Cheating OCD

Hello! I have been married for 7 years. I’ve struggled with all kinds of ocd in my life. Cheating ocd is something I struggled with early in my relationship with my wife, but was more geared towards obsessing over her cheating. Thankfully I have conquered that 💪 However, lately it has shifted towards ME cheating on her or crossing some kind of boundary. I always have to confess to her if I think I feel any type of attraction to another female. I’m working on it but struggle still time to time. The other day, I had an incident where I was walking down the hallway at work and noticed a cute girl. Idk how to describe it, but I became conscious of my wedding band and had a thought about this random person seeing my band and seeing I was married and I noticed my other finger was touching my wedding band almost like I was trying to hide I was married? It happened so quick and almost sub consciously. I know this might sound confusing but Now I’m worried I was trying to hide that I was married to this random stranger. Even though I had no intentions of talking to her or anything. I’m not even 100% sure I intended to hide my ring. I just might have had a thought about hiding it. Does anyone have any expertise with this or insight? Thanks so much for your time.

slowasaslug

Date posted: 2d

I definitely have felt this before, where I’ve done some things that were never meant to be acts of cheating but I spiraled into that. I know that this action with uncertain motifs has left you with large amounts of guilt, but you do not have to carry the guilt of an action like that, but I know it’s hard to recognize. If you fear of bringing this up to your partner, do you have a therapist you can talk about this with?

Josiejean223!

Date posted: 2d

@slowasaslug Yes, I have an appt next week. Thank you so much. I just can’t really put my finger on what happened. I kinda feel like I noticed my ring and tried to hide it for a sec. And when I realized what I was doing I stopped and tried to make sure my ring was exposed nice and clear!!

Acacia Mathews

Date posted: 2d

First of all thanks for sharing this! :) I know this must be causing you so much distress The key thing to keep in mind is that OCD loves to latch onto “what ifs” and turn neutral or fleeting moments into moral dilemmas. Noticing someone is attractive or having a random thought about your wedding band isn’t the same as wanting to cheat. Most people have small passing thoughts like that but because you’re hyper-aware and fearful of crossing a boundary, your brain flags it as dangerous and then you start to ruminate. That urge to confess to your wife every time is also part of the OCD cycle as it gives you short-term relief but reinforces the obsession long-term. It might help to remind yourself that intentions matter. You didn’t approach the girl and you didn’t try to hide anything, you simply had a thought. Thoughts aren’t actions even though OCD tries to convince you otherwise. You’re clearly self-aware and working on this which is a big strength! If you haven’t already, CBT/ERP (exposure and response prevention) therapy is often really effective for this type of OCD (from what I’ve heard). It can help you learn to sit with the discomfort and resist the urge to confess or over-analyze. And you’re not alone in this! So so many people with OCD have similar intrusive worries. The fact that you care so deeply about your marriage is already proof of your commitment 🫶🏼

BritDealzzz

Date posted: 2d

Ooooooooooooo Lord can I relate. Cheating OCD has been my hell this year and Ive been married nearly a decade. I am in therapy. You are so far from alone. I hope you have a loving and supportive wife that also understands as much as my husband does. Keep your chin up. The fact that you feared it is a really good clue that it's OCD... one day you wont fear your thoughts anymore and you'll not give them any of your time of day and that will be your little slice of heaven.

Josiejean223!

Date posted: 2d

The thing is I kinda feel like I did try to hide it for a split second…? Almost subconsciously….I do recall that when I realized that I might have had a finger or something on my ring to kinda hide it I immediately stopped and tried to make sure that ring was exposed for all to see lol Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I really appreciate it. Been a tough few days

OoOcCdD66

Date posted: 23w

R-OCD...cheating fears

Currently I have several different OCD fears that pop up throughout the week depending on the situation. I've noticed a commonality between all of them are the fears relating to memory/false memory. Today is the ROCD struggle I've been dealing with. I know OCD has been trying this on me lately because of how much I love my spouse. They are my absolute best friend and she's my world. I value our marriage and friendship more than anything. OCD has latched onto one specific female coworker. And I don't even know why because even if I were single I wouldn't be into her. Even still, OCD makes me think I've cheated on my wife every time I'm alone with this coworker at work. Always starts as a what if, followed by imagery, followed by feelings that I must've actually done something and can't remember it. Usually fearing I've kissed her. It hurts because I know I'd never do that to my wife and I love her so much...the idea of losing her kills me, especially if it were the result of something I did. Just wanted to vent. Feel free to share your experiences or vents as well

OoOcCdD66

Date posted: 23w

Cheating OCD

Do you ever have interactions with people and fear that during the interaction you may have cheated on your partner and can't seem to recall it? Sometimes when interacting with people I fear I cheated on my spouse with them afterwards. Mainly fearing I've kissed them and somehow instantly forgot. Just wanna know how common this specific fear may be

JustMe2025

Date posted: 22w

ROCD hits hard

Hey I'm new here... Married for two years, not formally diagnosed with OCD but over 25 years, I've dealt with obsessing over my sexuality, then it has shifted to obsessing over my relationships. In my first marriage, I would notice other attractive men and at one point I started to obsess over one man at my church. Eventually it went away but I divorced for other reasons. Fast forward 15 years. I meet my now-husband, but we break up twice while dating. I was terrified. I have learned I do struggle with fearful/avoidant attachment, but I made it through to get married!! But now, the obsessing over other men is happening again. I work with a lot of men. If I notice one who may be handsome, all of a sudden I feel weird sensations in my body, my mind races, and I fear I want to cheat, or wonder if I'd be happier. It has happened with a guy at my church, several coworkers, my husband's best friend...so I know there's a pattern. But as of late, it has gotten worse with one coworker. I have to see him every day. The thoughts are loud. They feel real, like they're how I feel (I like him, he has nice eyes, I love you). I am a Christian, and when I pray about it, it's almost like something inside me says, 'don't fix this, this isn't OCD, I want this guy' blah blah blah. I feel awful, like a whore, like a cheater, like a double-minded person. And I feel so far away from my husband. I've dealt with feeling the need to confess everything early in our relationship. I've gotten better at not doing that, but I feel like I carry this private pain that no one understands. It really hurts. I guess I just needed to vent and let this out. Sometimes it feels so lonely. I feel crazy. I'm in my 50s, I have a full time job, I take care of my home, yet I feel paralyzed by this sometimes. Thanks for reading.

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