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Im a 22F i have struggled with ocd probably all my life but it really came to a head when i was 15 I had a severe panic attack surronding the potential of being lesbian or asexual. As a young child i did experiment with some of my friends and remembering feeling arousal. At the age of around 7 i started watching corn, mainly lesbian corn i guess i found it more arousing (This makes me very anxious would watch twerking or provocative stuff. Although from memory i only had crushes on boys. I still continued to watch corn changing types and so forth. When i got a bit older i became really shy and scared of boys i remember being 13 and this boy liked me and wanted to be my boyfriend i panicked and cried. I would panic for days after my first kiss worrying about people knowing or i was bad etc. I felt as though i would find guys attractive but wouldnt think “ I want them to rip my clothes off” i would think they are hot or nice to look at and may feel nice inside. Around the age of 13 i saw this girl at a cheer comp who i thought was stunning i became obsessed with her wanting to be her friend and even starting cheer at the gym i dont believe i wanted to be intimate with her but i cant really remember all i know is i started to by clothes i saw her wearing and wanting to be like possibly thought about a kiss but i cant remember and if i did i dont remember me thinking much about it at the time. Then when i hit around 15 it all came to ahead ending with me in the hospital from the sheer panic of being a lesbian bi or asexual. I had gotten over that theme but still felt my attraction was warped to some degree, and continuing porn use. i then enetered my first relationship and i liked him at the start but sex was an issue i felt excited but not satisfied due to manu reasons including contamination and checking if i felt attracted or aroused enough. Currently going through another episode of this and i really would like some help, advice and i know reassurance is not great but if anyone has experienced something similar. I cant picture myself in a relationship with a woman and i dont think im attracted to any women in real life but i also worry that im not attracted to boys either i just feel like my childhood is a stem for my anxiety with this theme Sorry for the long post

Okay, I am going insane at this point. I've been in and out of hospital with my contamination stuff and made huge progress in ERP, so I decided to tackle a bag of "contaminated clothes" from months ago when I went to my endocrinologist and something made my eyes and skin and inside of my mouth etc. itch and BURN, I mean to the point of coughing up blood and bloodclots coming out of my nose, and everything felt very dried up (at the time I thought it was residual acid from medical test I was supposed to undergo and couldn't because of the OCD). When I washed myself and rinsed my mouth, it would stop, but whenever I'd come close to the clothes I was wearing that day, it'd start again. I have since washed them in a washing machine, but not separately, I did a whole load trying to convince myself it would be fine. It wasn't though, the whole batch of clothes now does this to me, even a towel I put near it. But it doesn't make any SENSE, it was washed?? Twice now and it still won't go? Can OCD do stuff like this? I used the towel to dry myself and my hair after shower and have been waking up the whole night unable to breathe with dried up sinuses and inside of my mouth. Can it do this?? I've never had this happen to me before and I feel crazy beyond recognition from it.

i touched someone else’s phone when they handed it to me to add myself to a class group chat and i feel SO gross… i can’t stop thinking about where they and their phone have been and how nasty it probably is. i can’t wash my hands until i get home, i feel so sick

Hi! 1 month in to ERP for drug and alcohol contamination, and I’m wondering if this is excepted with therapy/ progression. Obviously, when I am exposed to both of my triggers I get extremely overwhelmed, go mute, explore lots and lots of self hate, and then BOOM I’m hysterically sobbing and inconsolable. These episodes last what feel like forever ( very similar to a panic attack), but eventually stop and then I go back to my normal self. I feel very embarrassed, ashamed, and almost disgusted with the fact that I had the specific breakdown for like 1 hour post breakdown. Now, if I’m stressed, mentally/ emotionally exhausted, in a new or unfamiliar place, God forbid having to travel, the same thing happens. I am unsure if it’s because it’s a “disruption” from my normal, or if my mind is trying to protect me or what. Does this happen to anyone else? My best friend gets married in less than 1 month, and the wedding is in Charleston. I haven’t been there since another bachelorette trip that I took, but when we were there, I was taking Prozac and Rexulti ( psychiatrist put me on it for “paranoia” when in reality it was my OCD 🙃) well I ended up going into serotonin syndrome and stopped both meds and started back on Lexapro. Needless to say, I don’t have the best memories associated with Charleston bc I had a panic attack there, was around alcohol, loud environments, and my mind has convinced me it’s not a safe place for me. Does anyone have any advice on preparing for the trip, being away, and staying somewhere I am scared of? I need to be the beat version of myself as it is my best friend’s wedding, and I want to love her well

So I obviously have ocd, more specifically severe (29 out of 32 on CY-BOGS), and it's contamination ocd mainly. I also have autism, were not sure what level but I'm probably mainly level 1 with level 2 traits. I also have combined type adhd, managed (medicated) pmdd which is not even noticeable because of my birth control, and mild/managed GERD, and moderate chronic eczema which ive had my entire life. I've also developed mild to moderate motor tics and a nightmare disorder paired with ocd and adhd fueled insomnia. I feel like I will never live life the way someone else without my conditions will, even if the physical conditions are all managed, besides eczema. My autism and ocd are the ones taking over my life and I am not able to go to school full time, work a full time job (yet), live alone, have children or high maintwnce pets even if I want them, and I'm having great difficulty driving. I have great difficulties communicating when I'm struggling inside so I had to learn sign language with my girlfriend so we can communicate when I'm unable to speak/or at least elaborate how I feel. I also have an auditory processing disorder. Am I disabled? Am I allowed to say I have disabilities and am impaired and disabled? I very much feel disabled but my parents get almost furious when I say something relayed to being disabled. *furious*. Why is that?

rant. covid statistics CW my partner went out to eat at a small restaurant for a friend’s birthday even tho we’ve talked about covid consciousness before and he agreed to mask again at the grocery store and stuff and i wanted to tell him that the new statistic was 1 in 19 people have covid in texas rn but i felt like it was a compulsion so i didn’t and i just told him im scared and that i would have gone to the dinner but masked and gotten my food to go if it were me… now i feel like i can’t go see him like i normally would on Monday cause it would be too soon if he was exposed. there were definitely at least 20 people in that restaurant. he tells me he understands how important it is to me but… and i opened instagram literally for a minute and immediately saw the most upsetting video compilation of people on tiktok posting about getting covid like it was a trend and how “embarrassing” it was and i just. UGH !!! WEAR A MASK THEN

Ok so TRIGGER WARNING if you are not in therapy for SOOCD or are early in therapy for SOOCD please don't read this. Hi, I'm Maddie. I'm 19 and bisexual and diagnosed with OCD (mainly harm OCD and contamination OCD). I am religious and am a nonacting bisexual that happens to be married to a man. Despite this I am still attracted to women. I have also dealt with SOOCD or internalized homophobia, I'm not sure which, where I have second guessed my sexuality over and over and had intrusive thoughts about kissing random people, mostly girls. It took me from 6th grade to 9th grade to finally accept that I am attracted to women as well as men. I would compulsively take sexuality quizzes, avoid thinking about women I found attractive and a lot of things that were definitely compulsive, but I am not sure this was SOOCD or not because I actually am bisexual. At the time however I was thinking I was straight and absolutely terrified of being gay. Now I have accepted myself (conveniently after finding a boyfriend during my questioning) and the compulsions have passed, though some avoidance still occurs. This said, I am wondering if what I experienced was SOOCD or just internalized homophobia from being a Christian? ( Now I believe that being gay is not a sin but acting on it may be, though I don't know for sure. Please don't hate me for that, it's something I only apply to myself not to others. I have no desire to force others not to act on their feelings or beliefs)

I have been diagnosed with OCD for a couple years now. I would say my obsessions stem around a fear of pain/getting sick/vomiting. And my compulsions are to constantly check expiration dates on foods multiple times, smell it over and over again, and i take one bite and wait a couple minutes to see if i start feeling sick, as well as eating really slowly in general. it's gotten to the point recently where i would say im entirely vegan except for breads/baked goods, and honey. But i don't eat meat in fear of getting sick, and I don't really eat out at all anymore. I eat a lot of prepackaged foods, and i'm not sure why but fruits make my stomach hurt (maybe a fructose sensitivity i don't know) but it's almost entirely prepackaged. This has hit extremely hard the past few months where i don't even recognize myself. I've always been an insane foodie open to trying new things, now i'm at the point where i eat the same foods every day and wouldn't dare eat out. i feel massive judgement from my friends and i don't think i can explain because they wouldn't understand the gravity of how this impacts me. If i start feeling stomach pain at all i start spiraling and i start having a panic attack. I'm doing talk therapy at the moment and slowly trying to find a routine again. But it feels so demotivating when i wont eat at restaurants without sobbing from overstimulation/nerves, even drinking water at a restaurant scares me. It blows my mind that 3 months ago i would and could have eaten anything! sorry this is so long I am new to an app like this

My partner had a big spiral last night his foot became contaminated so he didn’t want to put it on the bed. We spoke for a bit then he decided he would just try and go to sleep. Now this morning he won’t eat or get up he believes the whole bed is now contaminated I’ve tried convincing him to do his meditation/breathing exercises and use some of the apps that have been helping him, but he’s just completely shutting down. I feel like anything that helps him he doesn’t want. I hate it when he won’t eat or drink. But he says it’s a punishment for how stupid he is. Does anyone have any advice? Has anyone gone through stages like this? What did you do? What do I do?

Everyday I’m faced with different issues. I live in another state, but had to come home for a loss in the family. With dealing with the loss, now I’m having to deal with overworking after getting off work (WFH) to ensure my mother’s home remains clear of bed bugs left over from visiting family members that keep coming over to check on us. WTFFF! I’m exhausted when I get off work and these SAME family members’ keep showing up. Mom has politely talked to them about it by which they all started blaming the other and being in denial about the bugs being in their room, but instead in another member’s room (it’s a family of 9 people living in a 4 bedroom house). They have had these bed bugs for YEARSSSSS and that’s why I stopped visiting them. Whenever I did visit it wasn’t long at all and I stood up the entire time even after they constantly offer me a seat. We’ve told them about the bugs twice and it’s like they’re just disregarding what we are saying. They show up with their purses sitting all over the couch. Moving from the couch to the dining room table chairs just honestly all over the house. I feel sorry for them, but tired of having to keep steam cleaning every day they come over. I’ve offered to help them clean their place and they say okay, but never tell me when to come. How are they constantly getting bit by bugs and it’s not effecting? Is it possible to become immune to their bites? Well this is my mom’s home and I’m doing the best to keep it clean while I’m here, but the countdown is on until I go back home. If she don’t put her foot down and not worry about their feelings her house is going to be full infested like theirs. How would you handle this situation?

I used to have this app a long time ago, but deleted it for some reason I couldn't remember. Just tonight, after changing my phone case, I had a breakdown. I remember rubbing my eye while I was scrolling on Facebook, and now my brain believes that the dirt—which came from my eye—are now underneath the case. It may only be a shallow thing for most, but how it itches my brain to give into my compulsion of cleaning it again. It's difficult to explain to people why I would cry over a piece of dirt. Not everyone could or would try enough to understand what OCD really is, unless they're going through it themselves. I drink medications, but I sometimes think it's not doing its magic tricks anymore. I'm just incredibly sad that my symptoms are appearing once again, and I thought I'd share this to all of you who truly understands. If you've read all the way here, thank you. I wish I could hug you all. 🫂🧡

I've been struggling about OCD for a long time and I've only been made aware of it now. It's the cause of all my worrying, compulsions, and all the times I feel unpeaceful. When I first learnt about it I felt really relieved. My kind of "obsession" are intrusive thoughts that contradict my faith and values. I've spent years fighting these thoughts and doing compulsions of seeking reassurance from verses or praying and such or saying "no I don't!!" when they happen. I try to ignore them anduse cognitive defusion but sometimes it just breaks my peace. Another obsession I have is having images in my head about touching dirty things like the rust in my bathroom. A compulsions I have regarding that is imagining myself being anywhere BUT the bathroom but it doesn't stop. Now that I know, I'll try and find a way to heal, and figure it out with myself and God (because I can't rely on my parents, they're not the open-minded kind regarding mental health)

Here’s what happened! I saw a tiny kitten on the street, probably around two weeks old. He came near my foot, crying, “meow, meow.” I’m not used to adopting pets and with my contamination OCD, it’s hard for me to touch animals. But this baby kitten looked so helpless and its eyes seemed infected, it couldn’t see properly. I took it to the vet, got the prescribed medicines and brought it home. Now, it’s staying with me. I wash my hands every time after touching it or giving it medicine or foods. I’m absolutely loving this little baby kitten! But it's been 2days I'm washing my hands too much that they hurt!

Looking for help coping with contamination OCD, bugs, and water damage. Bugs in my home are my number one trigger, and I am living in a historic (75 year old) house for the first time with a shitty landlord who does not carry out repairs in a timely manner. We had a really big leak from a broken toilet in the house recently (inches of standing water both upstairs and downstairs) and maintenance didn't get here for a whole day. Cleaning up the water by myself and dealing with all the accompanying thoughts and worries was incredibly taxing. They cut holes in ceiling downstairs and put in a giant dehumidifier, which for a couple days, made the house (and my brain) feel SO much better. But the dehumidifiers generate so much heat that I think we're honestly worse off now. I have also begun finding smokey brown cockroach nymphs in the house, including two today. Cockroaches are my number one most feared bug. I am really scared to find bugs in my home because that tells me that my home is unsafe and I cannot relax there. I check every room many times in a specific manner to see if there are bugs. I am bound to find something with how excessively I am checking. I do not want to see a bug in my house at all, but in a kind of twisted, subconcious way, I *do* want to see a bug, because it would confirm my fears and anxieties and validate my obsessions and compulsions. I am just so tired, and I feel hopeless. I do not know how to relax. No amount of weed or drinking or sleep can quell the way I feel. I can't afford ERP or anything specific but I am on a few waitlists. I wish I could be someone that understands roaches and bugs are an inevitable part of life, and I wish they did not cause such a visceral reaction for me. It does not help that my roommates are not home often and do not see these things as a very big deal. They are very go with the flow, whatever happens happens kind of people, and it frustrates me. Thank you for reading this.

I have emetophobia. And have been battling with it for about a year and a half now. It stems from a trip I took with my high school where everyone ended up getting the stomach bug. I didnt have it so bad but I ended up feeling nauseous the entire trip (1 week long). And then every time I would eat food I would feel nauseous or unwell and had a strict clean diet for a while. It got to the point where I couldn’t attend school without feeling like I was going to vomit and pass out. I couldn’t even hear the word without getting anxious. I eventually got on lexapro and when that didnt work then I recently got on prozac. I have been talking to my therapist about my anxiety and she had initially thought it was a trauma response from the trip, but eventually came to the conclusion that it was a form of OCD. Like it was where I wouldnt eat something if it touched the counter or I wouldnt eat something unless someone else ate the exact thing a few hours before. I avoid red meat completely because it is slightly raw. I get panic attacks after eating something like a freaking cookie from Crumbl, because I would read reviews about someone getting sick from the uncooked dough. But it felt like before summer I was getting to a point where I could eat most things and not get too much anxiety. Until the other day. On my birthday at midnight I ended up getting sick like stomach flu sick like real bad and ended up in the er. I havent eaten anything since and am horrified to eat something. And my thoughts keep running and I dont know how to be normal anymore. I dont know how to have a relationship with food anymore. I am horrified. I spent the entire year just dreading this one day and it happened on my birthday. I am supposed to be in school but I don’t know how to function anymore. Please someone help, I feel so alone.

i suffer from severe contamination ocd and I'm starting to think i will never be "normal" again I have already done 20 sessions of ERP I've also tried 6 different medications so far The medication and ERP have so far reduced my OCD by 25-35% but i remain very limited and far from "normal". have any of you who also suffered from severe contamination/disgust OCD managed to recover fully and have a normal life? is it even possible for someone like me to ever have a normal life again after 7+ years of severe contamination OCD?

i’m so stressed about college. i’m SO worried about meeting people, talking to people, making friends, meeting my roommates, etc. i’m scared that they won’t like me. i’m scared that i’ll say/do something that i couldn’t control and then they all hate me. i’ve been so on edge with my ocd lately, and it’s not very out of the ordinary to have me wanna do something like. weird. but it’s also just like…anything can happen. that little “your chances may be low, but they’re never zero” is always in the back of my head and it stresses me OUT. “the chances of you doing some weird and crazy thing or something out of pocket to your new roommates are very low, but never zero” like that TERRIFIES me dude. idk what to do. on top of it, im scared that they might accidentally do something and contaminate me or my surroundings or anything and then there’s nothing i can do about it. im always VERY particular with keeping things clean, with who can touch them, etc etc, but what if they do something behind my back? or what if they don’t but i think that they did and im stuck instead my head for the next like day or so? i’m so scared. i dont know what to do. does anybody have any college experiences they can share to help me?

I have had such a long struggle with OCD and I have doing good for a long time but it is really coming in full force right now. I’m losing weight because I’m having a really hard time eating. I ate yesterday and then my stomach was hurting. I just convince myself that everything is contaminated or now that I’m not eating much that it’s gonna make me sick because my body isn’t used to it. Idk I’m struggling so bad. I’ve had some snacks here and there but it’s so hard for me to eat right now and It’s making me sad because I was doing so good for a long time. I also keep forgetting to take my meds and I know that’s part of it.

I have had OCD my whole life and was diagnosed by a therapist 2 years ago. Specifically I struggle a lot with health, contamination and pure ocd. I was doing exposures and really felt like I conquered by contamination ocd. With the health ocd I have an intense fear I will have a food or medicine allergy and go into anaphylactic shock. This takes up a lot of my energy day to day. Within the past year, we bought a home, renovated and recently got married. My husband wants to start trying for a baby soon but I am not ready at all because of how much I feel like I have gone backwards with my anxiety and ocd. This spiked a lot with the stress of wedding planning. I’m scared pregnancy will spike my health/contamination ocd even more and I won’t be able to handle it. I always wanted babies but now that it’s getting closer and I know how much ocd I truly have I am so nervous I will cause myself and baby more stress than good. Does anyone have positive stories of TTC/pregnancy/PP and motherhood with ocd?

i am 18 years old and a couppe days ago i posted about the state of my house (cat pee, cat throw up, grime, dirt, etc everywhere), and how my parents dont clean/are used to living this way. im trying to clean the kitchen, i was cleaning it and cleaned majority of the counters, the stove, the dishwasher, now my clothes have a faint cat pee smell, the house is basically drenched in cat pee. i feel stuck and really isolated, i hate living here but at the same time, its my fault too for not cleaning. it is just hard for me to clean, i dont know why, and the house has been this way since 2023-2024 or so. idk what to do and i feel so alone, i wish my mom would help. idk what my girlfriend would think if she knew the state of my house