Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Does anyone here have advice for Religious scruples?

I’ve read all kinds of retroactive jealousy cases, and none of them talk about my specific scenario. Most if not all cases always talk about their partners past which essentially is what I’m talking about here, but the problem is her and I were together all through high school until senior year, we broke up for two years and both dated other people and were sexually involved with said people. We did decide to get back together and we shared that information to each other. I think I buried it for 20 years because it’s now it’s 2026 and this break up happened in 2018, and out of nowhere right after she said yes to me in November 2025 to be my wife… this flare of intrusive thoughts since seeing what they did together in my mind will not go away. I remember the heartbreak I felt when I found out that she was sleeping with him (he was her bf now DUHHH right?!) but we were still very emotionally attached to each other. We never stopped, loving each other. She was there to all of my hardships as a child since we were together since we were 14 years old. And we both were extremely attached to each other because we survived together. It’s not just thinking about my new girlfriend’s past. It’s seeing a timeline of two people who grew up together and attached so hard that I still felt like someone got MY GIRL… why did this show up 20 years later?! and why can’t I separate these timelines in my mind because every time I see what’s happening it’s always the version I have in front of me doing those things 20 years ago. Either way it’s the woman of my dreams since I was a kid and even now, that’s why I’m marrying her. I was doing the same thing with my partner at the time so logically I know it was OK but my mind doesn’t stop playing it and showing me high definition videos of what I think unfolded and it hurts me deeply every time so it’s like a rolling effective depression because every time I see it the same pain hits again. She doesn’t judge me for it so how does she live there in that mindset? I’m sorry for typing so much. It was just hard to give you a reference because most people talk about their new partner’s past, and this was my ORIGINAL partner and my current partner OF 20 YEARS again… these intrusive thoughts and movies playing of her doing all positions and while she’s next to me. It’s just so heartbreaking every time I see them and it thousands of times a day. I just want to be closer to her again like we were three months ago. I feel for anyone that’s going through OCD in general. But wouldn’t wish this RJOCD on my worst enemy. I hope this treatment will help here.

Hi everyone. ❤️ I hope it's okay for me to post here even though I'm not the one who has OCD. My boyfriend has OCD, and I love him very much. Seeing how much he struggles sometimes breaks my heart because I wish I could make things easier for him, but I know I can't "fix" it. I also know that good intentions don't always mean I'm actually being helpful. That's why I wanted to ask people who truly understand what it's like to live with OCD. What are some things your partner, family, or friends have done that genuinely helped you? And, just as importantly, what are some things they did with good intentions that actually made things worse? I want to support him in the healthiest way possible, respect his boundaries, and be someone who makes him feel safe rather than accidentally feeding the OCD. I'm trying to learn as much as I can because he means the world to me. Thank you so much to anyone who's willing to share their experience. It would really mean a lot to me. ❤️

When I was younger 5 or 6 I won't get into great detail but something inappropriate happened to me.. my whole life I've questioned wether or not it happened I convince myself I'm lying because I want attention because I don't fully remember. I've ruminated on this ever since. I'm 21 years old now. I'm not sure how to express my feelings but. I am always questioning my reality. A coworker of mine physically pulled me by my shirt aggressively and My family convinced me to tell my boss. I have two managers and I spoke to the one under the main manager he said to let the main manager know. After a few days of thinking I convinced myself that it was just me that I'm jealous of him for some unknown reason "I'm just jealous" and I'm evil for trying to make him look bad. So I decided not to say anything. To my benefit my boss told the main manager for me so I didn't have to say anything. I grew nervous as I saw the video fully believing that I conjured up a whole lie just to fit my narrative of being eveil and jealous. She pulled up the footage and it's exactly what I thought I just second guessed myself so much that I literally lost my perception of reality. I know anxiety and ocd have similar symptoms but what really makes me think I may have ocd is the amount of time I spend ruminating on things and how they affect my life. Please share your opinion from what I've said

New dad to such a happy healthy beautiful 6mo old baby. Yet I struggle. I rush through diaper changes, causing my child distress and discomfort. At night I first have to put on a layer of clothes before changing my child because “what if”. I struggle with comforting my child when they cry, because “what if” my body responds? Oxytocin is a hell of a drug, and you can’t really control bodily responses. So I just end up avoiding doing things that may trigger a groinal response. This includes comforting my crying child at 3am, and my wife thinks I’m a monster for just rushing the diaper change and feeding, rather than picking them up, swaying and shushing and soothing my child - which I so desperately want to but can’t bc “what if”. Not to mention it takes me an extra minute to put on boxers and a shirt before changing them. So naturally bc it’s taking forever and our child is screaming, my wife gets pissed and swoops in to do the job at 3am, then I get pissed bc it reinforces the spiral but I can’t tell her bc of shame and I don’t want her to think it’s not POCD and instead I’m actually one Living in hell at the moment, need some perspective that it gets better.

Hi! New here. 👋 This is my first post so I am nervous, but, literally everything makes me nervous so why not just nip this one in the bud. 🤣 I have severe health OCD and I’ve been in a panic flare for about a month now. Any bodily sensation/pain, numbness, tingling, lump, bruise, my brain catastrophes it as cancer, MS, ALS, stroke, tumors you name it. I was on Prozac for a long time and it helped so much that I thought the smart thing to do was to get off of it cause I was “better”(it wasn’t and I wasn’t). Now I have to get back on it and my brain is panicking about the side effects and anxiety I will have while my body gets adjusted. Anyone related to this? I’d love to speak with people who struggle along with me, I have no one in my personal life that has this. Thanks! Happy to be here!🩷

It is so hard to navigate the heart break of saying goodbye to someone for one side of them that's unhealthy, when the other side of them was so good. 💔 I am looking for advice on how to handle a back-and-forth internal fight in my heart and mind after making a major decision; for several days I can feel completely okay albeit a little sad about my choice, but then the next week I feel absolutely awful and think, "What the hell did I do?" I recently ended a very long-term relationship with my boyfriend. Over the last few years, I grew and focused on my well-being, while he remained stagnant. Though he could be affectionate, his behavior was often exhausting, performative, and controlling. He adopted (maybe unknown to him) a "toxic positivity/guru" type of persona—sometimes even policing whether or not my reactions were uplifting enough, or concise enough, etc—yet underneath the mask, I believe he is a genuinely vulnerable, lonely man who deserves compassion.I ended things firmly, sent a loving letter saying I can't be in a relationship right now, and requested no contact on phone after he was messaging me like it's any other day. Of course, it's not that I wanted to be so extreme, and I would love to get to a point where he and I can send letters or emails but I needed to draw a line. I felt secure in my choice (albeit still sad) until a massive wave of grief, sobbing, and guilt hit me yesterday. I am deeply worried about him being middle-aged and alone (he's kind of a lone wolf type of man), as I was his best friend and he doesn't have a lot of other friends in his immediate day to day life. I struggle with standard advice to "just cut off a toxic narcissist" because he wasn't just that, and I am genuinely mourning the vulnerable person beneath his complex persona. How do I navigate this intense guilt and worry for his well-being without breaking my boundaries? Any thoughts or shared experiences would be deeply appreciated.

9 months ago my mental health crisis sky rocketed and I have been suffering and struggling since with a variety of severly increased OCD categories, but mainly Checking OCD, that has overtaken my ability to process and do a lot of things. I use to be able to function so normally (I'd check a small thing here or there, I'd straighten up a counter casually) without a lot of the struggles I am going through now - which have occured, spiked, and continues to drowningly debilitate me, After a few work related...traumas, if I may use that word. After working for a small business for 15+ years,(already in a state of despair, burnout and resentment for most parts of my job) being randomly and unprofessionally told by the owners (that were my bosses, mentors, and supposedly friends of 15 years) thst they were selling the store; which has felt like such an abandonment, jumped ship, thrown to the wolves feeling & that on top of that a category of service our store provides that is disgustingly drowning and has left me so beyond burntout and depressed and triggering more OCD snowballs. I have never experienced anything like I have been going through these past 9 months. Checking OCD keeps causing multiple relapses of compulsions and rituals, delaying and inhibiting fun, function, life, etc;, and seeing the ridiculousness of it but completely inable to face and overcome it. Because the trigger spiked and skyrocketed with work. And always continues and spikes when I think about work, come to work, or have to do the jobs that are triggers that I hate. A place I am at for 40+ hours a week. A very high paced, high stress, demanding atmosphere, that to begin with doesn't align entirely with my career goals and abilities, or a lot of it hardly aligns or meets my morals or lifestyle. And while I am completely grateful to have a job and one for so long, I want to be done. I am fed up. I want a happy healthy work environment doing something I am truly passionate about and excell at and not waste my abilities or talents halfassed-like in a work place where it's only a small percent of what they accommodate due to the wasteful demads of society, the world, and big corporations. There's no time, space or ability here to even begin to heal and or begin to try to get better. The new owner doesn't seem to care about my situation or even coworkers situations. No new employees hired to help with the rush. Only all these changes to ownership and then soon the store will have to be remodled and then at somepoint we will have to be open on Sundays. How am I supposed to get better when there's no support or time allowed or assistance from work in any way or anything. I dream of a fun work from home Graphic Designer Illustrator job, where I can have time to heal and get heathier and to be doing something I love and am passionate about thay actually means something and helps the world in some way. So hello to all who have read my nutshell of a journey. I desperately want to get better and heal and get back to normal. Putting myself out there like this is really hard. But to know and see how many others struggling with the realm of OCD gives me enlightenment and hope and courage. If anyone has tips or information for ERP with Checking OCD, I appreciate to hear your thoughts. Thank you and I hope you have a strong day.

So, I haven't been on this website in a while. I posted once before. Yeah, things have gotten better for me since my last post like I believed. I don't go to therapy or anything. Can't afford it on a weekly basis so I learn on my own. Always self sufficient pretty much. Yeah, I know... I'll feel weak if I went anyway. It's hard for me to trust anyone these days with all the stuff going on too, you know what I'm saying? But I got thinking again about how OCD behaves and even to the level of crippling for some. I was borderline crippled myself after experiencing the loss of a close one. It created a rippling effect within me. And I know how that feels with all the sleepless nights that came with it in the past for me. But I found a nice analogy for myself. I was thinking late at night when I came up with it. So here we go: Look at yourself as a kind of legislator, writing down these OCD laws for yourself which were set forth to help give relief for your own compulsions toward certain things. You believe these OCD laws are good because they provide a sense of comfort and protection for you as long as you 'behave accordingly' AKA doing the compulsive action. You think these laws are your safety net and that it's for the best. But you forget that these laws are really only giving you a false sense of security to your well being. Your laws don't actually make you free if you live by them. They just create the illusion of freedom and only serve to oppress you in the end. True freedom comes from being the outlaw, and not being afraid to break these OCD laws which you ultimately created for yourself as a defense mechanism for your compulsive behavior. If you really want to take back your freedom, start breaking these laws. And just like real outlaws from the wild west days, you will start getting used to breaking these laws without the fear or thought of the consequences. You will then start to realize that the laws you enacted were of no real benefit to you all along. It's ironic, but now the legislator, you, has to finally start breaking your own laws because you learned it was all a mistake and not helping you live the life you truly desire. You're finally getting a glimpse into what true freedom is like, you've awakened. But now, how will your brain react to this defiance of the laws which were already written down and passed by you? The real wild west outlaws feared the sheriff, but you fear how your brain will react to your conscious decision of giving up this false sense of freedom. It's like if you break these OCD laws, then the 'sheriff,' AKA your brain, will try to arrest your psych for it and get you back into your compulsive cycle again. This is what I describe as 'the battle with the self.' You may very well end up in a tug of war between your conscience and your brain along the way, but if you persist in resisting this illusion of security, then your conscience and mind will once again reconcile with your brain's response and peace will ensue, a unity will take place. This is true freedom. The brain will recalibrate and your mind won't feel the struggle anymore. That is my analogy and how I look at OCD as a whole now. I just want to say a couple more things. Your mind and brain are separate properties. OCD shows this to be true and makes you aware of this. They both work together but they are certainly not one of the same. But if there is no equal balance between the two then there is disorder, just like tug of war. Now you see your mind fighting with your brain. You have the ability to make the conscious decision to react or not to react to your brain's response to your urges or anything else for that matter. I know it's very hard but not impossible. It's just easier to react and give in because there is no effort needed to make any changes for yourself, and that's why you do more wishing but without much effort if any. And that can be said for any problem in life like drug addiction, alcoholism, video game addiction and let alone obsessive compulsive disorder. All of these have something in common and that is building resistance to them. Anyway, hope you like my little analogy of the 'sheriff and the rogue legislator' interesting or at least thought provoking. I'm just some 28 year old guy going through the motions with my own life. My somatic OCD is still there but it's far better than before. See you around.

Since March this year, I have been emotionally invested in a 36-year-old woman residing in Kuala Lumpur. I am a 47-year-old, also in Kuala Lumpur. We're both expats. At the age of 16, she was forcibly married off and became a mother soon after, then divorced; an intense trauma that, according to her, triggered her severe OCD and clinical depression. She has been living on her own in Malaysia for the past ten years. In March, she was put on a high, sedative dosage of Clomipramine (10 pills/day), which was further increased in late April. Initially (during the 10-pill baseline in March/April), our digital communication was highly mutual, fluid, and expressive. She would both reciprocate and initiate despite her medication-induced fatigue and long sleeping hours, even initiating a two-hour phone call. While we could not meet in person due to her prolonged sleep cycles, she warmly welcomed and initiated ideas of meeting up once she felt better. However, following the medication increase in late April, her communication patterns underwent a drastic structural shift. That shift was too obvious to ignore. Rather than directly questioning or pressuring her, I chose to educate myself about OCD in the background. I adjusted to a low-pace check-in style (two to three times a week), to which she would often respond with a very short phrase or a hearting reaction. She would continue to view my stories and posts most of the time. Our medium of communication has always been Facebook and Messenger. While I shared my phone number with her, I never asked for her number back or to connect through other social media platforms, for fear of overwhelming her in her current state of mind. On Mother’s Day, I sent her a greeting. She responded with gratitude, sharing that she unexpectedly had to fly to her crisis-torn home country, a high-stress environment, at the request of her ailing father (I presume to see her before he passes). Recognising the massive escalation in her family stressors, I avoided asking for heavy details but maintained my low-pace check-ins, actively avoiding open-ended questions. As a supporter, I have been closely analysing her reactive patterns, and I have noticed a highly specific coping mechanism that I wanted to get your perspective on, as carers/partners of people with severe or highly medicated OCD: - The Filtered Battery: When she has tiny windows of energy, she will actively engage with, "heart," or briefly respond to concrete, non-threatening, and low-stakes messages (e.g., photos of something I cooked or a bouquet of flowers I bought, or a light joke or poem I’d write for her). - The Open-Ended Freeze: Conversely, she will completely bypass or ignore standard, low-effort, open-ended questions like "How are you doing?" or "What is new with your father?". They are prompts I rarely ask, but thought fit the context of her temporary stay back home. Through learning about OCD, I understand the clinical rationale behind this. To a blunted, exhausted brain, "How are you?" requires immense internal processing and emotional accounting, whereas a photo of food is a safe, bounded boundary that allows a micro-connection without any emotional demand. However, as a non-OCD partner, my "understanding battery" frequently runs flat. My natural logic defaults to expecting basic reciprocation (like a standard, automated "I'm fine, thanks"). When that is missing, my anxious mind naturally compares this current pattern to our early March/April communication style, then distorts the silence into a narrative of "she is just losing interest," rather than "this is a medical freeze." While my overthinking and analysis of this are starting to burn me out, I definitely won’t be externalising this to her. - Is the communication shutdown I am observing a typical presentation of heavy Clomipramine titration/blunting combined with environmental trauma? - How do you advise partners to manage this specific "conflict of logics" without burning out? - Specifically, when an OCD partner relies on hyper-filtering communication to survive a flare-up, how can the healthy partner emotionally distinguish between a clinical shutdown and a genuine romantic retreat?

Housing vs Room Renting The most persistent, harmful, class based myths in U.S. housing culture. Let’s break it down in a way that fits casework, social work, recovery planning, and SDOH frameworks. Why People Equate “Rooming” With Something Being Wrong With You This stigma comes from history, class bias, mental health stereotypes, and outdated housing norms, not from anything about the person choosing shared housing. Below is the real explanation, written in the tone of a CW/SW/Recovery Planning professional. 1. Historical Bias: Rooming Houses Were Once “Poor People Housing” In the early 1900s–1970s, rooming houses were: • Used by low income workers • Used by people with disabilities • Used by people exiting institutions • Used by people without family support Because of this, society built a classist association: “People who rent rooms must be struggling.” This stigma stuck — even though the economy of 2026 makes rooming a normal, rational choice. 2. Mental Health Stigma Got Attached to Rooming Houses When states closed psychiatric hospitals (1960s–1990s), many people with mental illness were discharged into: • Rooming houses • Boarding homes • Shared living • Adult care homes This created a false stereotype: “Rooming houses = mental health or behavioral issues.” In reality, most people in shared housing today are working adults, students, or people priced out of the rental market. 3. Boarding Houses Used to Be Poorly Regulated Some older boarding homes were: • Overcrowded • Unsafe • Run by slumlords • Used as last resort housing This created a public perception that “rooming = unsafe or unstable.” Modern shared housing (PadSplit, Bungalow, SpareRoom, etc.) is nothing like that, but the stigma lingers. 4. Classism: Americans Equate “Success” With Living Alone There is a deeply American cultural belief: “If you’re doing well, you live alone in your own apartment.” This is not global, and it’s not realistic in 2026. Shared housing is normal in: • Europe • Asia • Latin America • Australia • Canada But in the U.S., people still cling to the idea that “independence = solo living,” even though: • Rent is at historic highs • Wages have not kept up • Inflation is real • Housing supply is limited So when someone chooses shared housing, people assume: “They must be struggling.” When in reality, they’re being financially smart. 5. People Don’t Understand Functional Independence For SSI/SSDI/DDI individuals, the public often assumes: • “If you don’t live alone, you must need supervision.” • “If you rent a room, you must have limitations.” This is incorrect. Many people with disabilities: • Prefer community • Prefer not to live alone • Prefer affordability • Prefer safety • Prefer predictable costs • Prefer companionship Shared housing is independent living, not “supervised living.” 6. People Forget That Humans Are Social Creatures Some people choose shared housing because: • They don’t want to be isolated • They want community • They want safety • They want companionship • They want to avoid loneliness • They want to share responsibilities But society frames it as: “You can’t live alone.” Instead of: “You prefer not to live alone.” 7. The 2026 Economic Crisis Changed Housing; But Culture Hasn’t Caught Up In 2026: • Rent is up 30–60% in many regions • Utilities are expensive • Groceries are expensive • Wages are stagnant • Affordable housing is scarce • Developers build luxury units, not workforce housing Shared housing is now: • Normal • Practical • Financially wise • Emotionally healthier for many people But people still judge based on old norms. 8. Stigma = Projection, Not Reality When someone says: • “Why are you renting a room?” • “What’s wrong?” • “Is it a boarding house?” • “Is it for mental health people?” They are revealing: • Their class bias • Their outdated worldview • Their lack of understanding of modern housing • Their discomfort with economic reality It has nothing to do with the person renting the room. 9. The Social Work / Casework Reframe Here’s how we frame it professionally: Rooming = Independent living with shared resources. Boarding = Structured living with meals or services. Group Home = Staffed, regulated care environment. Shared Housing = Community based, cost effective, independent living. None of these imply: • Mental illness • Behavioral issues • Instability • Inability to live alone They simply reflect different housing models. 10. The Recovery Planning Reframe Shared housing can actually support recovery because it provides: • Community • Accountability • Reduced isolation • Predictable costs • Safety • Stability • Social connection Isolation is a risk factor for: • Depression • Relapse • Anxiety • Functional decline Shared housing can be a protective factor. Bottom Line People equate rooming with “something wrong” because of: • Outdated stereotypes • Classism • Mental health stigma • Historical misuse of boarding houses • Cultural pressure to live alone • Ignorance of 2026 economic reality But the truth is: Shared housing is normal, smart, safe, and often healthier — especially in today’s economy. It is NOT a sign of dysfunction. It is a sign of adaptation.

Hi guys! I was doing so much better I feel like to the point where I thought the ocd completely went away and then my anxiety came back a bit and then I got my first period coming off birth control which REALLY messed my head up. I am someone whose always felt a little rigid in sexuality (I believe sexuality is a spectrum for most people and not uncommon in women it’s ok if you disagree) but I’m someone who developed a fear over the fact that I can sometimes have attraction to women or think they’re hot or whatever. For me it’s always just been sexual and I’ve never done anything in real life, I don’t love labels but I’d say I’m bi-curious maybe bisexual maybe just somewhere on the spectrum or straight i don’t know and I don’t care! I started having a fear that because I can get aroused by women sometimes it cancels out all my feelings or sexual,romantic or any feelings I’ve had for men my entire life. I was even trying to think about how I started liking these men, and I was like does it really matter how you started or just the fact that you did like these men, it doesn’t matter how it started or how you met. I just struggle with intrusive thoughts sometimes of “you’re lying to yourself” when deep down I know I’m not, I’ve always been aware my arousal can be flexible, which is not uncommon and if you’re also going through something similar just know that it’s truly not uncommon and normal in human sexuality. I guess sometimes I just need to remind myself things can coexist? I don’t have bi-phobia, I definitely did earlier in life when I realized I sometimes have attraction to women physically. I became perfectly ok with myself feeling rigid and then a fear came on that I was lying to myself completely, when in reality things can coexist and u can experience different forms of arousal and it doesn’t have to change how you identify. You could call me bi, bi-curious, straight mostly, or even heteroflexible, and I’m fine with all of those. I had a fear that since I find women attractive from time to time or whatever, it cancels out my feelings for men, which is NOT true! I guess this isn’t really asking for advice, just sharing my thoughts and story. Maybe this will help someone else out. It helped me even just to type it, because sometimes my ocd makes me feel crazy! I wish you all well

Hi I honestly don’t know if this is p behavior but it seems like it to me since my character is dressed as Maddy from euphoria and in my head it’s like I want to look good for myself or other guys Also I’m on Roblox playing this game and I was playing this asylum game and this dude was a guard and I was this mental patient being crazy and I liked the way we played and I liked being near him he added me on Roblox and I added him back and I’m worried if I’m a pedo for that because I don’t know his age and I kept going back to him because I felt good around him or in love this is probably ridiculous but at least my chat is disabled because of the p worries like I can’t talk to nobody on chat but it still worries me Because of course this is p behavior Roblox is filled with kids why would I want attention and compliments?

I am now at a place where my ocd fears are so much easier to manage since doing ERP and am on the right medication. I have been feeling so much happier although I now find myself constantly thinking about how I was approx 40 years ago ,before knowing that I had ocd. I feel so guilty of all the things I did for reassurance which I now know were testing compulsions. I ended up having a mental breakdown and I worry how all of this and the testing compulsions which were all based around my children could have affected them.as I wasnt diagnosed until 25 years ago They do not remember any of it, and I never ever harmed them or anyone else although as some of the horrible compulsions involved them I am getting into a bit of a state over this. I find myself wanting to tell them everything about the things I did , but cant as they dont remember I feel it would be unfair as it obviously had no impact on them, and it would probably be me just to make myself feel a bit better, is this just another kind of compulsion? i Am I thinking too much into this as I myself was so traumitised at the time. Please help me if you can as I have been so happy that I am now managing my ocd and I have had this horrible thing for 50 plus years , thank you for listtening

I made an account on an app named“I am not Saint Joan”. Do you guys think that’s offensive or disrespectful to her? I have religious OCD but I love religious imagery and theology and saints and all of it. But I’m scared it’s offensive or disrespectful to her. What do you guys think? I really like the name.

When I was in Jr high (ages ago, I'm 30 now lol) I developed an eating disorder. Had to see a nutritionist, doctors, sit out of PE, and more. It followed throughout my life but in stints. In my late teens, I didn't know I had OCD but I was super obsessive with the gym and weighing myself. I couldn't miss the gym or stay somewhere if it meant my gym day was the next day that would case me to miss it. I would hid myself on bathrooms to do sit ups, or weigh myself. I've shared my story on here before but eventually I was admitted into the hospital twice and after that I quit the gym..for a year. Gained over 100+ pounds in that time. Was super unhealthy. So many tasks were hard but I was scared to go back but a part of me enjoyed not needing to be obsessive about it anymore. From that time to now I put in a lot of work and lost over 130lbs and worked with trainer and changed my diet and lifestyle. But my eating disorder has shown face as of late and is even teaming up with my OCD. One thing I try to remind myself is that just because I've been on record for x amount years doesn't mean I have to be perfect every day. Because OCD loves sabotaging and coming for me when I'm doing better. I was loving being Healthy and enjoying the gym again. My personal trainer had me shake some things up with increasing my carbohydrate and fat intake due to our training, which that was a bit scary from my eating disorder background and of course OCD knew that. But I knew I had to eat to keep up with the training. Eventually I had to see a neurologist for consistent headaches I have been having for a couple years and they put me topiramate. To relieve the pressure that was around my brain. Well one of the side effects was weight loss due to it being an appetite suppressant. For a couple months it really didn't cause me any rumination at least anything extreme because I kept using the "maybe… Maybe not" tool. Because I kept having this fear of the medication being what's making me have success in my journey of fitness. I guess I was able to keep it at bay for a couple months until recently I was not able to anymore. I fell into rumination and looking up articles about the medication, about the side effects, about the dosage, messaging my trainer, etc. I started discrediting my entire training and work that I have been putting in for an entire year and put this migraine medication on this pedestal like it was the only possible way for me to have had the success I have had when it came to my health journey in the last four years. Not me working out 4 to 5 times a week and completely changing my diet. I looked back to my tools and I think I was just so lost in rumination that at that point in time nothing was working for me because usually my go to is the "shotgun tool". Where the shotgun tool that I've learned is an aid to help you distinguish between what you intellectually and logically know from the emotional feeling of certainty you want. So in this case I knew it was my OCD flooding me with all of these thoughts and I knew I was the one putting in all of this hard work not this migraine medication that was causing me to lose the weight that I did. With all of this I could be hard on myself and beat myself but one of my other tools is, how would I talk to a friend? And I know if my best friend was going through this...I would console him. So I hope for whoever reads this I don't want this come across as OCD is impossible or never ending. On the hard days we have to remember to keep being kind to ourselves and know there isn't time stamp on recovery. For me, I know I'll continue my therapy and we'll tackle this eating disorder and buckle down on some tools. I'm here along with yall! Love 💚

When you get this badge NOCD invites you to look back on the changes you’ve noticed on your recovery journey and share them with our community. I want to share some things I’ve learned. I guess the change I want to share is I’ve done and am doing the hard things and can offer advice now rather than feeling hopeless alone scared and lost. I’m glad I’m still here if I’m brutally honest because at first I didn’t know what was going on and just knew I couldn’t continue to live like that. So thank you me, NOCD, this community, my wife and daughter, etc. First, you’re the expert on you - you’re the only one inside your body who knows what’s going on inside you - so advocate for yourself. I know trusting yourself at first feels impossible and with OCD is more complicated but it is a process so as you grow more confident know that you can change your therapist by contacting member advocates, your hierarchy - talk with your therapist, seek recovery information in support groups etc, medication under a provider’s guidance may need adjusting too. I thought these things were set in stone for a while but they’re dynamic and can change throughout the process just like you do. Second, when you reach conqueror status you’re going to have a lot of feelings and questions about it. For instance, I think we’re afraid sometimes to say feeling nervous about a big change is normal because we care about and don’t want to reassure each other. However I think it’s not ocd when it’s a normal thing to be nervous about, it’s human and it is a big change. OCD can latch onto it like anything else but being nervous isn’t always OCD. Remember to live in the gray not black and white. Third, living the B- (good enough not OCD perfect) ERP lifestyle is good for future you and to continue all the progress you’re making here. So when it gets hard ask yourself “is it worth facing the fear for you?” And I hope that answer is yes. I have come to think of it as a way of taking care of myself now as weird as it sounds (facing the fear). And therapists don’t all get trained in ACT but utilize the blog posts here like: https://www.treatmyocd.com/search/Value Because in my opinion ERP in it’s own without the values over fears piece is like climbing Mt. Everest without any climbing gear or a coat. Find your why for doing ERP. it helps you choose your values over your fears on those really tough daeys It’s been hard 2 take in this badge. I know it’s an accomplishment and I’m proud of myself. The reality is I’m having a bit of a spike this week so of course OCD has something to say about the truth and validity of this. It’s a little hard to take in also because I’m getting used to a new autism adhd late diagnosis and life stresses. But to myself and all of us I want to say congrats and keep up doing the hard work! “It’s a beautiful day to do hard things.” (Kimberly Quinlan) and like I learned from Mackenzie and Alex in support groups “you got this.”

TL;DR I (early 20s F) have been in a 2-year relationship with a woman (mid-30s) who is still legally married, lives with her ex, and has a highly complicated shared life structure with them. The relationship has been emotionally intense, largely hidden, and unstable, and has significantly affected my mental health, contributing to OCD and severe depression. I also have OCD that worsens relationship uncertainty, and we’ve had repeated breakups and reconciliations. I’m now trying to figure out if this relationship is realistically sustainable or if I’m stuck in something that can’t work. Long version Throwaway account for privacy reasons. I’m looking for outside perspective on a complicated relationship situation. I (early 20s, female) have been in a relationship for about two years with my partner (mid-30s, female). We met online and became close quickly, and started dating shortly after. At the time I met her, my mental health was relatively stable. After entering this relationship, my mental health changed significantly. I developed severe anxiety patterns and was later diagnosed with OCD. My symptoms are strongly centered around relationship uncertainty, trust, and fear of abandonment. I also feel the emotional instability in this situation contributed to one of the most difficult periods of my life, including episodes of severe depression. From early on, the situation around her living and relationship status was complex and not fully clear to me. I was told she still lives with her ex due to ongoing commitments. Over time, I discovered additional details gradually, including that they are still legally married. Their situation is complicated: they still live together, remain legally married, and have ongoing shared responsibilities and family ties. While they are no longer romantically or sexually involved (as I understand it), their lives are still deeply interconnected for financial, legal, and personal reasons. There is a significant age gap between us, which I feel has also contributed to differences in expectations and understanding of relationship structures. I have never met her ex or her family due to the complexity of the situation and emotional boundaries. People around her are not directly told about our relationship, but most likely infer it. It is generally not openly discussed, mainly because she is afraid of how it could affect her marriage and existing commitments. Her ex, as far as I know, has been generally supportive of our situation. Because of this, our relationship has mostly existed in a private and somewhat hidden form. I do not visit her home and have avoided situations where my role would be unclear. Over time, this situation has created significant emotional strain for me. My OCD and anxiety are strongly tied to relationship uncertainty, leading to intrusive thoughts, doubt, and reassurance-seeking cycles. I am currently receiving help for my mental health and actively trying to manage this. At the same time, my partner has had her own mental health struggles, especially early in the relationship, including trust and control-related issues that affected communication. Combined with my own worsening anxiety, this has created a cycle where both of us have been impacted by each other’s mental health. There has also been a repeated cycle of breakups and reconciliations, often triggered by my anxiety spirals and inability to cope, followed by reconnection. This pattern has become emotionally exhausting for both of us. We are currently not in contact after a recent breakup, as she has said the cycle is no longer sustainable. At this point, I’m trying to understand the situation from an outside perspective and separate anxiety-driven thoughts from realistic concerns about the relationship structure itself. Does this kind of relationship structure realistically work in a healthy long-term way, or is the ongoing instability and breakup cycle itself a sign that it isn’t sustainable regardless of feelings? And how do I distinguish OCD-driven anxiety from valid concerns about the situation?

Hi guys, Second post here… even writing this feels unreal. Everything I do or see and the whole reality I live in always brings me back to the same questions and intrusive thoughts regarding whether this is all made up, if reality is a dream and how we are all here. The idea of solipsism terrifies me and makes me panic because if it were true, I wouldn’t want to live as all my loved ones are fake. I will never get answers for these thoughts and theories, which finishes the loop and makes me just as scared. A constant derealised state of mind has come to me as a product of this and itself triggers more of the same thought spirals , leaving me constantly in panic, stress, survival mode searching and searching….a genuinely consuming torturous loop. I feel like I’ve unlocked a state of mind I can’t come back from and the idea that I’m alone in reality scares me, triggering OCD in the psychosis theme. To those recovered , or suffering… I need help, hope, support .

It started with my sexuality. Out of nowhere my brain started questioning it, like “what if you’re not straight?” And it didn’t feel like curiosity—it felt forced. Like I had to figure it out right then or something bad would happen. So I started checking, analyzing, trying to be 100% sure. That’s when everything got worse. Once my brain saw that got a reaction, it moved on to my gender. Now it was “what if you’re actually a girl?” And it hit even harder. Same thing—pressure, urgency, nonstop thoughts. Not something I wanted, not something I was thinking about before. It felt like my identity was getting ripped apart in real time. I kept trying to solve it. Trying to land on an answer. Trying to feel certain again. But that just fed it. Now it’s escalated to the worst one—my brain throws out thoughts like “what if you’re a pedophile?” And that one feels disgusting. It goes completely against who I am, but my brain keeps bringing it up and then making me question it. Like I have to prove to myself I’m not a bad person. So I check again. I argue with it. I try to get certainty. And it just keeps coming back stronger. It feels like my mind just jumps from one thing to the next—whatever will scare me the most and make me react. Sexuality → gender → now this. And every time I try to fight it, it digs in deeper. I don’t even feel like I trust my own thoughts anymore. I just want my brain to stop attacking everything I care about and let me be me again.