It’s hitting hard today

@Gabjuste I have before, but it’s hard for them to get better about it, not helped by their ADHD. They also work a lot and don’t get many opportunities to check messages in the first place. I do NOT want to hound them for replies or anything like that. Another one of my fears is coming on too strongly to them, I always try to say the right thing and never too much

@Anonymous ohh, okay, i feel like this gives you a lot of pressure, i mean to always try to say the right thing. but you shouldn’t put your needs aside. if they really can’t communicate that much with you, try to spend some time alone or with other people, with some friends or family. i know that you wrote that you tend to shut down, i used to do that too, but what goes through your head when they are not replying? are you scared of something? or do you feel anger?

@Gabjuste I get so many thoughts, imagining worst case scenarios. That I’m being actively ignored, that they don’t like talking to me, that I scared them off, something physically happened to them, that their parents found out about us etc (they aren’t out to their family). It feels like my brain is tying itself in knots, I get headaches. I do get a little mad when I see them come online without responding sometimes. I wish spending time with other people or doing activities was enough. But it’s like my battery is completely drained until they acknowledge me, then I’m good for the day.

@Anonymous i understand you so well. i once had this type of relationship for about 4 years when i was a teenager and it also drained me sooo much. i didn’t know about all this ocd stuff then, but i always needed reassurance, i would also stop answering to other people, just wait for my person to reply. how long does this happen? are you dating only online, can’t see each other face-to-face?

@Gabjuste It can last the whole day, or until they reply. We actually live really close by, but for a mutlitude of factors (both of us working, them doing like 60 hours a week, I’m in college, they aren’t out to their parents about us whom they live with) it’s really really hard to find the time to see each other. They work with cars so sometimes I try to find work my car may need done just so I can swing by.

@Anonymous Sounds like you’ve expressed your concerns but if he’s red your messages and doesn’t respond for hrs and you see he’s doing other things. It might not be just adhd and you should maybe find someone who is able to make you more of a priority. That’s just an observation from personal experience. I too have adhd but my ocd is what usually keeps me from replying to others in a timely manner because I obsess over what to say or I type a message and then read it back and delete it realizing how crazy I sound for overthinking and over analyzing a lot. And maybe you’re just looking too much into it because of your ocd. I’m not trying to say anything bad I’m just speculating. 🤔 trying to help you make some sense of it to help you feel better. Maybe he really is just busy and when he’s kind is he working or is that for pleasure. You could always message him online and say hey I seesaw you on here, thought maybe you missed my text cause you were distracted since he’s openly talked about his adhd being an issue it seems. And you’re just trying to get his attention. If he thinks that cringe or doesn’t like it then he’s not the right one for you. You deserve someone who makes you feel supported and safe. And affirmed if need be.

@Justin Maxwell I second this. There’s nothing wrong with asking for attention and if they don’t like it, they may not be for you. I have ADHD and sometimes forget to text my girlfriend back, so she’ll bug me like “hellooooo??? You playing video games?” And I’m like oh shit I forgot to reply! And she has my attention, lol.