Welcome to
the NOCD Community

How does OCD, specifically ROCD, affect long-term relationships? I love my relationship, but this feels unsustainable. How can you deal with OCD and keep your relationship happy and healthy?

I'm about to have my period in a few days so all my feelings and doubts are even harder to deal with than usual :( I have been ruminating for the past 3 days, last night I had an hour or so of feeling okay, but it went back to doubts and numbness soon after. I'm now almost fully convinced that I don't love my boyfriend, I'm just using him for gifts and the idea of a relationship, I've been faking it the whole time. I feel like a horrible person and I'm struggling not to tell him I want to break up. I don't want to break up but I do but I don't but I do. It's so frustrating and confusing. When we're together he makes me feel nice and comfortable and he makes me laugh and I always wanna hold onto him and kiss him but I can't feel that right now. I've been stuck in bed for hours worrying and doubting and sometimes I cry or cover my face out of frustration. I don't know what I truly want or need.

I can't stop ruminating. I keep thinking of my past romantic partners. Was I lying to them? Have I been lying to myself my entire life? I can't seem to break the loop - I'm tormented with sexually intrusive thoughts, with the uncertainty that I might actually be a gay man (which by no means is a 'bad' thing), that I lied to all the women I've loved. I can't seem to have an hour of "free time". It's taking up every second of the day. From the moment I wake up to the roaring moments before bed. I'm sorry, y'all. I just needed to vent. I just want to know if I am in denial or not. I just want to know who I am. What I am. I know I'm a good person. I just want to be honest.

After a long exploration and experience with many types of OCD and anxiety, I went through an existential crisis that forced me to “look the beast in the eye” and deal with my OCD. It affects me much less now at 20 than it did when I was 16, and I’d consider myself OCD free with how well I manage it. I wanted to share a few insights that helped me greatly, and would probably help lots of you! 1. First, stop doing the compulsion, not the thought. The goal is not to eliminate intrusive thoughts but to resist the behaviors and mental rituals that follow them, because that is what weakens OCD over time. Allow yourself to notice the compulsion, and the related OCD thoughts will dissipate soon after you stop it. Eventually, if you resist flicking the light switch 47 times, the thought that causes it will leave forever. 2. Practice allowing uncertainty on purpose. OCD feeds on the need for certainty, so deliberately allowing “maybe, maybe not” without resolving it is one of the most powerful ways to reduce symptoms. If you believe this is impossible as I once did, try this exercise. Sit comfortably and take a few slow breaths to settle. Begin to notice the world around you- smells, sounds, sights. Then, switch your focus to your mind, and notice any thoughts you might be having (what if this happens, this is stupid, I think this) When a thought appears, quietly label it with one word like thinking, pain, or worry, without judging it as good or bad. Imagine the thought as a cloud that can float by, or a car that passes on the street, without grabbing onto it. Eventually, allow the thoughts to come and go without any labeling, until no more thoughts come and you are completely in the moment. This is mindfulness, and in this state you are completely free from OCD. Gently bring your attention back to the room by noticing three things you can see, two things you can feel, and one thing you can hear. Keep doing that cycle for a few minutes rather than trying to force your mind to go blank. With practice the thoughts will feel less urgent and you will find it easier to stay present. Much of this came from The Power of Now by Ekhart Tole, a book I’d highly recommend. 3. Do not seek reassurance, Google, or remain in a cycle of mental review. Recognize that this is your OCD, and not you. If you’re asking ChatGPT over and over why your arm itches or if it thinks your girl/boyfriend is mad at you, you’re in a cycle, and your thinking is not logical. Try #2 to help this process. 4. Get structured ERP support and be consistent. Working with a therapist trained in exposure and response prevention and practicing regularly, even when it feels uncomfortable, leads to the strongest and most lasting improvement. They’ll help you ask, “what if it all works out?” More often. Let me know what you think, and please reply with any questions!

Good evening, fellow OCD friends! /ᐠ. .ᐟ\ฅ I've noticed that, for the past couple of days, my anxiety/OCD has spiked during the evening (around 8-9PM). I was curious about it, since I mentioned to my fiancé that I've been feeling worse at night, and wanted to ask whether that's a common occurrence for others or not. ‎•᷄ࡇ•᷅ I've always been a night owl, so you could see why being more anxious at night would be bothersome. I like to relax at night and watch Instagram reels, read, journal, etc., but it's hard to when I'm particularly struggling with "riding the wave." (=_=) I don't need it to stop or anything (my fiancé has told me that I was always anxious before my OCD flared up particularly bad in December), but I don't have friends that can relate to how I'm feeling or what I'm going through regarding OCD and anxiety in general, so I'm posting here. ( -᷄ω-᷅)💨 Anyways, I've been struggling a bit with my OCD. My main theme has shifted to one I've had really severely before, so I've been pretty on edge about it, but I'm taking things day by day with exposing myself naturally to things and letting myself be anxious without doing compulsions (as much as I can – I'm not perfect, but I do my best).  ( ᴗˬᴗ)⁾⁾ I'm staying with my fiancé for another couple of weeks than we originally planned, which is making me anxious (we're adjusting to the post-honeymoon phase of the relationship, which is new and scary for me), but I love him a lot and I was the one who prompted it in the first place. Wish me good luck with my OCD about that! I hope everyone is doing well, whether you're struggling a lot or a little. Remember to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself too, there are so many others out there that're struggling right alongside you. You're never alone. 🩷

I’ve been in a relationship for a year and I love my fiancé with all my heart. Every time I start to feel good my OCD hits again. I keep thinking I’m not loyal and a bad partner I feel like when I have those thoughts I’m cheating. has anyone else had that problem

So I’ve been dating a guy for a while now and have told him I have ocd but not really what kind just that I ruminate and sometimes the themes are taboo. But we have been talking engagement and that created a spike in me 🥲 of not knowing what I need to share with him. Like how detailed do I get? Idk. I feel dishonest like I’m keeping something from him. I have had all the themes and some point or another but my biggest ones have probably been religious, Pocd and soocd. And the latter two are harder to talk about.

hey this my first post, i usually don’t use self help apps like this but im deciding to give it a try. A bit of context i’ve struggled with OCD my whole life, from existential OCD, harm OCD, suicidal OCD. I’ve learned how to manage those but one subtype that has been debilitating lately is my ROCD. I’m 21 years old and i’ve had past relationships where I just flee when i feel anxious or have doubtful thoughts. This is my first relationship where i challenge myself not to leave just because i feel anxious because we all know that leaving is just temporary relief. I also don’t want to leave my bf because we both have hard pasts and it’s the first time that we both are in a healthy relationship. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for about 6 months and late December is when my spiral happened. I told him how i feel and he has been super supportive and thoughtful. He’s really patient with me, but my thoughts are so loud it makes me ask myself “do i really like him” “am i forcing connection ” “why don’t i feel butterflies anymore” “will i ever feel love him” “have i lost interest”. These thoughts are really stressful for me because it seems like i can’t do anything unless i get clarity or have those “love” feelings. I’m getting meds for OCD and I’m getting therapy but it still doesn’t get rid of the fact that it’s making me cry and it’s really dimmed my light about almost every aspect of my life. I just want to be in a relationship where I don’t self sabotage. I want to be able to accept love and to stop self analyzing feelings. It’s been really hard. If you have even gotten over this spiral please let me know how long it lasted and what you did to cope.

I have been worried about my feelings in my relationship, our connection, and honestly, anything else I can think of, for around 4 months now. I really value my relationship, and I want it to work so badly. I feel like I am hitting a dead end. Does anyone have any tips?

Anyone else with SOOCD (well I hope it’s that!) and ROCD worried about sexual and romantic attraction? I feel I’m the exception 😔. Considering a relationship is about sexual and romantic attraction, I feel like it’s “real”. I used to be able to be like “a relationship isn’t just about sex” but then it became focussed on romantic attraction and fear of falling in love with a woman. I scan myself for feelings when interacting with women and it feels I prefer women and would be happier with a woman. This happens with pretty much all women I interact with, including female family members. Also get triggered by women on tv and radio. Brain constantly telling me women are better in every way and that everything special I have with my boyfriend I can replicate with a woman and have even more and better. Every positive thing I think about my boyfriend is instantly replaced with a thought of but you can find a woman like that. It’s like there is nothing unique about my relationship anymore as I can have the exact same and better with a woman! My boyfriend has literally been turned into a woman in every way! I feel so alone with this. It’s been going on for so long, and that feels like evidence! Help!

I’ve been struggling for a few weeks now. My therapist diagnosed me with relationship ocd and I am having a really difficult time trying to determine what my real feelings are. My boyfriend is my best friend and I’ve felt distant lately and that hurts both of us. All of this is unfamiliar- I hate feeling like this and don’t recognize it. I’ve been so depressed and anxious and detached. A few weeks ago this happened for the first time out of no where and I literally felt like I was going through a breakup. I couldn’t sleep or eat or stop crying. I was so freaked out and felt so much pressure about the future even though he isn’t pressuring me. What if I don’t love him anymore? Do I want to end it? Maybe I should end it and then I’ll feel better. Maybe the problem is the relationship. How do I know? I don’t deserve him. Is avoiding him right now a sign I don’t love him? Is feeling stressed talking about future plans a sign I don’t want a future with him? What if we don’t get married? Is it all just a waste? Is this OCD or am I in denial that I want to break up? The thoughts go on… I thought the only thing that would make me feel better is if we broke up. But we didn’t. He’s stood by me and said he’ll be whatever I need. He has done research and has been so understanding. I started feeling better a few days later and then was doing really well for a couple of weeks when all of a sudden about a week ago we were just laying together and I started crying because of the obsessive thoughts I was experiencing. Compulsions I engage in include constantly seeking reassurance from him, my mom or chat gpt. I am going crazy I’ve never experienced anything like this before. I just want to feel normal again and be happy and I don’t know how. I don’t know why I can’t just enjoy myself. I’m either sobbing or feel emotionally flat. It’s exhausting and I just don’t know what to do. Anyone else been through this? I did just start Prozac last week but haven’t noticed any changes. I’ve just been going through an emotional roller coaster. The mood swings are awful.

I fear I will never be able to overcome this I’ve been called ugly since I was a child told I look like a boy told by others how I wasn’t attractive as so and so it’s awful I feel miserable now it’s greatly affecting my relationship with my husband I kept asking him over and over again if he ever seen anyone more attractive than me he kept saying no till I wore him down into saying yes when I accused him of lying and I was getting frustrated because I also have a fear of being lied to he got upset with the persistent questioning and finally replied a couple yeah sure are you happy and told me I can’t get upset because I wouldn’t except his original answer NO but he also told me later when I asked him if he really meant what he said he said no and that he thought it was something I wanted to hear because I wouldn’t accept him saying no and accused him of lying over and over again so he said yeah sure a couple to shut me up not meaning it but now I’m worried what if I just pulled the truth out of him he never really changed answers like that before and I’m wondering who and where like movie stars or people he dated or seen at Walmart or wherever and scared now that every time he leaves the house he’s noticing women who are more attractive than me it’s really killing me to think like this I told him my concerns and he gets mad but says that he never meant it and no i didn’t pull the truth out of him but I’m starting to wish after that when he said yeah sure instead of crying I could have asked him who and where it’s driving me insane and I can’t get over it and I’m really hurt especially since he knows I’m very insecure with my body i was hoping he would have stuck to his guns and maybe said something romantic I know that’s dumb but why it feels like he made it worse and now I’m mad at him even though I do know this is my fault but it really hurt me I don’t know what to do and wish I could trust him when he said that he didn’t mean the change of the answer

today was really stressing for me and yesterday too. so it started yesterday, i was scared and stressed because I didnt feel any desire for intimacy with my boyfriend and i started thinking and stressing that i never wanted to be intimate with my boyfriend or that im doing it just to please him?? and i have thoughts like what if i dont love my boyfriend or what if i dont find him attractive and im really stressing and this is so hard. and yesterday i didnt know if i want to do anything intimate and my boyfriend obviously understood and said okay we wont do anything (hes the most gentle person ever and he always understands) but he was worried that i dont want to for some time now and he was worried that i dont want him or that i dont find him attractive anymore. and today im really stressing about it, yesterday i was streesing too but today its worse. i went on a walk with my dog and my boyfriend is sleeping since some hours so we didnt text and while i was walking i didnt have headphones i was alone with my thoughts and i started analysing that i dont know what i feel towards my boyfriend. i was thinking that what if i just lie to myself that i love him or what if im pretending to? i know i love him, i miss him, i want to be next to him and have my future with him hes the best that ever happend to me, if we dont have a sleepover on a weekend like we always do i freak out and im really sad or when we cannot hangout. but im really scared, some time ago i started getting easily irritated by him and its also so hard for me i dont want to be irritated and i feel bad when i write this. but i have these thoughts and i hate them. and i have a problem with knowing what i feel? i cant describe my feelings and i dont know what i feel for example i cant really answer how i feel when someone asks me. im scared that what if my boyfriend will tell me he loves me and i will be stressed and wont answer because i wont know what i feel? im worried like what is wrong? why cant i know what i feel why i cant describe my emotions. im diagnosed with depressive episodes and i used to say that i felt this empty feeling but some time ago i started to think that maybe it wasnt an empty feeling? and that i just felt okay so i just declined the fact that i have depressive episodes and now i think that i never felt this emptiness and i just said i did to get attention. for now, the only emotion that i can describe that i have is stress because i feel it in my stomach. im so worried that i was analysing that i dont know if i love my boyfriend and i think i should tell him and i dont know whats going on with me. im scared about the thought of losing him i never want to loose my baby

18+ UPDATE: This is my first post of the day so please take that context in mind... I'm genuinely feel so triggered and anxious... I'm gonna go to sleep right now, but I genuinely dont think I'll be able to ever be able to look my friends and family in the eye if this is true... ive been holding in the compulsions today all day... but right now its genuinely terrifying me... i have a girlfriend now (over 2 months) and i dont want to lose her... she's kind, and lovely, and the one I wanna marry one day... but then I look at myself... and my past... and I genuinely don't think I deserve her... Oh dear god... I dont know... but I think my worst fears came true... I think I unknowingly ERP'ed with a minor on an 18+ discord server 5 years ago... they currently are on Astralspiff's discord, having been there since 2023, and have switched their username, with a chicken emoji as their bio... they also switched their profile picture from Nana Osaki to a fan art of Kasame Teto... its making me think that these three things are certainties that she was a minor on the 18+ sexual server... and that I ERP'ed with her not knowing this... Im genuinely feeling shocked and sick to my stomach right now... they don't have their age listed on discord or anything, but they joined 5 years ago and it was 4 years ago that we ERP'ed... god I feel disgusted and horrified right now... someone talk to me... please.... in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent an 18+ pic to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor without knowing... it genuinely scares me... Its making me think that I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor in the past without knowing and it genuinely triggers me... I have tried to go back through most 18+ online interactions ive had with women online to make sure they didnt lie or they confirmed their age... i have two situations on discord that trigger me that ive posted about in the past... and a couple have deleted their discords so thats triggering me really bad... most who deleted their discords were verified but still... why delete your discord, you know...? for context i was on 18+ explicit discord servers meant for sex that you cant just join regularly on iPhone due to it being for adults only... Ive also been to a website dedicated to adult 18+ literature... they also have an 18+ chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... Im scared of someone one day in the future accusing me of doing horrible things like unknowingly inappropriately messaging minors, or have my worst fears of unknowingly explicitly messaging a minor confirmed to have happened and I didnt know about it... i genuinely just feel hopeless... And its all my fault... All of it...

Im 29, I believe I have had SO-OCD since I was about 15. A friend of mine and I stopped talking 5 year ago because she, and I believe I as well, had feelings for each other but I was afraid to take the next step because I was afraid I was gay/wouldnt be able to perform/would hurt her later on. Started talking again this year and it was fantastic. Like we never even stopped before. I felt great talking to her but when the relationship idea came up again, same thing I would get rushing thoughts like those up above. It was working fine and we decided to just be friends but then she said she was going on a date and I became incredibly jealous. I acted childishly, didnt respond to messages or give short answers. She decided we should spend some time apart because we both have feelings for each other but she wants a relationship. I have been miserable this past week thinking about this and how I ruined our relationship again because of my doubts in myself. Its so confusing because I know I want to be with her but then the thoughts make me doubt myself and makes me think I am going to hurt her again, which I simply cant do. Sorry to ramble but I just needed to get this off my chest.

. . . . . . So me and my bf like watching adult videos. Thing is he watches it way more than me. Like an excess amount, to the point where it’s unhealthy. I talked to him about it, and he acknowledged the fact that it was bad so he stopped gradually. I still overthink about it though about his past. I feel horrible and paranoid. I have obsessive compulsive disorder of course, MDD with psychotic symptoms, GAD, and C-PTSD. I was also sexually abused as well. I just want to forget. It’s all I want

hi! I recently joined NOCD therapy so im still figuring out the app. anyways, here is my story right now. me and my partner have been together for almost 3 years and I constantly have thoughts that he will turn against me or cheat on me, suddenly find me unattractive, worrying if he is hiding something, etc. he is great at reassuring me but recently I found out that reassurance actually makes it worse? I dunno. I hate this, because we fight so much because of my accusations and me constantly asking to go through his phone. He tells me I seriously have nothing to worry about, but I’m worried that if I keep doing this, I’ll push him away. I feel as though I am already starting to push him away. We don’t live together yet so when we are away from each other, i get the feeling he’s looking at other women, etc. I even see it in my dreams. I hate my mind. Why do i ruin a good thing? i don’t wanna ruin this, deep down i trust him, why do i still worry? (sorry this was long. Thank you guys

I just acted on a compulsion, and what do ya know, it relieved one thing just to generate another obsession and a new compulsion. It’s so frustrating and exhausting. I did one thing, established a boundary to stop myself from compulsing. Then I found a loophole around the boundary I established without the person knowing by asking someone else to fix something for me and make it seem like it was them lol. Now I’m worried that the person I established the boundary with will pick up on the fact that it was really me behind the curtains and although I really am enforcing the boundary, they’ll stop respecting it because I slipped up. Or that it’ll ruin my relationship with them or they’ll ruin my reputation by telling other people how ridiculous it is that I established a boundary and then asked someone else to fix the thing without saying anything. Can I just forgive myself for doing this, tell myself to accept the anxiety of my new obsessions, and not go back or confess or do some stupid new compulsion? Did I just mess everything up more? Can I stop compulsing now or am I actually obligated to undo this?

Hello fellow OCD warriors, been a little bit since my last and first post. Hoping to chat for some kind words and advice, maybe share their stories so I don’t feel so alone! Sorry for the longgggg wall of text but I hope this makes someone feel seen and hopefully makes me feel good in return! I’m a 20 year old female (21 in just 15 days🎉) and I’m a nursing student. All my life I’ve struggled with anxiety and its intensity has fluctuated throughout it. One aspect it has always attacked is school I have always been very concerned with perfect grades and feeling intelligent, just in general if I love or care about something my anxiety attacks the shit out of it. So naturally of course I picked a wonderful major that doesn’t cause anxiety at all LOL. Anyways last year I hit an all time anxiety and honestly depression low. I have never had any true mental health issues I was always able to deal with my anxiety and conflicts very well, in fact everyone always told me I was such a positive person and I always seemed to persevere through it all. However, having this mental health low from nursing school last year brought about the most challenging feat I’ve faced so far, severe OCD. All of a sudden I felt out of control of my life, thoughts, emotions, and anxiety. I started doing research for understand what the hell was going on and finally through a mental health nursing course this year I learned what OCD was and it’s symptoms and I’ve realized it’s always been on my shoulder but now it’s consumed my life. I’m not sure if that’s really common but it seems like this significant stress/depression caused a huge noticeable spike I can’t shake like I’ve realized I always did in the past. I realized I actually always have had compulsions to confess, I had scrupulosity and moral conflicts when I was deeply religious, and i did in fact always have to check locks and hear my car beep three times each time I locked it to know I did it correctly. It’s crazy to realize you ever struggling with something and you never knew! I struggle deeply with scrupulosity and sexual/relationship OCD mostly these are my attacks. Of course I have a couple random OCD themes but those are the ones I can’t always work through without a panic attack. They are very distressing and lead to intense guilt, fear, and anxiety. I finally after confessing so much to my mom and friends to only be met with “you did nothing wrong, why are you so upset you are scaring me” lol I decided that this guilt may be something else when it always returned fiercely after each reassurance. I went and seen a PCP and forever my life changed when I cried and let all the bottled up mess I’d been carrying finally out. I’m so thankful to have such a lovely and caring doctor that comforted me and listened to my concerns about medicine and helped me get into therapy as soon as possible. The time is here next week it officially starts and I’m happy scared ?? The OCD is always trying to tell me my thoughts are terrible , dangerous that I did awful things and I can’t share them even with a therapist. It’s always nagging that if I told anyone everyone I love would leave me. I’m sure most of you know the drill so I’ve been battling that and a flare up in general. Any words of advice or experiences anyone can share about their first or therapy experience in general? I’ve never been in therapy so I was wondering how you guys got over your fear to discuss those scary thoughts especially sexual with that extra layer of awkwardness and fear!

If you find a mark on your partner that looks like a hicky does it mean it is even when they even say it looks like one but asks you if you given them one and say that they don’t know where it came from this is something that’s been bothering me forever and I keep having him swear to GOD over and over again I feel bad because he gets very angry and is tired of being accused I don’t know how to stop though I feel physically sick too because of the worries and urge to ask what’s funny is I suppose I could have given it to him but don’t really remember doing so and he says he would never cheat because he doesn’t wanna put a curse on our family he’s very religious but I asked him if he felt that way before marriage he replied it’s all fun and games till married and said he immediately knew that he shouldn’t have said that because he knew that would set me off and I’d take it the wrong way and he got very angry because I was freaking out he told me he was repeating something he heard when he was younger and I took it the wrong way but I’m worried what if that’s a possible indicator he was unfaithful before our marriage he’s sworn on the Bible for me in the past that he’s been faithful and swears to GOD OVER AND OVER AGAIN EVERY DAY because that’s the only way I feel better I know this is sick and wrong I’m taking advantage of his faith too by doing this I feel like a monster and feel bad but it’s like I can’t stop am I horrible person has anyone ever experienced this now my parents are mad at me saying I’m ruining our marriage and screaming at me it makes it worse last night my husband and I said some horrible things to eachother and we both feel bad he really is a amazing man but has been pushed too far everyone has a breaking point but being yelled at makes it worse we really do love eachother and he understands ocd but he is tired of the questioning and does not have the same amount of patience he once did is it possible for us to heal from this and me trust him all my past relationships where horrible and extremely abusive he’s the first man to be faithful and NEVER lay hands on me I don’t wanna loose him I can’t I wouldn’t be able to live I wouldn’t want to any advice or am I just too broken for him ???