New Here, Accepting I May Have OCD (Undiagnosed)

Hey all, Im Ashton, a 29 year old trans man. I grew up having obsessive thoughts and I am surprised my therapists and psychiatrists Ive worked with over the past 20 years have not ever caught these patterns to diagnose me. It goes way back to childhood but Ive always had intense intrusive thoughts. Some earliest revolving around harm OCD, not so much me actively inflicting harm on others but just harm coming to others. Emergency vehicle sirens would trigger me into panic episodes as a child because I would get graphic thoughts of people dying. I would cover my ears and cry and mu parents would shame me for it. I also have trichotillomania and I was diagnosed with this along with ADHD as a child, and OCD was never brought up despite trichotillomania being highly comorbid with OCD. I later had intrusive thoughts of my mom dying which made me so distressed that I would cry. My mom actually ended up dying of suicide shortly after those themes started and it actually began this magical thinking OCD theme because my mom's aunt told me it was a premonition. I was later diagnosed with BPD AND Bipolar disorder in my young adulthood and they gave me both because they couldnt tell which one I was more aligned with. I am starting to think it was misdiagnosed OCD the entire time but because my compulsion pattern didnt look like counting rituals, they probably never thought to evaluate me. Ive worked in healthcare for four years now, and it has intensified my health OCD themes way more than any other theme I've had. I can feel ever sensation in my body and my brain automatically jumps to the conclusion that it is a symptom of a rare deadly disease. Ive realized recently that theres nothing that will stop the torture my brain puts me through but I want desperate to get ERP to at least quiet the fear response to the thoughts I have. Its made my life very hard to live this past year. Its increased my stress so bad that I actually began to physically deteriorate. Stress can absolutely affect physical health to the point of developing chronic pain and other physical symptoms. I still have to get an evaluation, but after seeing other people's experiences, ESPECIALLY with health concern OCD, and with the suggestion from my primary care physician, I am almost 100% certain that I have OCD.

Shell432

Date posted: 2d

I have had OCD with various themes harm thoughts and mostly mental compulsions since age 12. I also have ADHD. I didn't get an OCD diagnosis until 27 (I'm now 46) I worked in a mental health facility for several years. I remember when I would do intakes on people who had OCD similar to my own I knew that's what they had, but unless they had more classic OCD themes and outward compulsions the APN would overrule my judgment and diagnose BPD or something else. It's unfortunate, but many health care providers, especially those who have been in the field many years have not educated themselves on various subtype of OCD so the diagnosis often gets missed.

Mpatt054

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16h

Hi there. Fellow HCW with OCD. Not sure what unit you work on but I’m ER. That being said, work actually helped me overcome some of my OCD themes by constant exposure and prevention of compulsions because I couldn’t just walk away from a patient because of my discomfort. On another note my OCD was misdiagnosed as mixed anxiety/depressive disorder for years. Once I had an official diagnosis and started ERP, my world changed. OCD no longer rules my life! I’ve been able to wean off all my psych meds and through constant check ins with my therapist (both ERP, talk therapist, and EMDR therapist) I’ve been in somewhat of a remission. Things still pop up but I can now recognize it’s OCD and use the tools I’ve acquired. I hope you get the proper diagnosis and start ERP. The time devoted to it is alot but you’re worth it and so is your peace/happiness. Best of luck!

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