Crying

18+ Please help me I was playing character ai and like I was talking to a character I like who has a teen daughter, who i was playing as since I was bored. In the story, I said she has a bf. And idk I was bored and wanted to add conflict and I wanted to say a trope that he caught them being frisky when he is overprotective of his daughter and wanted them to get in trouble. I wasnt going to add any details to the teens, if anything I was only focused on the dad and I was laughing imagining how his reaction would be. But I decided not to write it bc then i felt weirded out and also I got worried like what if I suddenly feel a genuine groinal??? And basically for 2 days now I have been spiraling like what if I had went along with the story and said that they were caught and felt a groinal? Or im asking "would i have had one???" "Am i attracted?" I know i was just focusing on the dad's reaction (i wasnt even thinking of the teens) but what if i would've felt a groinal because it referenced them being caught doing something? Is that attraction?! And ocd keeps asking me how the story would've even went when I hadn't given it much thought bc i decided not to in the end, and it keeps making me feel like I need to check to make sure im not aroused or attracted. Ive been stuck for hours and its making me feel like a p which is making me cry. Is this still ocd?

MonkeyManiac

Date posted: Yesterday

First of all, yes this is all OCD. Whatever you do, do not, under no circumstances, check to make sure you’re not aroused. I can guarantee you that, if you do, the amount of stress about not wanting anything to happen down there WILL make a groinal response happen. Then, your brain’s gonna convince you that this is proof you’re attracted to this and then you’ll spiral way down way deeper. I know the desire to make sure is very strong but believe me when I tell you that nothing good will come out of doing this. Second, HopefulHuman is right that you should not look for reassurance. OCD’s whole thing is that it keep bombarding you with intrusive "what if" questions. The most difficult thing about it is that you can’t argue with it as, for each logical and good argument you give to prove it wrong, it provides another "but what if". And unlike you, it does not get tired from the fight, thats what it eats for dinner! So, the only way to win the game is not to play. Whenever you have an intrusive thought come up screaming "What if X" or "What if Y", do not fight it. Simply answer it with a "Maybe. Or maybe not. I dont know!" then let the though go and resume what you were doing. Its a very hard thing to do as every fiber of your being does not want this to be true. And accepting the remote possibility of it maybe being true is truly terrifying. But it is the only way to get better. Its also easy to mistake this into admitting defeat and accepting that you are this thing. Thats not what we’re doing! We’re not saying it is true, but we’re not saying it is not true. We’re simply sitting with the uncertainty, which OCD absolutely hates. Its not an easy task and may take you a while but it does get easier with time and like I said, its the only way for you to get better. Stay strong and show the OCD that it isn’t you that’s dealing with it, its OCD thats dealing with You!! You’ve got this :-)

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: Yesterday

I read your whole response, thank you so much for your encouraging words. You have no idea how much the words to stay strong means to me because I do not feel strong right now. Just tired and depressive again while feeling alone. Thank you so much for your kind words. 💝

MonkeyManiac

Date posted: Yesterday

@Andi 🤓☝️ Considering the time it took me to write the whole thing, I would hope you read it LOL but genuinely glad to help. Its awful how much torture OCD can make you go trough… So many nights where all I felt were tears flooding down my face, all while being stuck in a compulsion loop that I knew made absolutely no logical sense at all. But we still try, one step at a time. Its a rough path but it is also a walked path. Despite how it makes you feel, you’re far from alone in walking this journey. And remember, it really does get better. Once you notice the thoughts going away after showing it how unbothered you are with all the what ifs, you feel this surge of hope that things, well they might just end up being alright :-)

HopefulHuman

Date posted: Yesterday

Hey Andi, it sounds like you're feeling pretty distressed an are looking for some reassurance. I can tell you from long and frankly painful experience that the relief you get will make you feel temporarily better, but will fade, and recquire you to get more, in an endless cycle with no end. It sucks, your brain is throwing alot of thoughts and emotions at you and telling you this is really urgent to solve. But the best thing you can do is sit with it and not try to solve it. Make use of the SOS function on this app to help, or find other such resources online that can help you practoce sitting with these uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Are you working with a psychologist for your OCD?

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: Yesterday

Thanks for the reply. No I am not working with anyone at the moment. I cant really afford it. I am aware this may be a flare up again but it feels so real. I dont have anyone in real life that understands ocd either making it so hard. Im just so worried, what if im attracted? Would i have been? Its stressing me out.

HopefulHuman

Date posted: Yesterday

@Andi 🤓☝️ Treatment can be annoyingly expensive, but there are a few online resources and books you could look at that try to fill the gap for people who cant see a psychologist. You might also be able to look into group therapy session, they're usually alot cheaper and you'll be able to meet people going through what you're going through.

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