectful and mocked God and Jesus, but mainly Jesus. And i freaked out for days didn’t feel like myself repented multiple times pretty sure this is just religious OCD but seriously I have not felt the same with my relationship with God and Jesus. OCD has really really affected my life and it sucks. I’m going through Harm OCD right now. So religious OCD has kinda gone away but I just want a better relationship with God and Jesus sorry this text is so long. Has anyone else gone through this?

Anyone have any advice for dating with OCD? Specifically the more taboo themes like POCD, incest ocd zoophilia ocd, harm ocd etc. I’ve never really dated in my life and the thought of approaching these conversations with people not in the ocd community is kind of scary

It has to be the most frustrating thing in the world. My OCD is mainly about doing physical compulsions in order to make sure that nothing bad happens to myself or my loved ones The really annoying thing is that by doing these compusions a bad thing is already happening because it absolutely dominates my life and stops me from living properly I've tried ERP and it didn't help

I’ve been gone for about a month, mostly because I kept seeing messages on here that felt super anxiety-inducing and not understanding of OCD at all. Honestly, it got to the point where I started getting nervous to even open the app. Lately, I’ve been stuck in this OCD loop that I think might be moral scrupulosity or something like that. I’ve been dealing with this thing where I feel like I have to “challenge” stuff mentally or verbally, like if I don’t say something out loud, it feels super uncomfortable. And the thoughts are about heavy stuff, like assault or deportation or just really morally loaded topics. My brain starts picking everything apart. It’s like I have to look at things fairly, and then I get trapped in all these little technicalities. For example, if someone gets assaulted, my brain fixates on stuff like “what was she wearing”even though I know how harmful that line of thinking is. That is exactly the kind of thing my mind zooms in on. It happens with a bunch of topics too, not just that. I feel like I have to give the benefit of the doubt to the aggressor or see “both sides,” and then I end up doubting the victim. And the worst part is, it feels like I truly believe these devil’s advocate thoughts. It feels so real. It’s like I become convinced that the victim might be lying or that there’s some justification for the harm, and I don’t like it. This even happens with my boyfriend and especially his family. I’ll catch my brain flipping narratives or making me question people I trust. this has been a “habit”for as long as I can remember but now it’s happening so much more. I cannot stop doubting. It feels like I’m siding with people who I should have no doubts to be against. I don’t know what to do or what kind of ERP would work for this. I don’t know how to change this. It’s been apart of me so long, it simply feels like me.

i haven’t talked to anyone about this, not my therapist, not my girlfriend, not my parents, but these days i find myself thinking about just ending it all. i wouldn’t actually do it, i’m too scared to, but sometimes it feels like that’s the only way out, the only solution. i feel so wrong, like everything about me is wrong, and i can’t find it in myself to believe i’m worth living. i need to know if it gets better. i’m 20 years old and have spent the vast majority of my teenage years in therapy. i can’t stop feeling like i need to confess everything, especially to my girlfriend. obviously i try to resist the urge to but the mental battles are exhausting. every time something is even slightly wrong, i feel like i can’t i breathe. whenever i’m trying to distract myself, whenever i’m busy, all i can think about is everything i’m doing wrong. how can i possibly live life to the fullest if this is how i am?

I have been stuck for 2 months now. I have so much consuming anxiety all day everyday. I can’t take these thoughts and feelings. I took leave at work because I couldn’t even function there. Everyday I wake up in the same nightmare. I tried therapy last month and felt like we got no where. My family is just fed up with me and keeps saying I’m not trying to help myself. It’s feels like this is never going to end. I feel paralyzed, if I’m not doing a compulsion it feels like my thoughts might happen. I wish there was somewhere I could go right now to get the help I need. Ocd is so hard and idk how to stop this endless loop. Now that I’m not working I’m home all day everyday. I’ve reached out to Rogers for residential treatment, waiting for a response. Can anyone relate to feeling this way. It’s 24/7 for me and I’m so terrified my life will be like this forever….

Hello. I joined this app because I realised my experiences might be due to OCD. I often have these really disgusting and terrible pictures of me becoming someone horrible, doing horrible things to others. These ideas really disturb me, and often in my mind, and physically sometimes, I literally scream quitely to myself, "Shut up!" Over and over until the image goes away, but unless I distract myself with something else immediately after, it comes back and gets worse. I also end up looking back on these thoughts, and being terrified that maybe I am thinking of this because it is what I truly want, so I end up desperately trying to filter my thoughts, and this ends up carrying into something like SO-OCD, even though I am confident that I am a straight male, and there is no evidence that I am not, I keep trying to prove to myself that I am straight to make the thought go away. I also get the fear that after I maybe do something and say something I know I maybe shouldn't have to someone, that when they leave, or I can't find them for a bit, they have gone to commit suicide. Likewise, I also get intrusive thoughts of me killing myself, even though I have no desire to, and this scares me a lot as well. I used to occasionally get these thoughts in chunks like maybe for 2 weeks and then I wouldn't for another few weeks, but they have gotten worse and more frequent this past semester. They are still not bad enough to actively effect my daily life and routine, but they definitely come frequently enough to distract me, disrupt what I'm doing and make me take a break, and it has dramatically effected my mood and mental state lately. Do you guys recommend any ways to deal with this, is this really severe enough to even call OCD? Would love to hear, thanks! ❤️

How do you tell friends and family about ocd? Like it makes me so anxious and I feel like such a terrible person. A lot of my intrusive thoughts are on my kids. And I hate every single thing that comes into my head.

I feel like I m*lested my brother in his sleep because I was thinking if me touching his area disgusted me and I’m trying to remember if I got up and touched him but I don’t remember I was laying down I asked my brother if I did anything he said no but how would he know he was sleeping? It’s like what if I did something that I don’t remember?

Like your life is coming to an end and you just can’t keep going because no matter what you are alone and nothing works out except a minor few. Like what is the point of being here if no one even cares about you and just uses you to their advantage. I’m done. I fucking hate this world and all the people living in it.

Before I start this let me preface with this: My dad was abusive and would scream and hit me. Me and my girlfriend just came back yesterday from a long trip in the Bay, surrounded by family and getting little to no sleep, even before we went to the Bay. I had work today, a long, stressful shift. I come home and find out that not 1, but 3 of her friends are spending the night. This would be fine but they are spending the night in our small, hot, stuffy room, on the second bed. I am getting so upset. I feel like I havent had a break at all from people and I'm getting so overstimulated and angry at myself. I keep getting the visions and compulsions of screaming at them like my dad would or straight up just snapping at them. It's all in my head. There's just a pit of rage in my stomach. I don't want to hurt them but my brain wants me too. I'm so mad at myself for even thinking about this. If it wasn't 100 degrees I would have taken a walk but the heat just stresses me even more. I don't want to be my dad. Ever. He always told me that I got the darker part of his brain and inherited his mindscape, and he always said it with pride and I feel so upset.

Has anyone had horrific experiences with seeing a psychiatrist? This past week I had my initial appointment with a new psychiatrist. When we approached the topic of my prior OCD diagnosis, she asked me what it looks like. I told her all about my ROCD and harm OCD. At the end when we went over what she was diagnosing me with, she said that all of the OCD examples I gave her but one just sounded like generalized anxiety. The one she agreed on she said was “classic OCD behavior”. I talked the whole interaction over with my therapist and we approached the situation of if I should switch or if I could use this opportunity to push this psychiatrist to learn more about OCD and that compulsions aren’t just strictly external. After some deep thought I came to the conclusion that if I can help advocate for myself and potentially help someone not experience the same dismissal it would be worth it. Has anyone else had a situation where they felt dismissed or not seen by a psychiatrist? Did you stay with that provider and advocate for yourself? I would love to hear others experiences and any advice you may have when advocating for myself. PS I don’t believe her bc she didn’t do any sort of assessment on me and just made that assumption based off “what my OCD looks like”.

How do people with ROCD deal with the guilt? I recently started ERP but feel so guilty sometimes when I talk to him or think about him knowing I’m stuck dealing with these thoughts. It hurts me so bad because I love him more than anything in the world but my OCD keeps trying to make me think of leaving him or hurting him.

Anybody else struggling with harm OCD?? Father here, mainly goes for my wife and son. It’s been very debilitating. Just started with nocd, anybody going through the same thing or has gotten better??

I’m a teacher, and for the last two school breaks, my harm OCD spikes regarding my girlfriend. The first one was winter break (It came back after three years), and when I was recovering, it came back in the beginning of June. Just out of nowhere. Even though I know it’s OCD, it still scares the hell out of me and I spiral for weeks and weeks. Does anyone else have spikes and relapses when there are breaks in your routine?

I'm so afraid of getting sick that I feel like I'd rather be dead than be sick. It's not true. I love myself and I love life and it's confusing for every therapist I meet because I love my life and life in general beyond belief. And I'm so in love with myself. I'm obviously not perfect but my body is beautiful and my mind is beautiful but if I'm sick I'd rather kill it and end the suffering as soon as possible. I'm sorry if this is too graphic for this app but I vant even take the medicine I was prescribed to deal with ocd because I'm afraid of nausea side effects. My body wants to live and my heart wants to live but my head wants to die. :(

About 2 months ago, I sliced my arm so deep in an attempt to make this all go away.. as there was blood spurting like everywhere my life flashed before my eyes and I could hear my parents laughing in the room beside me. I started screaming for help as my eyes flooded with tears. How could their little girl do that to herself?? I was able to get to the ER and have my arm stitched up.. making my attempt a fail. But I’m so scared. I don’t want to do something like that again. I’ve never seen my parents cry except for then. The fear in their eyes haunts me up to this day. But that’s the only thing that relieves my pain. Can someone help or relate to this ???