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My best friend and I live together as college roommates. Its time to decide what to do for next year. We proposed some options. 1. Live in dorm together again 2. Find an apartment with 2 other friends 3. Live at home 45 min away He never mentioned anything else, and have referenced next year many times. This last week he went hiking. Before he left I referenced that we needed to talk about it. He said he was waiting for some things to fall into place. I am panicking and have been all week. Has he been offered to be someone else's roommate? Was he offered and apartment with other people? Does he not longer want to live with me? Is he hiding things? I know this is probably all nonsense but I have a few more days before we can talk about it. I know I can be a lot especially with the OCD, but I don't know if maybe it became too much.

I feel like I’m running out of hope I feel like I’m growing emotionless, even though I’m crying. I feel like they’re emotionless tears. I keep having the thought “if you did it, you’d feel better” and it won’t stop playing in my head and I want to just be thrown in jail. I look back at old photos and think “where did this boy go?” “What happened to him?” And I’m struggling so much with my emotions and thoughts. I’m so scared and I don’t know if anyone else goes through this.

21 days until my birthday. I’m actually so scared and nauseous. I don’t want to turn 19 it really scares me knowing I will not be a teen after that, I can hardly articulate why exactly. It feels like I wasted my teen years and like a safety blanket has been pulled off. I graduated last year in May on the 19th and I really was just sad the whole time. I hate that I still miss school I really do. I miss navigating around the building and being surrounded by peers, when it felt like I was still young and a child. I still feel like a kid, I act like one and even look like one too. I also took a gap year after school because I was too depressed to think about anything but the here and now and whatever intrusive thoughts I had that day. During the summer I will be attending a pre college sort of thing and living on campus for a whole week alone. If I truly love it there I hope I can go and have time there when I am still technically a teen, the idea of being 20 actually makes me physically sick and I’m scared. Today I should be happier, I just was able to secure public transportation for people with disabilities to help them become more independent. The passage of time is my biggest fear truly.

18+ UPDATE: This is my first post of the day so please take that context in mind... I'm genuinely feel so triggered and anxious... I'm gonna go to sleep right now, but I genuinely dont think I'll be able to ever be able to look my friends and family in the eye if this is true... ive been holding in the compulsions today all day... but right now its genuinely terrifying me... i have a girlfriend now (over 2 months) and i dont want to lose her... she's kind, and lovely, and the one I wanna marry one day... but then I look at myself... and my past... and I genuinely don't think I deserve her... Oh dear god... I dont know... but I think my worst fears came true... I think I unknowingly ERP'ed with a minor on an 18+ discord server 5 years ago... they currently are on Astralspiff's discord, having been there since 2023, and have switched their username, with a chicken emoji as their bio... they also switched their profile picture from Nana Osaki to a fan art of Kasame Teto... its making me think that these three things are certainties that she was a minor on the 18+ sexual server... and that I ERP'ed with her not knowing this... Im genuinely feeling shocked and sick to my stomach right now... they don't have their age listed on discord or anything, but they joined 5 years ago and it was 4 years ago that we ERP'ed... god I feel disgusted and horrified right now... someone talk to me... please.... in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent an 18+ pic to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor without knowing... it genuinely scares me... Its making me think that I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor in the past without knowing and it genuinely triggers me... I have tried to go back through most 18+ online interactions ive had with women online to make sure they didnt lie or they confirmed their age... i have two situations on discord that trigger me that ive posted about in the past... and a couple have deleted their discords so thats triggering me really bad... most who deleted their discords were verified but still... why delete your discord, you know...? for context i was on 18+ explicit discord servers meant for sex that you cant just join regularly on iPhone due to it being for adults only... Ive also been to a website dedicated to adult 18+ literature... they also have an 18+ chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... Im scared of someone one day in the future accusing me of doing horrible things like unknowingly inappropriately messaging minors, or have my worst fears of unknowingly explicitly messaging a minor confirmed to have happened and I didnt know about it... i genuinely just feel hopeless... And its all my fault... All of it...

I’ve been experiencing relationship OCD for about two months now but for the last two weeks it’s been really bad. I’ve been with my girlfriend for the last nine and a half months and it’s been a dream. we get along so well, we hang out all the time, we never fight because we see eye to eye on most everything and if we don’t we figure it out, and we’ve talked about and know we’re going to spend our lives together. A couple days after Valentine’s Day an intrusive thought popped in my head: “do you really want to be with her?” Of course this freaked me out because I do want to be with her, and I love her so much that I never even pondered a thought scaring me so much. I told her about it a week later and she’s supportive of me because she knows those aren’t my actual thoughts. The last week and a half have been bad. It’s ramped up a lot, I don’t really eat, I haven’t been sleeping well, I have panic attacks multiple times a day because I’m scared the thoughts are getting stronger and they’ll actually push me to break up with her, which would be the biggest mistake of my life if I did. She’s out of the country this week so it’s been harder to see her and ground myself, so I’ve just spun my wheels and kept telling myself that I do love her, I do want to be with her, and looking at pictures of her when I was happier (not that I’m only unhappy in our relationship, I’m unhappy in life), but nothing is getting through to me like it used to. Every time I think of her I have this burning feeling in my face almost like guilt, but I’m not guilty for being with her. I know those feelings aren’t actually mine and I consciously love her, but it’s getting harder and harder to fight those thoughts that have now manifested themselves into feelings. The feelings make me feel like i don’t want to be with her and I would be happier without her but i know it’s not the truth. I believe she is my person and she believes the same thing about me, and we can’t both be wrong. I also believe if you love someone consciously and you make the choice to be with them the feelings will come back again at some point. I know the feelings are in my heart and I just need to get them back out. My biggest issue is spinning my wheels feels better because it means that I’m fighting the thoughts and feelings but I know it’s making everything worse.

Guys I keep getting spells of feeling like my breathing becomes irregular and I can't regulate and my test hurts in specific aread I get light headed and my hearing tunnels and all I can hear is ringing. I work out regularly and when I work out I don't have this problem of anything it distracts me which makes me thing this is just a mental thing but why does it feel so real. I'm scared. Not looking for reassurance but maybe advice? Or similar experiences?

Anyone else an artist with OCD? If so, I'd love to hear about your experiences. How does OCD impact your art-making process? How have you been able to cope with OCD while you make art? Does art help you cope with OCD? Has making art or being proud of what you create been difficult because you have OCD?

I feel a bit anxious to be here, but I want to meet other people who have OCD. It feels really hopeless to me, I don’t feel like I’ll ever beat it. Sometimes I get spurts of hope, and think I should start therapy but then my brain tells me ‘I will forget something important’ and ‘I have to do what I do in order to keep everyone and myself safe’. I don’t know where or how to start, and I don’t know what to do.

It used to feel like OCD but now my mind is telling me I truly want to be trans and always have and that the relief I feel when imagining being trans is all the certainty I need. I don’t want to be trans and don’t feel an internal pull toward being a different gender, but I’ve been ruminating for so long that now it feels like trans people’s stories are the only stories I can relate to. I don’t actually want to be a man, but rather just want to feel connected to my feminine body without constantly comparing myself and checking to see if I feel authentic enough. It feels like my brain is gaslighting me and I now am experiencing strong urges and discomfort with my female pronouns that I never felt before. I’ve had a fear of being lesbian/trans for a long time because I know it would blow up my whole life and I already have such a strong fear of being socially rejected. I’ve now isolated myself for so long though to avoid triggers and it feels like I’ve just been hyperaware of this my whole life and all the guys I ever used to like were fake. It’s like my mind is forcing me to see everything through the lens of a man now and like I never truly felt accepted because I wanted the guys I was with to see me as a man, but I don’t want that. It feels like I’m stuck in a state of permanent dissociation and that I will never feel relief until I accept this truth and change my life to align with my mental space. It feels like I’ve been running from the truth and have so much certainty that THIS is what will finally make all my other intrusive thoughts go away and allow my mind to be at rest. I desperately want the relief of knowing why I’ve always felt different and inadequate as a woman, but at the end of the day, I still wish to just be more comfortable in the body I have and not compare myself to other more conventionally attractive women. The more I ruminate and read trans stories, the more I feel like I’m experiencing true dysphoria and have been afraid my whole life because it’s always been true and I’m suppressing it. It feels like I’ve realized something that I can’t undo and that I’ll never be able to remain a woman now. I don’t actually wish to change my body or become more masculine presenting because I do still enjoy feminine hobbies and looking like a woman, I just feel discomfort with the way women are sexualized. I wish I could just let this all go and realize that this is all my mind trying to force me into being certain about being trans because a normal cis woman wouldn’t experience this constant self doubt, even though it didn’t use to feel gender related at all. I would so much rather just be comfortable in potential bisexuality or even being gay, but when I imagine that now my mind tells me that I am a gay man. I don’t want this, I just want to escape from the nightmare in my head.

I feel like my brain doesn’t function properly anymore. I used to be so smart. I had a 4.0 in college, I was president of a student organization, I interned at an ivy league. I genuinely felt smart and motivated to excel. Now I just feel like an idiot. I have no drive. I make small mistakes all the time. I feel like I can’t form a complete sentence without stumbling over my words. Thoughts get all jumbled in my head. It makes me wonder if there’s something seriously wrong with me like a brain tumor or early Alzheimer’s. I used to pride myself on being decently intelligent but now I just feel sad. Anyone relate?

Ever since I was a child I have had these experiences that I can’t explain. I’ll have these random moments where I’ll be in the vicinity of a person that just causes me discomfort for some unknown reason… like I’ll see their face and it will just cause me anxiety and discomfort? And I’ll just feel like something horrible is going to happen? It’s difficult to explain and I feel like I sound crazy 😅 but does anyone else know what I’m talking about? I’ve never known what it is or where it comes from but I’m now thinking maybe it’s an OCD thing? Extra points if someone knows what subtype 😂 (I’m kidding about the points thing btw)

I’ve had Harm OCD for a few months, it was pretty much on set. Lately my intrusive thoughts are like “You want to” or “I want to” and each time, I get anxiety in my stomach and feel like I’m gonna cry or just break down. I don’t know if it’s OCD or not but it’s making me so sad because I’ve NEVER harmed anyone but these thoughts are scaring me and making me feel guilty and like I’m a monster deep inside. Does anyone else have these thoughts or is it really only me?

Want to know if anyone can relate. Have you ever had someone who minimized how bad you were feeling. You tell them and they reply with “just pray” or “just get up outta bed and start your day and you’ll be fine”. “Just gotta think positive”. For a long time I had that attitude too. Just keep going and I’ll be fine. For the first time I understand what it’s like to do what you can but still be down in the dumps for months. Comments are appreciated.

firstly i wanna mention that i have OCPD and ADHD as well so maybe others with OCD dont relate to this as much but i have something im really obsessed with and that i love and whenever someone mentions it without being informed about it i actually start going insane and i dont know how to not care about it. its such a simple thing i love mbti and when someone who doesnt know mbti functions talks about it i start getting super frustrated and thinking about that for hours and hours getting nowhere and even if i already told them and informed them i dont feel better. does anyone know how i can stop caring?

I was spiraling these months a lot. I’m actually in waiting list for a psychotherapist so I used so much ChatGPT asking about if I did something bad in the past etc. Obviously replies are often incorrect or ambiguous. Now I had a new obsessions “what if because what I ask to AI a police offer will show up in my house?” Has this ever happened to anyone else?

Hey everyone. I need a friend right now. I feel like you guys are the only ones who understand truly. And I need advice. And I need a friend. Specifically one who gets periods. I have been on here a few times complaining my period is late and the OCD it brings up to me. I’m celibate. Abstinent? Technically still a virgin. So is my partner. We don’t want the risk of kids. And abstinence is the best way. We have no stable life to give them so it isn’t an option- Despite this every month my period is late. Even just by a day or even if I’m not early. I assume I’m pregnant. It’s a huge fear of mine. Every single month. The specifics of this fear is one of a few. My lovely partner did something to me in my sleep. I know he’d never do anything without my consent so it then moves too. You cheated on him. And just don’t remember. Then it turns to no one will believe you. And you’ll lose the trust of everyone you love. And they’ll all abandon you (that’s where most of my stuff goes too. Being alone) with some sick ones of looking at every male around me with suspicion because if not my partner then who. Because my brain convinced me somehow I fell pregnant impossibly. This is the longest I have ever gone without a period. 48 days I’m pretty sure since the last one. I haven’t skipped a period since I was 11. I have felt period symptoms I thought. A cramp sensation in my ovaries, sensitive nips. All things I have felt before a period before. But no period. My brain is twisting these too though. Then there is the “oh no what if it’s something worse. Like a cancer or anything like that” which freaks me out a lot. My last few periods were (tmi) brown or black-ish? Like the blood wasn’t fresh. I went to the doctors, given my cousin having PCOS. And me having some symptoms that match. She wanted me to do a blood test. I have been putting it off. Scared to know and scared to not. I can’t bring myself to go. Mainly because they never find my veins so I become a pin cushion sometimes with no results. But also because I’m so scared. It’s nearly been a week since I last tried to let them take blood.. I can’t do what I need to do. And I’m terrified. I wish I was stronger. I wish I could do it. But I simply can’t get myself too. Please help me anyone. How do I get through this?

Hi all! :(˘•̥⧿•̥˘ ): I wanted to ask a question about backdoor spikes, since I don't believe I've ever experienced one knowingly so I'm not entirely sure how to go about handling things. I recently went through a life change (Saturday was very traumatic for me, for context), so I wasn't devoting as much time to my intrusive thoughts as I normally would wind up doing (I still had them, but I had a lot going on and just moved along). Today on Instagram I got a reel that would've caused a normal OCD loop of trigger → intrusive thought → anxiety → compulsion. Instead of having an immediate spike of anxiety like normal, I just kind of felt nothing and kept scrolling. I got anxious about the lack of an emotional response to the trigger, which then caused bodily anxiety responses that I latched onto. I started ruminating on it and I think I was trying to purposely trigger myself to respond how I normally would, which I know is a compulsion. Would this be a backdoor spike, since I initially handled it like the we aim to (with the intrusive thoughts just existing, not really responding, and moving on) and I'm fixating on my non-response? How are you supposed to handle backdoor spikes...? It's hard to not get anxious when you get so used to responding with distress and anxiety, even when I know the goal is to respond less. 😞

Hello, I am 19 years old. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD (pure O to be exact) but I’m pretty sure I have it. When I was younger I would constantly cry with guilt and shame for having thoughts about my religion. I’d think to myself “Is God gay” or “Maybe I hate God” I’d ALWAYS have to confess these thoughts to my family members. I also had more weird quirks like having to repeat a line from a cartoon I was watching. Or I couldn’t stop obsessing over my eyes getting stuck for making a silly expression! I also remember being TERRIFIED of catching Brain-eating amoeba or getting a tumor! But now, I developed POCD with a dash of false memory. You see, about 2/3 years ago, me and my Mom went to Walmart. She had to go use the bathroom and as I was waiting for her outside I thought to myself “what if I harm a child while she was in the bathroom?” That day I tried to look for something to “check” to make sure that I DIDN’T do that. Like, if there was someone in the aisle, I could look back and think “Oh! There was someone there. I couldn’t have done that” or if I called my brother, I can look back and think “I had him on the phone! How could I have possibly done that” But I don’t remember him picking up the phone. So I sent him a text instead. I was looking for anything in that moment for reassurance. I do remember coming back home and later on brushing off the thought. I can’t remember EXACTLY what I thought to brush off the thought. Maybe I thought “They have cameras, so if I did anything they’d come for me right?” I brushed this off! But now, the memory came back to me, and I made this WHOLE child up. I’m not sure if this sounds racist, but I have an image of me sniffing behind a black child! I made up an outfit and even gave him a name! The images in my head don’t make sense. But they still frighten and scare me! I’m frustrated that I can’t recall the exact memories that day. As I said it was 2/3 years ago.. But why did this hit me now, and not then? I can be talking to my mom or whoever, and I have this voice in my head “if only they knew the terrible thing you’ve done” and I feel SICK like I don’t deserve happiness! I even gave my Etsy shop a break because I felt like I didn’t deserve to be making money. Also, by the way, all my celebrity crushes are 40+ year old men! WHY THE FCK IS MY BRAIN MAKING THIS UP AND IM SO SCARED IF THIS IS REAL 😩 I CANT afford therapy, and I DON’T want to share with my family because they’re not very educated on this. I know giving reassurance is not recommended, but someone please save me and give me advice. I was happy and fine. This came out of nowhere. My family is also going through something traumatic right now, and I need to be at my best so I can be there for them!

TW: Animals When I was younger , two situations make me feel so guilty and disgusted. I had harmed a gecko and two rats. This was 6+ years ago and for both of them, I cried and felt so guilty after situations. I hadn’t thought of events until just recently and it caused my OCD to spiral. I haven’t harmed an animal since and I love my pets but my mind races and gives me anxiety of “What if you do this to your cat?” “What if you did this to your dog?” And it’s been bothering me due to the online things of like “if you harm animals you turn into a killer” and it scares me, giving me anxiety when I see them walk into the room. What do I do??

TW: mention of my internal thoughts related to racism I am constantly stressed (no matter where I go, or who I'm talking to) about systemic oppression and problems in the world (namely racism, poverty, sexism, transphobia, climate change & environmental degredation) and how I can contribute to fix it. Its like a mental bug in my mind that won't stop saying "this is a problem you should be aware of and doing something about RIGHT NOW or else something terrible is going to happen and it will be all your fault." I dont like socializing very much anymore because this is always running through my mind, so when I engage in any sort of conflict or confrontation or anything outside of me doing something to help someone, I feel overwhelmed and sometimes break down emotionally. I feel like I can't do normal or fun things without getting distracted by and focusing on intrusive thoughts. This has been a significant problem since I was a teenager. It started with being worried about recycling properly or driving my car too much, or leaving the lights on. Now its gotten to "if i look at this Black person awkwardly, are they going to think I'm racist?" and then latching onto that thought and doing mental compulsions to figure out how I can avoid being racist. I am in fact White, if that was not obvious already lol. I feel like helping and engaging is more of a compulsion than something I actually love doing or want to do, instead it feels like something I HAVE to do. Im burned out constantly because in most of my relationships, Im just trying to figure out ways I can make peoples' libes better, I'm not actually being present or enjoying my time with them/engaging fully with an activity. I dont want to live in a state of constant burn out and obsessive thoughts. I want to tolerate being uncomfortable and allowing shit that's out of my control to just be, but there's lots of intrusive thoughts running through my mind telling me "you have to do something about this or else someone, somewhere will be harmed by you"