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I feel like I'm the only one on here to actually experience significant harm due to meds I took 3 months ago. Its weird because it kind of erased most of my emotional range so my OCD is in remission like 95% of the time but its honestly miserable feeling completely neutral all the time. I go to support groups occasionally but I feel like if I bring this up I'm going through I'll just be scaring everyone else about their meds which isn't my goal. Its severely debilitating and the emotional issues are only one side of it, wish someone on here could help me navigate how to go about this situation and hopefully provide insight on what the this sort of process looks like and what to do cause I'm kind of at a loss for ideas, I've been trying behavior activation and ERP and the most it does is just keep me from doing nothing, since I have no motivation but it doesn't really create or foster motivation when I'm not even capable of feeling motivated.

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was also extremely horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... ive lived in guilt for so long... i dont love myself... and I genuinely cant stomach the idea that im still here... I feel so guilty and horrible... (edited)

I feel like maybe this should be in a relationship subreddit but people here will be a little more empathetic and understanding since I have ocd. Sometimes I confront my boyfriend about little things and he’ll tell me something that doesn’t make any sense. Some examples are him being active on Snapchat when he said he deleted it, him saying I’m his lock-screen but everytime he’d send a ss it was a gameboy, him saying he called a specific person but that call not being in his call log, and much more. There’s explanations behind these things that I just can’t seem to believe. He was raised in a mainly female environment and is Hispanic. He’s very close with the women in his life which made me think he’d be respectful. He was also cheated on in the past and so was his mother by his father so I’m not sure if he’d ever do that to me. Anyway, some months ago I had messaged a mutual friend him and I had in common. I didn’t have anyone else to turn to and I needed advice. She ended up showing/telling me some things. My boyfriend and I talked about it and we moved on but I don’t think I was ever over it and I actually feel sick now just looking back at the screenshots. I’ll add them in this. So the mutual friend actually told her own boyfriend that she thinks my boyfriend is attractive… yeah I had him block her. The first screenshot is when I told him to block her and I found that out which he told me a month later lol. I really don’t like the way he’s talking about me in the screenshot. The second 2 screenshots show him planning to hangout with her. He told me he was on call with her boyfriend while answering her and that he wasn’t actually planning on hanging out with her. There’s no way for me to actually know that though and those screenshots make me sick. He definitely wouldn’t cheat on me with her or anything like that but he knows I don’t want him hanging out with any girls one on one so seeing that disgusts me. The 4th screenshot is about me wanting him to block her again, it was the same day as the first screenshot. Still hate the way he’s talking about me. The last screenshot shows messages between him and the mutual friends boyfriend. She has her boyfriend’s log in so she sent me the screenshot. He told me he was just joking and he had never went to the fair and he didn’t know what the boyfriend was talking about. She actually was the one who apparently saw my boyfriend at the fair and she either told her boyfriend and then he messaged my boyfriend, or she logged into her boyfriend’s insta and sent my boyfriend those messages. I went back and looked at my boyfriend and I’s messages to see what he was texting on the 19th (the day she supposedly saw my boyfriend at the fair) and he had told me he was in Mexico with his dad and grandpa. He didn’t update me for 6hrs that day though but he said his dad doesn’t like him being on his phone. I then asked if he could download Life360 that night because he has a problem with not updating me and it freaks me out. Ironically, he said Life360 wasn’t available in Mexico and it wasn’t working for him. I also had asked him to call that night but he said he was sleeping with his brother. His dad gave his old room to his little brother and now they have to share a room every time my boyfriend visits. There was also this girl my boyfriend was friends with for like 2 months about 2 years ago and then they stopped being friends and he started talking to me. He really liked me like a lot and he’s a little nerdy too, not someone who gets around. I was his first kiss any everything. Anyway, I saw her in his insta suggestions a few months back and started overthinking a lot to the point where I’d stalk her insta everyday. He told me he didn’t even like her but she’s literally a model. The same day the mutual friend accused my boyfriend of being at the fair, was the same day she had went with a girl my boyfriend is friends with and some other people. Now I’m like oh my god, what if he went with this old friend from 2 years ago and then the girl friend they have in common. For the past few months I’ve been bringing her up even though she’s irrelevant I’m just so insecure. He went to a party and she was there but he said he wasn’t near her at all. I saw a picture of her lying on the ground though and his jacket was on a chair right next to her. He said he had just left it in the living room. She also posted pictures of herself in her story the other day with the song beetles by aphex twin and then some hours later that song showed up for the first time on my boyfriend’s airbuds… There’s not much to this girl, maybe he liked her for those 2 months they were friends but he said no and said she’s ugly so idk. He liked me a lot though when we first met and the way he treated me makes me not want to believe that he’d do something to hurt me. If you knew my boyfriend the same amount as I do then maybe everything I’m sharing would seem a little less suspicious or maybe I’m just oblivious. He’s really nerdy though and I’m his first love. I’m just overthinking so badly. I confront him about something new every single day and he’s so tired and I’m probably crazy. What if he hasn’t been lying or do anything behind my back and I’m just blaming him for such absurd things? I’d be insane. I think I might be bipolar or something. I was just telling him how much I loved and kissed him then a few hours later I told him I don’t think we’re going to work out and I feel like he’s been lying to me and a bunch of other things. Those messages will be the first thing he sees once he wakes up. He also changed his WhatsApp status a while back to “sleeping” when it was originally “I love my gf.” He said his dad thought his status was “I love my gf” because he didn’t want to talk to him?? Or his dad thought it meant he was talking to me and couldn’t answer, idk, another thing that didn’t make sense. He told me it was just an excuse for his dad to not text him. His parents are divorced btw which is why he visits his dad. Anyway, he said that’s why he changed it to “sleeping.” He was on vacation with his dad and sis when this happened. I was super upset so he changed it back. Then just like a week ago, he changed it again to “.” He told me he had no reason as to why he did that and that he just did it. That’s so stupid though, why wouldn’t you want it to say “I love my gf” anymore?? Like you just randomly decided you didn’t want that anymore with no reasoning? No one even looks at WhatsApp status’s. You literally have to like click on a persons contact to see it, it’s so stupid to change it because it’s so irrelevant. It’s just very weird to me and doesn’t make sense. (Just realized the screenshots aren’t in order but hopefully you can still understand). He also sends pics sometimes with his dad or friends and there’s multiple beers, sometimes close to him, but he says they’re not his. Like he sent a photo with his dad and there’s multiple beers were 2 beers, one a little close to him, and he said it was his dads. He swears on everything he doesn’t drink anymore.

Just looking at others perspectives and views. I am a person that talks A LOT about ALL THINGS. But I know FOR CERTAIN I am NEVER ALWAYS RIGHT... EVER. And will never claim to be. I am always a person who can and accept when I am completely wrong in every way if I have recognized this, I will apologize. This is just the correct thing to do. And I do not set out to purposely hurt anyone. My posts or comments and statements are only within my understanding and/or experiences, professionally, and as a regular person. In both instances, I am never absolutely 100% correct. I just needed to say this because sometimes, just a basic topic or regular discussions may offend someone, somewhere. But I don't know that. And being politically correct is like walking on eggshells and some eggshells are more easily btoken, meaning sensitive then others. 🤷🏽‍♀️ In a professional setting I do not say much, if I have a question, I'll ask to make sure I understand someone's view or perspectives. I don't push my beliefs or values on others and I am very open to others ideas, approaches, and views. This platform, to me (again... my opinion and only my experience) is both a professional setting and a personal forum platform for the Users to have a SAFE conversations where you otherwise cannot anywhere else. With that being said, if I should make a statement about anything, then it is not a personal or durect attack on or towards anyone, just my view, just my experience or my opinion. Perception is about self not an everybody theme. It can be real or distorted, but the purpose is to recognize and accept when you were, are wrong. This is not a "just US" with MH, BH, OCDs, and other significant disabilities responsibilities to do. It is a EVERYONE'S RESPONSIBILITY. Generalized statements do sometimes offend some people. I understand because they my impact me too. But every individual must realize that everyone have their own struggles to battle. And when you are constantly looking outward and not at yourself then you become apart of the greater problem. I am finding that in others a lot. Their sensitivity scale is low and has direct impacts when it should not when another person is trying to heal we absorb their general words as a personal direct "I'm talking about you" attack. NOCD is said to be in a place to express what we are going through, life situations, how we are dealing with and accepting these life situations, hard moments in life, the good, the bad, tge ugly and the small wins. How it affect or impact us or triggers our OCDs. How we're coping or dealing with life with OCDs. We/Us here are trying to support one another through these unwanted scenarios of life's events, with the best advice and tools that we have/had access to in support of one another. It's not to say we are geniuses with a PhD but just a offering of support and understanding. I do not know who needs to here this but it's said. Emotional intelligence applies to ALL, and everyone. Those with and without disabilities, MH/BH, Professionals and non-professuonal alike. Everyone has emotions and anyone can have an unexpected impact. This is why I try to be understanding with everyone rather if "its something wrong with them" or not. Love ❤️ , Empathy

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was also extremely horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... ive lived in guilt for so long... i dont love myself... and I genuinely cant stomach the idea that im still here... I feel so guilty and horrible...

My previous post continued.. I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m a bad person and I feel like I’m experiencing some false memory with my overthinking, that my mind is telling me I was the problem. I did something. That I’m a bad person, I never meant to hurt the guy at all and even though I said I didn’t like him back and acknowledged I felt merely as emotional connection after he left my place Monday. I apologize for my terrible behavior which was unhealed from stuff in the recent breakup I was in, though it wasn’t an excuse I warned him that sometimes I say stuff that is rude with out knowing and that I have trouble understanding social cues. Literally all I wanted to do was give him a chance. Give myself a chance. Just said why not. I’ve never had anyone choose me. And I felt like I was in a good place to at least TALK with someone, get to know them, test the waters before a whole relationship and taking stuff further and he was okay with that. I noticed alot of stuff too, he’d say he wanted me in his life and talked about the future and stuff when he first confessed to me and it was like the 2 day. Monday before he started acting like this he told me everything was okay and told me he loved me. It’s like he changed completely and I understood from hurting but just started acting rude, distant, cold. He never once said “Hey listen I’m really hurting right now and it isn’t your fault with the choice you made not liking me, I might be distant and a bit off if we talk”. Just full blown ghosted me. No communication. I never expected us to be friends immediately afterwards. The only thing he said when I messaged him Monday was he needed time to think, I understand and assumed space but all I wanted was to talk. And I would’ve left him alone if he just would’ve communicated to me more. He’d been so sweet and kind and nice and understanding the past 3 weeks and when he left he just became distant and told me he needed time to think when I mentioned we should slow things down, I asked if I did anything wrong and tried communicating. I have such a terrible habit of persistently trying to get an answer to things, from others or myself, and I feel shitty for texting him alot on his phone a few times cause I was overthinking, just because I wanted to talk for 5 mins about if I did something wrong or what not. He finally responded and said he’d been busy all week and he has a busy life and he’s a busy person. I even asked if he even knew how it affected me when he ignored my asks to talk and my apologies. even though I’d seen him online so many times and he’d leave me on read, I knew it was annoying and vowed to stop on wensday night (that’s when he replied). I just wanted communication. I was overthinking and I feel like I’m a bad person now. I was aware of what I did and told myself I would work on it too with alot of things. I just feel so fucking guilty for saying repeatedly he wasn’t my type and when I talked about my ex boyfriend cause I was still hurt by him. I apologized but I feel guilty.

Hey everyone! Not trying to seek reassurance, but more so would just love to know if others can relate so I feel less alone. I am engaged and planning my wedding for next summer, which has been very exciting and fun, EXCEPT that I sometimes get triggered by seeing TikToks or hearing people say that wedding planning should be like 100% equally shared between partners. I would say I am handling a bit more of the planning, mostly because I am the one who wanted the wedding more (as opposed to like a courthouse wedding) and will have many more guests, and my fiance is also just very easygoing and doesn’t have a ton of strong opinions about wedding stuff. But I’ve been hearing people say things like “planning your wedding together foreshadows how your marriage will be” and it’s causing me to overanalyze things, like how much we’re each contributing and whether it’s “enough” or whether it bodes well for our marriage. Even though we have a very healthy relationship and I’m super excited to marry him, and I really do consider us partners in every way. I just hate the black and white idea that everything should always be exactly 50/50 because my OCD brain latches onto that and starts looking for ways that we are “doomed.” Anyone out there experiencing something similar?

After I started experiencing SOOCD for the past 5 years, I have had absolutely no sexual drive and no (barely anything) attraction to men. I’ve also sort of been emotionally numb for a very long time and I think it’s due to the years of anxiety and horrible depression. Ive been living like a rock, im just floating through life. I have no interests, no hobbies, zero motivation, no goals, and i feel like im going to be stuck like this forever. TMI !!!!!! I think the last time I felt actual genuine arousal/excitement was when I reconnected with my ex a couple years back and that was literally just for a day because SOOCD shut that down quickly. Since my SOOCD started when i was young i never fully felt aroused when I was being intimate. I wanted to do it and I wanted to feel things so badly but I couldn’t/i couldn’t get fully turned on. A month ago I was starting to feel happier, the intrusive thoughts/compulsions were very rare, and I was rarely experiencing the grounds response or or triggered (even though i still had no libido or attraction). I was doing pretty good and I recently got into a new relationship and my boyfriend literally woke up the attraction, I slowly felt myself becoming less numb. Just hanging out with him I started thinking “wow he’s so cute” “i want him to kiss me” “i wish he would hold my hand” “his smile is nice why is he so fine”. I felt something so sweet and It made me so so happy. We had such sweet dates and I was starting to feel like I was getting myself back. I still didn’t have a sexual drive (it was waking up slowlllyyy) and my flare up was starting to get worse so I couldn’t fully enjoy being intimate. My flare up has gotten pretty bad again lately i’m questioning all the things I felt with him and all the attraction and feelings are being clouded by intense anxiety, doubt, and worry. It triggers the SOOCD thoughts so bad and in the shower i was worrying that my anxiety, checking (of arousal, attraction, emotions, etc), other compulsions, and numbness are going to ruin my relationship. It just makes me worry that i’ll never get those feelings back. TMI!!!!! i just want to feel h*ny again man and I want to feel those feelings I felt for my man 😭 Literally 6 years of numbness, depression, anxiety and I finally felt somewhat normal 😭 he was waking things up and my intrusive thoughts messed it all up again. Anyways, I just want to know if anyone has experienced this and if ERP helped at all. I have a therapist now (thank you nocd) and I’m finally going to do ERP, try to fix my depression, and stuff like that. I’m trying to take the advice of someone who commented on one of my posts. They say that i need to continue my life no matter what ocd tells me. It’s getting harder again but I just hope the work im about to put in will allow me to finally enjoy my life.

I need to vent to everyone. So I realize over the past year that I am a really bad overthinker and I let my thoughts get the best of me. I think I’ve been struggling really bad with ROCD. One thing me and my partner gotten an argument about was the fact that he is my first relationship and my first everything and I was open with him telling him that sometimes I have curiosity about if I’m missing out or anything along those lines. in the argument, I was so guilty and I cried so bad and I feel like a horrible person. Of course I don’t wanna act on those things but I think my OCD is also making me feel or question if I do wanna act on something, but I know deep down I don’t. I really see after the fact, I should’ve kept that specific thoughts in my head and not tell him because he was upset and he kind of question whether or not I want to be with him, but he was also very understanding. The things is, he’s been been in another relationship relationships but he’s my first relationship and my first everything. We’ve been together for almost 4 years and randomly all these things started happening with the curiosity was there because I just sometimes just curious and I know that can be human nature. Am I a horrible person? Does anybody else relate to this? I think i’m seeking reassurance too.

Well, I'm a lesbian who has been living with this type of OCD for a few years and many things bring me intrusive thoughts and trigger crises. Something that always freaks me out is how people describe their attraction as primarily intense and nervous, and to me it's really more like some mild, adorable enthusiasm and a feeling of fascination and wanting to get some attention from the girl too. But nothing really nervous, something might tighten in my stomach, but it won't be irremediable or so intense,Maybe I don't even really realize it at the time. There's also a bit of a loss of words and a bit of a blur, I seem slightly disconcerted, but not really anxious in a physical way And kind of crazy as some (many) describe it on lesbian and queer community forums. It really freaks me out, like if my attraction doesn't match all this anxiety does that mean I'm not actually attracted to girls?! Am I not a lesbian then? My OCD says maybe I'm straight, Because for me it's much easier to feel anxiety in interactions with some guys than with girls, but it doesn't seem like attraction to them either. In the presence of men I have anxiety about, it's more like hypervigilance about how I'm perceived by them (they'll judge me), It's not all guys I feel this way about, but some guys, This happens to guys I know who have some kind of social status. And the anxiety around them is literally a flight response mixed with hypervigilance, it's literally fear, Even though I feel like he's a nice guy, and I can acknowledge that and I can even find his company enjoyable, I can't help but feel at least a little "please leave" for certain types. In fact, I don't want anything sexual or romantic with men, I absolutely don't identify with the way people who like men say they feel about them. It's just anxiety to me. Furthermore, I feel immense disgust at imagining myself with a man on any level, even without having had any bad experiences with men. I have never been abused by a man and And I haven't experienced any trauma involving men at any stage in my life, so it's an absolutely inherent discomfort for me. I've tried dating men before and it was always uncomfortable, I couldn't touch them, or imagine doing any of that without feeling disgust and repulsion. I couldn't tell them that I loved them the way they expected, or that I simply liked or was attracted to them. It felt wrong, it was simply the wrong answer. But I always thought anxiety was the only thing that showed attraction, so it took me a while to consider not liking men. But I really don't, I don't like them to the point where it makes me sick. I've always been much more friends with girls than with boys. Girls have always been much more in my social circle, I've always learned more social skills from them. Guys were kind of distant,I had male friends, yes, and I still do, but there isn't as much connection, they are more friends. So I've probably learned to be more relaxed around girls, even around the ones I'm even slightly attracted to, it's just like that. But I feel a desire to be with him. When they're closer to me, I feel this desire to be with them, not as a friend, but as something that involves romance with them. I feel happy and comfortable. But I'm terrified now, I'm really terrified now. If all this attraction-related nervousness doesn't suit me, then I'm straight?! What if I am? What if I can't be a lesbian? I really think this might invalidate my sexuality, I'm scared to death. I'm literally crying my eyes out because I can't feel like I belong anywhere else. But then I think "what if I just want to be special?", "what if I'm not really a lesbian?". I don't want to get involved with men at all, I want girls and I desire them and I fantasize about them, But what if my attraction is fake?! What if the fact that I genuinely want to be in a romantic relationship with a girl is just bullshit? What if it means nothing, I don't feel that nervous illness they talk about when it comes to attraction! It's causing me a lot of distress and agony. I've been compulsively checking my reactions for a long time, and it's getting worse during these crises. Any other lesbians with OCD who can relate to this? Please, I need answers, I'm really freaking out.

I read on Facebook that the brain emits low frequencies, which means it can connect to universe and then our thoughts will connect to universe and make them true. Is that correct?Does ocd thoughts will connect to frequencies and make our thoughts true?I fear about law of attraction. Does law of attraction and manifestation make our thoughts true without action?

Basically, I went out with my friends last Friday. I had a pretty decent portion of wine before we all left (and not on very much food) so I was already feeling tipsy before we even got to the bar. So we get there and everything is going great. I had a beer and my friends and I took a shot. Then it got to a point where we wanted a second round and I had to go up and order for one of my friends. I was going to get another round of what I was drinking, but my friend asked for something I had never heard — Narragansett Lager. Already, I had no idea what it was and since I had to order it I was nervous about saying it right and already i’m thinking if I don’t say this right it could sound really bad. Anyways, I make my way to the bar and keep repeating the drink my friend told me in my head and tell myself ok if I don’t say Narragansett right I can always just say it’s a lager. The bartender comes up to me and I give him my order first — Tecate and a tequila shot. Then I’m prepping myself to say my friend’s order and try and see if it’s on the menu in the bar table. However, I look down and it’s a different menu than the one at our table where I had tried to memorize it. Now, I’m worrying because I have nothing to reference to in case I mess up or can point to. Then comes the unfortunate moment — already I’m nervous because I don’t have a reference, my speech is a bit slurred because I’ve had a couple drinks in me, and I already don’t really know how to pronounce the word correctly so I just have to guess. Then I say to the bartender, “Can I also get a nagersett (Nay-ger-set) ” As soon as that left my mouth, in my head I went oh my god that was so not right and sounded so so wrong. Once we both realized what I said, my face grew hot and I became even more flustered and the bartender leaned in to hear and was slightly taken aback or either in disbelief. At this point I should mention that the bartender is black. He leaned in closer with eyes a bit widened to hear what I was saying and I think he said “You want what?” or “What was that?” in a bit of a sharp tone (can’t really remember anymore) Knowing I couldn’t repeat myself out loud bc if that wasn’t the right way to say it I wasn’t going to get it right the second time so I tried to mention that it started with an N and went “uh uh it’s one of your lagers?” Also, I should mention I didn’t even pronounce lager right and kept going back and forth between law-ger and lay-ger. Then I try and look for a different menu and grab a different one quickly. Finally, I found the menu that we had the drinks on it and pointed to the one I meant to say and said the “NAY-RANG-AN-SET” and then the bartender goes “Oh you mean Narragansett” (Repeated it back to me in the correct pronunciation) and kinda chuckles or cracks a smile (I think I don’t know if he was amused or relieved all i know i was so distraught) At this point, I’m so embarrassed because how could I have slipped up that bad and basically said a completely different, and not so great sounding word. After he corrected me, I literally put my hand to my head and said, “Oh my god I’m so sorry.” Now this is where I get worried because I don’t remember if he said “It’s fine” or “It happens” or “No worries” while he gets our drinks. He then says your total comes to $15 so gave him my that plus tip and immediately ran away before he could turn back from the register. Once I got back to my seat, I realized “Oh my god I just said a horrible word” and then I turn to my friend and tell her what happens and she says the first part out loud and we both go “Oh that does not sound good.” She tries to reassure me that you couldn’t have been the only one to have pronounced it like that, but in my head I’m just thinking how did I even come up to say it like that. Then I begin to spiral because I tell my other friend the next day about it and when I finished telling her she gave me a really worried look and I could almost see her perception of myself changing to this horrible person. Now I begin spiraling thinking no normal person would mess it up that bad or even come remotely close to pronouncing it that bad and start question everything I’ve ever stood for and valued because I said something that sounded almost exactly like a bad word. I keep telling myself if I could say something that sounded like it, it basically meant that I said it. I’ve lost countless hours of sleep and waking hours over these past few days ruminating over this and constantly in my head repeating the word I said to the bartender and the correct pronunciation to prove that this was something I had meant to say and that I had actually said the word. I feel like an imposter to myself and the people around me and like I should be prepping an apology for when the day comes that it’s revealed i’m a horrible person deep down.

whenever i think of things i want to think about like sxual things with people my age i don’t feel anything down there but when i think about things i don’t want to think about i feel something down there is this an indication that i’m a bad person idk what to do it feels like this is solid proof in this bad person

Sometimes my boyfriend tells me things that make absolutely no sense so I think he’s lying. Anyway. He used to be friends with this girl like 2 and a half years ago and they were only friends for like 2 months. He told me she played with his feelings but he never actually liked her and he just wanted friends because he was new to the school. I guess they had exchanged numbers and when he’d text she’d ghost him a little. They made plans to hangout after school one time but those fell through. Anyway, my boyfriend was interested in me half way through the school year, he really liked me, like a lot. He was a senior and I was a junior. He was really good to me and I never felt insecure. The girl was never relevant until maybe a year ago? She had created an insta account which she never used to have and she was in his insta suggestions. They had no mutuals or anything which made me suspicious. One of his close friends is friends with her. I started stalking her page a lot and comparing. She listens to the same exact music as my boyfriend and she’s literally flawless. I’d bring her up a few times over the course of a few months and he always told me that she was ugly and he just wanted a friend. He went to a party she was at and ik the mutual girl friend they have posts her sometimes. Anyway, I looked at her story today because I started overthinking again and she had posted pictures of herself to the song beetles by apex twin. I also brought her up to my boyfriend again because I was overthinking. She goes by Gracie and everyone calls her that but her real name is grace. My boyfriend will switch between the two when talking about her. He says grace is just a typo though. A few hours later my boyfriend had listened to that same exact song, it was on his airbuds. It was the only song by aphex twin on his airbuds too. I want to throw up because there’s no way he didn’t view her story, that’s was too coincidental. Update: he said he saw the sound in an edit but there’s only like 80 posts under that sound on TikTok and I didn’t see an edit. He can’t find the edit in his watch history either. He originally said he saw it on TikTok but I said there’s no edits of it on TikTok and it’s not in his watch history so now he’s saying it might’ve been on YouTube or instagram. He said he doesn’t know her insta account either but now we’re arguing. He wants me to leave because I never believe him. I confront him about something new everyday even though I really don’t mean to be a burden.

heyyyy everyone, has anyone had any weird experiences with lexapro? quick back story, had really bad health anxiety paired with ocd compulsions and other things not relevant to this discussion, got fluvoxamine, could never go past 50mg without increased anxiety and derealization/depersonalization... eventually got off and got on lexapro, started with 5 mg, went to 10 mg, just a few days ago went to 15 mg because i felt as if my health compulsions and fears were making a comeback. i believe im on day 3 of 15 mg lexapro and i feel as if im spiraling a tad bit, nothing crazy/anything i havent experienced before... but in my post work shower i felt feverish almost... which is a trigger for me, my mind automatically thinks cancer. i tried resisting the thoughts to google my symptoms (literally just feeling feverish) and took my temp, and took my temp again.... and again.... and again.... (tale as old as time lol) each time it was in normal range... but i still feel weird. brain fog, dissociating, just all around weird vibe and heightened senses of my body and such. could this be because of the lexapro? idk. lowkey thinking i was bound for an ocd relapse because i was doing so good the majority of this year, erp went great, medications were finally working, but now i feel like its all coming back :(, any advice?

Hi. I deal with pocd (but I am not diagnosed cuz I can't afford therpay) and I think it's ocd. It begun over a year back and initially it was about "what if I become a p" and then eventually it became "what if I am already a p" and then eventually I had this phase of 4-6ish months where my ocd almost vanished to the point where I was not even getting triggered by stuff. And then I suddenly had this huge SO OCD bout for 2 ish weeks last month where I lost my mind about what if I am a lesbian (I identify as a bi woman ) but then eventually I just accepted that I am a lesbian and felt like a lesbian for a while and then I am again back to bi. So basically I completely accepted the uncertainty and hence got over it easily. But I cannot do that pocd. Ew. Idk what to do. And this so ocd bout caused the pocd to return and rn my brain is full on "see u turned out to accept lesbianism so u definitely wanna accept being a p" and like its also "what if I am already a p, and subconsciously accepted it and am pretending to have ocd cuz what if I am in extreme denial?" And like idk what to do. I am worried posting this too cuz I am afraid what if somebody reading this misunderstands and thinks I am actually a p. Another thing I deal with is "am i even performing compulsions?" Cuz I mainly confess to my bestie and chatgpt(I stopped with chatgpt cuz I am scared about privacy issues) and research stuff about pocd to gain reassurance. And occasionally ruminate for checking but it doesn't interfere with my life. Bcz of this I *feel* like I don't perform enough compulsions and not performing compulsions essentially means it's not ocd. I genuinely get scared about what if it's pocd or denial. Or what if I am lying and manipulating ppl to think it's ocd and what if I am just faking the anxitey. Sometimes my thoughts don't give anxiety and later on that absence of anxiety worries me a lot cuz my brain is like "see u didn't get anxiety so u liked that thought. Hence u are a p" and idk what to do. Can someone please help me please. I don't wanna be a p. Another compulsion I do is saying "I don't wanna be a p" or "I am not a p" 5 times in sets of 5. I started this compulsion voluntarily when I read somewhere that counting is a compulsion and I wanted to prove to myself "see it's ocd" and now I do sort of as a habit to confirm the same. And this scares me too cuz doesn't that mean this is a fake compulsion??? And what If it's not ocd.

UPDATE: I couldnt do it... i couldnt stop posting... this situation is too triggering and thinking about the worst possible outcome scares me... in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent an 18+ pic to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor without knowing... it genuinely scares me... Its making me think that I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor in the past without knowing and it genuinely triggers me... I have tried to go back through most 18+ online interactions ive had with women online to make sure they didnt lie or they confirmed their age... i have two situations on discord that trigger me that ive posted about in the past... and a couple have deleted their discords so thats triggering me really bad... most who deleted their discords were verified but still... why delete your discord, you know...? for context i was on 18+ explicit discord servers meant for sex that you cant just join regularly on iPhone due to it being for adults only... Ive also been to a website dedicated to adult 18+ literature... they also have an 18+ chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... Im scared of someone one day in the future accusing me of doing horrible things like unknowingly inappropriately messaging minors, or have my worst fears of unknowingly explicitly messaging a minor confirmed to have happened and I didnt know about it... (edited)

I basically can’t stop thinking about the false memories and I’ve been thinking about them non-stop since I’ve woken up today. I keep picturing the images / the false memory and I focus and fixate on the images and they feel so so real and realistic and when I think of them I get a feeling of “clarity” and a genuine sense of knowing and belief that deep down I know these memories are true and have happened and that I’m just in denial and lying to myself and you by saying that they’re false memories when in actuality I know they’re real which is also really frustrating and makes me feel uncomfortable. On top of that as I’m writing this message my stomach won’t stop turning and it really hurts and I just want to cry and my brain says that I’m experiencing these physical feelings because I know I am lying and just in denial and that these physical symptoms are proof that I am lying and just in denial and I just don’t know what to do or how to calm down. I really don’t want these memories to be true and I want them to be false more than anything in the world and I am not lying when I say I don’t know whether or not they’re real and I’m not lying or pretending they’re false memories but the more I say that to myself the more it feels like a lie and I’m just terrified at the thought and idea of them being even 1% true because why wouldn’t they be? Is it really possible to fabricate entire memories or doing sexual things to and with another person that are that detailed and realistic :/ My brain says things will only get better once I admit to the false memories and stop lying to myself and stop being in denial and stop using false memory ocd as an excuse and just admit to them because I know deep down I have done them and that they’re true which is why I feel a deep sense of clarity about them and that I am just continuing to lie to myself, to my girlfriend, to my therapist and to my family when I say I don’t know whether I have done anything sexual to or with this person because deep down I know I have I just don’t want to admit it so I’m continuing to be in this heavy state and cycle of denial because I don’t want to accept what I have done. I just want this to end. I just want confirmation that I have never done anything sexual to or with this person and that these memories are entirely fabricated by my ocd and have no basis in reality but I don’t even think that’s possible. I’m so done.

Before i had Soocd i wasnt aware of what kind of men i like(im a girl) After it i got attached to specific type of men as if i found my type in men.. Many say their prespective and types got ruined due to OCD But mine seems to be different Is it ocd or am i pretending to have a type

i have been diagnosed with ocd and my subgenres are schizophrenic ocd, harm ocd and pocd (which is the main one now) and am on meds for it and have been in therapy i am feeling incredibly anxious and talked to chatgpt, over sharing and seeking reassurance. i shared an incident i had while trying to watch porn on the light web and confessed what i saw (i did not click on anything, i scrolled past. but it was a site where people can publish their own comics or books?) i feel so anxious about seeing it i confessed it to chatgpt and checked to make sure because i saw it i would turn into a p word. this comment was flagged by the system, so i’m worried this is going to get put up for human review, they’ll report me and i’ll be arrested with police showing up to my door.