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I'm fairly new to treatment, but I've learned more about myself and my behaviors in the last five weeks than I have in the 25 years previous, arguably. One thing that's clear is that the great bulk of my most intense OCD symptoms spiral around my romantic relationships and the vast majority of my most damaging compulsions - damaging both to my own well being and to the person I'm with - are mental compulsions. They come on so intensely and so persistently and with such enormous physiological involvement that it often feels like tidal wave that I'm carried away on. Next thing you know I'm simulating conversations left and right or ruminating on visual images of the past or imagined future or present. Or I'm catstrophizing and fantasizing about breaking up with someone who I know I love - or imaging they'll break up with me and maybe interrogating them at length looking for signs of betrayal or anger. It really feels impossible to have a positive and lasting healthy/loving relationship under these conditions and at this juncture in the treatment process, it doesn't feel like there's as well defined a erp process for these sorts of hard to pin down mental compulsions - in large part because simulating some thought doesn't evoke the same intensity as an actual trigger - and the actual triggers come out of no where - and can range from literally anything said by my partner, body language, silence, or just random images. Working with NOCD has definitely made me more aware of how totally pervasive my OCD is - but unfortunately I've already likely irreparable harm to at least one relationship as a result of the disorder and I guess I'm feeling sort of hopeless atm...

I am new here and trying to help my (33m) husband (32m) quell his OCD fear of him contaminating me. What are some things I can say or discuss with him to make sure he knows that he isn't going to do that. I know very well that OCD takes irrational fears, worries, and thoughts and bumps them to 200+ but I'm unsure how to help just....make him feel better when all he wants to do now is just, rituals instead of saying cuddling or hand holding (example). He feels bad and I can tell...which breaks my heart.... reiterating again that I just want to help him and any tips or resources help. He's currently on medication and seeing a therapist so....those tips might not be the best for this situation! (Also sorry for writing it like a reddit post. Thought it would give more insight or something)

I’ve struggled a lot with intrusive thoughts in my relationship and my gf decided she couldn’t keep going anymore, shes exhausted of being questioned, and wanted me to get better because I wasn’t doing well. I asked her if i get better can we get back together one day and she said yes. So i asked how long will this be for and will we see other people between this time, she said shes not sure shes never done this before she doesn’t have any of these responses and we should take it day by day. Then I asked if we’re back together by spring can we not see or date other people. She said yes, and that she wont be looking to be with anyone else anytime soon and that I know she doesn’t move on quick. We still hung out these past two days and and when i asked if we could get back together she said no that were both not ready and need time. I asked her are well allowed to flirt with other people, that I didnt want to that. and she said something along the lines ( i forgot which exact words she said) of well i dont think we should tell each other about, i guess to me like saying why would we want to know if the other person does do that. I think I responded saying because it would be a deal breaker for me if we did. I don’t remember where that went i think she just said okay. It was also either before the start of the flirting conversation or after that I asked if we can instead get back in December instead of spring and she said yes. Then a bit after, on this same night I asked to set boundaries, i asked if we can date or see others she said no, and i asked again about flirting she said no as well. It was also either before the start of the flirting conversation or after that I asked if Then in the morning I asked her why she said no to the flirting but also said that we shouldnt tell each other if one does? She said no, and then i asked again and she said because were not going to do that, saying she doesn’t move on quick and that i’m making it sound like shes going to jump at the next chance to flirt with someone. I apologized and weve spoken once more about this when we agreed to think about this more as a break as to heal and that we both really dont want to see each other move onto other people or even flirt with others. Now i’m overthinking her initial answers when she said we shouldn’t tell each other if we flirt with someone else? could that mean she was saying thats a possibility for her during this time or it was just a response and she’s assured me now with each time i asked after that shes not interested in flirting with others at all?

Hi everyone! I hope this is an appropriate place to ask this. I don’t personally have OCD, but my husband struggles with Pure O OCD, particularly retroactive jealousy, so I would consider myself someone who is OCD-adjacent through a loved one. I’m posting because I’d really appreciate hearing from people who experience this themselves, as well as partners or spouses who have navigated something similar. I’m hoping to better understand what my husband experiences and learn how I can be a more supportive partner during his hardest moments. When my husband experiences a spiral, he can become consumed by intrusive thoughts and questions about my past. I understand that these thoughts can feel incredibly real, distressing, and relentless to someone experiencing them, and I know he isn’t choosing to have intrusive thoughts. We’ve been trying to navigate this together, and I’ve learned that answering repeated questions, providing reassurance, or engaging in the OCD cycle isn’t necessarily helpful. I’ve been trying to avoid feeding the cycle, but I sometimes struggle with what to do instead, especially when things become intense. During some of these episodes, the distress can turn into anger directed at me. I can be criticized, have my character questioned, or hear threats of divorce. Sometimes, things are said about my past that are deeply hurtful. I know he is struggling, but it can be incredibly difficult to be the person he turns to for support while also being the person those feelings are directed toward. I’m trying to learn how to support him without reinforcing the OCD, while also managing my own emotions so I don’t end up breaking down or reacting out of hurt and frustration. Sometimes I end up feeling like I’m the person taking away his peace, even though I know I’m not choosing the thoughts he’s experiencing. For those of you who have Pure O OCD or experience retroactive jealousy: • When you’re in the middle of a spiral, is there anything a partner has said or done that genuinely helped you, without providing reassurance or feeding the OCD? • Is there a particular approach that helps you feel supported without making the intrusive thoughts worse? • For those of you in relationships, what have your partners learned to do that helps during difficult moments? • And for the partners who have been through this, how do you cope when the spiral turns into anger directed at you? How do you remain compassionate without absorbing the hurtful things being said? I’m not expecting my husband to simply switch off his OCD, and I’m not looking for a way to control his thoughts. I love him, and I want to understand his experience better. I’m also trying to learn how to navigate this in a way that is healthy for both of us. I’m genuinely open to hearing different experiences, perspectives, and things that have helped. Thank you to anyone willing to share. ❤️

I’m newly diagnosed (within the last year) with ROCD and still figuring out how to manage it. It was well-controlled with Zoloft but I had a lot of side effects from the meds so I decided to stop taking them a couple months ago. I’ve noticed within the last month or so that my ROCD is off the charts again and I’m experiencing a lot of the same ruminations that I had prior to starting the Zoloft. I feel awful for my partner because we have frequent conversations that end up focused on whether or not I feel we’re right for each other. I try to keep those thoughts to myself as best I can, as I know they’re rooted in my ROCD, but I can’t always contain them and I know it can’t feel good for him to hear them. I don’t know what advice to give him for how to manage through this, as I am still completely lost on how to manage it myself. Does anyone have any suggestions or resources for partners of someone with ROCD that I could share with him that might help?

I want to cryyyyyy. I am in agony for no good reason. I went on a wonderful date the other day were we spent some very quality time together and then texted back and forth a bit and she started throwing out some ideas to hang out again. I’m working on not jumping the gun and reaching for certainty prematurely when it comes to intimacy so from my lens I have been very honest but intentional with how I’ve chosen to engage. She hasn’t responded to my message in over 48 hours and now I’m really struggling with how much this simple, probably mundane, situation is eating at me. I feel like I’m holding my breath trying to survive through this discomfort. I keep checking my phone over and over again and contending with these thoughts about what if I did something or what if she never responds and what I did to cause this. Im so tired. The issue isn’t her communication style. It’s how my brain is filling in voids. It’s so taxing and even if this is just a normal hiatus from texting (something we spoke about being okay), it’s too early in the connection to communicate what I’ve been going through and request a clarification or heads up text about not communicating for a bit. This is what she did before and I absolutely loved the way she did that. I really don’t want to text all the time back and forth that’s exhausting but the ocd is weaponizing my fear of abandonment against me. I’m working so hard to face my demons head on by putting myself in this situation and sitting with all this experience kicks up in me. Just because I have struggles, traumas, and quirks does not mean I do not deserve to love and to be loved. I’m trying to be gentle with myself throughout this but it’s really hard. It’s crazy how something so mundane can bring me to my knees. I’m so tired. So so tired. I just want a chance to practice love and mature in how I hold it. This is so much more difficult than what they sell you on in the movies and in music. There’s no perfect girl coming to nurse my woes away. No one that I can sweep off their feet high enough that it encapsulates my entire sense of self worth. That’s a trap. A sticky one. But still a trap. This is the work. Not a masochistic, white knuckling pseudo-exposure. A genuine pursuit of connection in all its imperfect glory. I post on here from time to time mostly to vent and am not really looking for a response, but I’m struggling. I don’t want reassurance I just was hoping to get some words of support from a community that understands this agony not just as a person pursuing connection but also someone the has to put effort into loosening the vice grip ocd likes to put on these circumstances. Thank you guys and happy ocd awareness week!

I tried to retype this post alot but realized I'm just compulsively ranting about heavy feelings and confessing all the worries and what ifs etc of themes thats bullying me. Long post short,I'm having a really hard time lately.I am slowly starting to get screened for therapy and they do think I may have cptsd and ocd. My brain is jumping between so many themes,it doesnt matter if its real event or false memory,or some shitty mix of the two,i cant even catch a fucking break to properly grieve my late grandmother all the while trying to unpack traumatic sexual things over the years.im tired of feeling like im secretly a terrible person,that ill become those who truly have hurt me and didnt care,i feel guilty for even the slightest age gaps when socializing and worry past socializing may of had been rude or inappropriate even though its common and its normal to laugh and joke. im upset my grandma is gone,im upset i let an online situatuonship consume me and fuck me up,im tired of wanting help but feeling undeserving of it it.im tired of past mistakes where i know i was either young and going through awful shit or my intent was well but i lack severe social ques sometimes due to several things somehow makes me a horrible person,im tired of feeling like burden to friends and family even when they tell me they love me and im a good person and im just traumatized,im tired of dealing with suicidal ideation (im safe and dont want to do it) im tired of the thoughts of hurting myself,im tired of feeling like life cant get better even though ik it could,im tired of constantly worrying im letting loved ones down etc.I'm just tired,angry and sad about my own life but also world events.The way some people kn social media can be so cruel and unkind to those with disabilities or mental health or victims of serious topic. I just want to feel secure and enjoy life but i worry im not even allowed that sometimes or theres a fear if i move on and heal its all for nothing or im somehow encoursging things.Like I never thought id live to be 18,yet alone now 25.Like how did I manage for this long,is this all that life is going to be,for how much longer will it feel this way.

Howdy, all. I’m new here, just started with NOCD about 4 weeks ago. We’ve been doing ERP for about the last 5 or so sessions. So far ERP has been going well, though taking some to get adjusted to. I spent so many years with a generalized therapist doing talk therapy, so it’s been a little off putting going through ERP where I talk a ton about obsessions and compulsions and the point is to just sit with it. In any case, my most recent session triggered me pretty bad. I’ve been with my wife for 14 years, married for 8 of those years. We have a really great relationship, I can’t imagine my life without her. For a big chunk of our relationship, I’ve had a recurring obsession that I was in love with or currently in love with a mutual friend of ours. This mutual friend and I no longer talk anymore (which, of course, my OCD uses as evidence as that I did or do love her because she’s the one that got away or whatever my OCD comes up with). We were really good friends, would text almost every day, and just generally enjoyed each other’s company, all of which my OCD also uses as evidence against me. Nothing even close to romantic happened between us(although that doesn’t stop me from ruminating over every interaction we ever had and trying to determine if I ever did anything untoward or would be considered as cheating!). I always treated her as friend and always saw her as a friend. In any case, this has led to years of me toiling over the obsession of “was I in love with her?” Or “am I in love with her now?” Rather than being in the moment and enjoying time with my incredible wife. The obsessive thoughts come and go in terms of severity. Sometimes I can go months, maybe even a whole year not thinking about it; other times it’s near constant. Lately it’s been pretty bad. Part of that i am guessing is ERP since it’s stirring up a lot. This most recent session had us looking at and reading Reddit posts about love triangles. I was obsessing prior to the session about the thought described above, and the exposure just made me fixate anymore. My session was yesterday, and I haven’t really been able to stop obsessing over it since. Although, to give myself credit, I haven’t engaged in compulsions, as far as I know. So that’s something! It’s just the absurd amount of dread and horrible feeling that comes with OCD that makes everything so hard. Anyway, this post got way too long. If you read this far, thank you. Not expecting any replies, just feeling on the verge of doing a compulsion so I thought I’d vent. Maybe this is a compulsion. Who knows!

Does anyone go on medias like Youtube or Reddit to look into things related to your OCD? I have Real Event OCD and spend hours of my life looking at confessions, videos of people getting exposed, and so many other triggering things just to compare to the things I've done and guess if I would get the same reactions form comments, even if I know for sure that people would condemn me. I've been working with a therapist to stop this behaviour but with so many devices and free time it feels really difficult... Has anyone gone through this? How did you overcome it? I'd be happy to hear any comments!

I am currently managing my contamination ocd using erp all while under very peculiar and non ideal living conditions. I am wondering if there’s anyone out there who can relate hehe. Im currently living in a space that isn’t technically classified as any home space as i am in a room that is inside a business building. To be more specific, it’s an independent space where I don’t have to make contact with anyone or see anyone if I don’t want to in order to be living here but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t people on the other side of my walls lol. Im in this position as a result of my old living situation that happened in my home state when I was a child and this is the only place my parent can afford and save simultaneously. To shower, I have to use our sink and luckily there is a drain in the bathroom. Ive gotten used to it being apart of my routine so I’m not as cold as I used to be like when I was in middle school, standing soaking wet trying to finish my shower bevause you can’t have constant warm running water on you. The reason I even have ocd is stemmed from the stressful living conditions i was under due to a parent. My family of 5 total shared a 2 bedroom apartment and this parents brother (my uncle) decided to gift us a dog all while our restrictions to living in that space meant we could not own pets. This incompetent parent decided to keep it and I spent the rest of my years living in that space all while having a dog stressed because it felt like at any moment we could get in trouble. My other parent split from them and took my sibling and I to another state and now youre caught up lol. Anyway, just ranting because this lifestyle seems embarrassing but ive been itching to just tell someone because it’s also stressful. Stressful because now im in another position where “I could get in trouble at any time” and I just want a lifestyle for myself where I can relax my shoulders and feel safe, with a shower lol. It feels like ive been under stressful conditions since childhood and I just want to have normalcy. This seems a bit sad to admit but sometimes I look at homes or even forms of media where people are doing just about anything and I’ll picture myself in their space and how nice it would be to use their normal functioning shower and whatnot. I know my life is only getting better from here as my parent and I work hard to be in a better place so I’m trying not to wallow in sadness as it’s only a matter of time i can have that normalcy 🤍 Thats my little rant about my life hehe it feels nice to get it out since it feels like a detail im too embarrassed to admit to people who aren’t my parent or sibling. It’s funny, I have known my boyfriend since 2023, became official in 2025, and barely admitted this detail in my life to him this past summer to which he said he would have never guessed i was in this position and is very supportive. (I hid this very well I guess) :3 Anyway, thnx for reading 🤍🐇 Sweet dreams xx

Hi all, I’ve noticed in the past few months, just with a combination of situational factors (cost of going out, struggling to find work, etc) and my own mental health struggles, that I’ve become so uncomfortable with the outside. It’s not that I don’t go outside—I just always feel like I’m not experiencing it “correctly” or “enough” like other people, and I’m kinda in a loop where it’s only further confirmed when I isolate and no one reaches out. I also struggle with remembering what happens when I go out running errands, and fear that I might’ve done something, or lost something, or even dreamt up the entire outing. Does anyone have any recommendations on going out without feeling like there’s some weird target on your back? Or dealing with the guilt when you’re back home like you’re wasting away in your room? I’m told these are the “golden years” of my life but I just want to sleep and wake up better. I’m so tired. I just want to be able to DO things, even as small as reading a book or going on a walk without the paralysis and fear of not “doing it properly”.

ik ps can look like and act like anyone but i am scared Ik the stereotype of a p is someone who is like shut in, no friends, unattractive, corn addiction Before all this i already had bad social anxiety and critical about my looks, but at least then i knew the problem was just i had to work on lke people skills and self esteem Like i was just an average loser college girl and thats it But now any compassion or assurance i have in myself is completely gone. I feel fear when i look in the mirror and feel ugly, because it feels im already that stereotype and already a p. I fear that because of my looks i was always just going to end up a horrible person because my self esteem made me look for attention in bad places and be exposed to horrific things, i wasnt able to experience normal relationships like other girls But it was all my choice to do those things!! At the time i just felt miserable and insecure and honestly just didnt put enough effort into normal human interaction I just dont feel like a normal person!! Like i know theres nothing special about me but i feel like an alien Ive always considered alt clothing to be cool but i feel like in some way if id start wearing alt clothing Ill fullfill some sort of stereotype like its just manifesting like itll happen So i just want to resort to free and “clean” looking ways of dress idk?? Also i watched a video talking about how someones name like “manifests” their future like Usain BOLT - fastest man alive And im just like was i always DESTINED to become/be a horrible sick person ??? As for the addiction i cold turkeyed stopped interacting with it after my thoughts starting coming in because i was so horrified that maybe it started to rewire my brain and i was becoming or already became a monster But now im thinking because ik a p can be literally anyone doesnt matter what they look like that makes it worse because its like its coming for me theres no hope it doesnt matter if i try to prevent it I feel sick

I’m struggling this week to stop picking my fingers. They are getting really red and inflamed. I’ve put band aids on them to hopefully stop me need to pick but I just tear the band aids off so I can continue picking… 🙄 I have a lot of general anxiety and personal trauma that I’m moving through right now. But I’m not sure why this compulsion is so strong. I can’t identify and specific fear behind the picking. It’s just a habitual never ending action… any tips on body focused behaviors?

I’d love some erp ideas! I suffer with magical thinking ocd, mental contamination, harm ocd, pocd, health ocd. All of it!! Mental contamination is the worst one so far. They all like to take turns at being the star of the show but mental contamination is the worst one by far. I can’t buy shit because the fucker is contaminated somehow. I also deal with memory ocd which I try to remember something I did that I might not have done in the first place and trying to organize everything I’ve done,or the amount of times I was embarrassed, was wrong or ashamed of. Maybe I deal with some guilt ocd even if it’s not bad, just silly as hell. I try to remember shit that didn’t happen or try to organize shit in my head. It’s just never helpful. I end up ruminating and doing compulsions. I start getting confused about everything because my brain is so wrapped up in trying to help myself ease the anxiety and so it has no room for other important tasks. I dissociate a lot. I do have trauma so that is definitely one of the underlying reasons for certain. I get ocd while typing too. I get a bad image or thought and for it to not be or become true, or if I don’t want it to happen I gotta delete what I wrote and start fresh or I’m doomed. It happens no matter what I’m doing. When I’m doing a coping skill like reading, drawing, coloring, sitting with my journal, etc. it always goes after things I enjoy and gives me thoughts I don’t want to think of. It causes intense suffering. OCD literally holds a stick and just pokes me for fun. I start dealing with health ocd bc when my ocd gets bad, I get mentally ill and forget, repeat things that don’t need to be repeated bc it’s just feeding the ocd, I think there is something terribly wrong with me. I think I’m mentally sick and physically sick and just don’t know it yet. NOOCD doesn’t take my insurance. It’s bullshit. I’m not picky with a counselor to talk about life and sadness or whatever but when it comes to my OCD, they need to care, understand to the root, have it, or studied it all for years. If I had one wish that would come true, it would be to cure my ocd. I’d take that wish over winning a billion dollars. That says I’m suffering. It’s not a joke. People laugh or find us dumb but they don’t know how it feels to fist fight with your head. It’s not fun. I have a counselor outside of this. But, ocd isn’t one of her studies. Trauma is which can help ocd because ocd I learned so our body’s way of trying to find some control, while just losing it because we’re not trying to find control in the way we’re supposed to so we unintentionally/subconsciously find different ways without even realizing it. I think it’s a survival technique that isn’t helpful to us obviously. Although ocd can be stemmed from trauma, it’s also a separate mental illness so I need to find the right tools for me. I’d appreciate it if anyone can maybe comment some erp skills that have been effective although difficult at first to get down, I’d be forever grateful. Anything helps.

I have had OCD since I was 16. I had 2 major episodes in high school, got through them, and was doing getter. Always had the intrusive thoughts and minor compulsions but it was manageable. I recently graduated with my doctorate and will be starting as a FNP soon. Of course, my OCD is flaring now. Started out with health, now scrupulosity. I do really think it’s getting better, but I’m exhausted and depressed. I’m not severe enough for inpatient hospitalization, and I don’t know that I need an outpatient hospitalization program, but I’m so sick of waking up anxious every morning, crying, having a minor panic attack, then going on like nothing is wrong when my body feels like it’s dying. And since it’s religious, it’s hard to just “let the thoughts be thoughts.” Idk, anyone else have a flare with tips to get through it. It has been going on 2.5 weeks now. They increased my Zoloft last week and gave me some Xanax for the panic symptoms, but I think I’m leaning towards some depression. Just wanting some advice, encouragement, etc.

20++++ I’m definitely a p I walked out of the kitchen and saw my brother wearing the leggings pijama pants and saw that he was wearing the long sleeve shirt and when I went into the room I went to change my pants because I spilled juice on it and didn’t want to attract bugs and I wanted to put the pants in the washing machine then it’s like I thought im going out there to see my brother wearing that long sleeve shirt with the tight pants I swear I felt like I was attracted….and when I went out I was looking at him for a moment looked away and then looked….this is definitely p because I even thought he looked good

I’ve been doing a form of ERP for a few months. I want to stop doing compulsions all together now but taking that leap is a struggle. I mostly struggle with magical thinking OCD and one of my compulsions is going back to where I had the intrusive thought and redoing whatever it was to feel like it’s less likely to manifest in reality. This would mean if in a few weeks or months from now I can’t take the uncertainty anymore, I’d have to ‘go back’ and undo all progress I would’ve made in other areas of my life for the compulsion to feel complete. This could mean if I’ve cleaned my room, making it messy again for example. So stopping is a big commitment and I don’t know when I’ll be ready enough to make the jump.

I don’t really consider myself someone who gives advice, especially because I still struggle with OCD myself, so take this with a grain of salt. But after dealing with OCD for about 5 years, and having two years that were probably the worst I’ve ever experienced, I feel like I’ve learned a lot about what it’s like to live with this shit. I’m in a flare up again right now, and honestly, when it first started I was terrified. My biggest fear was going back to those two years that felt like the worst fucking years of my life. But looking back now, I realized something I didn’t see while I was in it. I still lived my life. Those two years felt like I was doing nothing but surviving. I had so much anxiety, fear, rumination, intrusive thoughts, paranoia, anger, and so much negative self-talk. I hated how I felt and constantly thought, “This is my life now.” But today I was looking back at pictures and memories from those years, and wow. I traveled. I celebrated holidays. I spent time with my family. I went out. I played my favorite games. I tried new things. Tried new foods. I made memories with my husband and my son. I still did things I enjoyed, even when OCD was screaming in the background. And honestly, that realization has helped me a lot this time around. So if I could say anything to someone struggling, it would just be keep living your life. Not in some cheesy “everything is going to be amazing!” way because sometimes it fucking sucks. Some days you’re going to feel like shit. Some days OCD will be loud as hell. Some days ocd will feel tolerable. And some days might actually feel great. But you can still live while it’s there. Find little things you enjoy. Go out. Talk to your people. Play your games. Watch your shows. Make plans. Do things even if you don’t feel 100% like yourself. And try to be a little kinder to yourself too. I was SO mean to myself during those two years. Everything was negative. “My life sucks. I suck. Everything is ruined.” And obviously that didn’t exactly make me feel better. I’m still learning all of this myself, but I’ve started looking at these things as little habits I have to keep practicing. Finding the good, being kinder to myself, accepting that I won’t always have answers or certainty, and just continuing to show up. I’m not saying this is the answer to OCD or that it will magically make it go away. I’m just sharing something I’ve personally realized that has helped me look at this flare up a little differently. OCD can be loud as hell, but it doesn’t have to be the only thing happening in your life. ❤️

Not seeking reassurance, just sharing. I was talking to a friend of mine today and a lie I told when I first mentioned my OCD to her got brought up. She knows the focus of my OCD is morality, but I lead her to believe the main focus of it is about fearing I’m racist. While this is a fixation of mine, it is not my most debilitating fear and it’s not what I’m actively being treated for. The theme destroying my life right now is POCD, but I hate telling people that for fear that they’ll assume I am what I fear I could be. I feel a lot of guilt about this, as if hiding it makes it more likely to be true. I also feel compelled to reach back out to her and confess the truth, which I know is a compulsion and I’m trying to resist, but then I spiral thinking am I resisting a compulsion or do I want to hide it because deep down I know it’s true and I don’t want anyone to find out, even myself. I also feel guilty for using a fixation on racism as the stand in for POCD, like that in and of itself is racist and an example of how I’m not taking being antiracist seriously enough. I don’t know why I didn’t just tell her the truth. I’ve told other people I’m close to, and haven’t had a negative reaction. It actually scares me how easily people dismiss the possibility that this isn’t POCD but fear of a latent desire. Like they aren’t looking close enough and if they ever did they would realize that I am the horrible thing. This post has become a bit of a rumination spiral so I’m going to stop it here, but I just wanted to share and maybe see if anyone has struggled with something similar.

hi! i’m lyndsey. i’m 22, and im struggling. about 4 years ago, i had my first panic attack - not an anxiety attack, a true, severe panic attack and it was on a plane. it made me physically sick (i get extremely nauseous) which then lead me to have health anxiety/ health ocd, agoraphobia. after struggling - at the time - i started medication, zoloft to be exact at 50mg. i have done great for the last 4 years. rarely any anxiety at all, no thoughts of health concerns, panic attacks quit. i thought i beat it. i lived my life and enjoyed it so much i even moved to a new city, alone! new york!!!!!! then, weirdly, i had a panic attack about 3 months ago now. i’m not sure why it happened, where it stemmed from. but since, i have completely gone in a spiral. back to googling, i’ve went to the ER twice now just this month. i’ve been housebound *mostly bed bound because im so full of fear. and the physical symptoms don’t help the health anxiety / ocd at all. obviously. my zoloft is not helping anymore, my doctor tried to put me up to 75mg, still not a budge. i’m now taking 50mg hydroxyzine, every 6 hours as needed. i take it twice a day mostly because i have a panic attack almost every morning and every night. i can’t sleep. i have the worst insomnia. i try tea, i try to meditate, nothing is really helping. any tips???? anyone else have severe physical symptoms? *headache for days / weeks (head pressure, head pains) *neck pain (like my head is too heavy) *dizziness / vertigo *fatigue *not wanting to eat *jaw pain *arm tingles, leg numbness *nausea *shaking, trembling, buzzing in body? *hot then cold then hot then cold (body temp not regulating) *heavy chest *etc.