How to handle what if’s in a scenario like this?

Please someone help. I know it’s taboo, that’s why no one seems to want to help me. I feel lost. There is a false allegation from years ago, it was chaos, I’ve explained the story before and everything. Everyone who knows the story has the same view as me, and I don’t worry about them. But me? My brain has recently decided years later, that this event from high school is what I’m going to obsess over. It is hell. My fiance laid the story out for me completely, it has never changed from the moment he told to years later now. But I keep FORGETTING. My OCD makes up what if’s, forgets the story so people have to repeat it, and then it makes FALSE MEMORIES?? And it hits me with what if it’s true even though it’s not and it’s one of those situations there is no certainty. There is only matter of character, history, and the fact the accuser at one point changed their mind and said they don’t know why they said that. I’m stressed. Cause yesterday I had a great day, I felt lighter and I felt like the obsession was finally ending but today it’s back and I want to cry so bad. I can’t stop being afraid I’ll be punished. It mixes religion and morals into it too. I feel horrible despite judging this situation years ago when it was fresh and for years feeling safe, certain in my conclusion, and everyone else having the same outcome. It’s just not fair it’s attacking me now that I’m finally safe and comfortable in my life with my fiancé. I need help with these what if’s. I can’t take it anymore I’m afraid I’ll implode my life. What do I do?

Embo20

Date posted: Yesterday

You recognize ocd is a liar. OCD comes up with whatever it can dream up to give you anxiety/ keep your attention. Obviously that was very impactful memory for you, which is easy for ocd to latch onto and distort, but you know that everytime you react to it, it gets what it wants, and it keeps coming back up. You’ve gotta get wise to it and be consistent in your response! You need to internalize that you can’t change the past! There’s literally absolutely nothing you can do about it now, and let’s be honest. Everyone around you knows the story, they’re still your friends, your fiancé who is of sound mind still wants to marry you, She wouldn’t do that if you were who your OCD is telling you you are, so you need to internalize your response matters. You can’t control your thoughts, but you can control your response to those thoughts! So when those what ifs/ thoughts you don’t like come up, You recognize it’s ocd and gently refocus. Even if you’re uncomfortable you don’t give those thoughts or feelings attention. That’s how you move on from this. You drown ocd out in a sense. Once it realizes those thoughts/ this subject no longer gets attention from you it loses its grip! Neuroplasticity is a beautiful thing dude you just gotta put in the work. As uncomfortable as it is! But that’s the thing. It’s just uncomfortable, not dangerous!!

SillySoupDuck

Date posted: Yesterday

@Embo20 Thank you, I really needed this it’s just been such a tough night. I hope tomorrow is better.🥲

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