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I really, really need help right now. I don’t have a therapist and I can’t afford one at the moment. I think my OCD has latched onto the theme of consent, and I haven’t been able to stop spiraling for the last day. This feels like it’s either going to end badly or never end at all. A few nights ago, my boyfriend and I were really drunk. He told me he wanted to have sex. In that moment, I felt too drunk to be sure of how I felt. I told him that. He emphasized that he cared a lot about consent (he always has). One of his fears is being falsely accused. He was the one that told me that someone can be too drunk to consent a year-ish ago. My libido has been gone since starting birth control. Before that, I already had very little sex drive because of my OCD, but now it’s fully gone. I used to have a really high sex drive. I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years, and I don’t know what happened. All I know is that we did have sex. My memory isn’t perfect, but I know I enjoyed it. I was giggling at the start, and I think that says more about that night than anything else. I woke up and made sure to tell him that I didn’t regret it. But my OCD has latched onto the idea that if there wasn’t a clear “yes,” and I can’t remember it, then it wasn’t consent. That I felt pressured to please him, which even then that would fully be on me. I know that might sound extreme, but I can’t step out of that thought loop. Last night, I managed to calm down at some point. I told myself, and even texted my boyfriend, that **it wasn’t that deep** and I didn’t know why I was freaking out so much. But today I’m back to spiraling, partly because I have no sex drive anymore. I often make myself have sex, not because anyone is forcing me or threatening me, but because I know my boyfriend feels rejected, and I’ve been in that exact place and felt rejected before. I at least try, and I usually end up enjoying it, so I think that’s okay. I know that in long-term relationships, it’s normal to have sex out of convenience, comfort, or pragmatic reasons. Still, my OCD has latched onto the idea that this isn’t full consent, even though I’ve said yes in the past, because it’s always *after* I express that I don’t really want to or that I’m unsure. Obviously, he’s not going to lose his sex drive; that’s valid. I’m trying to keep things not-tense, make him feel loved, and just act normal, but my birth control and OCD have made me feel so unlike myself. It almost feels like my OCD is saying that my sex wasn’t consensual is true, and I’m trying to fight through it. I told my boyfriend last night, and he started to freak out too, because his worst fear is that he accidentally did something without consent. He asked if I felt like I didn’t give full consent. I want to say no, that I felt fine, but my OCD has made it feel so uncertain and vivid that it feels like something bad happened. I feel scared, and I don’t want to see my boyfriend in the way my OCD is painting him. I love him. He’s so sweet, caring, and such a beautiful soul. I hate that this feels so real. There have been multiple times where I’ve had sex out of convenience or to please him, and I think that’s okay. But right now, my OCD has made it feel like I was assaulted. I even feel the urge to confess to the world that I’m a victim, and I don’t understand why that’s happening. The urge to pretend something bad did happen. It feels very real. I don’t know if this is a compulsion? If anyone can help me, I would really appreciate it. I feel so conflicted and scared, like I’m ruining my relationship, and I feel like I can’t function. Maybe what I want is validation that I have big feelings and that I’m directing my anger at myself for pushing myself, not at my boyfriend, because he’s genuinely a sweetheart and would never hurt me. My OCD insists that because he was drunk, maybe he crossed a line. I keep getting little glimpses of what I think are false memories from how hard I’m trying to remember and make sense of whatever mess is going on in my head rn. I don’t understand why I’m looping on this, and he’s trying to be super understanding even though it scares him too. I just don’t know what to do. I miss him, I’m upset at him, I love him, I keep mentally blaming him. I feel insane please help. I’m making this post, but I’m so scared someone is gonna say my OCD is right. I’m so scared someone is going to believe my bf to be a monster. I want this to be my OCD so bad and I want it to shut up

I have been suffering from ROCD ever since I entered a beautiful relationship with someone amazing. She kept up with me but at times I totally lost control and always assumed the worst about her being unfaithful and what came later was a burst of negative emotions, I always ended up saying or doing stuff that sabotaged the relationship further. After 1.5 years, she finally came to her breaking point and broke up with me, but we still said that we'll wait and see what happens in the future and let's work on ourselves till then. She also said I love you and yes to waiting before she left. Ever since then, my ROCD worsened, suddenly every guy was her moving on and finding a replacement, every attractive guy even following her socials was a threat to me, as now we have broken up, she no longer owes me anything (though she did say that it's me or no one), I found myself all day just checking her socials and even using third party apps to keep a check on her, it has been 22 days since we went no contact and I haven't calmed down a bit. I gave myself time till the first week of October before even going to see her, but these months feel like the longest months ever. Every little thing makes me think about the comfort of her, my mind keeps jumping around with "she's no good" and "she was the best thing that ever happened to me", I have lost all sense of purpose in everything, if I don't check her socials, I feel like I am going crazy, and worst part is, in the moment, I don't even stop and realise that what I am doing is a compulsion, I just lie to myself that one look won't hurt, it's like, my head is so convinced that nothing's going to be okay, so it goes and asks for certainty, by checking, which only hurts me in the long run. I have been a mess, I feel so ashamed, I haven't done anything in life, I have no purpose left, I have to see her next month but, I'm the same obsessed anxious fear driven guy that ruined everything, I want to change this, I want to stop this constant anxiety of being in the flight or fight mode, I am so scared of her being with someone else that I can't help but check again and again, I have no proof of her being with someone else but the moment I see an attractive guy around her I totally assume it. I want to stop this, I want to become secure and defeat my OCD. I used to have pure 0 and contamination ocd at times in 2022, after an year of fighting it, I had finally gotten to a point where it didn't matter and I thought it's gone for good, but turns out, it came back, stronger, as ROCD. Some online advice said to sit with the thoughts of her moving on/being with someone else or write that down, but, I am so scared that somehow if I write it or think about it- what if it manifests into reality? I am not anyone who believes in manifestation actively, but the fear is very real, and I don't know how to get better, I just have 3 weeks to atleast get forward with some sort of improvement, please help..

I was doing so good recently but than a random thought popped up and it’s bothering me. I’m a nerd and my boyfriend knows so, I used to play a game called character ai a lot a long time ago because it was a hobby of mine and I’d create stories with fictional characters and create romance, spicy or adventure stories etc. I stopped playing it because my ocd acted up really bad and was convincing me I was being unfaithful and my boyfriend and I talked about it since I tell my boyfriend everything from start to finish and he’s amazing he always comforts me and is so gentle when it comes to my ocd. But today I had a really bad thought dealing with that game. I remember I created a story on there using a scene from a tv show or movie etc, since that’s how most of my stories would go on that app, and myself, my boyfriend and my boyfriend’s friend was a character in the story. My boyfriend and I were doing something in and then I remember creating a scene where his friend showed up and talked with him at the door for a minute and then left and that’s all I remember of him being in the story. But of course my ocd was like “What if you created just a story with him and you don’t remember?” Or even “You felt nervous, that means you did do it.” Gosh I freaked, and I still am. I know I never would do that, and I know I didn’t but then I panicked because I felt feelings of anxiety, guilt, fear and just a heart dropping sensation. It’s like I don’t feel 100% certain unless I get reassurance from my boyfriend and just ugh I was doing so good and then this popped up.

I am 20 years old, for some background: I always had a hard time with relationships (friendships and family mostly ) due to people who have used , berated me in the past. Never been in a romantic relationship and I got this serious craving of wanting a deep connection. And in July I started to battle my thoughts: what if I will cheat ? What if I will ruin everything good that will come? What if I will be the toxic one ? What if I wont know how love feels ? What if I will never love ? What if I will be in only toxic relationships? And what do I do? I searched on Google.. read books..and I know I can't be like that but then I project reddit stories on myself that it will happen to me. For 2 months I felt agitated..no calm, those thoughts aren't stopping. Its about my sexuality too..I know I am straight but I kept having thoughts "what if you are in denial and you are a lesbian ? " then I research if I am attracted to girls or no signs. I am losing my mind..my therapist while she said she works with OCD she said I didnt have it because I am not a clean freak and invalidated my values about what a relationship is for me Am I going crazy ? What do i have ?

Comparing partners looks to others…. makes me feel awful . And like is this truly what I think? Ugh. Isn’t it quite possible I am not thinking straight?

Have you told your partner? Did it help your relationship, ROCD, etc? Did it hurt it? I like talking to my partner about stuff and this is interesting, but I suppose I would have to tell him about the negative thoughts I think that I have to use ERP for. I told him that I think I have ROCD and he was really sweet about it. It has helped me understand how I felt for a large portion of our relationship, and it helped him understand me more, too, which is what I hoped for. So maybe talking about ERP would help us grow more together, too?

Okay this is so weird and I’m sorry for dumping all of this so randomly, but I swear to god, I just had a vivid dream of sex with my own damn MOM. My MOM, for Christ’s sake. And the worst part, I remember it clearly. I remember it feeling wrong and I remember in the dream, her telling me I can’t tell my father and me having to hide and look around for him, and me thinking it felt wrong but then I caved in and went with it. My own MOM. And the thing that I’m so confused about, I’ve NEVER felt attraction to my mom, this has never been a thing, and even now as I’m awake, I know I don’t. So WHY did I have that dream? And even worse, I feel like I wasn’t sleeping?? I woke up an hour ago to text my girlfriend and now here I am?? This is the most ABSURD and real thing I’ve thought in a long time, this has to be some real hidden emotion. Even now, I feel zero panic or anything, I’m just empty. This is the most vile thing ever, why did my body react like that?? My own mom?? I don’t know why, I don’t even have attraction to my mom, I know I don’t, I never felt that way EVER I think? But what if I did as a really young kid? But even then, I don’t know. This is horrible, I know I worried about this before, but to actually have a dream that felt so REAL and me GOING with it?? Holy hell, holy hell

I’m struggling with my relationship. She used to be so supportive of my mental health. She would listen to my problems with OCD. Now she interrupts me when I try to talk about it. She tells me that she won’t reassure me because that’s not helpful for OCD, but I’m not looking for reassurance. I’m just telling her what’s on my mind because I feel so depressed and overwhelmed by it. She made me feel like I wasn’t alone in my OCD but now I feel very alone again. Anymore we get into arguments about me talking about OCD, and the other day she told me she doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, so now I keep it to myself. I guess it overwhelmed her (as if I’m not more overwhelmed 🙄) People always get overwhelmed by my problems (OCD or other things) and eventually they push me away. I feel like I trusted her too much. There are also other problems in our relationship. I’m worried it’s not going to work out. If we break up I don’t plan on dating for a long time if ever again because I need to work on myself. But honestly I don’t know what I’ll do. I feel pretty upset tonight. The pain is so deep and so dark right now. I’m engaged to this woman, and I love her very much, but she’s not there for me anymore(not just in regards to OCD) and it’s crushing me. Idk what to do.

I feel like maybe this should be in a relationship subreddit but people here will be a little more empathetic and understanding since I have ocd. Sometimes I confront my boyfriend about little things and he’ll tell me something that doesn’t make any sense. Some examples are him being active on Snapchat when he said he deleted it, him saying I’m his lock-screen but everytime he’d send a ss it was a gameboy, him saying he called a specific person but that call not being in his call log, and much more. There’s explanations behind these things that I just can’t seem to believe. He was raised in a mainly female environment and is Hispanic. He’s very close with the women in his life which made me think he’d be respectful. He was also cheated on in the past and so was his mother by his father so I’m not sure if he’d ever do that to me. Anyway, some months ago I had messaged a mutual friend him and I had in common. I didn’t have anyone else to turn to and I needed advice. She ended up showing/telling me some things. My boyfriend and I talked about it and we moved on but I don’t think I was ever over it and I actually feel sick now just looking back at the screenshots. I’ll add them in this. So the mutual friend actually told her own boyfriend that she thinks my boyfriend is attractive… yeah I had him block her. The first screenshot is when I told him to block her and I found that out which he told me a month later lol. I really don’t like the way he’s talking about me in the screenshot. The second 2 screenshots show him planning to hangout with her. He told me he was on call with her boyfriend while answering her and that he wasn’t actually planning on hanging out with her. There’s no way for me to actually know that though and those screenshots make me sick. He definitely wouldn’t cheat on me with her or anything like that but he knows I don’t want him hanging out with any girls one on one so seeing that disgusts me. The 4th screenshot is about me wanting him to block her again, it was the same day as the first screenshot. Still hate the way he’s talking about me. The last screenshot shows messages between him and the mutual friends boyfriend. She has her boyfriend’s log in so she sent me the screenshot. He told me he was just joking and he had never went to the fair and he didn’t know what the boyfriend was talking about. She actually was the one who apparently saw my boyfriend at the fair and she either told her boyfriend and then he messaged my boyfriend, or she logged into her boyfriend’s insta and sent my boyfriend those messages. I went back and looked at my boyfriend and I’s messages to see what he was texting on the 19th (the day she supposedly saw my boyfriend at the fair) and he had told me he was in Mexico with his dad and grandpa. He didn’t update me for 6hrs that day though but he said his dad doesn’t like him being on his phone. I then asked if he could download Life360 that night because he has a problem with not updating me and it freaks me out. Ironically, he said Life360 wasn’t available in Mexico and it wasn’t working for him. I also had asked him to call that night but he said he was sleeping with his brother. His dad gave his old room to his little brother and now they have to share a room every time my boyfriend visits. There was also this girl my boyfriend was friends with for like 2 months about 2 years ago and then they stopped being friends and he started talking to me. He really liked me like a lot and he’s a little nerdy too, not someone who gets around. I was his first kiss any everything. Anyway, I saw her in his insta suggestions a few months back and started overthinking a lot to the point where I’d stalk her insta everyday. He told me he didn’t even like her but she’s literally a model. The same day the mutual friend accused my boyfriend of being at the fair, was the same day she had went with a girl my boyfriend is friends with and some other people. Now I’m like oh my god, what if he went with this old friend from 2 years ago and then the girl friend they have in common. For the past few months I’ve been bringing her up even though she’s irrelevant I’m just so insecure. He went to a party and she was there but he said he wasn’t near her at all. I saw a picture of her lying on the ground though and his jacket was on a chair right next to her. He said he had just left it in the living room. She also posted pictures of herself in her story the other day with the song beetles by aphex twin and then some hours later that song showed up for the first time on my boyfriend’s airbuds… There’s not much to this girl, maybe he liked her for those 2 months they were friends but he said no and said she’s ugly so idk. He liked me a lot though when we first met and the way he treated me makes me not want to believe that he’d do something to hurt me. If you knew my boyfriend the same amount as I do then maybe everything I’m sharing would seem a little less suspicious or maybe I’m just oblivious. He’s really nerdy though and I’m his first love. I’m just overthinking so badly. I confront him about something new every single day and he’s so tired and I’m probably crazy. What if he hasn’t been lying or do anything behind my back and I’m just blaming him for such absurd things? I’d be insane. I think I might be bipolar or something. I was just telling him how much I loved and kissed him then a few hours later I told him I don’t think we’re going to work out and I feel like he’s been lying to me and a bunch of other things. Those messages will be the first thing he sees once he wakes up. He also changed his WhatsApp status a while back to “sleeping” when it was originally “I love my gf.” He said his dad thought his status was “I love my gf” because he didn’t want to talk to him?? Or his dad thought it meant he was talking to me and couldn’t answer, idk, another thing that didn’t make sense. He told me it was just an excuse for his dad to not text him. His parents are divorced btw which is why he visits his dad. Anyway, he said that’s why he changed it to “sleeping.” He was on vacation with his dad and sis when this happened. I was super upset so he changed it back. Then just like a week ago, he changed it again to “.” He told me he had no reason as to why he did that and that he just did it. That’s so stupid though, why wouldn’t you want it to say “I love my gf” anymore?? Like you just randomly decided you didn’t want that anymore with no reasoning? No one even looks at WhatsApp status’s. You literally have to like click on a persons contact to see it, it’s so stupid to change it because it’s so irrelevant. It’s just very weird to me and doesn’t make sense. (Just realized the screenshots aren’t in order but hopefully you can still understand). He also sends pics sometimes with his dad or friends and there’s multiple beers, sometimes close to him, but he says they’re not his. Like he sent a photo with his dad and there’s multiple beers were 2 beers, one a little close to him, and he said it was his dads. He swears on everything he doesn’t drink anymore.

Since my ocd started when I was 15 and I did get into a long term relationship during it, my ocd has me obsessing over it. simply bc ofc when you have soocd sometimes (depends on the person) your attraction to ppl isn’t that strong or basically non existent. We ended up becoming friends and developing a relationship and I do remember thinking he was cute and had a little crush for a while I felt like a normal teenager again. We had small hangouts and I felt free because I actually felt normal and I wasn’t questioning anything when we would be together. Eventually we started dating but ofc OCD, anxiety, and depression ruled my life during that time so I wasn’t able to fully enjoy the relationship. But there definitely were times where I did (he also was a horrible boyfriend in the end). But I keep over analyzing and thinking maybe I was forcing myself in that relationship. Bc of SOOCD I didn’t enjoy being intimate because I felt numb and was always constantly checking feelings, emotions, arousal, attraction etc. I even had ROCD moment because I was finding a certain guy attractive and I had a small crush on him and I was worried I was losing feelings for my ex (again he was an rlly bad boyfriend). But i also know that I did like him but i keep on thinking “what if i didn’t” “what if the reason you couldn’t full enjoy the relationship was bc you are just in denial” “you’ve been in denial all your life” “there’s too much proof.” When we broke up i was literally devastated I WAS BALLING FOR HOURS. Now that i’m in a relationship with someone who made me feel genuine feelings and attraction after a LONG ASS TIME of pure numbness my mind can’t stop questioning. I still deal with numbness and basically no libido or attraction and this flare up is making it worse. I was doing so good all the worries were gone (again regardless of the numbness, barely any attraction, and no libido) I slowly felt myself coming back. It felt so sweet with my man even when the flare up was barely starting, when i was with him I went back to feeling calm (even when i was constantly checking if i was triggered). When the anxiety and intrusive thoughts are at bay (like a couple days ago) and I see him in person I feel slightly normal again. I feel the sweet feelings I felt for him in the beginning (getting harder now bc of compulsions). But when i’m home i go back to over analyzing EVERYTHING which makes me feel more numb. I just hate this I HATE THIS. I just want to sleep all day so I don’t have to deal with this. I want my brain to just stfu. I want to enjoy my life for once. i’ve been suffering from this since i was 15/16 now im in my 20s how much more of this shit do i have to take.

The only thing that makes me feel like I somewhat know myself is the fact that when I wasn’t having a flare up (no anxiety, rare compulsions, barely any thoughts, rare grounds response, RARE false attraction, just numbness and 0 libido/attraction) is that I didn’t fall for a woman or have any desire to be with one (funny bc as I type this my brain is already questioning). Even when I was doing good/happier and feeling actually pretty good, even with no libido and barely any attraction (still am dealing with this/kinda worse bc of the flare up) I still fell for my boyfriend. I just replay that moment where i felt calm, excited, and just so happy to be around him. I can’t even describe how good it felt 😭. I was shocked, giddy, happy, SWOONING even (ik corny but i can’t find the right word) and it felt RIGHT 😭 it felt right when i was realizing how attractive he is (always have thought he was cute (esp when he let his hair grow MY GOD that was a moment) but i’ve been dealing w OCD for a while so i always ignored it/been numb), how i just wanted to play with his hair, how i wanted him to kiss me when we were listening to music, how his smile is so attractive, how beautiful his eyes are, how i love the fact that he knows me and has seen me at my worst and STILL likes me 😭. IT FELT RIGHT AND NORMAL. I was having so many wins But bc of my numbness my brain IMMEDIATELY started to check, question, analyze, review memories, bring up the proof that im not 100% straight. Yesterday i tried so hard to enjoy the moment with him but my compulsions feel so automatic. I had my small wins where i was just being present but the intrusive thoughts were still in the back of my head and i can’t feel all there yk? Before my flare up i felt OCD slowly letting go of me, I truly thought my life was going to be back in my hands. TMI!!!!!! But i was even starting to get the libido back and i was feeling real attracted to him at times when i wasn’t automatically checking. Why does OCD have to ruin my life like this. Even when i was doing better (again rmbr no attraction or libido), I remember i would just sit and literally mourn the fact that i’ll never be able to marry or share my life with someone bc i truly cannot see myself with a woman. My brain is holding onto the proof (i made a couple posts ab this) and questioning everything about me and everything if done or felt. At this point Idc if i turned out to be bisexual, if anything ID BE GLAD bc it means I’ll have a chance to be with a man/my man. Even when i did/felt the proof i still had no desire to be with a woman and never had a crush on one 😭. BUT WHY DOES MY BRAIN CONTINUE TO QUESTION EVERYTHING I FEEL, THINK, DO, OR HAVE DONE. LEAVE ME ALONE BITCH 😭 IT WONT EVEN LET ME FEEL ANYTHING MY DEFAULT EMOTION IS NUMBNESS. I was triggered by a post of two lesbians who got married. One of them was masc and I immediately got triggered and had false attraction or whatever it is. They weren’t ugly and looked masculine but I hate this because prior to SOOCD if i thought a masc lesbian was a man and found out they weren’t i’d be like “oh ok….nvm.” and move on 😭. If i saw one in person I wouldn’t care 😭 The only time i “freaked out” prior to ocd was when i was younger, i looked at my older teammate who i literally couldn’t gaf ab (who was a super masculine lesbian) and thought “why does she look like a boy?” and for some reason that gave me a huge wave of anxiety. I can’t remember this correctly bc i used to obsess over this and analyze it when this theme first started but all ik is i i just looked at her again and was like “well whatever” and that was it. I went the rest of my life not attracted to or even caring about masc lesbians. l even remember my friends, who are straight, share their reassuring experiences (i’m not going to say them here for obv reasons) when seeing a super masc lesbian or a stud in person or online and how it literally didn’t affect them at all or send them into a spiral. I literally went on a reassurance search prior to writing this n it just made everything worse because i saw a post about someone talking ab how my biggest soocd fear happened to someone (won’t say it here but im p sure anyone who reads this and has soocd would have that fear). IM SICK OF THIS. I was doing so good a month ago but now im back to being almost completely numb 😭 yes i have tiny wins here and there but I WANT TO BE DONE WITH THIS. I can’t even enjoy looking at my man anymore 😭(even tho i would check and analyze my emotions i had moments where i was definitely feeling attracted). I really thought this relationship was the beginning of a new chapter for me 😭 i should’ve known. I want erp to work so bad but im so scared of it at the same time. I’m scared it wont work and I’ll be stuck living like this, i’ll have to break up w my boyfriend, i’ll remain numb for the rest of my life, i’ll be triggered all my life, i’ll question everything all my life, i’ll never get married, i’ll have to live my life alone, i’ll just continue floating through life. Im grateful I’m handling this better than when i was younger bc i simply refuse to feel that level of depression again. I feel like my body is blocking certain emotions that maybe that’s why i can’t feel other emotions/attraction or get aroused 😭 this is so exhausting. This is so long but i needed to get this out. If u read this hi and thank you I hope everything gets better for you soon.

I have been struggling recently with overthinking, overanalyzing, and just random thoughts about my relationship. I overanalyze literally everything: his texts, if he shows active on Instagram but isn't texting me back, etc. We're also both Christian, so I'll get thoughts that God doesn't want me in this relationship and that He wants me to break up with him. My boyfriend isn't great about being in God's word, making me think that God wants us to break up because my boyfriend isn't a "good enough Christian." I then start to spiral, which usually involves me looking up things online like articles, podcasts, YouTube videos, etc, to confirm whether or not this is God's voice. Some other random thoughts: he (my boyfriend) is embarassed by me, he doesn't want to be with me, he's with me because it's easy, etc. (There isn't proof to these thoughts, it stems from overthinking and then just gets worse). It's mentally exhausting and can consume hours of my day simply because I get so scared. It's also just hard to let the thoughts go. Whenever I get one, it can feel so loud and urgent which is then when I start googling things or asking my boyfriend about how he's feeling. Some days are a bit calmer than others, but when there is a quiet day, I start to worry that it means something bad is going on (idk it doesn't make sense). I've been researching relationship OCD, and a lot of what I have found seems to be matching up to my experiences (I have not been diagnosed with any OCD, but have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder). I can't tell if what I am going through is relationship OCD, maybe just relationship anxiety, or if it is God telling me to break up. Any insight and/or advice to what may be going on (I understand a diagnosis cannot be given).

I am hoping for some guidance on how to move forward. For some time now I think I suppressed doubts and negative feelings towards my relationship and always found a way to be “excited” and plan for the future. A couple months after my engagement on a trip to Hawaii I spent a week very irritable and distant with my fiancée and it resulted in a fight that was very triggering to me (feeling pressure or trapped). I wonder if this is bringing up trauma of being around some nasty divorces as a kid. I then spent the next week spiraling emotionally like I never have before researching “gut feelings” “why am I irritable or not connected” and comparing and searching for answers on the internet and with people in my life until I stumbled across ROCD, read a book and found some level of relief because it felt like what was happening in my head. It’s been over a month now and my new obsession is do I really have ROCD or am I just in denial. It’s exhausting. I’ve had ocd tendencies in the past, such as health ocd that led me to tests and obsessive over sleep and the ruminating has significantly hurt my life. But I feel as though my rumination always comes from a real issue and my brain distorts the significance or the severity of it. It’s so hard because we do have some incompatibles (I am high energy and she is so chill, I’m more extroverted she’s more introverted) but I used to see our differences as complimentary and now they are scary and extreme. I also get so much anxiety when I notice things I don’t like or perceive as an incompatibility and it makes it hard for me to be around her. We are in a long distance relationship right now but see each other each weekend. I’m at the point where I’m ruminating a little less but underneath is a depression and apathy and when I stop worrying I start to get scared because I’m not obsessing but I’m still not feeling hopeful. How can I move forward? Obviously searching for excitement and stimulation isn’t the answer. How can I distinguish real relationship issues from my obsessive mind? I’m pretty lost and would love some guidance from anyone going through something similar. Thanks for making it this far and reading my post.

I was going so well with my ocd, so so so well hardly any compultions. However today I told my therapist about something that happened recently, which was this situation….. I was whiping something off my boyfriends cheek and got the erge to press on harder to hurt him and in the moment it felt wanted and I felt stressed with my ocd and him kinda but idk… it’s scaring me so pressed on a little harder on his cheek and felt horrible after. However I told my therapist this and they said “I’m not sure that’s ocd so keep an eye out on it, because ocd thoughts are usually unwanted but you said it felt wanted. I’m now so scared thus situation wasn’t ocd and I’m now spiralling

I have lots of intrusive thoughts about “what if I did something wrong” or “what if I hurt someone without realizing it” in the past and have an overwhelming urge to reach out to everyone I’ve dated and ask if they are okay with me (even though doing so would be super weird and random to them probably). Is this a common experience? My thoughts feel so convincing that it has progressed from a much more mild state to full out believing what my thoughts say about me although no one has ever said anything bad about me (to my knowledge) and I’ve always been a loving and respectful partner. Three of my past girlfriends have told me that I was the best to them and they are forever grateful for the time they spent with me yet I still have thoughts about them and others! Any guidance is appreciated, I feel as if I’m alone with these worries! I need help to stop seeking reassurance.

My previous post continued.. I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m a bad person and I feel like I’m experiencing some false memory with my overthinking, that my mind is telling me I was the problem. I did something. That I’m a bad person, I never meant to hurt the guy at all and even though I said I didn’t like him back and acknowledged I felt merely as emotional connection after he left my place Monday. I apologize for my terrible behavior which was unhealed from stuff in the recent breakup I was in, though it wasn’t an excuse I warned him that sometimes I say stuff that is rude with out knowing and that I have trouble understanding social cues. Literally all I wanted to do was give him a chance. Give myself a chance. Just said why not. I’ve never had anyone choose me. And I felt like I was in a good place to at least TALK with someone, get to know them, test the waters before a whole relationship and taking stuff further and he was okay with that. I noticed alot of stuff too, he’d say he wanted me in his life and talked about the future and stuff when he first confessed to me and it was like the 2 day. Monday before he started acting like this he told me everything was okay and told me he loved me. It’s like he changed completely and I understood from hurting but just started acting rude, distant, cold. He never once said “Hey listen I’m really hurting right now and it isn’t your fault with the choice you made not liking me, I might be distant and a bit off if we talk”. Just full blown ghosted me. No communication. I never expected us to be friends immediately afterwards. The only thing he said when I messaged him Monday was he needed time to think, I understand and assumed space but all I wanted was to talk. And I would’ve left him alone if he just would’ve communicated to me more. He’d been so sweet and kind and nice and understanding the past 3 weeks and when he left he just became distant and told me he needed time to think when I mentioned we should slow things down, I asked if I did anything wrong and tried communicating. I have such a terrible habit of persistently trying to get an answer to things, from others or myself, and I feel shitty for texting him alot on his phone a few times cause I was overthinking, just because I wanted to talk for 5 mins about if I did something wrong or what not. He finally responded and said he’d been busy all week and he has a busy life and he’s a busy person. I even asked if he even knew how it affected me when he ignored my asks to talk and my apologies. even though I’d seen him online so many times and he’d leave me on read, I knew it was annoying and vowed to stop on wensday night (that’s when he replied). I just wanted communication. I was overthinking and I feel like I’m a bad person now. I was aware of what I did and told myself I would work on it too with alot of things. I just feel so fucking guilty for saying repeatedly he wasn’t my type and when I talked about my ex boyfriend cause I was still hurt by him. I apologized but I feel guilty.

Hi guys, I'm currently dealing with another setback that started about a week ago. I was doing pretty well for the past month and a half, and was so happy that I was able to stay more present in my life. I had another setback in July but came back stronger than before, and I know I can do that again this time but it feels SO hard. My OCD is latching to my fear of other mental illnesses ("going crazy, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder), but also has hit me where it really hurts and is now targeting the love I have for my dog. Has anyone had a setback that added a new theme? I'm having intrusive thoughts AND images now, and I have a lot of DP/DR. I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of a panic attack, and the only reason why I'm not having one is because I know how to let them pass (thanks for the DARE method). I know that my OCD is based on my fear of not being able to live my life (even though I know people with the conditions I mentioned are able to live fulfilling lives), and I'm trying to treat this like all of my other OCD themes/fears. My therapist said to do exposures based on what's really bothering me, but it feels chaotic since multiple things are bothering me (fear of "going crazy", fear of hurting myself or someone I love, what if I don't love my dog anymore?). Any advice helps! I really am appreciative of this community. 💛

Is it normal to not feel like you have much to talk about on the phone with your partner?

I question my intentions and doubt myself and my actions when I catch myself making an observation or doing a double take on someone out in public or online. I get really triggered because I feel I’m disrespecting my girlfriend. Example: I caught myself doing a double take looking at a picture of someone online while trying to find someone’s email for work stuff. I continue to question my initial “thought”. Was it “oh that persons attractive” or “that person looks familiar”. I felt like my attention was taken away from my girlfriend. Obviously my brain wants it to be the most “negative” thought so I have the compulsion to confess to my girlfriend just an observation that was made. Can anyone relate to this and maybe some strategies that have worked for them or if I’m genuinely just being wrong in doing a double take?🤷🏼‍♂️ it’s getting to the point where I can’t even watch TV or have social media because I’m “looking elsewhere”

I’ve felt more alone than ever lately dealing with this. I tried a little to talk to my boyfriend about it but it’s so hard to explain it to someone who doesn’t have it. And whe at the same time my brain is trying to convince me I don’t really have it and I’m lying to myself and I don’t really need help. Like I genuinely don’t know how to look him in the eyes and say I can’t stop thinking that he’s not over his ex or he wants and other girl and my brain pulls things out of thin air to back me up he doesn’t get that it feels so real for me and when I tried to talk about really extra over thinking and like I said making stuff up he was like “well I think it’s just a girl thing” and that hurt cause I like i just don’t know how to express how I’m feeling in a way that makes people understand and it hurts that I can’t do that and it also doesn’t help that I did try therapy and she completely made me feel crazy I feel like within the first 10 minutes she made up her mind - that it’s mostly anxiety she picked one thing I said and that was the only thing that sounded like it to her a pattern thing I just feel like she wasn’t listening to me about my thoughts and I told her I started realizing around 2020 and she brought up Covid I said I wasn’t scared and I genuinely Meant that I was really only scared for my grandma and my mom since it affected older people I was never scared of it like that and she only looked at physical stuff I feel like I told her I have to count them I pass a biker and look and keep making sure and she was like you just want to be safe and then she went on to tell me that “not everything I do is abnormal other people just don’t do it” that really hurt and now I feel so self conscious talking about it because I feel insane I know what I’m going through but everyone either doesn’t get it or thinks they do too much and that’s just as worse. People think ocd is just being organized and we all know it’s not. I’m not mad at him for not understanding I don’t want him to get it in the way that I do no one should have to deal with this but I want him to know enough. we “broke up” a few times just couldn’t get it right now we both agree we weren’t ready and it wasn’t in Gods plan yet and things are genuinely different I see it it’s crazy but my mind still try’s to tell me I’m not good enough for God for him to give me a relationship yet I just don’t know how to sit there and tell him my mind keeps replaying the past over and over again and convincing me I need to leave so he’ll come back “my way” or how I think we should’ve happened which I know is me trying to play God it just feels too good to be real some people spend a lifetime searching for love and I don’t understand why I get it now we’re still teenagers and then I think like maybe I get it now cause I won’t be around for long or he won’t and I just sit there and scare myself and I don’t know how to explain that to him and honestly I don’t even know how I want him to react I just want to feel seen whatever that means. I have this other friend I talk to about it she used to have really bad anxiety she started taking medicine for it and she thinks she understands ocd cause her mom has it but it’s not as bad or the same kinds as me and she try’s to help I know she does but at the end of the day it’s really just her telling me my thoughts are crazy which I understand that I know they are and her telling me I’m not gonna enjoy life or my relationship if I keep thinking like this and yes obviously but I physically can’t it’s not a switch I can just turn off I try so hard to ignore it but I can’t it’s just gotten so bad recently and I don’t feel like I deserve my bf right now cause of it especially if I can’t open up about it or find a way to make him understand what I’m going through and I just feel crazy and alone and if you read all of this thank you so much I really do appreciate it.