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I saw this minor at the airport and I kept looking at him and I feel like a p because I thought he was attractive and I walked by him and was stomach was out so I felt like I did that to impress him and when I went outside his mom looked at me

I have experienced OCD in many forms ... Self harm, harm if others, religion etc. But now it's targeting my relationship and honestly it's debilitating at times.. I'm always convinced my person is cheating. However my relationship has became toxic . When it's good it's good .. When it's bad it's very bad. I have OCD and I worry about these things and when I do he now becomes angry.. he won't reassure anymore. Which is fine that is his choice but the anger and the things he says when he is angry about me "not trusting" him have built a wall . I want to do my part in making the relationship work.. but is it really my fault he calls me out of me name because he feels untrusted.. If you name it I've been called it And is it really my OCD wondering if I should just leave because this person makes it so clear that they hate me when they are questioned by my insecurities and the need for reassurance. Constantly.. to the point in which they tell me ..along with many other things.. It's abuse .. But then really isn't my OCD abusing them .. Not trusting.. questioning where about.etc . I love them I'm doing my part to fix me.. But why if you love me the way you say do u not see that you need therapy and meds too .. The thing is... Is that he was in therapy and taking meds... And he was a completely different person... As soon as I started he stopped How can the unhealthy cycle be fixed if we are not both working to better ourselves not just for each other but for our own selves . I love him I want to work I want to try.. but even if I'm trying will it be enough for you to want to or see that the things you say when angry stick in my mind... Infact they play non stop because I know obsess over them too .. Thanks for letting me vent .. honestly there is no need to reply .. I know I'm staying in this relationship because I do love him so much.. but I do truly need him to work on his issues as well My partner I feel like also has OCD he went through months of questioning about my past, comparing himself to it etc.. It was exhausting trying to defend 20 years of previous partners, remember positions etc .. He's got anger issues and then he had that .. he seemed therapy went on meds and all of his issues stopped .. w a seldom insecurity about my past . He since stopped his therapy and meds . Anger is back .. Hasn't brought the past up too much but a few times it's came up . But I'm terrified to even mention my OCD .. because that's the only time he gets angry .. Is when I question the cheating or where abouts etc. Or when I don't accept his reassurance and still doubt him... Ughhh

Rant! Mwuahahahaha :3 Recently I’ve been folding under the pressure of the reassurance cycle in my relationship. I’ve been doing good the past couple of months just accepting uncertainty and not performing compulsions. But around last week, yesterday and today, I sought out reassurance from my bf, despite knowing better. Does anyone know why myself and possibly others will fold under this pressure to seek reassurance even when the better solution (erp) is in the back of our minds? My behavior pattern when im triggered will look something like : -upset -angry -regretful after getting reassurance -sorry I was angry A while ago my bf expressed to me that being angry from my intrusive thoughts affects him. That I shouldn’t be angry first, sorry later. And I agree as it’s unhealthy and hostile. I wouldn’t have to be sorry if I didn’t get angry and become reactive. After he said that to me I caught on and stopped becoming reactive and leaned into my erp. It was smooth sailing from there. Until last week, yesterday, and today…. 2 days ago i became burnt out mentally trying to remember what my erp skills are and what terminology I should be remembering. My biggest fear is forgetting how to do erp or falling back into my old habits and being stuck permanently. I feel like such a terrible person for being reactive over my intrusive thoughts towards my bf. He’s expressed to me that how it unfolds upsets him yet I folded under the pressure anyway. And it’s a choice too. In my mind I know the better route is the accepting uncertainty path but i choose to act out and seek reassurance from it. I don’t know why I choose to hurt him but in the moment it feels like he hurts me so I have to reciprocate it. Im reacting off an impression or hypothetical not a fact. Im being a terrible person towards him over something that isn’t even true. And I think I still fold and seek reassurance from him because he’s given it to me before and stayed with me despite being reactive and angry. I haven’t fully understood that he doesn’t have to do anything and can leave our relationship at any moment. To which I wouldn’t blame him. But it sucks that I choose to be mad at him because I assume he won’t leave, he’ll give me reassurance, and I can keep that cycle going. I really want this relationship with him to work. Anyway, that being said, I think the reason why we dip our feet into the reassurance cycle is because we’re familiar with it and have an idea of what the outcome can be but if we accept uncertainty that means we have to trust that the outcome from it is good. Trust being such an uncertain thing. Also, seeking reassurance for so long has probably made it a habitual problem for people like me that it makes the natural association of it being “good” because we see the reassurance we get from it as positive outcome from this bad behavior but we don’t see it as bad because we get what we want out of it anyway so it’s like yay I feel gratified (even if it lasts momentarily). So that’s why we trust it more than accepting uncertainty. Lmao im reading this back and what a rant, im not even sure I worded things the way I wanted to come across but im not gonna make it “just right” and ruminate over my sentences so I’ll leave it here teehee. I’ve started my ocd recovery journey around February 2025 so I’d say im doing pretty good for myself but holy shit I just realized how fast im learning and applying my knowledge to my life. I didn’t realize how short of a time span has gone by to try and unlearn about 10+ years of ocd habits. Have a wonderful evening dolls, this community is so special to me 🪽

does anyone else struggle with both ocd and bipolar?

For the last week, I have gotten little sleep. The first 3 or 4 days, I would lay on the couch shaking, having like full body jerks, exhausted but laying there with my eyes closed all night. Tossing and turning for hours and maybe slept a total of 30-60 minutes very broken up through the night. The last few days, I'll feel a bit better and try to go to sleep and wake up 45-60 minutes later or an hour and a half later it I'm lucky, before everything floods back. I get jerky and shaky, my stomach has a pit, I feel that dread, anger, anxiety, and I'll be tossing and turning again with bits where I fall asleep for 20-40 minutes maybe 2-4 times through the entire night and morning. It's driving me insane. It's scary that I can't sleep much and when I do, it feels like torture and I'll have nightmares for the little bits I do get.

Hello! I've been trying to help out people earlier today, which I love to do. But damn, I'm feeling the flare-up super bad today. The thoughts, the sensations (mainly groinals and somatic; nausea and throat tightness, the urges, and feelings were non-stop today. And I probably reinforced that through compulsions of checking, testing, and reading forums. It really felt like I was back at square one ever since September started. I had a really bad and short episode of health OCD, which exposed me to my triggers. Now it's come back SO-OCD and ROCD have come back to bite me harder plus the pressure of taking the nursing board exams this November. It all just feels too overwhelming. I kept getting thoughts like "What if I'm lying, What if I acted a certain way, which where other people might think you're another orientation, What if I'm using OCD as an excuse, Why did I dream about this, Why did my body react like this, why did you move like this, maybe you don't love your gf" it's just all what ifs, the whys, the doubts and it became too much today that I actually broke down. Prior to these themes, I really was happy, I just wanted to live life with my gf because she brought color to my world and she made me genuinely happy. For once, I was really happy. But then these themes came and ruined a lot of things. I still want to live life with her, to be able to see her smile every day. I just love my girlfriend so much, and it hurts me just thinking about not being with her. I hate this disorder so much, and how much it took things away from me ever since I was little. The doubts, the distress, the trauma this caused, I grieve for my past self. I find myself constantly breaking down, and it still hurts that I'm robbed of my identity, my life, my love for my partner. I know these are just intrusions, manifestations that feel so strong. I know I can still do the things I want together with my girlfriend. But damn, I just wish I could catch a break and enjoy the things and people I love. Sorry, I had to let it all out.

are not random burdens; they are mirrors reflecting the meaning you attach to your thoughts. You suffer because the meanings you create are rigid and absolute, dividing your inner world into light and shadow, saint and sinner, worthy and unworthy. This split produces a double-mindedness, a divided psyche struggling to reconcile its opposites. Imagine your thoughts as figures that rise from the depths of the unconscious, much like waves emerging from the sea. They are not moral or immoral in themselves; they simply are. Yet when they reach the shore of consciousness, you label them good, evil, holy, or profane, and in that act of naming, you give them life. The moment you judge the thought, it gains substance, and what was once a passing wave becomes a tidal force crashing upon your inner shore. Consider the person with OCD who calls themselves a bad person for an intrusive thought. That judgment, born of fear and moral expectation, gives the thought weight and reality. It becomes a living symbol of guilt. But pause for a moment and ask yourself, can anyone prove their goodness? Who among us stands pure when the full contents of the unconscious are brought to light? If all humanity examined itself as the scrupulous mind does, we would all drown in despair. For the obsessive, this process happens instinctively. The psyche, in its fear of chaos, clings to moral order, even if that order imprisons it. Each thought is measured against an inner ideal that can never be met. The more one tries to be pure, the more the shadow resists, demanding recognition. This is why the thought feels so real: you have projected meaning onto it, fusing it with the moral energy of your inner archetypes. To free oneself, one must begin to deconstruct the foundation upon which such meanings rest. Morality, viewed psychologically, is not an eternal law written outside of man but a tapestry woven by the collective psyche, shaped by religion, culture, and fear of the unknown. It is a structure born of humanity’s longing for order amid chaos. To see morality as a human formation does not abolish right and wrong; it allows you to see that the moral code itself is symbolic, a language through which the soul seeks wholeness. When you loosen the grip of the meanings you assign to thoughts, you begin to see through the illusion of time and identity. The past becomes a myth retold by memory, and the future a projection of hope or fear. What remains real is the living moment and the conscious act of choice. Peace does not come by silencing the thoughts or purifying the mind, but by integrating what has been split apart, by seeing both light and shadow as belonging to one and the same Self.

i feel like im dissociating, when i am with my boyfriend and i look at him i am hollow , when i think about him and being with him forever, and tbinking about the 2 year and a half together its like i cant rember how it was to feel in love pr to love him i feel like… i have no feelings and i dont know what i feel and nothing makes me feel better … i tried not posting here but i just want someone to help me. i dont know what i feel i feel disconnected from myslelf , from him… like i dont love him and im just existing with him (we dont live together, he stays at my place at weekends and we dont sleep together at night my partents still dont allow it even if im 18) , i dont know what i feel my chest is so tight… i look at him and feel so hollow… i even have many many moments when he annoys me, or i get the ick, or think he is stupid making me think its the end and the thoughts i once feared became true and i dont have rocd… maybe all this time… all these 2 years of me gaving thoughts was just me not accepting the truth… i cant remeber how it is to love… im not feeling anything… seeing people in love witj their partner and being happy makes me so sad… bc im not happy, even though he loves me.. im horible… am i trully like this? why? it feels so real. why. im tired… i cant acces therapy or meds, i have to heal alone, the problem is that i cant even stand talking to him vc hearing his voice, seeing him, talking to him, imagining a life with him makes me want to cry and be alone bc my mind tells me i dont live him that i cant stand him anymore and i have changed, that my feelings are gone and that is why i cant see a life with him, i dont understand why i have so many negative emotions towords him when he loves me so much, im thinking this isnt ocd and in just forcing myslef to love him and to stay bc i have this expectation i put on us from the start that he is the one. i keep thinking i want to break up but i dont have a solid reason, just how bad i feel , i havesi much anxiety and i fee si stressed its making me go crazy. Some people told me on nocd once that maybe i just matured and my feelings and preception changed. I feel like i lost myslf i used to be so loving and carring and daydream even though i had thoughts about me not living him but it just got worser and worser and went to a psychologist a while ago, hoping I’d get some clarity about what I was going through, especially with my constant relationship doubts and emotional numbness. But instead of feeling heard or understood, I was told things like “maybe you never really loved him” or “maybe you’re just not being honest with yourself.” That experience didn’t help me — it made my thoughts worse. It planted seeds of even more doubt, and I left that session feeling more broken, more confused, and even more alone. Now, I can’t go back to therapy because my parents don’t believe I need it. They won’t support me emotionally or financially with it, and that makes everything feel even heavier. I’m stuck with these thoughts, with no professional support, and I’m trying to hold on I’ve been like this for almost 2 years and it only got worse. I feel hollow and numb, like I lost myself. When I look at old pictures or read old messages it feels like a completely different person wrote them — not me. I can’t remember how it felt to love him, I can’t imagine a future with him, and even when I’m next to him or kissing him I feel fake, uncomfortable and anxious inside. My mom told me things like “maybe you only put it in your head that you have to be with him” and her words are stuck in my head, making everything feel even more real, like it’s the truth. My chest feels so tight all the time, and I’m scared that there’s nothing to heal because this isn’t OCD but just me realizing I don’t love him. I want to heal, but I feel like I don’t have the strength to do it alone and I can’t access therapy. I feel trapped inside my own mind and I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s like my fear became reality.

Changing plays a part on ALL your senses. 1. Emotional Attachment Past experiences, especially those tied to love, loss, or trauma, often carry strong emotions. These feelings can linger and make it hard to move forward, especially if the past felt safer or more meaningful than the present. Stop fully investing in anyone (new) in 2003. 2. Unresolved Issues When something from the past remains unresolved — like unanswered questions, regrets, or unfinished business — the mind tends to revisit it, trying to make sense of it or find closure. Solved it all. say my peace , straight then ✌🏽. Key: all parties must take ownership of their part. And admit the truth that they don't want to see, or feel the pain from. My growth and healing does NOT depend on them. Sorry 3. Identity and Self-Perception People often define themselves by their past. If someone has built their identity around a particular experience or relationship, letting go can feel like losing a part of themselves. Partially agree. I do not identity with my past in that way. I was a runner so I wouldn't have to. 👎🏽✌🏽 4. Fear of the Unknown The future is uncertain, and the past is familiar. Even if the past was painful, it can feel safer than stepping into something new and unknown. WAS TRUE but from age 14 until not I am over it. Sometimes change is serenity and I love ❤️ that. 5. Guilt or Shame Some people hold on to the past because they feel guilty or ashamed about something they did or didn’t do. That emotional weight can make it hard to forgive themselves and move on. From a teenager to now, I have learned that my same stemmed from me being raised in church and hearing Bible verses in Mt head when I was deciding what was bad or good. Right or wrong in my parents eyes. It spent a lot of my adult young age years dealing with my morals and beliefs. Trying to be "good" and trying not to be a 'Statistic". At about 28, I threw those towels in. Because no matter what I did good people still labeled you. So I flipped a bird and decide that I didn't need anyone to reassurance me about nothing because I already know who I am. If they don't believe me then who gives a ahit, I dont. 6. Nostalgia and Idealization Sometimes, people romanticize the past, remembering it as better than it actually was. This idealization can make the present feel disappointing in comparidon't. I remember the buttlefies, and puppy dog tails because I want to. I also remember the perspectives for each of my siblings. The thing about it all is I had to force them to admit to the good stuff. They were old, so as a younger kid, it was like pulling teeth to get them to admit to the fun stuff. My problem with that is why hold onto ALL NEGATIVE SHIT AND NO POSITIVE? That by itself is miserable AF and I don't do things to myself like that. So when my family said your were a kid, your weren't even paying attention. I would bust their head by reciting what I knew and understood about each one of them. What mom had said in a problem directly to them, how she told them to fix, what they ask dad about and what he said know to, and who got mage at him and held it against him until he died. I felt the shit when you went through knuckle head... because I was there. I seen all yall tears, fears, AND brawls. Just because I wanted to smile didn't mean I did understand your scars. I believed in family and I also believe in love. I believe that good alway win. So I took that path. Shit was not that bad any, not she died and we all was separated. They do know the half... why because they would have hold some of the responsibility. The end 😝 You pass don't determine you. It's just a peace you. Those who don't want to let go of YOUR PAST, leave them there. And keep moving forward. Being there, done that and dues are paid. Thanks

Hiieee "Be the change that you wish to see in the world" "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten" "You cannot change the people around you, but you can change the people you choose to be around". I love ❤️ all these sayings. Today I realize that African American people seem to not be willing to allow others to grow and "be." Some have the most difficult time in letting go of the pass and watching someone change. I find it very disheartening to see this. People want to constantly make me my mistake in the past or constantly want to force me to believe I have grown from or changed. They don't understand that just because you don't believe in me doesn't mean that I do not. All of my past mistakes are linked. And because I am able and willing to think positively, let go of past pains, and move forward. There are many people around me who wants me to remain STUCK, DESOLUTE. To fall back in old habits and be the person that I look like on paper. They want to keep you in a traumatized state of mind to see, "What will help." SMDH It's said that people purposefully hurt others for a thrill. Or are that intrusively nosey that try to use the correct acupuncture pin site to seat it all up to flames. Giggles I have a very high tolerance, but zero for BS. These are so-call Community helps. I don't play games, I just adapt to what is given to me. Always have always do. You can only work with what you have, right? But I am not that person that they want me to be. What they will never understand I that person is a survivor. And just because you don't believe in what she has survived and the repeated traumas she fought through and got away from is not on her its on you. I was once as by an Official body to write down all my pass issues that I could remember where I had gotten myself in trouble. To write the date and year, who I was with and what happen. Then truly write why did it happen. I did. After I completed that document and a re-read it back to myself I felt humiliation and dumb. But it also made me feel like I won at the same time. But I just took it as a win and then let that feeling go. Once I gave it to that requesting person, they said they read the document. Then they asked me how do I see myself. I said I am a person, I been there some things but I've managed and I am still here. As we spoke they said something that I did not equate to. Because for me since I am a fighter, and will fight through obstacles... they said "you have been through a lot of traumas and abuse you entire life. Do you think you experience PTSD? .... ? I've never looked at it like that..... It was life. Most people around me were going through worse shit and I'd get caught helping them with theirs so I could not be bothered with mine. It's what I could do to feel better until I could change it. In that moment once I got off the phone with that person. I read it from their perspective. It was very sad, it had a life time line that I did realize I had created. I wanted chronological order when I wrote because it help me to not miss the pieced. That person seen trauma, I seen pain and try to hold on to thing that I could not make better. I remember a Pastor saying to me, sometimes when you want to heal or even change to get better, you must change the people around you. That say bleeds my heart. That saying bleeds my heart. I have a enlarged bloody heartthrob is always about to explode. Over the years I have been very careful about who I allow to get close to me, to real know me. Of course all else is splattered on my background. But it is very minimal of those who KNOW KNOW ME and real love me. My youngest brother, I miss him so much. Since he has pass I have been wanting to talking him. Our last face to face we fought like cats and dogs. I knew why he cam to see me, he was reaching out to me and needed me. My baby brother never comes my way unless he needs me. Because he knew I have never let him fall. He was lost but he did see that I was running. He just thought I could snap my fingers and make it all be, "for him" like I always did. But he could not see me, mine. It is so much pressure when you have have your family who has their nose turned up and they ALL come to you to save them. No judgement, no words, just an open door, you're safe. My home, you'll always be safe, comfortable and can gain peace... and some reality... it you want to talk about it. But I could help at that time because I was running. And he didn't because he knew if I wanted to be done with someone, I was done. So he came with his ideas of how he could transition to where I was bit he never heard shit I was saying. And he is a hand full. And I would have down it but I wants ready nor it the right position. I know my family and I know what they expect of me even though they will never say it in positive or motivated way. He did, all the time... even cursing each other. My family will never, ever, ever, admit that my door had always been opened to them. They will never , ever, ever admit that they came to me to help them through in there lifetime more than once. My behaviors sometimes was a little unorthodox but it got shit done, right. My brother depended on me like I was his mother, I saved him as much as I could. He was the type that as soon as you'd tell him he was fuckijg up ... all of a sudden he was a grown as man. I could never waot for him to say those words to me. Because a soon as I fixed things and taught things, and organized his adventures and disadvantages... he was a grown man again. And when he wasn't there yet every male figure around me was a threat. The shit was crazy. He asked once, am I your blood. I said, Yes, babe bro you are. He said you trick those guys you date better than me. I said I do not. I am very strict with you because I know you and I know when you are about to get yourself in trouble. You get restless and you start talking dumbshit. My guy friends get it too. But you're mine, my family I want you alive. I have the rights to you know them. He alway worried about me get married again, so scared of someone taking me away somewhere and him not being able to follow. I promised him that I was go nowhere the he couldn't come. If I did, I'd help him get to me. I alwaus do. I think about him today because I need him. And if I would call him right now he and a slew of unknowns would have been here yesterday. Because he would ask me, &$*%#% what you need? What you need me to do to make it happen? How much you got to spare? And say OK, bet. I got you babe, don't stress or worry about a thing. But I lost that guy in 2023 and need. The point of this THEY WANT YOU TO BREAK, THEY WANT YOU TO FALL, THEY WANT TO SEE YOUR ROCK BUTTON AND THEY WANT YOU SEE YOU FALL BACK INTO YOUR OLD WAYS. WHY ... It makes them feel at ease for not being able to help you. It's there excuse they give themselves to not care.

I was doing fine. My psychiatrist told me we can quit the medicine. And my therapist told me that i don't need to continue therapy since i was in a good place where i could control my OCD symptoms. But a couple days ago my intrusive thoughts came back. And yesterday i went to see my psychiatrist and she decided to go back to my usual dose. But she also told me she had suspicions that what i have is OCD. She told me i could be more like Generated Anxiety disorder. But when i tell her about my most prominent intrusive thought, she told me this was OCD and i should not dwell on the titles. I am confused and panicked now thinking if i am not OCD, then what i am thinking is real? But i don't want it to be. The thought makes me scared and panicked. And i find myself thinking about it constantly. Looking for evidences and checking my past memories. And then i go back to thinking what if i am in denial and this fear is the fear of denial? What should i do? How can i stop this chain of thoughts?

Just remembering that 14 year old girl who I went to the Waterpark with I thought she was pretty and when she showed me intimate photos of herself (I didn’t ask her to show me nothing) and then she looked at me and I was going to say you’re very pretty thank god I never said that because I feel like a p for even thinking she was and why would she show me pictures of herself and being too touchy with me not giving personal space I’m just thinking it’s my fault I don’t know what to do in situations like that

Do you guys evevr get confused when you see a masculine female I saw one And her hairs were so short and she had that masculine body its impossible to say she's a woman.. Im scared im attracted to her.. And ngl she looks like a man.. She's handsome .im sacred...im attracted yo ehr and i cant deny it..😞😨❓⁉️

Family is not alway blood... I had to learn what that meant to me early in life. This old white, I met working in nursing home, veteran. I would never talk to anybody just had a routine of get up for every meal back to bed after. He was a little over weight a first when I meet him. Down the road he was assigned to me. My nurse state he ask for me, I said for what? To care for him. I said how, can he talk? She said of course he can. So, I begin setting my day up with him. Knocked at the door, went, said hello Mr. SonSo, how are you today. I paused, gave me a smile. Ask a arranged everything I explained what I'd be doing. And also the him the day, date and whearher. While preparing his bath. I spoke what the sun or cold felt like to my skin, the smell of the day, or any notable noise, small event on the way to work. After, I ask if he wanted wear this or that, I'd say to him, "Oh, my dad had one of these hats. I like a man who where these types of hat. I makes them look wise. Let me see how you like. I placed it on him and said, I can tell you had a quality about you. Then placed the hat back and went on getting dressed and up and out to breakfast. End: He did speak, just did like people... he said. I wore a lot of earrings, rings, bracelets. He kept grabbing at my right hand and hitting it. I've seen him do this before but I did know what he was doing. Bur he snatched my hand this time. I stopped and looked at him. I said, what's wrong. He slap a my hand shook his he No and state No. I said, I'm sorry if I scratched you, I'll take them all over. He was getting frustrated with and said No. So, I held both my hands out toward him. He kept pointing at my wedding finger, hitting it. I said, OH, no we are separated. He it that finger again , thrown hands back and forth with a look of where. I said he's still around but... he grab me arm. Stuck that finger again. I said, my rings. He shook his head with a sign of relief. Oh, my rings. Did you notice my rings. He said yes. He could speak, very slow, you need to be patient with him. I explained that I took them off because he need a lump sum of money and want to pawn them but promised me to get them back. My friends here wave No! Like he was my daddy. Pointed to my ring finger and took off what I had on that finger. He said, No other ring goes there but the correct one. Bit it back. I said but we were are together and I didjt think we would be back together. I siad we will always be friends, he said put it back and I did. There's more another time. Unfortunately, your helpers comes in to help and talk about everything that should be unspoken in the present of my client. I'd say excuse her she has no manners and he'd circle his fingers and eyes as if to say she was crazy. And he'd no better, she was with him before me. Talking about everything, her business, my business, just blah, blah, blah. He grab at me one of these days. Pointed towards her and shock his head no and wipe his hands. He pointed to the phone and his heart. Meaning the guy I was saying, I said my boyfriend? He point to my wedding finger, I said I'm not think marriage again. I think I was too young the first time. He said, "Nice Guy?" I said I don't know, I just met him and it's nothing serious. He knew he was at my home at that moment. He motioned by wiping his hands, and for him to go. He said when you go, he go. I laughed so hard. And said my dad you to say that to one of my sisters. .... my computer flashes alway pictures from every cloud. I can even find them when looking for them. But it's fun to see them. I got permission to take a picture with up out bed. I knew he was dying and I loved his smile and his push. I hated that such a good person had to die along. But he said, he made mistake a the beginning and acknowledged them. He was so sweet and respectful. Initial chat: Your family and friends can encourage your destructive behaviors and when you and they know it's completed wrong. They can need just as much help as you perpetuating helping and assisting you to stalk, "Try to" cyberbulpy, intimidating and control. My NOT2DAY means FK OFF ! To yous.

Sometimes Family and Friend are your trigger In my personal and professional experience I find that people that has a person with a MH or BH condition who was never help them throughout childhood, laughed and giggles with them about their behaviors are their enablers. You should not surround yourself around those who enable those negative and bad things about you. That is key red flag. The problem is that we don't look for them within our own family, within our own group of friends that we've grown up it. Have long term friends of 20 plus years means nothing if these friends encourages you spirals, triggers, and down falls. I'm very select about my friends and who I keep to eat with me at my table.

Could a 9 year old do something inappropriate to me in my sleep?

I’m so worried if I actually did something to my little brother when he was sleeping next to me once like I didn’t know it was inappropriate to sleep with a little sibling but I feel so guilty because he and me were talking and he mentioned his shirt light up and that reminds me of an old pajama he had and he showed me his shirt and it lid up and I feel so guilty because I don’t remember if I did anything bad how do I know???? I asked him if I did he said no ok maybe he doesn’t remember?

My rocd has been very bad the last few months and I’ve been questions my boyfriend a lot. A lot of the things he has told me haven’t really made any sense, they’re minor things but still. Anyway, he talked to this girl briefly for like 2 months 2 years ago. They were just friends but he said she played with his feelings and was weird so he stopped being friends with her. She was irrelevant most of our relationship until some months ago when I saw her in his suggestions. She never had an instagram account before. I started staking her profile a lot and becoming really insecure. I’d always bring her up and question if he had liked her in the past or if he looks at her insta. Anyway, he went to a birthday party a few months ago which I knew she’d be at and it made me uncomfortable. I think I was being controlling though, I just didn’t want him talking to her or something. He said he wasn’t around her at all that night and that was that. I know one of his girl friends probably posts her sometimes though so I’m scared he found her pretty and starting talking to her again. I keep looking at her socials and I don’t know why. I want to be her so bad, she’s literally perfect. I feel like she’s the kind of girl anyone would find attractive no matter what their type is. She also listens to the same exact music as my boyfriend and is like niche I guess idk, unique. I know I shouldn’t have constantly brought her up for no reason but I’m just so incredibly insecure. I brought her up last week after I had saw a post she made. I was just questioning my bf again. Like 7 hours later he had listened to the same exact song she posted on her story which was beetles by aphex twin. That song isn’t popular at all and he had never listened to it before and it wasn’t on any of his playlists. I started questioning him and he first told me he saw it in a TikTok edit. I asked him to find the edit but he couldn’t so he then said it must’ve been instagram or YouTube. That song literally has like 100 posts on each social media platform and that’s it. He told me what the edit was about but couldn’t remember where he had seen it. He couldn’t find the video on insta or YouTube either so then he said maybe he saw it somewhere else but he was sure he had saw it. He said maybe it wasn’t an edit. I said “you literally told me exactly what happened in the edit though” so then he said he was sure it was an edit but he couldn’t find it. It turned into this huge thing and we’ve been arguing for a few days. He SWEARS he didn’t look at her profile and we had a long discussion about why he doesn’t like her and all this stuff. He showed me her blocked contact. There was a girl right above her who my boyfriend had told me he only deleted, not blocked. She wasn’t anyone concerning but I literally asked him multiple times if she had ever texted him since he told me she wasn’t blocked. My mom was also blocked and then a random number and some team lead he worked with at seaworld who he apparently reached out to for help with his enlistment process. I’m scared he just blocked a bunch of random numbers to make it look like she had been blocked for a while if that makes sense. He also calls her grace instead of Gracie sometimes. At first he said it was just a typo but then he did it over call. Her real name is grace, he said he doesn’t switch between the two on purpose. She also only takes her account off of private when she posts herself on her story idk if that’s weird. My boyfriend and I finally talked everything out and I was calmed down. He had always told me in the past that he’d give me all of his socials. We’re long distance so he can’t just show me his phone. I asked for his insta password today to just see if he actually would since I’d always decline. At first he said yes but then he said no and that it was an invasion of privacy. He told me he didn’t want me to start overthinking and arguing with him over nothing which I always do bc of my rocd. He said he’s been really stressed (he has) and wants to avoid arguments. He said if I didn’t question him about every little thing then he would have. He also said there’s things he talks about with his family and best friend that are private, we’ve been together for 2 years btw and we were planning on moving in together next month. He said we could call tonight and he’d screen record and go through his profile. I just feel like he’s hiding things from me. I’ve had a horrible gut feeling for the past like week and I’ve felt sick (also on my period). Well the gut feeling has been there but the sickness started this week and I can’t eat. He said I shouldn’t need his passwords and it’s immature. On social media I see the opposite and a lot of people say your partner should be able to have your passwords especially if you’ve been together for a while and it’s a serious committed relationship. We’ve been intimate together but he has things that he doesn’t want me to see. He’s seen my body and I’ve seen his but passwords is an invasion of privacy? I just feel really sick. He has been cheated on before and his mother was too so I never thought he could do that to me and he always expressed that he couldn’t. I never doubted him the months we weren’t long distance or the beginning of long distance but I don’t know this version of him. I love him so much though and I don’t want to be loved by anyone else, I’m just scared I’m oblivious to what’s actually going on.

Chatgpt is triggering..

I am scared of kissing bugs and the Chagas Disease, I know it's been around but it was something that I personally didn't know. Now that I do it's like bed bugs all over again but way worse. I'm so scared I'm infected, or that I will, or the bugs get worse, or I kill one in accident and I then get infected. So many things that I'm just scared of