Processing trauma/having issues w reassurance

After a long time of keeping my life moving on and never processing anything from my childhood/ many other traumatic instances from my life, I decided to start NOCD. I have been out of work due to nearly constant anxiety and panic attacks that have prevented me from working, also because of one of my recent traumas involves my career/ workplaces. I have suffered from agoraphobia for a long time, which got worse in 2020, and then again after I experienced a long time stalking situation, as well as emetephobia which I’ve had for my entire life. I have been on an anxiety medication for years but after starting NOCD, a lot more things have made sense to me and I am realizing my meds have never been treating my OCD, just my anxiety symptoms that were most noticeable to the people around me. After basically screaming for help in front of family, friends, and even coworkers on several occasions, I had once again pushed away more symptoms/ trauma. With that all being said I am having a lot of issues with my wife because of all of this. She tells me often that it isn’t my fault, and yes I believe her, but my guilt consumes me. She has been supporting us and our animals, as well as several medical and financial stresses that are not necessarily CAUSED by me, but I am not able to do anything at the moment because of how hard it is to simply get things done every day. My meds have been making me physically ill pretty much since I started them, and I am not able to just quit taking them due to them having pretty severe withdraw effects, hence why I am becoming physically ill nearly every day. This morning for example, after not being able to sleep all night, I finally drifted off to sleep around 9:30AM. I woke up suddenly at 11:30am, to which I was extremely nauseous, shaky, and dizzy, all even though I had just woken up and was still laying in bed. So ya I am having a rough time, guess I’d just like to vent bc my wife has suggested maybe I try posting on this group so I thought it’d be worth a try.