Newbie, feeling alone and guilty.

First, coming here and admitting the things that go on in my head is daunting. I often fear I won’t be loved by my boyfriend or family and friends if they knew the extent of the intrusive thoughts that come into my brain. Picking a OCD subtype felt strange.. it’s almost like my brain was trying to think of a way to categorize myself into every subtype. I know for sure I have/had harm OCD. When I was a child I was terrified I would one day wake up and hurt my parents. And they are some of the most important people in the world to me. I remember my 8 year old self hysterically crying at night and my parents coining the phrase “bad thoughts”, then of course I didn’t understand and I thought I was a bad person. It seems like my OCD evolves with me. I’m of child bearing age have a partner and can see us having kids, now when I see kids I instantly have images of something bad happening to them and them. To call it POCD might not be accurate (but then as I type that my brain says “but what if one day it was accurate” “what if you’re just lying to yourself”). This is a cycle my mind frequents. I noticed this is triggered by stories online or on the news about terrible things happening to children. Not to mention… my current therapists husband was arrested for CSC on their young child.. It seems like my OCD tackles the vulnerable populations. I notice I do this thing where I constantly second guess myself. I’m in healthcare and I’ve been in healthcare for a few years now, enough to know what I’m doing. But I have this fear when working that I will do something wrong or upset someone or get yelled at or hurt someone by accident. It’s caused me panic attacks at work. Did I place that line correctly? Was that medication the right one? When I’ve checked multiple times… I’ve found myself seeking reassurance that I’m a good human in the people I love the most. I wish so desperately I could find that within myself. Typing that makes me tear up a bit. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll be like this forever or I wonder what my OCD will latch onto next, as it seems it comes in cycles. (As a child I had contamination OCD, people would call me a germ freak). I just want to know it gets better and you overcome things. Thank you for reading and thank you for allowing me a safe place with trustworthy folks that can relate.