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I feel like maybe this should be in a relationship subreddit but people here will be a little more empathetic and understanding since I have ocd. Sometimes I confront my boyfriend about little things and he’ll tell me something that doesn’t make any sense. Some examples are him being active on Snapchat when he said he deleted it, him saying I’m his lock-screen but everytime he’d send a ss it was a gameboy, him saying he called a specific person but that call not being in his call log, and much more. There’s explanations behind these things that I just can’t seem to believe. He was raised in a mainly female environment and is Hispanic. He’s very close with the women in his life which made me think he’d be respectful. He was also cheated on in the past and so was his mother by his father so I’m not sure if he’d ever do that to me. Anyway, some months ago I had messaged a mutual friend him and I had in common. I didn’t have anyone else to turn to and I needed advice. She ended up showing/telling me some things. My boyfriend and I talked about it and we moved on but I don’t think I was ever over it and I actually feel sick now just looking back at the screenshots. I’ll add them in this. So the mutual friend actually told her own boyfriend that she thinks my boyfriend is attractive… yeah I had him block her. The first screenshot is when I told him to block her and I found that out which he told me a month later lol. I really don’t like the way he’s talking about me in the screenshot. The second 2 screenshots show him planning to hangout with her. He told me he was on call with her boyfriend while answering her and that he wasn’t actually planning on hanging out with her. There’s no way for me to actually know that though and those screenshots make me sick. He definitely wouldn’t cheat on me with her or anything like that but he knows I don’t want him hanging out with any girls one on one so seeing that disgusts me. The 4th screenshot is about me wanting him to block her again, it was the same day as the first screenshot. Still hate the way he’s talking about me. The last screenshot shows messages between him and the mutual friends boyfriend. She has her boyfriend’s log in so she sent me the screenshot. He told me he was just joking and he had never went to the fair and he didn’t know what the boyfriend was talking about. She actually was the one who apparently saw my boyfriend at the fair and she either told her boyfriend and then he messaged my boyfriend, or she logged into her boyfriend’s insta and sent my boyfriend those messages. I went back and looked at my boyfriend and I’s messages to see what he was texting on the 19th (the day she supposedly saw my boyfriend at the fair) and he had told me he was in Mexico with his dad and grandpa. He didn’t update me for 6hrs that day though but he said his dad doesn’t like him being on his phone. I then asked if he could download Life360 that night because he has a problem with not updating me and it freaks me out. Ironically, he said Life360 wasn’t available in Mexico and it wasn’t working for him. I also had asked him to call that night but he said he was sleeping with his brother. His dad gave his old room to his little brother and now they have to share a room every time my boyfriend visits. There was also this girl my boyfriend was friends with for like 2 months about 2 years ago and then they stopped being friends and he started talking to me. He really liked me like a lot and he’s a little nerdy too, not someone who gets around. I was his first kiss any everything. Anyway, I saw her in his insta suggestions a few months back and started overthinking a lot to the point where I’d stalk her insta everyday. He told me he didn’t even like her but she’s literally a model. The same day the mutual friend accused my boyfriend of being at the fair, was the same day she had went with a girl my boyfriend is friends with and some other people. Now I’m like oh my god, what if he went with this old friend from 2 years ago and then the girl friend they have in common. For the past few months I’ve been bringing her up even though she’s irrelevant I’m just so insecure. He went to a party and she was there but he said he wasn’t near her at all. I saw a picture of her lying on the ground though and his jacket was on a chair right next to her. He said he had just left it in the living room. She also posted pictures of herself in her story the other day with the song beetles by aphex twin and then some hours later that song showed up for the first time on my boyfriend’s airbuds… There’s not much to this girl, maybe he liked her for those 2 months they were friends but he said no and said she’s ugly so idk. He liked me a lot though when we first met and the way he treated me makes me not want to believe that he’d do something to hurt me. If you knew my boyfriend the same amount as I do then maybe everything I’m sharing would seem a little less suspicious or maybe I’m just oblivious. He’s really nerdy though and I’m his first love. I’m just overthinking so badly. I confront him about something new every single day and he’s so tired and I’m probably crazy. What if he hasn’t been lying or do anything behind my back and I’m just blaming him for such absurd things? I’d be insane. I think I might be bipolar or something. I was just telling him how much I loved and kissed him then a few hours later I told him I don’t think we’re going to work out and I feel like he’s been lying to me and a bunch of other things. Those messages will be the first thing he sees once he wakes up. He also changed his WhatsApp status a while back to “sleeping” when it was originally “I love my gf.” He said his dad thought his status was “I love my gf” because he didn’t want to talk to him?? Or his dad thought it meant he was talking to me and couldn’t answer, idk, another thing that didn’t make sense. He told me it was just an excuse for his dad to not text him. His parents are divorced btw which is why he visits his dad. Anyway, he said that’s why he changed it to “sleeping.” He was on vacation with his dad and sis when this happened. I was super upset so he changed it back. Then just like a week ago, he changed it again to “.” He told me he had no reason as to why he did that and that he just did it. That’s so stupid though, why wouldn’t you want it to say “I love my gf” anymore?? Like you just randomly decided you didn’t want that anymore with no reasoning? No one even looks at WhatsApp status’s. You literally have to like click on a persons contact to see it, it’s so stupid to change it because it’s so irrelevant. It’s just very weird to me and doesn’t make sense. (Just realized the screenshots aren’t in order but hopefully you can still understand). He also sends pics sometimes with his dad or friends and there’s multiple beers, sometimes close to him, but he says they’re not his. Like he sent a photo with his dad and there’s multiple beers were 2 beers, one a little close to him, and he said it was his dads. He swears on everything he doesn’t drink anymore.

Just looking at others perspectives and views. I am a person that talks A LOT about ALL THINGS. But I know FOR CERTAIN I am NEVER ALWAYS RIGHT... EVER. And will never claim to be. I am always a person who can and accept when I am completely wrong in every way if I have recognized this, I will apologize. This is just the correct thing to do. And I do not set out to purposely hurt anyone. My posts or comments and statements are only within my understanding and/or experiences, professionally, and as a regular person. In both instances, I am never absolutely 100% correct. I just needed to say this because sometimes, just a basic topic or regular discussions may offend someone, somewhere. But I don't know that. And being politically correct is like walking on eggshells and some eggshells are more easily btoken, meaning sensitive then others. 🤷🏽‍♀️ In a professional setting I do not say much, if I have a question, I'll ask to make sure I understand someone's view or perspectives. I don't push my beliefs or values on others and I am very open to others ideas, approaches, and views. This platform, to me (again... my opinion and only my experience) is both a professional setting and a personal forum platform for the Users to have a SAFE conversations where you otherwise cannot anywhere else. With that being said, if I should make a statement about anything, then it is not a personal or durect attack on or towards anyone, just my view, just my experience or my opinion. Perception is about self not an everybody theme. It can be real or distorted, but the purpose is to recognize and accept when you were, are wrong. This is not a "just US" with MH, BH, OCDs, and other significant disabilities responsibilities to do. It is a EVERYONE'S RESPONSIBILITY. Generalized statements do sometimes offend some people. I understand because they my impact me too. But every individual must realize that everyone have their own struggles to battle. And when you are constantly looking outward and not at yourself then you become apart of the greater problem. I am finding that in others a lot. Their sensitivity scale is low and has direct impacts when it should not when another person is trying to heal we absorb their general words as a personal direct "I'm talking about you" attack. NOCD is said to be in a place to express what we are going through, life situations, how we are dealing with and accepting these life situations, hard moments in life, the good, the bad, tge ugly and the small wins. How it affect or impact us or triggers our OCDs. How we're coping or dealing with life with OCDs. We/Us here are trying to support one another through these unwanted scenarios of life's events, with the best advice and tools that we have/had access to in support of one another. It's not to say we are geniuses with a PhD but just a offering of support and understanding. I do not know who needs to here this but it's said. Emotional intelligence applies to ALL, and everyone. Those with and without disabilities, MH/BH, Professionals and non-professuonal alike. Everyone has emotions and anyone can have an unexpected impact. This is why I try to be understanding with everyone rather if "its something wrong with them" or not. Love ❤️ , Empathy

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was also extremely horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... ive lived in guilt for so long... i dont love myself... and I genuinely cant stomach the idea that im still here... I feel so guilty and horrible...

18+ No minors please I feel like a p because I have this checking habit to see if my brother is not doing anything inappropriate to me or on my bed and yesterday I checked and I saw he had no blanket and was laying down on his back and it felt like I would go and do something to him or like I was thinking it and I didn’t feel anything I’m so confused there are times where I feel disgusted

I read on Facebook that the brain emits low frequencies, which means it can connect to universe and then our thoughts will connect to universe and make them true. Is that correct?Does ocd thoughts will connect to frequencies and make our thoughts true?I fear about law of attraction. Does law of attraction and manifestation make our thoughts true without action?

I feel like crying because I had an intentional bad thought and I’m just like would I actually do that I’m thinking it and it feels like I would

Sometimes my boyfriend tells me things that make absolutely no sense so I think he’s lying. Anyway. He used to be friends with this girl like 2 and a half years ago and they were only friends for like 2 months. He told me she played with his feelings but he never actually liked her and he just wanted friends because he was new to the school. I guess they had exchanged numbers and when he’d text she’d ghost him a little. They made plans to hangout after school one time but those fell through. Anyway, my boyfriend was interested in me half way through the school year, he really liked me, like a lot. He was a senior and I was a junior. He was really good to me and I never felt insecure. The girl was never relevant until maybe a year ago? She had created an insta account which she never used to have and she was in his insta suggestions. They had no mutuals or anything which made me suspicious. One of his close friends is friends with her. I started stalking her page a lot and comparing. She listens to the same exact music as my boyfriend and she’s literally flawless. I’d bring her up a few times over the course of a few months and he always told me that she was ugly and he just wanted a friend. He went to a party she was at and ik the mutual girl friend they have posts her sometimes. Anyway, I looked at her story today because I started overthinking again and she had posted pictures of herself to the song beetles by apex twin. I also brought her up to my boyfriend again because I was overthinking. She goes by Gracie and everyone calls her that but her real name is grace. My boyfriend will switch between the two when talking about her. He says grace is just a typo though. A few hours later my boyfriend had listened to that same exact song, it was on his airbuds. It was the only song by aphex twin on his airbuds too. I want to throw up because there’s no way he didn’t view her story, that’s was too coincidental. Update: he said he saw the sound in an edit but there’s only like 80 posts under that sound on TikTok and I didn’t see an edit. He can’t find the edit in his watch history either. He originally said he saw it on TikTok but I said there’s no edits of it on TikTok and it’s not in his watch history so now he’s saying it might’ve been on YouTube or instagram. He said he doesn’t know her insta account either but now we’re arguing. He wants me to leave because I never believe him. I confront him about something new everyday even though I really don’t mean to be a burden.

UPDATE: I couldnt do it... i couldnt stop posting... this situation is too triggering and thinking about the worst possible outcome scares me... in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent an 18+ pic to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor without knowing... it genuinely scares me... Its making me think that I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor in the past without knowing and it genuinely triggers me... I have tried to go back through most 18+ online interactions ive had with women online to make sure they didnt lie or they confirmed their age... i have two situations on discord that trigger me that ive posted about in the past... and a couple have deleted their discords so thats triggering me really bad... most who deleted their discords were verified but still... why delete your discord, you know...? for context i was on 18+ explicit discord servers meant for sex that you cant just join regularly on iPhone due to it being for adults only... Ive also been to a website dedicated to adult 18+ literature... they also have an 18+ chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... Im scared of someone one day in the future accusing me of doing horrible things like unknowingly inappropriately messaging minors, or have my worst fears of unknowingly explicitly messaging a minor confirmed to have happened and I didnt know about it... (edited)

Before i had Soocd i wasnt aware of what kind of men i like(im a girl) After it i got attached to specific type of men as if i found my type in men.. Many say their prespective and types got ruined due to OCD But mine seems to be different Is it ocd or am i pretending to have a type

Still upset over me almost acting on impulse or felt like an impulse because i would be a c m then I feel like I’m the only one who goes through this

Rant :3 I’ve been doing very very well for myself managing my ocd on my own with erp. I used to be very reactive and give into compulsions. With time, i’ve been resisting the urges to perform compulsions. The more they come up the easier the answers come to me about how I should go about reacting or confronting something I’m facing that isn’t performing compulsions. I’m more in tune with my values and I have more structure around being the healthy person I want to be. That being said ….. 😵‍💫 This week (specifically yesterday) I gave into my compulsions. My bf and I like to give each other silly “what would you do” scenarios. Some are silly and some require a little more thinking because the answer would reflect our values and beliefs. We started off our conversation on the phone being silly and joking. Then I was like hmmm what makes you jealous! And he gives me some examples but for some reason I register his answers as like…not “good enough”? He’s not the jealous type to begin with and I learn that it’s a healthy trait to have as it would make him confident in himself and our relationship. But I’m getting intrusive thoughts that him not being jealous or having a bigger reaction to some scenarios it means he doesn’t care about me or love me that much. I know better than to believe the thoughts but I’m searching for reassurance that he cares about me so I’m giving him more hypothetical scenarios. The more scenarios I gave him, he gave me answers that didn’t validate my intrusive thoughts that him not being jealous/having a bigger reaction= him not caring about me or loving me that much. I got more frustrated and I got snarky or like snappy towards him. To me, his answers that were healthy, not blown out, and not extremely reactive wasn’t enough. I felt like his method on going about the situations (in a healthy way mind you) wasn’t validating my (unhealthy) thoughts. I felt bad for being snappy at him. During our call I was being annoying and doubling down on statements that I didn’t even agree with just to make him upset or frustrated, for the sake of being an opposite to him, brushing it off by saying I’m only joking and pointing a finger back at him. I don’t know why I did that. Like why I decided to bully him/ why I wanted to hurt his feelings. I’m getting over a toxic habit I had where if someone hurt me or disrespected me I felt like I had to give it back or give it even worse. I would do this with my intrusive thoughts and apologize later because of this trait. Maybe it was that toxic behavior coming through. Mayhaps it was also a way to see if he’d still love me, give me reassurance and stay with me if I put him in a position where I’m not being nice or respecting him so it could show how much he’d want to be with me. I knew that the idea of being jealous or having extreme reactive behavior isn’t healthy but I still wanted reassurance regarding that concept anyway. Grrrr >:l. I also apologized and asked if he was okay before we went to bed. He’s fine and not upset with me but I just didn’t like how I was putting him in a corner with these scenarios and called his healthy answers boring because it wasn’t what my intrusive thoughts wanted to hear for validation😵‍💫 I don’t want to ruminate on why I bullied him but I also don’t want it to happen again. Like last week we hung out and in the middle of us chilling in his room I didn’t want to be around him and everything he did annoyed me. The feeling passed after a couple minutes but it was weird as it hasn’t happened before or at least to that degree. This feeling was like a repulse. It felt different than just me being overstimulated and wanting space. Weird. Anyway that’s my rant. Having a fine evening ^v^ hope you angels are too🤍🪽

Over the past couple of weeks, I focused heavily on myself, my reactions and my behaviors. Because I am always willing to grow and develop skills to be a better person... always. I have accepted that I am not perfect a very long time ago. I also know that even in my best efforts I can this make mistakes even as a person without OCD. I learned that my trigger is SAFETY. If something threatens my independent, my way of sustainability and my ability to provide this for myself it triggers a flight or fight. And I usually fight, younger it mostly chose flight. But I grew and developed a sense of You Must Stand Up For Yoyrself or Who Will. Loosing both parents early in age grew me into this. Every decision I made after that was to secure and protect and support me. Because loosing your parents early in age made me feel like there was not floor, no ground beneath my feet. And that was a very scary feeling going through life. Teaching myself mindfulness, hearing my parents voice telling me to do things that right. People I trusted and knew had my best interest in mind. Without them, I lost trust and have been trying so hard to learn how to trust people. Everytime I have tried many have disappointed. Not that all my expectations are extremely high or unreasonable but because I am a simple person with simple needs and wants. I find that when I loosen those simple ropes, boundaries and expectations of myself I faulted. I very well understand I cannot control what others do, say or think. But having a standard for myself is in my control. Some don't understand hiw I can continue to walk with my head high or praise my small wins. To others it's nothing to be grateful or thankful for. To me it is everything. I have also learned that unmasking is never safe, even in the realm of MH and asking for help we you need it. This not saying NOTHING WORKS inside this realm nor ALL are untrustworthy. But I realize that even if a disease or condition is studied and understood that many are not able to understand the struggle. They just cannot see the disturbance of it or how it complicates all that you do and your entire way through life. I'm sorry, a pill is not everything. Not the answer for me even though I take what is prescribed. Learning how to win for one minute, one hour or a day is the greatest accomplishment. That cannot be understood be any person who has not experienced it. They only see the behavior not you. They see the issue but not the person. And that is so sad to me. People with question you, record you and test you and never see the person, never. They are conditioned to the job or their role to perform. They are conditioned to a check list, a diagnosis and a label. They see that but not the person I have not seen hardly any that do. I had only 1 Professional, a doctor in my 20's who did. And she helped me understand my own struggle. Helped to thrive and be successful with it. Her advice and plan worked for all these years. Now that I have new doctors, new therapist, new medicines I have been falling through the cracks. No flooring or ground under my feet. And I feel like it's because me, THE PERSON, is not being seen ONLY the problem. The problem to them and not to me. Have a good day all and keep learning.

I am feeling sad and frustrated today with myself. I have been in therapy for two months and had my meds upped two months ago too. However, my job is extremely stressful and I have been dealing with a set back. I keep getting told to set boundaries or even quit but financially I can't and can't afford to lose my medical insurance. Anyone have any tips on how to deal when stress makes the OCD worse?

Hey, so I don't have ROCD, but my boyfriend does. And I'm kinda worried. Is it going to last forever? I don't want him to live with that disorder for the rest of his life. He is going to start doing ERP. I've read a tons of books about the process of ROCD recovery. I looked for articles, posts on Instagram, I googled, I asked ChatGPT and yet I'm still worried it won't get better. Everytimes he tells me about his thoughts, about how maybe I'm not the one, about how he potentially doesn't love me, it hurts. I know he must be suffering more than I am, but its still an horrible feeling. I keep telling myself that this is not him, that it is his ROCD talking and stuff, but I don't know.. Its just, a lot to handle. Can someone help me? If you recovered from ROCD please tell me. Tell me how it is. Tell me how you live with it. Are you happy in your relationship? Do you want to spend your life with this person? Are the thoughts still there but you manage to live with it? And as his girlfriend, what should I do if he keeps telling me those thoughts? I have so many questions

Hi everyone, I’m considering starting therapy and possibly SSRIs for HOCD, but I have a few questions I’m hoping you can help with before I dive in. Right now, I often get fleeting images, mental scenarios, and emotional sensations sometimes sexualized, sometimes just “feeling into” a scene involving women. These sensations trigger a lot of panic and anxiety, and I constantly worry that they’re proof of hidden desire or orientation. Or its genuinely me.. I’m wonderingAfter therapy and/or SSRIs, will these images and sensations stop completely, or will they still appear but feel neutral? Will I experience them in the future and potentially feel anxious, or will HOCD lose its power over them? How do you approach these sensations in treatment do they naturally fade, or is the goal more about learning to experience them without panic or meaning?(do this waay the lose their power and stop interfering??) I want to start therapy, but I’m nervous because I feel like I might always have these thoughts or sensations, and I would end up liking them😞 Im done it makes me feel like its better not to approach for therapy self help would be best..

I am slowly learning to allow myself to be in distress. By allowing this, I can move forward and actually deal with real life in a more objective and positive manner. It may seem easy to some but I have lived a reactionary OCD led life for many years. Never knowing how I would react. NOCD therapy has really opened my eyes to challenging those lies, living in the present, and learning to see truth. I will be a lifelong overcomer as I continue to move forward.

Do anyone do behavioural supressions like avoiding fantasies,daydreams,scenario that creaate spiral? Chatgpt todl me its a supression I dotn do it cause of anxiety whaat if i like it (Wait now i feel like i like it) help how do i calm down)

I feel like I want to be lesbian. I want to cry. I gave into compulsions and I went on lesbian TikTok. It feels like something I want to try and do and that I’d be happier. Why is it so real. I don’t want to be lesbian but I feel like I’m pushing down the truth. How do I stop giving into these compulsions and feel better, I can’t do this anymore. I don’t even remember being straight or liking men. I hate this.

I've always had trouble completing tasks without procrastinating or just feeling stuck and unable to do anything. My psychiatrist suspects ADHD, but I haven't been diagnosed. Still, I need to figure out how to manage this issue of mine better. I'm wondering if anyone has any advice? I don't know if this is an OCD issue or what... Part of it may be, since I create unnecessary requirements for myself in order to do things. For example, before I do any work, I need to eat. I watch something while I eat, and then I need to let the food settle before I start anything, and the list keeps going. It's been like this for YEARS, but it's become more of an issue as I've gotten older. I've always had high grades, but it's just sitting down, getting started, and staying seated that I struggle with. I'm guilty of checking my phone a lot and getting distracted with things that have NOTHING to do with the tasks at hand. I just have no idea what to do... I feel guilty about this. In the past, I've tried following schedules, but I can never keep on one 🥲 I'm going to continue to try things, but I thought I'd ask here to see if anyone had advice?

Im making this post not because Im currently anxious (even though i am currently triggered) but because i want to make this message for those who currently struggle as much as i do... What I will tell you is that you are loved... you don't have to agree with it... you even can label it as something you disagree with or hate... but you are loved regardless. And you are cared for... and you have people who will show you endless compassion... this is not something I will expect you to get yet, mostly because just like me, you are stuck in the spiral too... I know how you feel because I hate myself too... I hate myself so much that anyone who tells me that they love me, I refuse to believe and brush off because the thought of loving myself has become inconceivable to me. I have POCD and real events OCD for christs sake... I have done genuine horrible things as a 13-14 year old... things I will probably never forgive myself for as long as I live... but this does not have to be you... You might think "ive done horrible things, therefore I cannot be forgiven for the things ive done" and I know because Im just like you... the main difference between us is that I have actually done genuinely horrible things as a 13-14 year old that would make people despise, vilify, and even hate me. Thats not you. You are someone who either A. was a kid when it happened, so you cannot blame yourself for a childs mind and actions, or B. Realize that you are someone here because you understand that what you are going through is something that other people have gone through... you arent alone... no one ever is... but I might disagree because I'm probably the most alone out of everyone. Recognize that this community will fight tooth and nail to help and defend you and recognize that you are in a community full of the 1 percent of people on this planet, that give a shit about you... these people (whether they've blocked me or not) can recognize that your suffering is not the fault of your own, but through the fault of a chemical imbalance in their heads that torments them endlessly with intrusive thoughts, feelings, and even your own past... you arent alone... you never really are in this place... Im the exception however... One last sentence before I go. As the 11th doctor once said... "You are forgiven... always and completely forgiven..." P.S. please don't ask me what my real events were... they were genuinely extremely horrible and I refuse to discuss it with anyone unless its my mom (who knows what happened) or a therapist in the distant future... this isnt about me... this is about all of you.