- Date posted
- 6h
agh .. okay .. iām so so embarrassed to post this, iām literally crying .. but i need some help and advice. or maybe just a place to vent. i donāt know yet. so .. i was hanging out with three of my cousins today, and a few friends. one of my cousins was driving us around, and it was a pretty long drive, and we all just chatted, had fun, you know, normal teenager shit. but i couldnāt help but shift my focus onto certain things about my cousin driving ā āwow, heās going so fast, heās so cool,ā āi like the way his hands are gripping the wheel. wow his hands. hands hands handsā āhis happy trail looks niceā (we went swimming) āi feel jealous of his girlfriendā and all sorts of things. i just feel. so awful. i donāt want these thoughts at all, and i feel just horrible. my ocd mixed with hypersexuality from trauma is just not helping at all, and i just want to get rid of these thoughts. i feel so disgusted with myself, and iām scared that even though intrusive thoughts are normal, maybe mine are too far and iām just āunfixableā or ābroken.ā any advice on what i could do? :( edit: i would like to add that weāre not even blood cousins, since weāre ārelatedā through my step dad, which makes these thoughts worse and makes my head go, āoh, well, itās okay!!ā aghh. so frustrating :(