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I've started struggled with debilitating anxiety for so long it's hard to pinpoint where it stared. I've racked up a laundry list of diagnoses but always felt like nothing has really helped treatmentwise. In my recent spiral I was watching a YouTuber I've followed for years who has been very open about their experience with OCD. In the beginning of watching this person. While I had related to some things they said like specifically about anxiety, nothing ever made me think 'oh maybe I have OCD.' in fact in a way it reassur d me I didn't because my struggles seemed very different to theirs. Then they spoke about 'bad thoughts'' and the compulsion to turn them into 'good thoughts.' when they said that I felt so seen, and figured maybe I have some OCD tendencies. So I decided I would do some research into OCD and getting diagnostic criteria/ common obsessions and compulsions, and the second one on the first list was "worried about getting HIV and transmitting it to others" and it was like a switch went of in my brain and I remembered how I spent 2 years convinced a low risk sexual encounter in which protection was used definitely have me HIV, and how I constantly was looking up information about HIV, tests, prevention, clinical presentations. I got multiple STD tests and even when I started to logically understand it wasn't a real risk for me, I couldn't break the anxious cycle. The only thing that stopped I was after the time period passed where infections are detectable (2 years). And then I started putting everything in that context, months on end I spent unbelievably anxious about climate change and obsessively searching up statistics, the multiple times and admittedly stressful event occurs (job insecurity, visa applications, COVID forcing me and my partner into long distance) that would be so all consuming that every other aspect of my life feels on back burner to this one thought. How no logic, no explanation, no amount of time telling myself it is okay, it will be okay and that the outcomes of my stressors do have options/ ways forward, would stop the anxious spiral. I'm also thinking about how often, when I shared my anxiety, it was met with such response as "everyone is anxious about some things" or "well that is a stressful event so some anxiety is normal." I know that no one meant anything bad but this, but it also contributed to the shame and doubt to a degree, I didn't know how to explain how I felt, that is wasn't just anxious thoughts every so often, that is was a constant barrage from the moment I'm awake to the point I exhausted myself enough to sleep. Sharing this felt especially hard considering that it wasn't logical to feel how I was feeling. I don't know what I want to achieve with this post but the more i heard about people's specific experiences and personal obsessions and compulsions helped me to recognise those patterns in my own life so maybe just talking about it is helpful

i live in a multi generational style home with my partner's parents, my partner, his sister, her husband and their 2 year old. we have separate bathrooms and when I moved in, the house was filthy. not just contamination filthy, more like no one has picked up a cleaning tool in years. I had to deep clean caked pee and dust from behind our toilet and walls. there was expired shampoo bottles from 2014 with mold on them. The bathtub was black with grime. like someone cleaned off motor oils off themselves. but really it was just soap scum mixed with years of dirt and human grime. I spent days cleaning the bath tub with multiple scrubs, using power tool brush heads and even a high pressure steamer. i finally got it to the point to where i felt clean to be in there. i did not clean their bathroom because doing mine was hard enough and I never planned to use theirs. they came home from their month long vacation and decided they no longer liked the state of their own bathroom and decided to use mine. They said their tub had black grime and did not want to bathe their baby in it. that grime was there in all of the tubs when they left and it didn't seem to bother them before? i know babies pee in the tub, its a natural reaction that I don't fault. i have a strict no pee in the shower rule. i can immediately tell when people are shower pee people when i use someone else's shower because the smell permeates from the bottom of the shower curtain and the shower drain. Now i am laying awake unable to sleep thinking about how i will need to scrub the tub in the morning and put the shower curtain in the wash (cuz it touched the pee water) before i can shower and start my day. they also left a huge mess of water on the floor with redish mud? i dont know but i had to clean that up before it settled. i want to set a boundary that they clean and use their own tub from now on, but I am worried I will be perceived as precious, rude, insensitive or unaccommodating they also dont know about my OCD and I am sure they already think of me as a bit off, it doesnt feel safe to disclose it to them. i cant lay awake every night upset and i cant start everyday with a deep clean. my shower and my bed are my non negotiables with OCD habits. they also put a bunch of amazon packages on my bed when i wasnt home that didnt even belong to me and i cant stop thinking about all the dirty things those boxes touched before touching my newly cleaned sheets. so i also have to deep clean that in the morning. currently i am in the one corner of the bed nothing touched and i have sanitized the rest but not enough to sleep well. help!! this cant just be an ocd problem, but an inconsiderate family member i have to learn to live with. any tips? ALSO my husband is gone on a work trip, leaving me to have to figure this out on my own if I want to survive the week without him. its extra hard because i feel like i have less of a say since this is not my family home.

yesterday morning i was fapping and semen dropped on the floor. i removed most of it with a kitchen towel cleaned it with a lot of amount of Disinfectant Anti-Germs (it says it kills 99% bacteria) then today one hour ago i poured a lot of the pink substance called ethyl alcohol without rubbing anything, i let it sit on the floor. but half hour later my father brought lunch and we ate together, then came to inspect that room. i put kitchen towel on the alcohol on the floor and told him to avoid stepping on it. but then he did and the kitchen towel came off from his shoes. what are the chances that semen germs got attached to his shoes? because he walked with those shoes on the elevator and in the city. im terrified of microscopic semen cells spreading in the city, i'm terrified that it could get in contact with an innocent trigger, the chance of it happening, or the fact that it is out there even as a microscopic dust deeply causes me anxiety. i googled and it says that semen cannot survive more than 5 minutes exposed to air, and that alcohol literally destroys the cell, but microscopic harmless not biologically residue of dead sperm can still exist, and im terrified of this. im terrified that it got attached to my father's shoes. if it were possible i would literally scrub every surface of my condominium, the elevator and the entire city.

I feel so beat down by life. My boyfriend lost his job in June. Luckily he got a job and started it mid September but money is still super tight and has been and it’s been a huge stressor. On top of that all my cats have ring worm and well as my boyfriend and I so now I’m obsessing over ringworm and I’m constantly scared to touch myself and spread it but because I’m always thinking about it I’m always itchy. I also have a medical issue going on. I just was eating corn and there was mold on it and now I’m disgusted. We have basically no food. I’m fucking tired and stressed and I have my school work and I’m working full time. Life is just rough right now and I’m struggling to deal with it and I don’t know who to talk to because I don’t want to talk about it too much with my boyfriend and annoy him with it because I also know he’s stressed too and I just want a break that I feel like is never coming. Thanks for reading. Any help is always welcome.

Hello, I'm a student from China. I've been struggling with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) for several months, and I want to talk about my situation. I wonder if any of you have dogs—my problem is related to dogs. At first, I was worried about whether a dog had licked me and if I would get rabies and die. Then it generalized to walking my dog outside: I’d fear that the dog might lick someone else and cause their death. Now, I have obsessive thoughts about whether I accidentally let a dog lick someone in the past, and what I’d do if that person died. These thoughts pop up from time to time. Because of this, I’m afraid to touch dogs, and I even dare not take my dog out for walks. I want to receive CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) treatment, but there are no professional doctors who provide psychological treatment in my area—almost all available options are medication-based. What should I do?

OCD has been in my life since 2019, and I have no idea how to get rid of it. Everything started when I was 14. I had just started high school, and when I walked into the classroom, I was trying to figure out the atmosphere there. I was a very quiet kid in high school. I usually hated my skin, so I would wear my cardigan in a way that covered my hands and listened to lessons with my hand on my face. A few weeks later, people started insulting me, hitting me, and verbally harassing me. The bullying got worse, and from then on, I started bottling everything up. At that time, I cared too much about what people thought, and I began to believe others would harm me. Because of these thoughts and fears, I failed around 8–9 classes. In 2020, when the pandemic started, classes went online. I hated it, but I was happy because I wouldn’t have to see those people again—at least until I lost my grandmother. She passed away due to COVID, and that pushed me really far down. Back then, I had an edit account on Instagram. I loved making edits and I had friends I really liked. Talking with them made me so happy, but over time, their behavior toward me changed. They turned into completely different people I no longer recognized. They became horrible, and all of this happened just because I replied late to their messages. I wasn’t always online—I’m human too. They added me to groups, threatened me, and sent me awful messages. I began to hate myself more and more. Around that time, I also started becoming paranoid about people. When I met someone new, I approached them with fear, and this dragged me down further. For almost a year and a half, both online and in real life, I developed prejudice against people. This prejudice was mostly fear—fear and prejudice made me antisocial. When the pandemic ended, in 2022–2023, I had to do an internship in a place and a job I absolutely hated and couldn’t manage. The people there constantly mocked me, which pushed me down even more. I didn’t know how to deal with these situations because I was alone. I did the internship for about two and a half months, and when 2023 came, all the traumas and obsessions echoed in my mind. I felt terrible because of the disgusting events I had experienced. It felt like my brain had completely shut down. By January 2023, I was in an unbearable state. When I walked into the classroom, my teacher noticed something was wrong and started asking me questions. I immediately burst into tears and told her, “I hate myself.” At that time, the students in the back were making a lot of noise, so they couldn’t hear me. My teacher said, “Don’t turn around so they won’t see—come with me,” and took me to the teachers’ room. I told her everything, and I think I respect myself for that. But at the same time, my orientation felt like a burden on my shoulders, because I felt pressure from my family—as if I was supposed to meet a girl and start a relationship. I explained all the pressures, my obsessions, everything from beginning to end. She guided me and supported me. Almost all of my teachers supported me, and my prejudice toward people completely disappeared. Back then, I really thought I had beaten OCD. But in the following years, it came back stronger. I started hating my body. I took too many showers. The traumas replayed in my mind over and over. The more I tried to erase them, the more I thought about them—and I wasn’t the one controlling it. I couldn’t. When I do something, I often repeat it 4 or 5 times. I can’t pass through doors. I can’t touch certain objects. Even when I play games on my phone, I feel like I have to choose a character, but I keep choosing and canceling again and again. It repeats endlessly, and I can’t stop it. It feels like everything that once made me happy just disappears in front of my eyes, and I’m still fighting this. My family, my sister, my aunts, and my past teachers have supported me, but I feel like I’m disappointing them. That makes me feel terrible. On this site, I see so many people sharing their struggles with OCD, and knowing I’m not alone makes me both sad and, at the same time, a little happy. I just wanted to express myself this way. There are still things I couldn’t write—I really want to—but my thoughts exhaust me so much that I can’t.

so one of my biggest struggles lately is that my OCD has gotten significantly worse, and i’ve been seeing a psychiatrist and going through medication management for this as well. my only issue is that i have tried like 6 different anxiety meds or ssri’s now in the past couple of months because everytime i start one, i start having severe panic attacks and have to stop due to spiraling thoughts. it started with paxil(paroxetine) i started that first on the lowest dose, took it around 11pm just to wake up around 5am pupils so big you couldn’t see the color of my eyes, extreme tremors, dizziness so bad i couldn’t stand up and nausea. i went to the hospital because one of my biggest fears is serotonin syndrome, having seizures, all that because a LOT of my OCD is health based. they treated me like i was a crazy person in the ER, just gave me 2 strong Benadryl and hardly checked on me as i sat there shaking, crying, eyes wide open you’d think i saw a ghost. i felt so neglected. every since then when i try new medication, i have what i THINK is just panic attacks from thought spirals but i can’t tell what’s real and what’s not now. i can’t tell if it’s just OCD and my body mimicking those symptoms because of anxiety, or if im having a bad reaction again. it’s made trial and error with medication so exhausting and really really emotional. i haven’t cried this much in a month since i was maybe 17, and im 22 now. i don’t know what to do or how to continue medication management when i can’t tell what’s real and what’s not.

17+ only. :/ — My siblings have contamination OCD and i have shared bathroom with them, that they won’t use anymore, because my bf used it, and now they treat me and him like we have a disease and it’s so dehumanizing. This happened two days ago, After me and my bf showered together, I went downstairs to get a drink because I was really thirsty, and on my way back upstairs, i saw my sister and smiled at her and was about to talk to her, but she ignored me and she stepped away from me and put her hands up, then looked away, and like curled her lips inwards? and i was confused but as I went past her she kept getting moving to make sure she was far away as i was going past her. And this really pissed me off and hurt my feelings. She was really rude about it. Now I was told by my mom that even my brother won’t use it anymore either because of my bf, but my BF is the cleanest person to exist. and he openly admits it but they don’t care. I don’t feel bad because they are so rude about it and especially my sister is rude to my bf for no reason

So does anybody ever have moments where something happens and it triggers anxiety and they can't choose whether they should or shouldn't confess to others about it? I was talking with a friend and I noticed that saliva flew out of my mouth and looked like it got into food and I wanted to say something but I just couldn't get passed whether I should or not because of the anxiety and then I ended up not saying anything and I feel awful about it. Then an insect flew into my side of the food and I ate it anyway because I really didn't want it to go to waste.

i’ve been missing working out a lot. decided it was time, got a lot of courage. i go to my tiny apartment gym, in the past there’s been 3 people in it maximum. i figured i could handle that without wearing a mask. big mistake. when i came in it looked like there was 2 people, then after my time on the treadmill i saw a 3rd. then i went to the second room to get a foam roller and there were 2 more people. i started feeling nauseous while i was foam rolling. then 2 more people walked in. i left, cried walking up the stairs back to my apartment. this is the most unknown people’s air i’ve exposed myself to in a long time, during a peak covid wave. right now it’s 1 in 21 people in texas. that’s a 30% chance someone in that room had covid recently and could still be contagious. what the fuck is wrong with me? why would i risk my health like that? truly hoping and praying everything will be fine and that i don’t show symptoms over the next couple of days. but it’s all im going to be thinking about until those days pass. fuck.

I am scared of kissing bugs and the Chagas Disease, I know it's been around but it was something that I personally didn't know. Now that I do it's like bed bugs all over again but way worse. I'm so scared I'm infected, or that I will, or the bugs get worse, or I kill one in accident and I then get infected. So many things that I'm just scared of

Everything is filthy and it’s because of me. So I’ve(16m)been kind of getting better at handling my cocd but recently I was in bed and had a ‘physical reaction’ I won’t delve deeper into that and my fear revolves around bodily fluids so this is obviously something that would trigger it but I tried to just sit with it and just told myself ‘ok I’ll just washed my covers then’ and I take the covers off and to my horror my mattress is discolored and idk why I use a protector on it but I guess only a few years ago. There’s like discoloration on the top and yellow discoloration on the side and the side that touches the wall has black discoloration and I’m just so disgusted. But I go wash my covers and then my mind just wanders to the fact that my little cousins are coming over for my brothers birthday and I panicked I need to clean and that’s when what happened earlier really bothers me I basically just turned my room into a biohazard I look and my mattress is like touching 2 things those things are infected now according to my brain and I panick now the whole room is dangerous my dirty clothes that fell on the floor now the floor is ruined. So Im now slowly cleaning over the past few days and its not helping im just freaking out more and on top of my room the bathroom is dirty and idk how to clean it I mean IM guess im scared i won’t clean good enough because im the only one who will clean it even though 2 other people use it and dont clean it its dirty and it irks me so bad every time i use the shower I spray it with bleach and the floor around the shower but the bathroom counter is dirty and I need to clean it but idk if it’ll be enough. And I need to mop but every time i mop my feet still get dirty from just walking on the floor so i must be doing something right. Idk what to do im panicking everything is dirty idk what to do I need advice.

I'm currently in my second year of nursing school. Before I began studying this, I've already graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Creative Writing before. My parents wanted me to study nursing in hopes of securing a better life abroad, and I couldn't deny the opportunity of making my life better by doing this. I've had great friends during my first year, but they all had to transfer schools for personal reasons. Don't get me wrong—I truly enjoy learning everyday. I study so much about the human body, its diseases, and skills-based performances. For a while, I did enjoy what I do. Now that I'm in my second year, having been separated from my old friends and being constantly bombarded by a ton of school works, I feel incredibly overwhelmed. I still enjoy learning. I appreciate the fact that my parents are more than willing to pay for my education. But sometimes, living with anxiety and all, I think about not feeling belonged. I look at my classmates and realize how incompetent I probably am. My newfound friends have gotten two points higher in our return demonstration, and I feel like the dumbest gal in the room. It's anxiety and OCD telling me I'll never be enough, and it hurts to wake up everyday, facing those fears head on before I walk my way to school. I know these voices aren't totally true. After all, I graduated cum laude with a degree in writing. I've self-published some books, and I had the highest grade in Health Education two semesters ago. Still, I can't help but compare myself to people—mentally torturing myself over and over again about never being able to live up to people's expectations of me. I care so much about the opinions and views of my classmates about me—most of whom I barely know. I constantly find myself comparing my scores to my friends, and seeing them score higher makes me think how utterly stupid I am for thinking I stand a chance as a future nurse. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if I'm in the right place, or if this is really a path for me. To top it off, my OCD intrusive thoughts about cleaning my MacBook case terrifies me. I recheck my documents most of the time, thinking they'd be incomplete and I wouldn't know. I'd walk to school, anticipating that a car might crash on me. These are all just the tip of the iceberg. If I didn't have Dominic, my monkey stuffed toy and best friend for life, I'm pretty sure I would've lost my mind a long time ago. Everything hurts.

Hi guys, I need help/advice/comfort. My daughters have been sick with a stomach bug, and I went up to the doctors to give them some BRATs food and clothes. I’m afraid I am sick, and that I picked up something from the hospital. I was eating a burrito and it tasted like toothpaste, I immediately spit it out, and began feeling dizzy, out of breath, and started shaking. My brain started to worry I’m having a stroke, or a severe case of COVID, and now my stomach is upset and I’m nauseous. Please someone, please tell me how to handle this. The anxiety is making me miserable.

I just had an episode. My daughter was coming through the door and I didn't know it. It made me panic. I had a piece of material in my hand and I was panicking trying not to touch her and I believe I may have grazed her automatically across her chest with the material out of the panic of her being right there. Like it was almost like an impulse that felt wanted and automatic when the feelings came about and happened. Is that OCD?

I’m a momma of 2 that has suffered debilitating PP anxiety/depression etc and have recently come to the realization that PPOCD is my main issue. I’m just here trying to learn what I can and try my darnedest to get back to my old mentality for my babies.

Im a 22F i have struggled with ocd probably all my life but it really came to a head when i was 15 I had a severe panic attack surronding the potential of being lesbian or asexual. As a young child i did experiment with some of my friends and remembering feeling arousal. At the age of around 7 i started watching corn, mainly lesbian corn i guess i found it more arousing (This makes me very anxious would watch twerking or provocative stuff. Although from memory i only had crushes on boys. I still continued to watch corn changing types and so forth. When i got a bit older i became really shy and scared of boys i remember being 13 and this boy liked me and wanted to be my boyfriend i panicked and cried. I would panic for days after my first kiss worrying about people knowing or i was bad etc. I felt as though i would find guys attractive but wouldnt think “ I want them to rip my clothes off” i would think they are hot or nice to look at and may feel nice inside. Around the age of 13 i saw this girl at a cheer comp who i thought was stunning i became obsessed with her wanting to be her friend and even starting cheer at the gym i dont believe i wanted to be intimate with her but i cant really remember all i know is i started to by clothes i saw her wearing and wanting to be like possibly thought about a kiss but i cant remember and if i did i dont remember me thinking much about it at the time. Then when i hit around 15 it all came to ahead ending with me in the hospital from the sheer panic of being a lesbian bi or asexual. I had gotten over that theme but still felt my attraction was warped to some degree, and continuing porn use. i then enetered my first relationship and i liked him at the start but sex was an issue i felt excited but not satisfied due to manu reasons including contamination and checking if i felt attracted or aroused enough. Currently going through another episode of this and i really would like some help, advice and i know reassurance is not great but if anyone has experienced something similar. I cant picture myself in a relationship with a woman and i dont think im attracted to any women in real life but i also worry that im not attracted to boys either i just feel like my childhood is a stem for my anxiety with this theme Sorry for the long post

Okay, I am going insane at this point. I've been in and out of hospital with my contamination stuff and made huge progress in ERP, so I decided to tackle a bag of "contaminated clothes" from months ago when I went to my endocrinologist and something made my eyes and skin and inside of my mouth etc. itch and BURN, I mean to the point of coughing up blood and bloodclots coming out of my nose, and everything felt very dried up (at the time I thought it was residual acid from medical test I was supposed to undergo and couldn't because of the OCD). When I washed myself and rinsed my mouth, it would stop, but whenever I'd come close to the clothes I was wearing that day, it'd start again. I have since washed them in a washing machine, but not separately, I did a whole load trying to convince myself it would be fine. It wasn't though, the whole batch of clothes now does this to me, even a towel I put near it. But it doesn't make any SENSE, it was washed?? Twice now and it still won't go? Can OCD do stuff like this? I used the towel to dry myself and my hair after shower and have been waking up the whole night unable to breathe with dried up sinuses and inside of my mouth. Can it do this?? I've never had this happen to me before and I feel crazy beyond recognition from it.

i touched someone else’s phone when they handed it to me to add myself to a class group chat and i feel SO gross… i can’t stop thinking about where they and their phone have been and how nasty it probably is. i can’t wash my hands until i get home, i feel so sick

Hi! 1 month in to ERP for drug and alcohol contamination, and I’m wondering if this is excepted with therapy/ progression. Obviously, when I am exposed to both of my triggers I get extremely overwhelmed, go mute, explore lots and lots of self hate, and then BOOM I’m hysterically sobbing and inconsolable. These episodes last what feel like forever ( very similar to a panic attack), but eventually stop and then I go back to my normal self. I feel very embarrassed, ashamed, and almost disgusted with the fact that I had the specific breakdown for like 1 hour post breakdown. Now, if I’m stressed, mentally/ emotionally exhausted, in a new or unfamiliar place, God forbid having to travel, the same thing happens. I am unsure if it’s because it’s a “disruption” from my normal, or if my mind is trying to protect me or what. Does this happen to anyone else? My best friend gets married in less than 1 month, and the wedding is in Charleston. I haven’t been there since another bachelorette trip that I took, but when we were there, I was taking Prozac and Rexulti ( psychiatrist put me on it for “paranoia” when in reality it was my OCD 🙃) well I ended up going into serotonin syndrome and stopped both meds and started back on Lexapro. Needless to say, I don’t have the best memories associated with Charleston bc I had a panic attack there, was around alcohol, loud environments, and my mind has convinced me it’s not a safe place for me. Does anyone have any advice on preparing for the trip, being away, and staying somewhere I am scared of? I need to be the beat version of myself as it is my best friend’s wedding, and I want to love her well