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i feel like im dissociating, when i am with my boyfriend and i look at him i am hollow , when i think about him and being with him forever, and tbinking about the 2 year and a half together its like i cant rember how it was to feel in love pr to love him i feel like… i have no feelings and i dont know what i feel and nothing makes me feel better … i tried not posting here but i just want someone to help me. i dont know what i feel i feel disconnected from myslelf , from him… like i dont love him and im just existing with him (we dont live together, he stays at my place at weekends and we dont sleep together at night my partents still dont allow it even if im 18) , i dont know what i feel my chest is so tight… i look at him and feel so hollow… i even have many many moments when he annoys me, or i get the ick, or think he is stupid making me think its the end and the thoughts i once feared became true and i dont have rocd… maybe all this time… all these 2 years of me gaving thoughts was just me not accepting the truth… i cant remeber how it is to love… im not feeling anything… seeing people in love witj their partner and being happy makes me so sad… bc im not happy, even though he loves me.. im horible… am i trully like this? why? it feels so real. why. im tired… i cant acces therapy or meds, i have to heal alone, the problem is that i cant even stand talking to him vc hearing his voice, seeing him, talking to him, imagining a life with him makes me want to cry and be alone bc my mind tells me i dont live him that i cant stand him anymore and i have changed, that my feelings are gone and that is why i cant see a life with him, i dont understand why i have so many negative emotions towords him when he loves me so much, im thinking this isnt ocd and in just forcing myslef to love him and to stay bc i have this expectation i put on us from the start that he is the one. i keep thinking i want to break up but i dont have a solid reason, just how bad i feel , i havesi much anxiety and i fee si stressed its making me go crazy. Some people told me on nocd once that maybe i just matured and my feelings and preception changed. I feel like i lost myslf i used to be so loving and carring and daydream even though i had thoughts about me not living him but it just got worser and worser and went to a psychologist a while ago, hoping I’d get some clarity about what I was going through, especially with my constant relationship doubts and emotional numbness. But instead of feeling heard or understood, I was told things like “maybe you never really loved him” or “maybe you’re just not being honest with yourself.” That experience didn’t help me — it made my thoughts worse. It planted seeds of even more doubt, and I left that session feeling more broken, more confused, and even more alone. Now, I can’t go back to therapy because my parents don’t believe I need it. They won’t support me emotionally or financially with it, and that makes everything feel even heavier. I’m stuck with these thoughts, with no professional support, and I’m trying to hold on I’ve been like this for almost 2 years and it only got worse. I feel hollow and numb, like I lost myself. When I look at old pictures or read old messages it feels like a completely different person wrote them — not me. I can’t remember how it felt to love him, I can’t imagine a future with him, and even when I’m next to him or kissing him I feel fake, uncomfortable and anxious inside. My mom told me things like “maybe you only put it in your head that you have to be with him” and her words are stuck in my head, making everything feel even more real, like it’s the truth. My chest feels so tight all the time, and I’m scared that there’s nothing to heal because this isn’t OCD but just me realizing I don’t love him. I want to heal, but I feel like I don’t have the strength to do it alone and I can’t access therapy. I feel trapped inside my own mind and I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s like my fear became reality.

Changing plays a part on ALL your senses. 1. Emotional Attachment Past experiences, especially those tied to love, loss, or trauma, often carry strong emotions. These feelings can linger and make it hard to move forward, especially if the past felt safer or more meaningful than the present. Stop fully investing in anyone (new) in 2003. 2. Unresolved Issues When something from the past remains unresolved — like unanswered questions, regrets, or unfinished business — the mind tends to revisit it, trying to make sense of it or find closure. Solved it all. say my peace , straight then ✌🏽. Key: all parties must take ownership of their part. And admit the truth that they don't want to see, or feel the pain from. My growth and healing does NOT depend on them. Sorry 3. Identity and Self-Perception People often define themselves by their past. If someone has built their identity around a particular experience or relationship, letting go can feel like losing a part of themselves. Partially agree. I do not identity with my past in that way. I was a runner so I wouldn't have to. 👎🏽✌🏽 4. Fear of the Unknown The future is uncertain, and the past is familiar. Even if the past was painful, it can feel safer than stepping into something new and unknown. WAS TRUE but from age 14 until not I am over it. Sometimes change is serenity and I love ❤️ that. 5. Guilt or Shame Some people hold on to the past because they feel guilty or ashamed about something they did or didn’t do. That emotional weight can make it hard to forgive themselves and move on. From a teenager to now, I have learned that my same stemmed from me being raised in church and hearing Bible verses in Mt head when I was deciding what was bad or good. Right or wrong in my parents eyes. It spent a lot of my adult young age years dealing with my morals and beliefs. Trying to be "good" and trying not to be a 'Statistic". At about 28, I threw those towels in. Because no matter what I did good people still labeled you. So I flipped a bird and decide that I didn't need anyone to reassurance me about nothing because I already know who I am. If they don't believe me then who gives a ahit, I dont. 6. Nostalgia and Idealization Sometimes, people romanticize the past, remembering it as better than it actually was. This idealization can make the present feel disappointing in comparidon't. I remember the buttlefies, and puppy dog tails because I want to. I also remember the perspectives for each of my siblings. The thing about it all is I had to force them to admit to the good stuff. They were old, so as a younger kid, it was like pulling teeth to get them to admit to the fun stuff. My problem with that is why hold onto ALL NEGATIVE SHIT AND NO POSITIVE? That by itself is miserable AF and I don't do things to myself like that. So when my family said your were a kid, your weren't even paying attention. I would bust their head by reciting what I knew and understood about each one of them. What mom had said in a problem directly to them, how she told them to fix, what they ask dad about and what he said know to, and who got mage at him and held it against him until he died. I felt the shit when you went through knuckle head... because I was there. I seen all yall tears, fears, AND brawls. Just because I wanted to smile didn't mean I did understand your scars. I believed in family and I also believe in love. I believe that good alway win. So I took that path. Shit was not that bad any, not she died and we all was separated. They do know the half... why because they would have hold some of the responsibility. The end 😝 You pass don't determine you. It's just a peace you. Those who don't want to let go of YOUR PAST, leave them there. And keep moving forward. Being there, done that and dues are paid. Thanks

Hiieee "Be the change that you wish to see in the world" "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten" "You cannot change the people around you, but you can change the people you choose to be around". I love ❤️ all these sayings. Today I realize that African American people seem to not be willing to allow others to grow and "be." Some have the most difficult time in letting go of the pass and watching someone change. I find it very disheartening to see this. People want to constantly make me my mistake in the past or constantly want to force me to believe I have grown from or changed. They don't understand that just because you don't believe in me doesn't mean that I do not. All of my past mistakes are linked. And because I am able and willing to think positively, let go of past pains, and move forward. There are many people around me who wants me to remain STUCK, DESOLUTE. To fall back in old habits and be the person that I look like on paper. They want to keep you in a traumatized state of mind to see, "What will help." SMDH It's said that people purposefully hurt others for a thrill. Or are that intrusively nosey that try to use the correct acupuncture pin site to seat it all up to flames. Giggles I have a very high tolerance, but zero for BS. These are so-call Community helps. I don't play games, I just adapt to what is given to me. Always have always do. You can only work with what you have, right? But I am not that person that they want me to be. What they will never understand I that person is a survivor. And just because you don't believe in what she has survived and the repeated traumas she fought through and got away from is not on her its on you. I was once as by an Official body to write down all my pass issues that I could remember where I had gotten myself in trouble. To write the date and year, who I was with and what happen. Then truly write why did it happen. I did. After I completed that document and a re-read it back to myself I felt humiliation and dumb. But it also made me feel like I won at the same time. But I just took it as a win and then let that feeling go. Once I gave it to that requesting person, they said they read the document. Then they asked me how do I see myself. I said I am a person, I been there some things but I've managed and I am still here. As we spoke they said something that I did not equate to. Because for me since I am a fighter, and will fight through obstacles... they said "you have been through a lot of traumas and abuse you entire life. Do you think you experience PTSD? .... ? I've never looked at it like that..... It was life. Most people around me were going through worse shit and I'd get caught helping them with theirs so I could not be bothered with mine. It's what I could do to feel better until I could change it. In that moment once I got off the phone with that person. I read it from their perspective. It was very sad, it had a life time line that I did realize I had created. I wanted chronological order when I wrote because it help me to not miss the pieced. That person seen trauma, I seen pain and try to hold on to thing that I could not make better. I remember a Pastor saying to me, sometimes when you want to heal or even change to get better, you must change the people around you. That say bleeds my heart. That saying bleeds my heart. I have a enlarged bloody heartthrob is always about to explode. Over the years I have been very careful about who I allow to get close to me, to real know me. Of course all else is splattered on my background. But it is very minimal of those who KNOW KNOW ME and real love me. My youngest brother, I miss him so much. Since he has pass I have been wanting to talking him. Our last face to face we fought like cats and dogs. I knew why he cam to see me, he was reaching out to me and needed me. My baby brother never comes my way unless he needs me. Because he knew I have never let him fall. He was lost but he did see that I was running. He just thought I could snap my fingers and make it all be, "for him" like I always did. But he could not see me, mine. It is so much pressure when you have have your family who has their nose turned up and they ALL come to you to save them. No judgement, no words, just an open door, you're safe. My home, you'll always be safe, comfortable and can gain peace... and some reality... it you want to talk about it. But I could help at that time because I was running. And he didn't because he knew if I wanted to be done with someone, I was done. So he came with his ideas of how he could transition to where I was bit he never heard shit I was saying. And he is a hand full. And I would have down it but I wants ready nor it the right position. I know my family and I know what they expect of me even though they will never say it in positive or motivated way. He did, all the time... even cursing each other. My family will never, ever, ever, admit that my door had always been opened to them. They will never , ever, ever admit that they came to me to help them through in there lifetime more than once. My behaviors sometimes was a little unorthodox but it got shit done, right. My brother depended on me like I was his mother, I saved him as much as I could. He was the type that as soon as you'd tell him he was fuckijg up ... all of a sudden he was a grown as man. I could never waot for him to say those words to me. Because a soon as I fixed things and taught things, and organized his adventures and disadvantages... he was a grown man again. And when he wasn't there yet every male figure around me was a threat. The shit was crazy. He asked once, am I your blood. I said, Yes, babe bro you are. He said you trick those guys you date better than me. I said I do not. I am very strict with you because I know you and I know when you are about to get yourself in trouble. You get restless and you start talking dumbshit. My guy friends get it too. But you're mine, my family I want you alive. I have the rights to you know them. He alway worried about me get married again, so scared of someone taking me away somewhere and him not being able to follow. I promised him that I was go nowhere the he couldn't come. If I did, I'd help him get to me. I alwaus do. I think about him today because I need him. And if I would call him right now he and a slew of unknowns would have been here yesterday. Because he would ask me, &$*%#% what you need? What you need me to do to make it happen? How much you got to spare? And say OK, bet. I got you babe, don't stress or worry about a thing. But I lost that guy in 2023 and need. The point of this THEY WANT YOU TO BREAK, THEY WANT YOU TO FALL, THEY WANT TO SEE YOUR ROCK BUTTON AND THEY WANT YOU SEE YOU FALL BACK INTO YOUR OLD WAYS. WHY ... It makes them feel at ease for not being able to help you. It's there excuse they give themselves to not care.

I was doing fine. My psychiatrist told me we can quit the medicine. And my therapist told me that i don't need to continue therapy since i was in a good place where i could control my OCD symptoms. But a couple days ago my intrusive thoughts came back. And yesterday i went to see my psychiatrist and she decided to go back to my usual dose. But she also told me she had suspicions that what i have is OCD. She told me i could be more like Generated Anxiety disorder. But when i tell her about my most prominent intrusive thought, she told me this was OCD and i should not dwell on the titles. I am confused and panicked now thinking if i am not OCD, then what i am thinking is real? But i don't want it to be. The thought makes me scared and panicked. And i find myself thinking about it constantly. Looking for evidences and checking my past memories. And then i go back to thinking what if i am in denial and this fear is the fear of denial? What should i do? How can i stop this chain of thoughts?

Do you guys evevr get confused when you see a masculine female I saw one And her hairs were so short and she had that masculine body its impossible to say she's a woman.. Im scared im attracted to her.. And ngl she looks like a man.. She's handsome .im sacred...im attracted yo ehr and i cant deny it..😞😨❓⁉️

Family is not alway blood... I had to learn what that meant to me early in life. This old white, I met working in nursing home, veteran. I would never talk to anybody just had a routine of get up for every meal back to bed after. He was a little over weight a first when I meet him. Down the road he was assigned to me. My nurse state he ask for me, I said for what? To care for him. I said how, can he talk? She said of course he can. So, I begin setting my day up with him. Knocked at the door, went, said hello Mr. SonSo, how are you today. I paused, gave me a smile. Ask a arranged everything I explained what I'd be doing. And also the him the day, date and whearher. While preparing his bath. I spoke what the sun or cold felt like to my skin, the smell of the day, or any notable noise, small event on the way to work. After, I ask if he wanted wear this or that, I'd say to him, "Oh, my dad had one of these hats. I like a man who where these types of hat. I makes them look wise. Let me see how you like. I placed it on him and said, I can tell you had a quality about you. Then placed the hat back and went on getting dressed and up and out to breakfast. End: He did speak, just did like people... he said. I wore a lot of earrings, rings, bracelets. He kept grabbing at my right hand and hitting it. I've seen him do this before but I did know what he was doing. Bur he snatched my hand this time. I stopped and looked at him. I said, what's wrong. He slap a my hand shook his he No and state No. I said, I'm sorry if I scratched you, I'll take them all over. He was getting frustrated with and said No. So, I held both my hands out toward him. He kept pointing at my wedding finger, hitting it. I said, OH, no we are separated. He it that finger again , thrown hands back and forth with a look of where. I said he's still around but... he grab me arm. Stuck that finger again. I said, my rings. He shook his head with a sign of relief. Oh, my rings. Did you notice my rings. He said yes. He could speak, very slow, you need to be patient with him. I explained that I took them off because he need a lump sum of money and want to pawn them but promised me to get them back. My friends here wave No! Like he was my daddy. Pointed to my ring finger and took off what I had on that finger. He said, No other ring goes there but the correct one. Bit it back. I said but we were are together and I didjt think we would be back together. I siad we will always be friends, he said put it back and I did. There's more another time. Unfortunately, your helpers comes in to help and talk about everything that should be unspoken in the present of my client. I'd say excuse her she has no manners and he'd circle his fingers and eyes as if to say she was crazy. And he'd no better, she was with him before me. Talking about everything, her business, my business, just blah, blah, blah. He grab at me one of these days. Pointed towards her and shock his head no and wipe his hands. He pointed to the phone and his heart. Meaning the guy I was saying, I said my boyfriend? He point to my wedding finger, I said I'm not think marriage again. I think I was too young the first time. He said, "Nice Guy?" I said I don't know, I just met him and it's nothing serious. He knew he was at my home at that moment. He motioned by wiping his hands, and for him to go. He said when you go, he go. I laughed so hard. And said my dad you to say that to one of my sisters. .... my computer flashes alway pictures from every cloud. I can even find them when looking for them. But it's fun to see them. I got permission to take a picture with up out bed. I knew he was dying and I loved his smile and his push. I hated that such a good person had to die along. But he said, he made mistake a the beginning and acknowledged them. He was so sweet and respectful. Initial chat: Your family and friends can encourage your destructive behaviors and when you and they know it's completed wrong. They can need just as much help as you perpetuating helping and assisting you to stalk, "Try to" cyberbulpy, intimidating and control. My NOT2DAY means FK OFF ! To yous.

Sometimes Family and Friend are your trigger In my personal and professional experience I find that people that has a person with a MH or BH condition who was never help them throughout childhood, laughed and giggles with them about their behaviors are their enablers. You should not surround yourself around those who enable those negative and bad things about you. That is key red flag. The problem is that we don't look for them within our own family, within our own group of friends that we've grown up it. Have long term friends of 20 plus years means nothing if these friends encourages you spirals, triggers, and down falls. I'm very select about my friends and who I keep to eat with me at my table.

Could a 9 year old do something inappropriate to me in my sleep?

I’m so worried if I actually did something to my little brother when he was sleeping next to me once like I didn’t know it was inappropriate to sleep with a little sibling but I feel so guilty because he and me were talking and he mentioned his shirt light up and that reminds me of an old pajama he had and he showed me his shirt and it lid up and I feel so guilty because I don’t remember if I did anything bad how do I know???? I asked him if I did he said no ok maybe he doesn’t remember?

My rocd has been very bad the last few months and I’ve been questions my boyfriend a lot. A lot of the things he has told me haven’t really made any sense, they’re minor things but still. Anyway, he talked to this girl briefly for like 2 months 2 years ago. They were just friends but he said she played with his feelings and was weird so he stopped being friends with her. She was irrelevant most of our relationship until some months ago when I saw her in his suggestions. She never had an instagram account before. I started staking her profile a lot and becoming really insecure. I’d always bring her up and question if he had liked her in the past or if he looks at her insta. Anyway, he went to a birthday party a few months ago which I knew she’d be at and it made me uncomfortable. I think I was being controlling though, I just didn’t want him talking to her or something. He said he wasn’t around her at all that night and that was that. I know one of his girl friends probably posts her sometimes though so I’m scared he found her pretty and starting talking to her again. I keep looking at her socials and I don’t know why. I want to be her so bad, she’s literally perfect. I feel like she’s the kind of girl anyone would find attractive no matter what their type is. She also listens to the same exact music as my boyfriend and is like niche I guess idk, unique. I know I shouldn’t have constantly brought her up for no reason but I’m just so incredibly insecure. I brought her up last week after I had saw a post she made. I was just questioning my bf again. Like 7 hours later he had listened to the same exact song she posted on her story which was beetles by aphex twin. That song isn’t popular at all and he had never listened to it before and it wasn’t on any of his playlists. I started questioning him and he first told me he saw it in a TikTok edit. I asked him to find the edit but he couldn’t so he then said it must’ve been instagram or YouTube. That song literally has like 100 posts on each social media platform and that’s it. He told me what the edit was about but couldn’t remember where he had seen it. He couldn’t find the video on insta or YouTube either so then he said maybe he saw it somewhere else but he was sure he had saw it. He said maybe it wasn’t an edit. I said “you literally told me exactly what happened in the edit though” so then he said he was sure it was an edit but he couldn’t find it. It turned into this huge thing and we’ve been arguing for a few days. He SWEARS he didn’t look at her profile and we had a long discussion about why he doesn’t like her and all this stuff. He showed me her blocked contact. There was a girl right above her who my boyfriend had told me he only deleted, not blocked. She wasn’t anyone concerning but I literally asked him multiple times if she had ever texted him since he told me she wasn’t blocked. My mom was also blocked and then a random number and some team lead he worked with at seaworld who he apparently reached out to for help with his enlistment process. I’m scared he just blocked a bunch of random numbers to make it look like she had been blocked for a while if that makes sense. He also calls her grace instead of Gracie sometimes. At first he said it was just a typo but then he did it over call. Her real name is grace, he said he doesn’t switch between the two on purpose. She also only takes her account off of private when she posts herself on her story idk if that’s weird. My boyfriend and I finally talked everything out and I was calmed down. He had always told me in the past that he’d give me all of his socials. We’re long distance so he can’t just show me his phone. I asked for his insta password today to just see if he actually would since I’d always decline. At first he said yes but then he said no and that it was an invasion of privacy. He told me he didn’t want me to start overthinking and arguing with him over nothing which I always do bc of my rocd. He said he’s been really stressed (he has) and wants to avoid arguments. He said if I didn’t question him about every little thing then he would have. He also said there’s things he talks about with his family and best friend that are private, we’ve been together for 2 years btw and we were planning on moving in together next month. He said we could call tonight and he’d screen record and go through his profile. I just feel like he’s hiding things from me. I’ve had a horrible gut feeling for the past like week and I’ve felt sick (also on my period). Well the gut feeling has been there but the sickness started this week and I can’t eat. He said I shouldn’t need his passwords and it’s immature. On social media I see the opposite and a lot of people say your partner should be able to have your passwords especially if you’ve been together for a while and it’s a serious committed relationship. We’ve been intimate together but he has things that he doesn’t want me to see. He’s seen my body and I’ve seen his but passwords is an invasion of privacy? I just feel really sick. He has been cheated on before and his mother was too so I never thought he could do that to me and he always expressed that he couldn’t. I never doubted him the months we weren’t long distance or the beginning of long distance but I don’t know this version of him. I love him so much though and I don’t want to be loved by anyone else, I’m just scared I’m oblivious to what’s actually going on.

Chatgpt is triggering..

I am scared of kissing bugs and the Chagas Disease, I know it's been around but it was something that I personally didn't know. Now that I do it's like bed bugs all over again but way worse. I'm so scared I'm infected, or that I will, or the bugs get worse, or I kill one in accident and I then get infected. So many things that I'm just scared of

Day 7 of being back on medication! It’s so rough… I can’t even remember the last time I felt this way. I started taking it back in 2017 for the first time and it worked. For the years to follow up until now I’ve had my moments where OCD has come back but not as strong and sticky as when now that I wasn’t on medication. Today is day 7 and I am feeling discouraged because I wanted to feel better already and i am till having anxiety attacks, the thoughts are racing and I can’t sleep well. I’m not hungry The reason why I stopped my medication 5 months ago is because I got pregnant but I regret it so much. Please send words of encouragement if you have experienced anything like this and medicine worked again for you. I’m 21 weeks pregnant

So am I'm beginning to understand my anxiety more, I feel like it's becoming harder to understand. I'm not really sure why but I have steps that I'm taking to truly try and get through handling these feelings. Adults only please . . . . . It's made me realize why I watch porn because it's to get away from the anxiety and it's the only time I'm not feeling anxiety but it ends up coming back stronger and I end up feeling worse afterwards. What bothers me even more is when disgusting pedophiles post stuff with fictional child characters in it (People say it's legal because they aren't real and that's just sick to me and it means creeps and monsters can use this and have no consequences) on YouTube and I just happen to be scrolling by videos and boom stupid stuff like that is just there and it feels intense anxiety and pretty much dying on the inside because of nasty shit like that. I just want to be able to control my anxiety and not have it control me anymore. Does any other adults and ONLY ADULTS relate?

I started talking to this girl a few weeks ago. At first, everything seemed great, she asked questions, planned a date, even rescheduled when she couldn’t make the first one. Then, out of nowhere, she ghosted me for about eight days. When she came back, she apologized and said she’d been going through a tough time and was scared of going back in the dating world but really liked me and didn’t want me to think I did anything wrong. We started texting again, and it felt like we were back on track. But over the past few days, she’s been inconsistent with long gaps between responses. So last night I basically asked her if she was actually interested in talking or not, to which there wasn’t a quick response so I followed up calling myself dramatic and apologizing. When I woke up there still wasn’t a response and I went into an OCD episode where I thought I had messed everything up and felt the need to overly explain myself with a few more texts even mentioning the OCD because I know how double, triple or however many texts come off. My OCD spiraled, and I ended up sending multiple texts trying to explain myself and apologize, which I now regret. I didn’t say anything mean, the gist was trying to explain myself and apologizing. She hasn’t responded to those messages yet, and I’ve managed to calm my nerves a bit but has anybody had their OCD act up in similar ways? I feel really bad for sending multiple texts but in an OCD episode it felt like I had to in order to calm myself; which I know is irrational. Has anyone been through something similar or have strategies for handling this kind of relationship anxiety and overthinking?

I met a guy a Reddit my intentions are friendly but I’m worried he’s lying about his age he showed me his id and I still feel sus what if I’m a criminal?

I feel like maybe this should be in a relationship subreddit but people here will be a little more empathetic and understanding since I have ocd. Sometimes I confront my boyfriend about little things and he’ll tell me something that doesn’t make any sense. Some examples are him being active on Snapchat when he said he deleted it, him saying I’m his lock-screen but everytime he’d send a ss it was a gameboy, him saying he called a specific person but that call not being in his call log, and much more. There’s explanations behind these things that I just can’t seem to believe. He was raised in a mainly female environment and is Hispanic. He’s very close with the women in his life which made me think he’d be respectful. He was also cheated on in the past and so was his mother by his father so I’m not sure if he’d ever do that to me. Anyway, some months ago I had messaged a mutual friend him and I had in common. I didn’t have anyone else to turn to and I needed advice. She ended up showing/telling me some things. My boyfriend and I talked about it and we moved on but I don’t think I was ever over it and I actually feel sick now just looking back at the screenshots. I’ll add them in this. So the mutual friend actually told her own boyfriend that she thinks my boyfriend is attractive… yeah I had him block her. The first screenshot is when I told him to block her and I found that out which he told me a month later lol. I really don’t like the way he’s talking about me in the screenshot. The second 2 screenshots show him planning to hangout with her. He told me he was on call with her boyfriend while answering her and that he wasn’t actually planning on hanging out with her. There’s no way for me to actually know that though and those screenshots make me sick. He definitely wouldn’t cheat on me with her or anything like that but he knows I don’t want him hanging out with any girls one on one so seeing that disgusts me. The 4th screenshot is about me wanting him to block her again, it was the same day as the first screenshot. Still hate the way he’s talking about me. The last screenshot shows messages between him and the mutual friends boyfriend. She has her boyfriend’s log in so she sent me the screenshot. He told me he was just joking and he had never went to the fair and he didn’t know what the boyfriend was talking about. She actually was the one who apparently saw my boyfriend at the fair and she either told her boyfriend and then he messaged my boyfriend, or she logged into her boyfriend’s insta and sent my boyfriend those messages. I went back and looked at my boyfriend and I’s messages to see what he was texting on the 19th (the day she supposedly saw my boyfriend at the fair) and he had told me he was in Mexico with his dad and grandpa. He didn’t update me for 6hrs that day though but he said his dad doesn’t like him being on his phone. I then asked if he could download Life360 that night because he has a problem with not updating me and it freaks me out. Ironically, he said Life360 wasn’t available in Mexico and it wasn’t working for him. I also had asked him to call that night but he said he was sleeping with his brother. His dad gave his old room to his little brother and now they have to share a room every time my boyfriend visits. There was also this girl my boyfriend was friends with for like 2 months about 2 years ago and then they stopped being friends and he started talking to me. He really liked me like a lot and he’s a little nerdy too, not someone who gets around. I was his first kiss any everything. Anyway, I saw her in his insta suggestions a few months back and started overthinking a lot to the point where I’d stalk her insta everyday. He told me he didn’t even like her but she’s literally a model. The same day the mutual friend accused my boyfriend of being at the fair, was the same day she had went with a girl my boyfriend is friends with and some other people. Now I’m like oh my god, what if he went with this old friend from 2 years ago and then the girl friend they have in common. For the past few months I’ve been bringing her up even though she’s irrelevant I’m just so insecure. He went to a party and she was there but he said he wasn’t near her at all. I saw a picture of her lying on the ground though and his jacket was on a chair right next to her. He said he had just left it in the living room. She also posted pictures of herself in her story the other day with the song beetles by aphex twin and then some hours later that song showed up for the first time on my boyfriend’s airbuds… There’s not much to this girl, maybe he liked her for those 2 months they were friends but he said no and said she’s ugly so idk. He liked me a lot though when we first met and the way he treated me makes me not want to believe that he’d do something to hurt me. If you knew my boyfriend the same amount as I do then maybe everything I’m sharing would seem a little less suspicious or maybe I’m just oblivious. He’s really nerdy though and I’m his first love. I’m just overthinking so badly. I confront him about something new every single day and he’s so tired and I’m probably crazy. What if he hasn’t been lying or do anything behind my back and I’m just blaming him for such absurd things? I’d be insane. I think I might be bipolar or something. I was just telling him how much I loved and kissed him then a few hours later I told him I don’t think we’re going to work out and I feel like he’s been lying to me and a bunch of other things. Those messages will be the first thing he sees once he wakes up. He also changed his WhatsApp status a while back to “sleeping” when it was originally “I love my gf.” He said his dad thought his status was “I love my gf” because he didn’t want to talk to him?? Or his dad thought it meant he was talking to me and couldn’t answer, idk, another thing that didn’t make sense. He told me it was just an excuse for his dad to not text him. His parents are divorced btw which is why he visits his dad. Anyway, he said that’s why he changed it to “sleeping.” He was on vacation with his dad and sis when this happened. I was super upset so he changed it back. Then just like a week ago, he changed it again to “.” He told me he had no reason as to why he did that and that he just did it. That’s so stupid though, why wouldn’t you want it to say “I love my gf” anymore?? Like you just randomly decided you didn’t want that anymore with no reasoning? No one even looks at WhatsApp status’s. You literally have to like click on a persons contact to see it, it’s so stupid to change it because it’s so irrelevant. It’s just very weird to me and doesn’t make sense. (Just realized the screenshots aren’t in order but hopefully you can still understand). He also sends pics sometimes with his dad or friends and there’s multiple beers, sometimes close to him, but he says they’re not his. Like he sent a photo with his dad and there’s multiple beers were 2 beers, one a little close to him, and he said it was his dads. He swears on everything he doesn’t drink anymore.

Just looking at others perspectives and views. I am a person that talks A LOT about ALL THINGS. But I know FOR CERTAIN I am NEVER ALWAYS RIGHT... EVER. And will never claim to be. I am always a person who can and accept when I am completely wrong in every way if I have recognized this, I will apologize. This is just the correct thing to do. And I do not set out to purposely hurt anyone. My posts or comments and statements are only within my understanding and/or experiences, professionally, and as a regular person. In both instances, I am never absolutely 100% correct. I just needed to say this because sometimes, just a basic topic or regular discussions may offend someone, somewhere. But I don't know that. And being politically correct is like walking on eggshells and some eggshells are more easily btoken, meaning sensitive then others. 🤷🏽‍♀️ In a professional setting I do not say much, if I have a question, I'll ask to make sure I understand someone's view or perspectives. I don't push my beliefs or values on others and I am very open to others ideas, approaches, and views. This platform, to me (again... my opinion and only my experience) is both a professional setting and a personal forum platform for the Users to have a SAFE conversations where you otherwise cannot anywhere else. With that being said, if I should make a statement about anything, then it is not a personal or durect attack on or towards anyone, just my view, just my experience or my opinion. Perception is about self not an everybody theme. It can be real or distorted, but the purpose is to recognize and accept when you were, are wrong. This is not a "just US" with MH, BH, OCDs, and other significant disabilities responsibilities to do. It is a EVERYONE'S RESPONSIBILITY. Generalized statements do sometimes offend some people. I understand because they my impact me too. But every individual must realize that everyone have their own struggles to battle. And when you are constantly looking outward and not at yourself then you become apart of the greater problem. I am finding that in others a lot. Their sensitivity scale is low and has direct impacts when it should not when another person is trying to heal we absorb their general words as a personal direct "I'm talking about you" attack. NOCD is said to be in a place to express what we are going through, life situations, how we are dealing with and accepting these life situations, hard moments in life, the good, the bad, tge ugly and the small wins. How it affect or impact us or triggers our OCDs. How we're coping or dealing with life with OCDs. We/Us here are trying to support one another through these unwanted scenarios of life's events, with the best advice and tools that we have/had access to in support of one another. It's not to say we are geniuses with a PhD but just a offering of support and understanding. I do not know who needs to here this but it's said. Emotional intelligence applies to ALL, and everyone. Those with and without disabilities, MH/BH, Professionals and non-professuonal alike. Everyone has emotions and anyone can have an unexpected impact. This is why I try to be understanding with everyone rather if "its something wrong with them" or not. Love ❤️ , Empathy

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was also extremely horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... ive lived in guilt for so long... i dont love myself... and I genuinely cant stomach the idea that im still here... I feel so guilty and horrible...

18+ No minors please I feel like a p because I have this checking habit to see if my brother is not doing anything inappropriate to me or on my bed and yesterday I checked and I saw he had no blanket and was laying down on his back and it felt like I would go and do something to him or like I was thinking it and I didn’t feel anything I’m so confused there are times where I feel disgusted