I'm going through a break up and as much as I don't wanna text him or call him, my mind is stuck on he isn't safe or something happened to him and it gives me immense anxiety until I call him idk what to do
Hello friend! I'm sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, there is only real one thing you can do that will actually help. Live with that uncertainty. You have to accept that maybe something is going on, even though it is unlikely. OCD wants certainty. The issue is, no matter how many times you answer or reassure, it's never enough. And by calling or checking, you are re-enforcing the anxiety pattern. Essentially, you are telling your mind it was correct to make you anxious. Your brain is saying "Oh they responded to the fear/anxiety. We must have saved them from something. We better make sure to make them anxious again the next time." The only way to break this cycle is to ignore the thought and deal with the anxiety which results. It is hard. But you can do it. Don't check. Don't call. Don't even think about it. Go do something else and don't pay the anxiety any mind. Float through it. I know how hard that is from experience. It gets better with time. But the only way to help your anxiety is through it, not by avoiding it or trying to "fix" it. Show your mind it has nothing to worry about. Don't pay it any mind. You are not your thoughts. Sorry you are going through this. I believe in you.
Thank you so much, the anxiety is so bad I ended up crying I hate it I don't wanna worry about him anymore
@ihavesevereocdanditsruiningmylife I understand. I have been there many times. My advice is this. Go do something. Leave the phone. Go be around someone if possible. Go do something you enjoy. I particularly like to read because the immersion I get from reading helps. Watch something. Do a hobby. Anything. Don't just sit there and keep thinking. That's no good. Then, when the thought recurs, which it will, just gently redirect your attention back to what you are doing. Tell your brain you will think about that later (you won't, but you can trick it for a while). Even if it takes a hundred times, refocus on what you are doing/who you are talking to/anything else. If you feel like you can, further expose yourself. Tell yourself "Maybe something is going on. I can't know." Or "This anxiety is tough. Too bad I'm not going to do anything about it." This may be too hard right now, but that's okay. One step at a time. Slowly, you will retrain your body into realizing that the anxiety is unfounded. But you have to believe that yourself. The things OCD tells us are lies. They don't deserve your time. They aren't real thoughts. They are tricks. Treat them as no more than a passing notion and then try, as best as you can, to ignore the anxiety. I want to encourage you. I've been there. I've shaken, gotten headaches, had my face go hot, gagged, even thrown up, from the anxiety. But I kept my head up and now, my symptoms are much, much better. My symptoms only got that bad because I didn't even know I was encouraging my anxiety until I had been doing it for months. Start floating through the anxiety now. Pay it no mind. And things will get much better quickly. Again. It's through the pain/anxiety that you will find relief. But don't just sit there and suffer. Go do something. It will help.
Hey everyone. I hope you all are doing okay. I’m currently struggling in the worse way I have through the course of my relationship. We are doing long distance right now, and I am unfortunately in the worse place I have been in. The uncertainty is absolutely unbearable. He is doing a cool new, consuming job 7 hours a way. He loves it, but I fear him loving the job so much that he stops caring about me. I have definitely noticed a shift in the amount of time he texts me and the energy he can give to the relationship. The job actually started off with 2 weeks of no phone. He has it again now though. We saw each other a couple of days ago in person for the last time we would in about two months. I was okayish when we were in person though I knew I would spiral later. And spiral I did. He left and I broke down. I am worried I will lose him. I start a really intensive EMT program in a week. It will be all-consuming for me. I can’t sleep very much and I don’t feel like eating. I know it’s pathetic. I am constantly consumed by these fears. I think I know what I need to do to combat them. Accept uncertainty but it feels like the possibly of it ending feels more real than ever. And I literally can NOT stop thinking about it. My brain feels in danger!!! I just worry that bad stuff is actually happening. I think we are going through a rough patch, but I also just feel more alone than ever. Drowning in my mind. What do I believe? I have a past of ocd, so it wouldn’t be surprised if it’s getting intertwined. Most people would say: it’s okay to ask him for reassurance about the relationship!!! But I feel like that’s the trap for me. I don’t know how to move forward. I know things are tough for us right now. But I’ve been floating back and forth on a spectrum of well maybe I just have trust to maybe this literally won’t work out!!! Texting and communicating over text is really hard for me. I am constantly analyzing it: how much energy is he giving? How much energy am I giving? Well I don’t want to do all the emotional labor, and be the main texter. But I also don’t care about texting that much and get exhausted with this back and forth.
I broke up with my boyfriend today because of how bad my anxiety had gotten I couldn’t tell what was my heart and what was my head. I’m heartbroken because I feel like I lost my best friend and I truly do have love for him and want him in my future. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We broke up because I’m not on medication for my anxiety and have a doctor’s appointment coming up on Wednesday to see about getting some. I still feel anxious after our breaks but I feel guilty to admit that I do feel better. I’m still just anxious in general a little and I don’t know why. We had decided to stay in touch but not on a daily or even weekly basis, just because there is no hate in our relationship just pure love. I’m just so scared and sad that I really will lose him and be all alone.
I’m struggling a ton rn and would love some insight from people. My bf and I broke up bc my OCD got to the point where it was extremely damaging to my exes mental health. We’ve been on a break for the last 2 months while I get therapy and help and he wants to try again in August. We talk everyday and fall asleep on the phone but I’m miserable anxious about what he’s been doing during the break. My mind is flooded with the idea that he might follow new girls on Instagram or he flirting and talking to new girls. It’s KILLING me. I’ve made up an entire situation w no proof. And I’m scared it’s not my OCD talking but a gut feeling. I know we aren’t together but it’s not fair to emotionally invest in each other if he’s not being loyal like I am. I’m just losing my mind and need help honestly.
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