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the NOCD Community

Hey guys! So I struggle with OCD, especially harm, relationship and moral stuff and I am somewhat recovered now. However, my current girlfriend has started showing signs of OCD but it’s abou5 something I don’t know much about so I wanted to see if anyone on here had thoughts about it. She is constantly thinking about food (when to eat it, what is healthy, what is too much, what is too little) and controls the thoughts by giving in and controlling her entire day around food. She don’t really know the feeling of being full. She never starved herself and always eats, but then she feels extremely guilty afterwards. Her thoughts do have to do a lot with her body image and not gaining weight but also not losing any either. Does this sound like ocd or an eating disorder?

Help me! I acted on a compulsion and now I feel like want to keep doing it. I’m scared. I had been doing okay for these past two days but idk. What should I do?

something that really bugs me and gets in my head with my rocd is that for most of my relationship i’ve had this nagging anxiety and ocd about it. i can accept my thoughts for the most part, but have this underlying fear that this one could really mean something and that makes me feel guilty! i don’t want to loose her but my mind tells me i do because ive had these thoughts. it’s even coming up in my dreams now! i had a dream last night that i cheated and it made me panic all today and feel so bad and this thought came up again! any advice?

Hi everyone! I am a 22 year old AFAB nonbinary person from California, and I wanted to come on here and ask about people’s experiences with OCD surrounding taking testosterone and being trans/LGBTQIA/nonbinary. I am not talking about doubting identity but more so doubting whether taking testosterone is the “right” choice or whether the changes you might get are what you “truly” want. I would really love to hear from folks who also identify as nonbinary as I feel that nonbinary folks have a unique experience with taking hormones due to not being a binary trans person. I would definitely love to hear from anyone who identifies as trans or nonbinary, but I think that my experience with hormones is different since I know I don’t want to look or sound or feel like a full masculine person or man. For me, this means I am on a lower than normal dose of T right now, and I also don’t believe I plan on taking it longer than a few months or at least until I get my desired results. I want to be very androgynous, and I keep getting a bunch of intrusive thoughts about waking up and having all these drastic changes to my body and self to the point that I won’t recognize myself anymore. I know this is irrational and definitely attacking the fact that this is a huge decision to make to go on hormones, but I just feel like I haven’t seen this representation yet in both the trans and OCD communities. Again, please feel free to share any type of experience you have whether you are a nonbinary or binary trans person!

Sometimes when I ruminate or try to disprove my themes (I know I shouldn’t do it but sometimes it’s to overwhelming and I can’t help it I’ve been getting better with it though) it feels like I’m arguing with another person, like there’s another person living in my head and they try to disprove everything I do, it’s usually a different voice from my own but when it’s really fucking with me it’s my own voice and it’s irritating, it just feels like another person lives in my head like there a bad influence and tell me to do all this shit and it’s horrible, I know it’s ocd but it just feels like another person in my head who’s constantly against me and everything I believe and when I argue I get literally no where it pulls shit out of its ass and says the most absurd shit and it makes me feel horrible, just wanted to know if anyone else’s ocd feels like it comes in the form of another person that’s living in your head?

When my intrusive thoughts get bad and I try my hardest to push them out it feels like I’m physically straining my head, like it legitimately hurts really bad and I feel like I get dizzy and can’t think and I can’t stop focusing and then my ocd causes me to think that there’s something wrong with my brain and that I need surgery or to be lobotomized or something crazy like that, does this happen to anyone else?

i am a christian. i am constantly terrified of offending God and going to hell. i love God so much but this so scary. i feel like a really bad person. i have to pray in specific ways at specific times of the day in a specific order and sometimes it feels like a chore. i feel so bad about this. the reason i became a christian in the first place was mostly out of fear. i feel so bad admitting all of this but i really need help. i wanna continue being a christian i think but it’s all so scary and stressful. praying has become a compulsion, i feel like a terrible person with every sin, and it’s so exhausting. also, i’m a lesbian and i’m so scared God will send me to hell for that. i can’t change my identity. i’ve tried, but i just can’t like boys. i’m so scared and sad and terrified and stressed. i have no clue what to do.

Hey y’all! I’m new to the app and to the NOCD community. I have been reading other people’s posts on this little forum. It has mostly been comforting to see that I’m not alone. However, I feel like I stepped into another spiral by doing so. I’ve been reading people’s posts with SO-OCD. I’m a lesbian. I have a long-term girlfriend. I feel very confident in my sexuality and in our relationship. BUT, these posts have me doubting everything and my whole identity.I don’t even know why I looked, but I regret it. I suddenly feel so much shame for being a lesbian after reading about other people’s shame with same-sex attraction. I’m also feeling like “what if I’m not actually gay, and I’ve just been giving into SO-OCD”? I’m also feeling overwhelmed with religious guilt even though I walked away from the church years ago. I actually feel sick to my stomach. I’m not here to make light of anyone’s experiences with SO-OCD. I just want to feel normal. Does any of the other queer OCD population struggle with this too?

It feels like my boyfriend is ‘another compulsion” because he makes me happy and that is what ocd does, but when he is gone, my mind can go everywhere. Mostly thinking im not attracted to men (im bi and for some reason i feel like i have to choose 1 gender, and that that would be women) even though i know that i dont have to choose and can just be happy with my bf. But then my mind can go “but are you happy” or “youre not aroused right now or aroused enough so your gay or you dont like bf” Thats really hard, because my one of my biggest fears is being with a man all my life (having a family etc) and then falling in love with a woman and throw it all away. I really really love my boyfriend, but it can feel like this is not my real identity and im doing the wrong thing. Like when im not thinking about it, if thats maybe my ocd and not the overthinking. Does anyone understand?

im gonna start an ocd support group in the fall (like actually in person) and is it bad that im kinda veiwing it as my dating pool? like a bunch of people that get it and might also have false and real memories ocd like? sounds nice. literally never dated before because i never have time in between these blow out episodes to form a connection or make a date but like i feel like it would be easier with someone who also has ocd because theyd get it.

Hi community! I’m new to NOCD and OCD treatment in general. I recently started seeing a specialist for what I suspect (and hope) is SO-OCD. For context, I have happily and comfortably identified as a lesbian for the past 8+ years (i.e. since late adolescence, have only dated women, dreamt of a life with a woman, etc). It always seemed natural to me and how I saw myself. Up until 2 months ago, I had little to no problem acknowledging a guy’s attractiveness when - seemingly overnight - boom…then I did. Relentless intimate/sexual intrusive thoughts, groinals, constant false attractions to strangers and platonic acquaintances, total loss of genuine attraction as I knew it, and so on. I had no idea what was happening to me. The possibility of OCD didn’t even occur to me at first as I hadn’t experienced these nonstop intrusive thoughts and compulsions before. Rumination accelerated quickly. It was devastating, disorienting, and felt like death. I couldn’t stand to be in my own mind. Discovering this app/community was a crucial turning point. It gave me language for my experience as well as direction for treatment and hopeful recovery. I’m not sure where I am in this journey or what I feel now exactly. All I know is that these months have drained me: it feels like my memories have been distorted, like I‘ve been cut off from the person I used to be, like I can’t even imagine being that person. It’s all doubt. Even with a diagnosis. As I type this, there’s a little voice telling me I’m lying, that I’ve been wrong about my life, but I’m trying to push through. I wanted to write about my experience here partly because I haven’t found posts from other gay/queer people who seem this deep into “the spiral” so to speak. Just to say you’re not alone if you are. <3 Huge thanks to everyone who posts here, across themes. As a newbie, your courage is admirable and very appreciated. Thank you for helping me feel less alone. Wishing you all well in recovery!

Hey! I'm a lesbian and I'm terrified of being attracted to a man someday and ending up with one. I do not hate men at all, actually I love my brother and my best friend to death, that's just not who I am 😅. All the comments about how "it's just a phase" or "how do you know if you don't like guys if you've never tried with one" are extremely triggering to me and I'm struggling to cope (especially since my family isn't exactly LGBT friendly). I'm also haunted by all of those stories on reddit about lesbians eventually falling for a man. I'm so scared and I'm not sure what to do. Anyone else going through the same thing?

I have a friend who I know is a bad texter, she usually takes days/weeks to text her other friends, but she told me she messages me the most. I really like her and I know she likes me but it’s a complex situation. She has replied to me today etc., but I can’t help but be anxious that she’s mad at me/wants to get rid of me etc. We last spoke on a video call on Saturday for almost five hours and we messaged a lot more that day too - don’t get me wrong, her responses aren’t always quick, but she seemed more enthusiastic. Yesterday, she was out and didn’t message but she did send me photos of her day out. Today, she responded to my morning message asking how she is with “fine, you?” She hasn’t seemed very enthusiastic with her messages today, and her responses aren’t the quickest. She has answered my questions questions when I asked for advice, and when I asked when I should give her the things she asked for, she said “I dunno 🤷‍♀️ when we’re both free. And if your parents are ok”. I can’t help but worry that she’s mad at me etc. Everyone I’ve asked said that her messages are fine, she just might be tired/have things going on and that she’s not mad at me. I can’t help but spiral though. I tend to spiral with messages very often, I create scenarios/overanalyse tones and panic. I just know that I won’t stop panicking until she calls me but I worry she hates me now. What do I do? Am I overthinking?

Hey! I read that in order to better manage my OCD and be less worried all the time, I have to be okay with uncertainty. For me, it's coming to term with the fact that I might be attracted to a man someday (I'm a lesbian) even though the thought feels terrifying. I don't have anything against men or against bisexual people obviously it's just not who I am and I'm so so afraid of losing my identity. Anyone got tips on how to be okay with accepting that you can't be 100% sure your worst fear won't turn out to be true?

Hey y’all this is my first post. I’ve known I’ve had ocd for around 6 years now, but haven’t had much specialized help (just a standard therapist, who is great, she suggested this app) I’m mainly just posting to vent and for people to hopefully make me feel a little less alone in my current situation. I’ve developed coping skills for many of my ocd obsessions in the past, but haven’t really made a dent in what I’m realizing is pretty bad ROCD. I was in an abusive relationship for about 4 years, and it was this weird thing where like I would not only be unhappy from the abuse but also have intense ROCD. Which is relevant, because I’m now in a super happy and healthy relationship, but am unfortunately still experiencing ROCD. And of COURSE that makes my brain feel either like love is just never going to work out for me, or that this new relationship is wrong for me, which I know isn’t the case. But it’s just so exhausting feeling like I have this horrible brain fog around my partner half the time. I never felt like this when my partner and I were just best friends for 6 months, and all that’s changed is that she is even sweeter and more attentive to me. This just all sucks so bad, and I think I should talk to a specialist about it.

Does anyone experience physical confidence issues that might be related to OCD?

Hi! Does anyone else find it hard to accept that you have ocd? I think it’s the most difficult part.

I wanna treat myself better, but when these thoughts happen I can’t help but to call myself a disgusting monster and keep reacting to it all. And if I were to be nicer to myself, at what point would it become me making up excuses thinking it’s ok to be that person? There’s no winning, even when trying to do better. How can I tell myself it’s not these things aren’t my fault when it likely just is?

Recently I've been experiencing intense and intrusive thoughts about how time is constantly passing, and one day I will be old and frail. Like, OCD is trying to convince me that my whole life will pass me by and it'll be like one day I wake up and suddenly I'm old and on the verge of death. With this has come fear of what comes after death. I just want to enjoy life now, without these thoughts plaguing me. It's like I'm stuck living in the past and future rather than what's right in front of me. And it makes me so sick thinking about how one day I won't have my mom, or my dad, or my grandparents. It's not that this is foreign to me, it's just that my OCD latched onto it and now it just keeps playing in my head. It's so hard to live in the moment. Im thinking it was exasperated by the fact that my families dog died recently; she was so endlessly loved by all of us. It's been several weeks and I haven't been back to my mom's house since then. Not to mention I'm also moving states in a month. I am so stressed, and scared, and I feel like this feeling will never end, even though I know it will. Can anyone else relate? Or have any advice for getting through this theme? TL;DR: I've had really bad existential ocd lately based on mortality and the afterlife. Has anyone else experienced this?

how do I know the difference between having having a low sex drive versus being asexual? I saw a video about how someone found out they were asexual because they were sad or crying after/during sex. I have cried after sex with my boyfriend sometimes and I often do experience sadness/anxiety many times but I believed that maybe aftercare needs to be prioritized more and that maybe my ocd/anxiety/depression puts me in a state of low libido a lot. There are times where I begin to space out during sex or begin to have uncomfortable thoughts, and then there are times where I enjoy it in every way possible. I also believe that because me and my boyfriend are going through the process of healing betrayal and trust in our relationship that that could be a big factor as well. all of these things add up as reasons for just having a low sex drive. I've also always said that i think i could be in a relationship where i didn't have sex often if at all and I think id be okay because it isnt a priority to me. But seeing that video really made me suddenly question it and it scared me a little because I have questioned if I really know sexual attraction vs. aesthetic attraction and now I just feel scared and confused. This could change so much for my relationship and I'm just scared that the answer is something I don't want it to be. could someone please help or leave some insights?