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the NOCD Community

How are your experiences during an ocd spike while going through a menstruation? It doesn't matter if you are afab, your experience is valid too! I noticed my thoughts get worsened and the spike intensified, but now that I'm taking sertraline I don't feel an panic attack as before but the throughs and feelings are definitely there so is an unpleasant situation

Anyone else here with complex trauma and ocd? How did u find they correlate with each other? Possibly the trauma causing ocd? Have you found any mind blowingly obvious connections? Healing your trauma helps with ocd symptoms? I recently found out I have cptsd and have been abused by my family growing up physically and verbally. Btw still living with them and my ocd gets significantly worse or better sometimes.I have so many questions.❤️‍🩹

Hey, my girlfriend recently broke up with me and immediately got with a guy she had told me not to worry about. For her side of things, she hadn’t admitted to herself that she had feelings for him but then started thinking she was polyamorous since she says she has feelings for both of us. Since I’m not poly, she decided it wasn’t fair to me if she had feelings for this guy. But it really hurts since 1. I have ROCD and was terrified this would happen 2. They were flirting in front of me the other day after she had assured me she didn’t have feelings for him and 3. They had agreed to date before we had broken up, even if they only made it official afterwards. I can’t help wondering if her feelings for me were all a lie until something better came along, and since this was my first relationship it feels like I’m unlovable. Even if she says she broke up with me because she’s questioning her identity, it still feels like I’m just a side character in the love story of someone else more important and worthwhile. My OCD has really latched onto it all because it feels proven right. Any advice?

Something I don’t really understand and it grinds my gears 🤣. I am a 110% certain on something that will never happen in my life time but my ocd won’t accept it? Like my heart feels yeah that’s never happening ever I a million years…. But my ocd is like nope I’m against your values and morals! It’s draining 😴

After my psychiatrist appointments, I can't stop obsessing over whether or not I explained things correctly, or if I exaggerated without noticing? We spoke about the possibility of ADHD today, and after I got home, I kept wondering if I had exaggerated my experiences of struggling to focus, finishing tasks, feeling paralyzed when I want to get things done, etc... This is how I felt when I got diagnosed with anxiety and OCD, though. It's just sort of stressing me out 🫠 Has anyone dealt with similar?

So I had a “breakup” with a friend, and she knows all my events and I will say that these events are bad enough that people would judge me for them. I obsess over the possibility of her revealing it to everyone, even tho I have no reason in believing that she would. We don’t have mutual friends. We don’t even live in the same country, yet I feel exposed because there is a possibility of my past mistakes being revealed to people. I’m wondering if anyone can relate and if anyone knows how to deal with this specific obsession

My mom passed Sunday and I didn’t cry when I got the news, I didn’t know how to react. Crazy, I haven’t cried until i started writing this. You see, I was her favorite child growing up I was attached to her hip. Through every rehab, every overdose, I was there. Guess what I’m getting to is the intrusive thoughts are saying I don’t care that she is dead. Also telling me she was a terrible mother. That I am a mess up as an adult because of her. I’m so angry but I miss her so much. I didn’t get to say goodbye. Weeks of trying to reach her and no one would tell me anything because I’m the “sick child”. Why do the intrusive thoughts get to do this? I can’t grieve properly with all this chatter.

Soon might be the end of my relationship. I have done 4 months or so of therapy but I feel like I haven’t seen much substantial progress. I am already grieving the loss of my relationship. Literally almost cried 3 times at work today just thinking about it. Not sure what to do. Idk if I’m avoiding it bc I’m scared out of my mind or not. Honestly this is the hardest point and decision I have ever been in, in my life. Any tips or at least people to relate?

I don't have an official OCD diagnosis, although I am near enough certain I have it after a long year of distressing intrusive thoughts and compulsions that have strongly affected my life. Unfortunately though, I do not have the opportunity or the finances to get checked or go to therapy for a good few months at least. Due to this, I have taken it upon myself to teach myself techniques to tackle it and to reduce and not engage in compulsions, as I did not want to take the risk of getting even worse before being able to get help (and desperation lol). For the first time in the past year I feel like I'm finally making some progress in getting better since incorporating these techniques into my life as my symptoms have become more manageable (minus the obvious bad days) at the time being. Is self-recovery actually possible? Has anyone managed to recover without a therapist's help?

Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.

Hey, So whenever I pray, often I will end up not feeling genuine when I pray and I don’t feel God when I pray and then I panic and end up basically trying to force my emotions to “feel right” and I repeat my words over and over and over again. It’s so frustrating and I want to stop but it’s hard. Does anyone have any tips on breaking this?

Can people please share their experiences on very low dose medications for their OCD? Maybe ones that have worked well with little side effects? Anything is helpful & thank you

Hi. I’m writing this because I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been suffering in silence for so long, and I feel like I’m losing myself more and more every day. I’m 18 years old, and I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years with someone who truly loves me( i have these thoughts and bad feelings since month 4 in the relationship) He’s kind, patient, and he really cares. But for a long time now… I’ve been stuck in this horrible cycle of fear, doubt, and emotional numbness. It started slowly — little intrusive thoughts like: • “Do I really love him?” • “What if I’m lying to him?” • “What if I never truly loved him, and I’m just realizing it now?” • “What if I’m wasting my youth in the wrong relationship?” And now? These thoughts feel louder than anything else. I don’t feel love anymore — not clearly. Sometimes I even feel repulsed or irritated. I hate admitting that, because I feel like a horrible person. He hasn’t done anything wrong — in fact, he just wants me to be happy and close again. But I feel like I’ve lost all my feelings, my sexual desire, my clarity, and my connection. It feels like my chest is heavy all the time. Every day I obsess: “Am I in denial?” “Is this ROCD, or is it just the truth?” “Should I break up? Should I stay?” “Am I wasting both our lives by not ending it?” “Why can’t I feel anything? Why can’t I be normal again?” I feel so guilty because I’m not treating him with love anymore. Sometimes I’m rude, cold, distant — and it kills me, because that’s not the kind of partner I want to be. I’m scared I’m ruining him and myself. What makes it worse is that I remember how things used to be — how safe I felt, how excited I was, how much I wanted him. But now, those memories feel so distant, like they happened to someone else. I feel disconnected from who I used to be, from him, and from myself. I keep thinking, “You’re only 18, you should be enjoying life, not crying every day over this.” I feel like I’m wasting my youth, my joy, my energy — but at the same time, I can’t leave. Because a part of me still wants to be with him. A part of me wants to want him again. But right now, I just feel broken and terrified and unsure of who I even am anymore. I’ve tried to talk to people close to me, but most don’t understand. Some get angry or say I’m overthinking. Others say “maybe it’s just not meant to be.” But it doesn’t feel that simple. Because if I didn’t care… I wouldn’t be this afraid. If I didn’t love him at all… I wouldn’t be this devastated by the idea of losing him. But what do you do when you want to love, and you can’t feel it? When your brain is screaming “THIS ISN’T RIGHT!” and your heart is too quiet to answer? Please… if anyone has been through this — if anyone has healed or has advice — I need to hear it. I want to be a kind partner again. I want to feel safe and clear again. I want to stop this spiral that’s been eating me alive. What helped you? What did you do when it felt so real and so final? How did you get through the days when all you felt was guilt and doubt and dread? Thank you for reading this. Even writing it helps me breathe a little. Please, if you’ve felt this way before… tell me how you kept going. 💔

I feel like a p because my little brother was telling his friend that I had a hand a game called slap battles and I was happy to join the game it’s like why do I feel happy because of that I remember I use to help people get badges for the game and this one kid who I would always help and I would join to play with him and he was telling me he’s from this country and he was 8 or something and I feel like a p because of that thank God he unfriend me because till this day I think about it and if he was still my friend I don’t think I would sleep at night thinking if I said or did something wrong in the game Like he asked one day how old I was and I didn’t want to tell him but I think back at it and I’m just like did I not want to tell him because I wanted to do something or I didn’t tell him because I wanted to fit in? I feel so bad when my brother friends friended me and I don’t friend them back because I know what rejection is like and I’m not trying to be mean but I just won’t sleep at night thinking about if I did something I just get upset It’s so upsetting and it makes me want to cry

Hello! I just needed some words of encouragement. I have a trip in a few weeks to Florida. I have severe airplane anxiety. I get unwanted thoughts and urges. I know I’ll never harm anyone but I always think “what if” I do. What if I get the urge to open an emergency exit, or I get the urge to say “bomb” out loud. I would never want to hurt anyone. I’m in serious distress and I’m thinking of cancelling my trip.

I know the solution is to always say “yeah that could be true, but I am choosing to live my life anyway.” However, I feel like my biggest issue is my brain always assuming that it is immediately true when I do that. Like if I say “maybe I’m attracted to teenagers, it’s possible,” then my brain INSTANTLY starts rationalizing that thought and defending it and being like “oh okay so you think this now and it makes sense because xyz, and now that’s who you are and your real desire is now and always will be teenagers.” I feel really alone in this area of feeling like my brain “accepting the thoughts” means my brain immediately accepts them as true. I obviously don’t want to think they’re true but I feel so stuck now.

I'll start by saying, I have not been clinically diagnosed, as I do not have the funds to see therapists or psychiatrists in my current situation. Once I'm in a better spot, I very much intend to. That to say; after months and months of having issues with anxiety, specifically health related, my partner was the one that mentioned OCD. I did have some somewhat OCD related behaviors in my youth, though those likely could be explained by potentially undiagnosed ASD (as my mother is on the spectrum as well as a sibling, both diagnosed.) But I never considered OCD taking form in a health sense. I posted earlier about how I've had 4 days of pretty minimal anxiety and intrusive thoughts, and it has led me to doubt the OCD label I've been working at treating? I don't want to be the person that identifies themselves with a disorder they don't have, which is why I hesitate to self diagnose with OCD or ASD or anything else. At the same time, I've read that a lot of even clinically diagnosed people with OCD doubt their diagnosis. It makes me wonder if I will always have this doubt, and if that means it is worth it or not to get tested? I know that if I do, they can actually do ERP (whereas I've been self taught and self guided so far) so that would be worth it...

Does anyone have any tips on how to sleep with harm ocd, I’m always so tired but I can’t fall asleep until it gets to the point my eyes won’t stay open, I’m scared that I’m gonna do something in my sleep or my thoughts just eont shut up and it causes issues with sleeping, advice needed please

I’m Christian, and I suddenly had a loss of faith. I’m praying constantly and as anxious and scared that God hasn’t chosen me for this religion, even though I believe in it whole heartedly. My brain is telling me these things, and saying how I would be fit for Islam or something else, even though I am perfectly happy being a Christian. I keep getting intrusive thoughts and feelings about not believing in my religion, and whenever I confess how I do believe, my brain tells me I’m lying or I feel otherwise. It makes me feel guilty and abandoned and alone. I still read my Bible and pray CONSTANTLY. Please help (sorry if this is hard to understand I am ranting)

I feel like my life isn't my own anymore. I live by OCD's rules. I can't ever switch it off. I spend most of my day mentally reviewing and constantly checking myself. I have to do things in a certain way or i dont feel safe. All this time that i've lost and for what? Idk how I let thoughts have so much power over my life and yet here I am. Every day. I can't even get away from it in sleep because i have dreams about it and I wake up anxious if i manage to get any sleep at all. I'm so over it all.