Does anyone have Contamination OCD?

Hi Scarlet5! 👋 i have contamination OCD! Earlier this year, I would get caught in loops for an hour or more each day checking if I had fully urinated/defecated. I also had a lot of intermittent hand-washing and over-washing happening throughout the day. I had to set hard and fast rules and do some targeted exposures to help with mine. My hard rules were: - I get to check my bladder/butt ONCE, then I have to move on. - I get to wash my hands ONCE, leaning towards “shorter than normal” each time. - if I felt the urge to wash my hands during the day, I would ignore it unless it actually impeded my life. - no phone allowed in bathroom -If I catch myself in a compulsive loop, I announce it verbally and move on. These steps helped me improve quickly. I also randomized when I would shower, and skipped steps of my routine at random. It was gross, but my brain really needed to learn it was ok if we skipped a shower, skipped brushing teeth, or just didn’t wash our hands, etc. The world didn’t end…my brain just caught up with reality: keeping myself clean wasn’t a matter of life and death! You’re not alone. I totally get the struggle 🫂

Thank you for sharing the rules you set… Can you explain more about when you said ur brain caught up with reality

Hi J vv …i am familiar with ERP therapy. 25 years ago I went to Menninger OCD Residential treatment center in Kansas. like where I learned ERP. You did a great job explaining ERP

I will finish my response later Because I’m falling asleep now 😴

Gm j vv….its hard to tell if you are a man or a woman by your name?

Thank you again for taking the time to respond to my post…I know time is limited for everyone especially for those who have OCD because daily rituals are extra time consuming I myself am completely overwhelmed due to the amount of time my hand washing and cleaning rituals are taking up each day. There is not enough time in a day for me to function as a “normal” person would. Therefore as a friend recently said to me when he was trying to understand what I’m going thru, one days demands and triggers clogg up the next day. That’s exactly what happens. And it has been over a year …maybe 2 years That’s a lot of days …so it’s hard to work on the ERP because each day I’m exhausted and backed up on work that didn’t get done the day before ….for example last 2 days I didn’t get to go to bed before 5am …and we all need sleep so then the next day (today) I won’t get up and active until mid afternoon …by the time I eat and take care of my dog …it’s almost dark and I got nothing accomplished other than the bare minimum. And I’m on this NOCD App because I’m trying to get help and support and advice from people who get it …but posting is Also time consuming. I feel bad taking up your precious time too. You seem very intelligent and wise. And it was helpful to read about some of your contamination struggles because I have similar ones. It’s so interesting how OCD can show up same way for 2 completely different people. When I was at that OCD treatment center …one of our ERP group therapy was for each of us to pick an individual exposure …we all rated our anxiety level before we did our individual exposure than we met back 1//2 hour after we finished the exposure without doing the ritual attached …and reported what anxiety level was then. And this other patient and I were both putting a wash in the machine without washing our hands after (I guess we had chosen same exposure) and I looked over and we were literally doing the same exact thing…we put each piece of clothing in so slowly because we didn’t let it touch any part of the machine as we dropped it in. And I thought to myself …this has to be OCD because how could 2 strangers from opposite sides of the country be doing exactly the same ridiculous thing…it was as if we were mirroring one another. Anyway not sure if that story made sense to you… it’s hard for me to communicate thru text or post like this. I give a lot of detail in order to get what message im trying to convey across It is much better for me to talk verbally to someone because thus texting is so time consuming and then there’s text errors and I have to correct words that get typed wrong. My OCD wants perfect etc. Plus I feel like I’m annoying people who may or may not even care to take the time to read my post. And then if nobody responds I feel bad like I’m annoying . And I am not asking for reassurance right now ! I’m just so desperately trying to find someone …anyone…who can help me. It’s so sad

See it just took time to reread that post after I sent it avd then I had to edit all typos 🙄

I have been in rapid steady decline since 2022 when I moved to an apartment building …I don’t have a private entrance and I have to use the community garbage dumpster …I knew these 2 things were not going to be easy but I had no where else to move that was affordable and had all the other things I absolutely needed. I searched for the perfect place for 3 years!!! In my price range it wasn’t possible to get eveyrhing I needed. So I say this place was a blessing and a curse because on one hand I am extremely grateful that it is an affordable brand new apartment with a W/D in my apartment. But the dealing with the public hallways and parking lot and dumpster and living with strangers that don’t follow rules like one resident has never picked up after his 2 dogs …not once.in 3 years!!! And that’s just 1 guy…imagine the nightmare I have to deal with in the grass and now it’s on the sidewalks too. So over the past 3 years it’s been constant unavoidable triggers ..it got so bad a couple years ago I was getting agoraphobic…because I never know what new disgusting thing will be outside when I walk my dog. My OCD was already nearly impossible to deal with before I moved here because when the pandemic started in 2020 my whole OCD world was shaken. I thought oh this will be easy I’m already doing what the rest of world is doing to keep safe from Covid…but wow was I wrong!!! The pandemic took me out. Ever since than I cannot hold a part time job …I tried to work 2x over past 2 years and was going to get fired because I could not get there on time. So add a move and money problems to the fire and here you have me …a shell of what I’m meant to be….this OCD has destroyed my world one day at a time. And I’m trying my best..to figure this out ..trying to fight back ….trying to get better back to who I was and how I was functioning before 2020. I don’t know how I got here …this dysfunctional…I got here one day at a time…so I have to get back to who I was one day at a time. But I am exhausted and weak. My daughter says that my body cannot keep up with the physical demands of the OCD rituals. I have tried to find a medication and seems I am medication resistant unfortunately I have tried to get a therapist trained in ERP and no luck with that either. Keep hitting dead ends. Every time I have hope that I found a good one …they don’t take my ins. I realy need a therapist from NOCD however they don’t accept my ins and my boyfriend at the time offered to help me pay for therapy but NOCD won’t accept cash or out of pocket payment from me because of the type of ins I have!! So thankfully I know how to to ERP because I learned it 25 years ago but being my own therapist is not working yet either. Anyway thanks for listening And Thanks for your advice You really did a great job at explaining ERP Today is another day…time to fight this battle …and do tiny exposures through out today It’s so hard to explain to anyone what a nightmare my daily life existence is….and even tho I still have hope that I will get better … it seems nearly impossible I need to remember to go to Jesus 1st for help through each day🩷 Hope you have a good day Hope we all have some joy and peace today 🦋

Thank you for reading my post …I will respond when I get some time …if I start answering ur questions now my dog will never get outside lol. It’s funny because what you suggested is what I do so I know you get it😊

Meaning I watch NOCD podcasts and other things on Utube OCD related. Patrick McGrath the chief clinical officer at NOCD is brilliant in his approach and ways of interpreting anything OCD

These things do help

It’s just so far gone the OCD and I need to get out of this living environment…I don’t think I will be able to get better here. It’s too much work …wearing outfits over outfits …changing cloths all day long …I have to go out to the store today …and it takes hours just to prepare to get suited up so I can peel off the top outfit when I get home and then there an emergency bin of cloths in my living room because I can’t enter my bedroom until I am absolutely decontaminated because that is my safe room that really can’t get contaminated. I need a therapist to be in my home to see what I do because it’s too hard to explain ..the rituals take up every moment of each day from minutes my feet hit the floor. The only time I am not cleaning or washing my hands is when I’m sitting watching tv or standing up to eat. And I wash my hands in between each item I touch when preparing something to eat.. Cross contamination …so until I’m actually putting the food in my mouth I’m suffering. It’s just too hard to explain all the steps I have to take to function . My sister has ALS and it is sad aweful to watch her slowly get paralyzed …she has feeding tube for a year because her ability to swallow is altered because throat muscles are getting paralyzed…so I say at least I can still eat …it takes me tons of hand washes and cleaning up counters sink and making sure my outfit isn’t contaminated before I go near food in fridge…it might take me a lot longer than normal person to eat but at least I still can and at least I have the chance to get better

See I started to reply Takes time Gotra my dog needs me and I get low blood sugar because realistically I won’t be able to eat until at least 3 Than ocd worse if have no fuel for brain …snowball effect …which is why I know I need to get on better routine Bed at decent time Up early …so get food in me so my brain ok so OCD not worse from lack of sleep and food But can’t get in routine when not enough time in day to do what I have to do to get to bed

It’s a vicious cycle that never ends …,and some days it’s so hard to be in the outside contaminated world with all the added rituals necessary to decontaminate my home …that I need a Brake I get to point where I physically cannot do anymore cleaning changing cloths cleaning …so I avoid daily necessary things and just dont do wash and chores which only backs me up and when rest period over …eveyrhing is worse from avoiding tasks …I can’t catch up Bottom line I need help

My sister who had ALS can no longer function in her own…she has no use if her arms and hands anymore …so someone has to brush her teeth for her .. I can still brush my teeth on my own but due to rituals it can take up to 2 hours …too hard to explain … My sisters is not functioning on her own I am barely functioning Two completely different reasons Two similar outcomes People go to help her …call her to see how she is Nobody calls me When I cry out for help i got told “You can work …you just don’t want to work “ My life with OCD is a full time job So I can’t beat myself up when I failed at 2 jobs Attemots because how can someone work a full time job and be at another job time ?

My other sister heard me having a panic attack because she was at the sister with ALS helping her My ALS sister was the person I could call during panic attack etc…but now she can no longer talk…it’s heartbreaking…for me to see her like that and I’m losing my support person …so I was asked to take my parents to a bday party bc they no longer drive…I can’t get anywhere on time …I’m hours late to parties ..so was having panic all day trying to get ready and get out to pick up my parents .. so I was my other sister who obviously had no clue about what i actually suffer …she told me to Grow Up !!! Here she is helping my sister with ALS and I’m barely functioning due to debilitating OCD and I get Told to grow up Can you imagine if she told my sister with ALS …just grow up Beth … Everyone can see her ALS disability I cry out for help …but they can’t see mine ..do they don’t believe my suffering …they just think I’m lazy

They couldn’t do what I have to do in one day …it infuriates me that people don’t believe the words I speak If I say I CANNOT work that means I CANNOT I have no credibility when I speak Thanks for listening if you are able to

I’m sorry …I know you probably don’t have any extra time in your own busy day with ur daily life responsibilities and your ocd So I understand if you can’t read my posts

Thanks for reading my posts My sister is ok …her daughter is living with her taking great care of her…she also has visiting nurses to help her. I will be ok One day at a time I will continue to look for the right therapist Posting on this NOCD App was meant to be another form of support for me …however it is taking up too much time so I might have to limit my time spent posting Residential OCD hospitals are not an option for me at this time because I cannot stay in a hospital environment due to contamination fears. That would be too big of exposure at this point in time ….how ironic right? It was really kind of you to take the time to read and reply to my posts…I really do appreciate your advice and genuine attempt to help me. I am blessed to have an amazing son and daughter …who are a great support system. Thanks again for all your time😊

And Best Luck to you too Continue conquering OCD !