Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I feel like I'm the only one on here to actually experience significant harm due to meds I took 3 months ago. Its weird because it kind of erased most of my emotional range so my OCD is in remission like 95% of the time but its honestly miserable feeling completely neutral all the time. I go to support groups occasionally but I feel like if I bring this up I'm going through I'll just be scaring everyone else about their meds which isn't my goal. Its severely debilitating and the emotional issues are only one side of it, wish someone on here could help me navigate how to go about this situation and hopefully provide insight on what the this sort of process looks like and what to do cause I'm kind of at a loss for ideas, I've been trying behavior activation and ERP and the most it does is just keep me from doing nothing, since I have no motivation but it doesn't really create or foster motivation when I'm not even capable of feeling motivated.

hi, it's been 2 months since I used this app but i wanted to come back just to vent a little. i started having intrusive thoughts back in october 2024 and it still persists today. i felt really bad and was in a horrible cycle of having intrusive thoughts all the time, dealing with false attraction, and spend hours analyzing my feelings. Nowadays, i don't have that same feeling anymore, it took about 2 months to get rid of that cycle a little. nowadays, when i have intrusive thoughts, unwanted bodily reactions or even false attraction, i just ignore them, i have no desire to care about it anymore. Seriously, i really can't care anymore. some days i feel great and other days i feel a little down again, but it's not the same as before. i uninstalled the app so iwwouldn't have to look for reassurance and i managed to get rid of it :) i haven't gotten rid of everything yet, but i can say that starting to not care whether such attraction is real or not, intrusive thoughts and such helps a lot. (im using a translator so i apologize if there are some mistakes)

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was also extremely horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... ive lived in guilt for so long... i dont love myself... and I genuinely cant stomach the idea that im still here... I feel so guilty and horrible... (edited)

Since my ocd started when I was 15 and I did get into a long term relationship during it, my ocd has me obsessing over it. simply bc ofc when you have soocd sometimes (depends on the person) your attraction to ppl isn’t that strong or basically non existent. We ended up becoming friends and developing a relationship and I do remember thinking he was cute and had a little crush for a while I felt like a normal teenager again. We had small hangouts and I felt free because I actually felt normal and I wasn’t questioning anything when we would be together. Eventually we started dating but ofc OCD, anxiety, and depression ruled my life during that time so I wasn’t able to fully enjoy the relationship. But there definitely were times where I did (he also was a horrible boyfriend in the end). But I keep over analyzing and thinking maybe I was forcing myself in that relationship. Bc of SOOCD I didn’t enjoy being intimate because I felt numb and was always constantly checking feelings, emotions, arousal, attraction etc. I even had ROCD moment because I was finding a certain guy attractive and I had a small crush on him and I was worried I was losing feelings for my ex (again he was an rlly bad boyfriend). But i also know that I did like him but i keep on thinking “what if i didn’t” “what if the reason you couldn’t full enjoy the relationship was bc you are just in denial” “you’ve been in denial all your life” “there’s too much proof.” When we broke up i was literally devastated I WAS BALLING FOR HOURS. Now that i’m in a relationship with someone who made me feel genuine feelings and attraction after a LONG ASS TIME of pure numbness my mind can’t stop questioning. I still deal with numbness and basically no libido or attraction and this flare up is making it worse. I was doing so good all the worries were gone (again regardless of the numbness, barely any attraction, and no libido) I slowly felt myself coming back. It felt so sweet with my man even when the flare up was barely starting, when i was with him I went back to feeling calm (even when i was constantly checking if i was triggered). When the anxiety and intrusive thoughts are at bay (like a couple days ago) and I see him in person I feel slightly normal again. I feel the sweet feelings I felt for him in the beginning (getting harder now bc of compulsions). But when i’m home i go back to over analyzing EVERYTHING which makes me feel more numb. I just hate this I HATE THIS. I just want to sleep all day so I don’t have to deal with this. I want my brain to just stfu. I want to enjoy my life for once. i’ve been suffering from this since i was 15/16 now im in my 20s how much more of this shit do i have to take.

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was also extremely horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... ive lived in guilt for so long... i dont love myself... and I genuinely cant stomach the idea that im still here... I feel so guilty and horrible...

The only thing that makes me feel like I somewhat know myself is the fact that when I wasn’t having a flare up (no anxiety, rare compulsions, barely any thoughts, rare grounds response, RARE false attraction, just numbness and 0 libido/attraction) is that I didn’t fall for a woman or have any desire to be with one (funny bc as I type this my brain is already questioning). Even when I was doing good/happier and feeling actually pretty good, even with no libido and barely any attraction (still am dealing with this/kinda worse bc of the flare up) I still fell for my boyfriend. I just replay that moment where i felt calm, excited, and just so happy to be around him. I can’t even describe how good it felt 😭. I was shocked, giddy, happy, SWOONING even (ik corny but i can’t find the right word) and it felt RIGHT 😭 it felt right when i was realizing how attractive he is (always have thought he was cute (esp when he let his hair grow MY GOD that was a moment) but i’ve been dealing w OCD for a while so i always ignored it/been numb), how i just wanted to play with his hair, how i wanted him to kiss me when we were listening to music, how his smile is so attractive, how beautiful his eyes are, how i love the fact that he knows me and has seen me at my worst and STILL likes me 😭. IT FELT RIGHT AND NORMAL. I was having so many wins But bc of my numbness my brain IMMEDIATELY started to check, question, analyze, review memories, bring up the proof that im not 100% straight. Yesterday i tried so hard to enjoy the moment with him but my compulsions feel so automatic. I had my small wins where i was just being present but the intrusive thoughts were still in the back of my head and i can’t feel all there yk? Before my flare up i felt OCD slowly letting go of me, I truly thought my life was going to be back in my hands. TMI!!!!!! But i was even starting to get the libido back and i was feeling real attracted to him at times when i wasn’t automatically checking. Why does OCD have to ruin my life like this. Even when i was doing better (again rmbr no attraction or libido), I remember i would just sit and literally mourn the fact that i’ll never be able to marry or share my life with someone bc i truly cannot see myself with a woman. My brain is holding onto the proof (i made a couple posts ab this) and questioning everything about me and everything if done or felt. At this point Idc if i turned out to be bisexual, if anything ID BE GLAD bc it means I’ll have a chance to be with a man/my man. Even when i did/felt the proof i still had no desire to be with a woman and never had a crush on one 😭. BUT WHY DOES MY BRAIN CONTINUE TO QUESTION EVERYTHING I FEEL, THINK, DO, OR HAVE DONE. LEAVE ME ALONE BITCH 😭 IT WONT EVEN LET ME FEEL ANYTHING MY DEFAULT EMOTION IS NUMBNESS. I was triggered by a post of two lesbians who got married. One of them was masc and I immediately got triggered and had false attraction or whatever it is. They weren’t ugly and looked masculine but I hate this because prior to SOOCD if i thought a masc lesbian was a man and found out they weren’t i’d be like “oh ok….nvm.” and move on 😭. If i saw one in person I wouldn’t care 😭 The only time i “freaked out” prior to ocd was when i was younger, i looked at my older teammate who i literally couldn’t gaf ab (who was a super masculine lesbian) and thought “why does she look like a boy?” and for some reason that gave me a huge wave of anxiety. I can’t remember this correctly bc i used to obsess over this and analyze it when this theme first started but all ik is i i just looked at her again and was like “well whatever” and that was it. I went the rest of my life not attracted to or even caring about masc lesbians. l even remember my friends, who are straight, share their reassuring experiences (i’m not going to say them here for obv reasons) when seeing a super masc lesbian or a stud in person or online and how it literally didn’t affect them at all or send them into a spiral. I literally went on a reassurance search prior to writing this n it just made everything worse because i saw a post about someone talking ab how my biggest soocd fear happened to someone (won’t say it here but im p sure anyone who reads this and has soocd would have that fear). IM SICK OF THIS. I was doing so good a month ago but now im back to being almost completely numb 😭 yes i have tiny wins here and there but I WANT TO BE DONE WITH THIS. I can’t even enjoy looking at my man anymore 😭(even tho i would check and analyze my emotions i had moments where i was definitely feeling attracted). I really thought this relationship was the beginning of a new chapter for me 😭 i should’ve known. I want erp to work so bad but im so scared of it at the same time. I’m scared it wont work and I’ll be stuck living like this, i’ll have to break up w my boyfriend, i’ll remain numb for the rest of my life, i’ll be triggered all my life, i’ll question everything all my life, i’ll never get married, i’ll have to live my life alone, i’ll just continue floating through life. Im grateful I’m handling this better than when i was younger bc i simply refuse to feel that level of depression again. I feel like my body is blocking certain emotions that maybe that’s why i can’t feel other emotions/attraction or get aroused 😭 this is so exhausting. This is so long but i needed to get this out. If u read this hi and thank you I hope everything gets better for you soon.

So my bf and I did the do tonight (it’s been a while I couldn’t keep my hands off him) but for some reason when we went to actually have sex I was not super wet like I used to be/it hurt when there was penetration. But I wanted it so bad. Like I know I do. I think maybe I’m in my head worrying it’ll hurt so it ends up hurting lol. Idk how to let my body relax it’s been kinda wonky since OCD started and also I’m on birth control (nexplanon, since last October, idk if that changes much tbh.) How do I let myself relax?? We use lube usually but didn’t today cuz it was a quickie Also how do I know if I’m actually enjoying sex with my partner and not just tolerating it? I feel like I’m thinking that instead of actually being there having sex with him. It’s kinda the crux of my ROCD and soocd “if you don’t enjoy it/don’t feel butterflies, you’re gay and don’t love him” sums it up. But it feels great, I feel good. I feel loved and save and turned on when I’m with him and afterwards (when he’s not rushing to leave like today lol) we stay and cuddle and I just feel.. good. Not cuz I did smthn for him but cuz it felt good for me cuz I am with someone who genuinely loves me and cares if I enjoy things yknow? I do love doing things for him but he also makes sure I get my fun too lol. I want to touch him. I want to initiate. Very clearly. Not gay. I’m worried my lack of butterflies during sex means smthn idk why. Help🥲✌️

So I obviously have ocd, more specifically severe (29 out of 32 on CY-BOGS), and it's contamination ocd mainly. I also have autism, were not sure what level but I'm probably mainly level 1 with level 2 traits. I also have combined type adhd, managed (medicated) pmdd which is not even noticeable because of my birth control, and mild/managed GERD, and moderate chronic eczema which ive had my entire life. I've also developed mild to moderate motor tics and a nightmare disorder paired with ocd and adhd fueled insomnia. I feel like I will never live life the way someone else without my conditions will, even if the physical conditions are all managed, besides eczema. My autism and ocd are the ones taking over my life and I am not able to go to school full time, work a full time job (yet), live alone, have children or high maintwnce pets even if I want them, and I'm having great difficulty driving. I have great difficulties communicating when I'm struggling inside so I had to learn sign language with my girlfriend so we can communicate when I'm unable to speak/or at least elaborate how I feel. I also have an auditory processing disorder. Am I disabled? Am I allowed to say I have disabilities and am impaired and disabled? I very much feel disabled but my parents get almost furious when I say something relayed to being disabled. *furious*. Why is that?

Y’all I think I’m dealing with false attraction but idk and I can’t tell. It’s bugging me. It’s one specific (female) friend of mine lately. Idk if it’s cuz she’s a lesbian and it’s playing on my soocd or smthn. I keep having groinal responses around her. I don’t see her like that but I’m worried I either am starting to or already do and am suppressing it but I have had no interest in her in the last 2 years she’s been in our group. This started somewhat recently and every time someone makes a sexual joke or smthn (like flashing or twerking) it causes a groinal response and I just kinda shut down. I don’t feel anything in the crush sense of the word. And it’s bugging me that I’m having these thoughts and I keep having thoughts of my bf and then my friend gets placed into the thought and it just makes me upset. Annoyed. I feel this tightness in my chest and it’s not good. I like seeing this friend but I don’t get excited seeing her. I wonder where she is when she’s gone but I do that with all of my friends, if one doesn’t show to our group dinners I ask. I worry I’m making too much eye contact when we talk. I keep checking if I’m feeling anything anywhere but it’s just a persistent groinal response and I’m worried it’s attraction

Every time I say smthn I like about my body or ask myself questions (likley a compulsion) or even just being around my bf I feel like this frog in my throat/nausea feeling. Why?? I never used to feel that before all of this. I love my body and I love being a woman I have no desire to be a man, maybe to try out semi masculine/tomboyish styles for funsies but that’s it. Ex- I was saying just now I do like having smaller boobs even tho they’re not super big or visible when I wear baggy clothes (that’s been bothering me lately. I’m wearing a sweater rn and I can’t see them ;-;). Then I end up in a loop of “if there was a button in front of you to turn you into a man would you press it” my brain jumps to yes but I don’t want that I don’t think. Idk. I’m just confused. I don’t feel like myself anymore. Certain nicknames my bf gives me make me anxious or nauseous but if I didn’t have this I don’t think they would. He reused a nickname I haven’t heard since I last saw my half siblings so maybe that’s where it’s coming from? I like the nickname it’s cute, especially when he says it out loud. I think I’m just weird with nicknames tbh. I like calling him nicknames but I haven’t really been called anything till we started dating. It started with honey, meu amor, meu anjo, and habibi/habibti (he’s Arab, I’m Brazilian. Banger food combo. We’ve joked about opening a fusion restaurant lol) and it’s kinda evolved from there. Idk the nauseous feeling has been persistent lately. Especially cuz his parents hate my guts rn 😀and likely will forever should be and I get married. Which I do want. But then my SOOCD comes in screaming NO YOU DONT YOURE GONNA LEAVE HIM AR THE ALTAR FOR *insert friend I have a false attraction to* (I’m pretty sure it is false attraction. I don’t like her in that way. But every time there’s a joke I get a groinal response and panic internally. We’re not close and I don’t get excited to see her or want to be closer to her the way I do with my bf/before he and I started dating. I know what a crush feels like. But I feel like I’m going insane and that it isn’t ocd and I’m just losing my mind and I don’t love y bf). I love being back at university but also hate it at the same time cuz I live in an all girls dorm. Which is. Great. When my ocd makes me think I’m a lesbian. And all my friends are queer so this kinda doesn’t help. The friend that is specifically being targeted atm is a lesbian. Lately it’s been her for a while. How long does it take for it to jump false attractions? Cuz I’m worried that if it lasts a certain amount of time it’s a real feeling. I also just get groinal responses around my friends a lot and it bugs me. Why am I feeling a twitch and feeling wet? We’re playing cards? Oh god am I turned on by an entirely different friend than the usual target cuz she’s wearing shorts? Like😃😃😃I’m losing it lol I also feel generally numb? Like idc if this happens with him, idc if he can’t see me. But then when I can’t see him or if I even imagine smthn happening I start sobbing. There’s currently restrictions on guests in the dorm so we can’t even cuddle or hang out in silence. He came to pick me up the other night to go for a drive and it was nice and wonderful but I did feel a tad bit anxious. Maybe it’s cuz it’s been 2 months, I’m worried about meeting his parents, he has 2 jobs and has classes, I have classes and a club presidency to deal with, I’m on vyvanse, etc. multitude of reasons but once we eased into it I felt better. We kissed a little and all I could think of was “I love his eyes and his smile” I was worried I would hate kissing him. But I loved it (idk it’s like my brain wipes the memory and is like “lol do you even like kissing him or having sex with him??” And it’s putting in memories of me being uncomfortable and annoyed by his kissing which I never am. Sometimes his mustache and beard are pokey but I think that’s normal lol) even when I enjoy things my brain is like “nah you’re GAYYYY🫵AND on top of that! You’re likely a man who is denying that he is trans. Here’s a name for you that you never asked for or conjured up!” Idk if anyone else’s ocd does that. I like being a woman, love it some days. Neutral most days, whcih I did read is normal, cuz you’re just going about your day as you are. Not thinking about it. Not feeling anything wrong. I never did till this shit. I don’t think about it often but one night it just hit me like a freight train “what if I am trans and suppressed it? I mean I was a tomboy as a kid.” But I know plenty of tomboys grow into cool girls so. ??? Idk. Ramble over. I have class🫡

So I work in a tutoring company that helps kids improve in math and reading. I usually do the grading and help out kids who are 3-6 years old. Today because there was 10mins left till closing I sent out a kid early and the mom came back asking me if he actually finished and I told her that he did two packets and that there was 5 mins till closing which I think was a mistake on my part to say that but like I was in shock because of how strong she came in and I then told her that if she wants I can do one reading with him and stay a bit longer but she also didn’t like that response due to her being upset that I let him leave 10 mins early. So then I told my boss the situation and the mom came back and for some reason the mom was now nicer and understanding about it and both just told me that next time to do one hour but my boss understood why I let him out early. It’s because I had another kid I was teaching and that kid likes to talk a lot and cause us a hard time so she thought that It was too much since I was working with that kid and the moms kid at the same time. But in the end I apologized to my boss about it and she told me that it’s okay that she only said certain things in front of the mom just so she can be happy or not have any problems. I just was very shaken up about it and still am. I feel like I always believe that I can handle people who come up to me in a frustrated or angry tone but nope I start wanting to hide and cry instantly so I was disappointed in myself. I have been wanting to quit this job for a minute because of the pay, I get paid monthly and it just doesn’t help with all the events and traveling I want to do. But I think I stay because I want the experience of working with kids so that I can seek other jobs but tbh I don’t think working with kids is for me. Not that I can’t handle kids, I know I can help and teach them it’s more so that it’s not a long term career that I wanna do. It’s just hard being a psych major and finding jobs or internships that relate to clinical psychology. I want to be able to hear people out and help them. I think I’m ranting at this point but in short I am just frustrated with myself for today because I’ve been working there for months and made a mistake that could’ve been easily fixed. It’s been bothering me all day and I hope it doesn’t ruin my mood for the rest of the week because I just wanna relax but feel like I can’t because I wanna cry.

I'm a bit stressed rn. I'm with my boyfriend and we're on holiday, everything should be fine and so nice but instead I keep having intrusive thoughts.. like "am I having enough fun?", "he's on the phone a lot, he doesn't consider me, he's not the right person", then he has behaviors or ways of doing things that bother me a little and I constantly question him... first we went into a hotel room, we had sex and after the shower I felt this need to cry that I can't explain, it had already happened, sometimes it doesn't even appeal to me to do it with him, out of anxiety for me, because I'm tense, out of fear of performance. For context: we go to university together, and in the summer it's a long-distance relationship, last year during the summer period I had this very heavy sense of detachment when many days (2 weeks) passed that we didn't see each other, over time it decreased, but I still perceive it. sometimes it seems like a stranger to me, and I struggle to get close to it. This summer was going better, last month I went to him and I had this episode of detachment again, we also talked about it, and then it went better and I remember leaving him a note where I wrote that I felt good with him, that I loved him and that I was able to be myself and calm in his company. From then until yesterday, when we saw each other again, it happened that I discovered my sister, a person whose opinion I am very fond of, told me she didn't see me well with him, not 100%, for a reason that sometimes I also questioned (the emotional depth), since then I overthink about that, and today, during our holiday, it continues to weigh on me... I don't know what to do, I don't know what to believe, I'm very tired and exhausted from having these thoughts, when I said I was fine with him in reality I was lying? and I feel this feeling of emptiness often, like I don't love him enough, I don't understand...

Hey, so I don't have ROCD, but my boyfriend does. And I'm kinda worried. Is it going to last forever? I don't want him to live with that disorder for the rest of his life. He is going to start doing ERP. I've read a tons of books about the process of ROCD recovery. I looked for articles, posts on Instagram, I googled, I asked ChatGPT and yet I'm still worried it won't get better. Everytimes he tells me about his thoughts, about how maybe I'm not the one, about how he potentially doesn't love me, it hurts. I know he must be suffering more than I am, but its still an horrible feeling. I keep telling myself that this is not him, that it is his ROCD talking and stuff, but I don't know.. Its just, a lot to handle. Can someone help me? If you recovered from ROCD please tell me. Tell me how it is. Tell me how you live with it. Are you happy in your relationship? Do you want to spend your life with this person? Are the thoughts still there but you manage to live with it? And as his girlfriend, what should I do if he keeps telling me those thoughts? I have so many questions

My OCD is so bad right now. There are medical reasons why but I’m panicking so hard right now. Every thing sweet thing I do with my bf gets replaced by the thought of another guy. Kissing him? Imagine it’s someone else, it happens. Or I cause it idk either way it happens. Smelling my bf’s shirt for comfort? Pretend this belongs to someone else. It happens. I cry. I’m intimate with my bf? It happens. I’m taking a cute picture *for* my bf, it happens and then I delete it bc I took it with someone else in mind. It keeps happening. I keep causing it. I can’t love my bf in peace. I think “my baby *my bf name*” it turns into “my baby *that other guy name*.” It won’t stop happening. Please help me idk if this OCD at this point. It feels just as affectionate as it would if my bf wasn’t getting replaced in these thoughts. That’s what scares me. Sometimes I even feel curious about it. I’m scared, please any input.

UPDATE: I couldnt do it... i couldnt stop posting... this situation is too triggering and thinking about the worst possible outcome scares me... in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent an 18+ pic to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor without knowing... it genuinely scares me... Its making me think that I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor in the past without knowing and it genuinely triggers me... I have tried to go back through most 18+ online interactions ive had with women online to make sure they didnt lie or they confirmed their age... i have two situations on discord that trigger me that ive posted about in the past... and a couple have deleted their discords so thats triggering me really bad... most who deleted their discords were verified but still... why delete your discord, you know...? for context i was on 18+ explicit discord servers meant for sex that you cant just join regularly on iPhone due to it being for adults only... Ive also been to a website dedicated to adult 18+ literature... they also have an 18+ chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... Im scared of someone one day in the future accusing me of doing horrible things like unknowingly inappropriately messaging minors, or have my worst fears of unknowingly explicitly messaging a minor confirmed to have happened and I didnt know about it...

It’s a little long so bare with me I have always had a fear of elevators, which I found is more common than I thought. I had been alright and got it out of phobia territory until a very poor therapist got me in a situation that worsened it entirely when I was a kid. (Exposure therapy gone wrong) Since then I have worked my way back to a neutral status towards the machines. However, I have also found I experience a sort of ‘elevator vertigo’ I basically get dizzy if the elevator moves too fast, again, not super uncommon but apparently not everyone experiences this. But this uncomfortable feeling, despite it completely going away once the elevator stops, causes anxiety. Especially if I know I am going to have to travel via the elevator that gives me the ‘elevator vertigo’. This then causes more anxiety which causes the spiral of not being able to stop being anxious about it because I’m mentally counting down the minutes before I experience it again. And this, go figure, worsens the dizziness. I am usually pretty good about giving myself options when something like this causes this much distress. I’ve explained to myself there are stairs that I can take if it’s too much to take an elevator. However, it’s the fifth floor and without too much detail, I am not entirely physically equipped to be 5 flights of stairs on top of my usual commute. (Should mention I’m a college student right about now) So then I worry about overdoing it physically and hurting or distressing myself by not wanting to take an elevator. Which in turn causes a self hatred/diminishing my anxieties and feelings spiral. I’d usually pocket this up as much as possible but it’s woken me up at 4am when I went to sleep around midnight/1am and have to wake up for the class that causes me to use this elevator at 7. So question at hand: how the hell do I calm this cycle down? I know it’s near impossible to shut it off completely but I’m almost annoyed at myself for letting this little thing disrupt my sleep! I was literally dreaming about potential situations depending on my choice of elevator or stairs.

So me and my ex-boyfriend broke up 2 or 3 months ago, and I am currently looking, but I can't find the "man of my dreams". I know that people say it takes time, but I'm done waiting.

I feel like I want to be lesbian. I want to cry. I gave into compulsions and I went on lesbian TikTok. It feels like something I want to try and do and that I’d be happier. Why is it so real. I don’t want to be lesbian but I feel like I’m pushing down the truth. How do I stop giving into these compulsions and feel better, I can’t do this anymore. I don’t even remember being straight or liking men. I hate this.

Im making this post not because Im currently anxious (even though i am currently triggered) but because i want to make this message for those who currently struggle as much as i do... What I will tell you is that you are loved... you don't have to agree with it... you even can label it as something you disagree with or hate... but you are loved regardless. And you are cared for... and you have people who will show you endless compassion... this is not something I will expect you to get yet, mostly because just like me, you are stuck in the spiral too... I know how you feel because I hate myself too... I hate myself so much that anyone who tells me that they love me, I refuse to believe and brush off because the thought of loving myself has become inconceivable to me. I have POCD and real events OCD for christs sake... I have done genuine horrible things as a 13-14 year old... things I will probably never forgive myself for as long as I live... but this does not have to be you... You might think "ive done horrible things, therefore I cannot be forgiven for the things ive done" and I know because Im just like you... the main difference between us is that I have actually done genuinely horrible things as a 13-14 year old that would make people despise, vilify, and even hate me. Thats not you. You are someone who either A. was a kid when it happened, so you cannot blame yourself for a childs mind and actions, or B. Realize that you are someone here because you understand that what you are going through is something that other people have gone through... you arent alone... no one ever is... but I might disagree because I'm probably the most alone out of everyone. Recognize that this community will fight tooth and nail to help and defend you and recognize that you are in a community full of the 1 percent of people on this planet, that give a shit about you... these people (whether they've blocked me or not) can recognize that your suffering is not the fault of your own, but through the fault of a chemical imbalance in their heads that torments them endlessly with intrusive thoughts, feelings, and even your own past... you arent alone... you never really are in this place... Im the exception however... One last sentence before I go. As the 11th doctor once said... "You are forgiven... always and completely forgiven..." P.S. please don't ask me what my real events were... they were genuinely extremely horrible and I refuse to discuss it with anyone unless its my mom (who knows what happened) or a therapist in the distant future... this isnt about me... this is about all of you.

18+ When I was in high school (16 or 17), I hung out with the popular kids of school... they send me this popular girl (who was in our school) explicit photo on snap because I was curious to see it... after I turned 19, I suddenly remembered my friends sent the photo and asked them to delete it off of the chat, as I didn't want to be in possession of any form of illegal material... Fast forward to later... my friend had broken up with his ex and wanted to send us explicit pics of her... curious at the time, I asked to see it and he sent the group (including me) some pictures... Now that Im 24, I remember him sending these pics and asked him to take down the pics in our snapchat convo... I didnt want any pics of their ex because this was harmful content... my friend, (the one who sent our friend group explicit vids and pics of his ex) told me that there was a one month period between him and her when they were in a relationship where he was 18 and she was 17 )... they were together for 1-2 years... and they were explicit throughout their whole relationship ... including the one month period... so i was getting extremely anxious and triggered about him sending me potentially illegal stuff... I asked him several times over the course of three days after he casually admitted he had a 1 month age period with her, (he was 18 and she was 17 during that one month) if she was over 18 when he made those videos, and he kept giving me answers like "Yes" And "It was a month after she turned 18..." He even got frustrated on the second day of me asking and said "Dude, this is the 10th time you've asked me and yes she was." On the third day I asked him, he said "yeah" when i said his previous comments of "a month after she turned 18, right?" back to him, and he even added that "we started getting more explicitly active around this time." He also told me "Even if she was under the age of 18, you wouldn't be in trouble because you were sent it." So now I keep getting anxious because I dont know if he's lying or not and its triggering me really bad, not to mention feeling guilty about the harm I had caused... I genuinely feel so guilty and awful about this... I hurt people... and I cant sleep at night knowing I did... People say you make mistakes when you were a teen... these were some of my mistakes... I genuinely feel horrible and I cant sleep at night knowing the guilt of my actions are still there... I genuinely feel awful... I hope people dont hate me after reading this... i hope you dont block me... you've all been so genuinely kind and encouraging to me... and I dont want to lose someone who cares about me on here... (edited)