- Date posted
- Yesterday
My ocd has been at an extreme all time high the past 2 weeks and I am in dire need of some relief. Iām not sleeping right anymore. for context: I live in the south and found a springtail on my sheets about 2 weeks ago. This was like 2 days before our bug guy came and sprayed (itās a normal maintenance thing here) so itās a common bug down here and Iāve found them all over different areas of the house before. Finding it in my bed sent me on a bit of a spiral bc I started to doubt if it even was a springtail and that i was wrong and that it was a bed bug, not trusting my brain. It was a bad, sleepless night and carried over continuing feelings. Typical ocd stuff. Well two days later, Iām a nurse and I had a patient that actually had bed bugs. This wasnāt the first day they were here and I did not see any myself but it still freaked me out. There had one 2 founds after visitors came the day before. Of course I wore PPE in the room (coveralls shoe covers and hair net) going in and took everything off before exiting the room. When I came home I stripped in my garage and bagged everything down to my shoes. Threw everything in the wash and did multiple cycles. There were no other steps I could take but I still had a terrible night. Hours of ruminating and going back and forth about tracing my tracks, thinking of new ways I couldāve taken one home with me. Just checking everything. I was already on a spiral from the springtail. Having two such back to back triggering events for me so closely related has made me deteriorate significantly. I was already doing bad with my normal OCD and starting therapy here. I obsess over the thought of having bedbugs constantly and havenāt been able to sleep. I am constantly checking my bed while in it and canāt settle down. My bed is heavy too and I keep hurting myself lifting my mattress to check. But I need to check. Iāve become obsessed. I check everything and go down Reddit rabbit holes looking for new things. And of course, I talk myself into it every time. I canāt take it anymore, itās bleeding off into other parts of my life like friendship and marriage because I am so high anxiety right now. I need relief so bad. Iāve never felt this unstable to be honest. I feel like even someone without ocd would be really struggling with this topic, nevermind me, with ocd to a point where I just started treatment. These arenāt even my normal intrusive thoughts and compulsive acts. Itās just taken on a life in the last week and I canāt find any sign that itās going to slow down. when I think rationally I know I did everything right to prevent but I canāt shake it. š