Welcome to
the NOCD Community

So much of my anxiety sometimes centers around really ambiguous worries, my therapist noted that these anxities all have to do with my own sense of identity and a general fear about "saying" or "claiming" things that I can't know are fully true. I found myself today watching a romance show and I just found myself being like "I will never have this" because my ocd makes it so hard for me to date, Im so stressed about intimacy and stuff more specifically I don't know/cant tell what it means to be attracted? And it's a lot more about that abstract feeling of "what is attraction? What does it mean to like someone else?". And then this kind of becomes a broader "is this even ocd? Its too abstract to be ocd". This goes into a lot of my individual identities as a mixed person (am I a person of color?), a queer person (am I a lesbian or just bi? Do I even like men? What does that even mean?) , adhd/autism (i was diagnosed with these things but what if the doctor was just wrong? What is a diagnosis? What does it mean to "have" something?... ) I think its a lot about "being wrong" and the way in which a narrative is told... i get a lot anxiety that I am not being genuine or right. This is really hard for me to write about because I have no idea how to actually formalize my thoughts on this. Its also hard to find resources because I can't tell if this is an existential thing, general anxiety, a mix of things (so ocd, rocd, ect)... but I feel like this has to be a common thought process? Its just so pervasive and its so many things with that underlying current of "being wrong" about a subjective thing that can never be right/aspect of identity/abstract feeling?

UPDATE: with my harm ocd hitting full swing... i find myself triggered by my pocd again... and i feel like a horrible person... i tried not to post... i tried to do what people told me... but right now i feel absolutely horrible... I genuinely feel so guilty and wanna exile myself from society... I cant handle the anxiety... Im doing horribly right now because I feel so so guilty about this... Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p3dophilic activity and inappropriately abusing and inappropriately messaging women and minors and abusing others and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... (the 18+ HOCD situations were about 18+ s*xual HOCD situations that triggered me immensely...) When I was 19, in an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person for supporting trump, i vented to her again because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I'm so genuinely triggered... I don't want to be a P or a MAP or a groomer or a bad person... I wanna be a good person who does good things for other people... I dont want to be arrested for any crimes... I just want to be a good person who helps people in the medical field... I only want to help others... the last thing I want is to commit any form of harm towards minors in any way... 😭😭😭

I have really bad ocd associated with sexual topics. I dont really know why. Always when my friends talk about this topics i just sit and dont know what to said, also i dont really feel desire to have sex right know (im 16). My ocd is really spiraling over this topic, but not really about ,,tradicional sex", more like some weird things. But right know my ocd is spiralling over anal sex And i dont really want to do it in future. I know that when i will be older i will want to have ,, traditional sex, but not really this type that my ocd is spiraling over. And when this type of thoughts comes to my mind i just sit and think and i need to imagine this and my ocd is telling me its nice and i just feel diffrent things in places that i think of and i dont know what to to feel about and it tells me this is nice but i dont want to think that and feel that ,i dont really want to do this in future, and general, but my ocd is telling me that i like it and when i imagine this i feel in my body weird things and im just so tired of this that i most just sit and cry. Im on vacation right know and i dont want ocd to ruin this Sorry if this post is chaotic, im just so tired of this, also english is not my first language

These images and doubts are making me mad and upset when does it stop I don't want to have sex with a woman but not being grossed out or bothered when seeing the females private parts makes me think " I like it" but I honestly don't want see it then getting the feeling as if I'm aroused i hate all of this why does this have to happen it makes me so mad and upset anxious I don't enjoy this it is very unwanted is there anyone else on here that doesn't worry about it that is straight go through this its driving me crazy....

I’m looking for a Country boy with OCD 😉 Preferably with Sexual/Taboo/Violent themes so we can discuss them and support each other 😁 Hopefully this makes some of you smile and hopefully this makes some of you laugh 😂

I have never had a boyfriend and I feel like everyone thinks I’m not straight because I’m 22 and never had a boyfriend. Like not even close to a relationship at all. I have had people ask me if I was gay, which has been very triggering. It really bothers me. I want a boyfriend but then my ocd makes me questions that. Also I don’t just want anyone, I want someone for me. Maybe they are right tho 😔

I’m really struggling today with guilt over thoughts of finding someone attractive. I was trying to expose myself and when I looked at the person I had the thoughts and felt like I was attracted to them. I couldn’t get it out of my head. It felt like real attraction but then I feel so anxious and guilty and tell myself it’s just ocd. If it is real attraction I want to accept that but if not I want to beat the ocd. I just want to confess to my wife but that would be triggering to her. I’m at a loss

I think I might finally get out of this flare up soon. I’ve been absolutely terrified of having sexual images cause of my hormones making me anxious before my period. I got stuck creating images of myself to try to protect myself and they kept backfiring and I kept accidentally imagining things I didn’t want to. I’m wondering what to do about the guilt of having accidentally imagined things I didn’t mean to. It’s still my fault but what do I do? I’m hoping it doesn’t make me a bad person. I just was so scared.

I do not want to downplay anyone’s struggles with OCD. However, lately, I have been trying to find a place to go or is a support group to join where I can really discuss my OCD and find other people and connect with other people and really get help. I’ve been seeing a therapist once a week, but it feels like once a week is not getting me where I need to go and I’m not getting any better. I’ve been looking into different places and I click to make sure that they understand OCD because I’ve gone many places before where they made me feel worse because they didn’t understand. But when I read people’s OCD stories and they say here’s this person’s OCD story most of the stories have to do with constant handwashing. Which I understand is a very real thing in OCD and I do not want to downplay anybody else’s struggles. But when I read these stories, I feel like I’m still gonna go there and be misunderstood because where somebody might be worried about contamination. I’m worried that if I go in there and I say “I’m worried I’m a pedophile. I’m worried I’m in love with my dad. I’m worried. I’m in love with my brother. I’m worried I sexually assaulted somebody. I’m worried I’m a sexual predator.” People won’t help me or they won’t know how to help me and I’ll be stuck in the exact same place if not a worse place. Does anyone know of any online free support groups for taboo themes or literally anything at this point? Any recommendations would help.

Hey guys I am 21 male straight all my life want girls in all ways sexually,romantically, emotionally but after my 12th class I got these hocd and then I got therapy erp medicines and treated and get my real feelings for girl back then I go to college then sudden thought strike and I got relapsed and again stuck in the loop and till October 2024 I am surviving on my own without cause a student with no money and there's no plan to do so in 3 or 5 years till not get financially stable on my own or get in better place from now so it literal feels like I am in denial but before ocd I was always excited to get married with girl sexually active for girls only but some past experiences as childhood I do even I don't no it is gay or what just do it but as growing my persistent feeling for girls only it is like my love my identity like our heart is part of body like wise my sexual identity which is want to be straight only and yes on my first therapy past is not decide who you are and 90,% both genders have same sex experience in their childhood but still I feel I did it means it has something gayish in me but ocd put it in front of me to think on it and yes now without therapy It gets more than hocd like pedophile, bisexual, pedophile or even worse than worse can't say it all and cherry on top is groinal responses in all this thoughts and literally everything feels sexually attractive like what is happening with me and literal mentally compulsion with physical compulsion too cause if I do anything with these compulsion like masturbation due like I enjoying it but that nahh I don't want to masturbate for same sex or child just it makes me feel🤮 but then again why then I feel like I enjoying it and yes one more thing is obsession with height I want to be tall I want to be tall girls like tall guys 6feet or above I am less masculine these feeling even I feel to die literal that I don't I have perfect height , body sounds like body dysmorphia but not diagnosed yet but it seems to be this if I get diagnosed then I go future travel like my future gf will leave me for tall guy as I am less masculine and in this mental state I don't want to be in a relationship but genuinely I want to marry a beautiful girl have kids as I dream of it before ocd feels like I never have that life and some stage I come out as gay, bi or anything which I fear most so better to wait for day for come out but nahh I really from corner of my heart want a colorful happy beautiful life with girl only but if in future whenever I get girlfriend I tell about her my this ocd she shame me dought me and yeah masturbation I do from young age like 12 yrs which mostly contributes to my ocd now but I am trying to do no fap till I get girlfriend . As straight male and female who watches porn and have hocd please leave it now as it worsens it I swear at last after my first therapy I get my all true attraction for girls back and false attraction for guys away and really laugh like it is not that hard and now I am trying to that techniques which I learned from my therapist like 4R's, box breathing, let accept uncertainty but I will again conquer it and live my dream life which is a gf or wife kids which I dreamt of and atlast you can to .

I think i’m finally understanding what people mean when they say you need to “accept” what OCD throws at you. If i’m wrong please correct me. Obviously you’re not ACCEPTING the thoughts, emotions, sensations, etc, but you are just acknowledging that they are there, not engaging in compulsions, and living with uncertainty and the uncomfortable feelings. Today I noticed I wasn’t feeling the things I wanted/expected with my boyfriend at times, I was in my emotion/arousal/attraction/anxiety monitoring mode, and I was just performing mental compulsions (without really knowing they were compulsions). I’m constantly monitoring myself and checking if im monitoring and then it just creates a trap. I always feel so hyper aware of what I’m feeling that I can’t really feel. I kept wondering why I wasn’t feeling a certain way and It made me feel numb again because I was just constantly going back in to check on what I was feeling, but it was also making me feel less because I was trying so hard to watch myself. I was triggered from kissing my boyfriend goodbye and not feeling things I used to (sometimes) feel or expected to feel (started dating during a flare up so feelings are all over the place). I immediately went to search for reassurance and let the thoughts take control. I just have to remember I need to accept and acknowledge what I feel. If I feel anxious, feel a groinal response, have a thought, feel an urge, don’t feel the “right” way, whateverrr it is, i need to acknowledge it, accept that it’s there, and continue living by my values even when im uncertain. I always feel so hyper aware of what I’m feeling that I can’t really feel and i know it’s because i’ve spent 6 years of my life performing compulsions and going untreated. Instead of trying to turn off the “watchdog” in my brain i need see it’s there and continue living. I just need to be, continue with what i’m doing (like kissing my boyfriend), even if i’m not feeling the “right” way or the way I want. I just need to allow myself to be. The way i feel/don’t feel may or may not mean something. This flare up has changed the way i feel about him, my attraction, and other things, but i will continue to live by my values. What i want is to be with my boyfriend (and with men in general) even if ocd is telling me otherwise. Before the flare up I was at a point where my mind was clear but my compulsions still made me feel like i’d never be with a man or find a man attractive again. When i wasn’t watching my feelings, checking for attraction, analyzing, just BEING there, I ended up with an undeniable crush on my man. I wasnt even looking for a relationship, I didn’t even think it was possible for me anymore. I just remember feeling such strong romantic tension, i found him attractive, i felt all the crush feelings i haven't felt in years, and i just wanted him to kiss me so badly. That happened when i was just THERE my mind was THERE but when i realized it my brain went back to numbness and monitoring. Instead of fighting it I just needed to accept it (obv not perform compulsions) and continue living. Whatever proof (and trust there’s a lot) OCD throws at me I just need to accept, acknowledge, and move on even if it makes me feel so uncertain. Idk where i’m going with this now but I hope i’m on the right track.

does anybody else feel like they are starting to be a pdf? idk how to explain it i’m js very nervous because when i’m around children i don’t get any groinal response or dark thoughts but when i’m alone I do…. it’s my third spiral in this theme and the groinal response and images are new wich lead me to think that i’m actually starting to like them but i honestly don’t know wtf is going on since i don’t watch any content or do anything to feed these thoughts, but my brain is like what if one day u do and you acc like it?

Hi! I’ve recently come out to myself as a lesbian and it’s been great. This label makes so much sense and I find a lot of peace within it….then came the intrusive thoughts. I feel like I’m hyper aware of my attraction to men when watching TV. Like if a guy that is aesthetically hot is on my screen, I’m like questioning if I’m attracted to him. Ik that aesthetic attraction is very different than romantic attraction, but those thoughts of “ am I REALLY a lesbian” come up for me and it’s honestly terrible. Every single day I have these thoughts ( at least once a day!!! And it lasts for hours ugh). I think im scared because I love being a lesbian. Any advice on how to fix this?

Please someone read the whole thing!! Im so scared and confused and someone just needs to tell me if what I’m experiencing is normal. So I g it out of my flare up like two weeks ago and when I didn’t feel lesbian anymore and wasn’t anxious around my friends and knew I didn’t have a crush on them I felt like flying. Literally it felt like I was flying! I felt great and amazing and carefree like I was so grateful. Well guess what. I go to my figure skating practice the girl who was the trigger for my first giant flare up was there and it got bad again. I got intrusive thoughts of having s*x with her and after some time it didn’t make me anxious anymore. In general the thought of being intimate with a woman doesn’t make me anxious or disgusted anymore but it always used to make me feel that way. And now I got triggered again because ea girl from my band is really pretty and I can’t look at her. It feels like I’m actually a lesbian but I don’t want to be. I don’t even know what to think anymore . There’s also a chance I don’t even have ocd and this is just my coming out and I just at can’t accept it. The intrusive thoughts don’t give me much anxiety anymore which really scares me bc that means I like them right? Also if I don’t feel disgusted by them anymore help. And I can’t watch shows anymore because I find the female actors pretty and yeah tahtvtroggers me. And I can’t look at a woman without getting an intrusive thought of having s*x with her and Issing her and it used to make me really anxious and I would cry but now I don’t get anxious anymore actually. And I could always say rhag I’d NEVER want to have a gf and that was always clear but now suddenly I’ve been questioning it so much that I’m not even sure if I would want one or if it’s just like that because I’ve never tried it. Oh and I can’t look at the people that trigger me anymore bc then I’ll think I’m in love with them.

I’ve been struggling with so-ocd for a long time now. Lately, there’s been a bad flare up and it’s been making me think that I’ve actually been lying about my sexuality and an actually a lesbian in denial. I can’t tell whether this is real denial or just so-ocd, but it honestly feels so real that I can’t tell anymore. Today I hung out with a guy after a very long time and at first things were good, but when things started to get somewhat intimate, I began to panic badly. I kept thinking “oh god I hate this, I’m gay” and kept having thoughts to just let it happen and I don’t know why. I did end up letting some things happen, and after a while I actually started to ease up a bit. I wanted to kiss him badly at times, but for some reason just couldn’t bring myself to, I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. After some more time, I began to get really touchy with him and started feeling comfortable again, but the anxiety was still there. Like I was afraid to make a move or something. I can’t tell if this is just me having anxiety or just being uncomfortable because of the possibility of being a lesbian in denial. I don’t know, but it’s been stressing me out. I’m laying in bed and I was watching a movie, and I had this thought of him laying next to me while cuddling and how it would seem nice. Throughout the hangout with him, I wanted to hug him really bad, but what if I’m just thinking this because I’m denying the possibility of being into girls? I hate feeling like this, I have having anxiety around this, I can’t even tell the difference anymore and I feel like a parasite lives inside my mind. Is this so-ocd or just normal anxiety??

I had a thought while at work abt my brother and I got really strong groinal respones and I kept replaying it until it stopped. It felt like real arousal. I feel like idk how to fantasize anymore or what the difference is between fantasies and intrusive thoughts. Everyone says intrusive thoughts are thoughts u dont agree with and I feel like ive lost touch and dont even know whats me anymore. Which is disgusting

First of all I apologize for my grammar english isnt my first language Im 19 and I am from germany, ive been suffering with severe ROCD since ive been 14 :(.. I have a big fear of cheating on my boyfriend thats why I keep analysing ALL my intrusive thoughts and actions ive done, for example if another guy from my class texts me and asks me for homework I keep thinking: Oh this is cheating.. or I asks myself: have I ever done this? Example: I handshake a guy from class my false memory ocd tells me: oh but youve also kissed or hugged him, you just dont remember Then i am not sure anymore if thats false memory ocd or reality I must admit my boyfriend has been toxic for a long time and it started at a young age, he often thought I was cheating or didnt believe me when we were around 14/15, I was very insecure and full of axinety at that age thats why I can tell myself this was strongly traumatic for me. it gets worse, I once convinced myself im cheating on him because im lesbian or p... (POCD) and also sexual orientation ocd. I keep asking others: Have I done something wrong? Do you remember when you were there when I was doing ... did something bad happen? Did I cheat? What If I cant remember or what if thats considered cheating? I once deleted my textmessages from my male classmates because I had a fear my boyfriend would think: why is she so nice to them or why is she laughing that much? I also chat with chatgpt all day to make sure none of my actions are cheating or none of my thoughts. I always get triggered when people talk about relationship rules because I compare myself with it, for example a girl tells me its considered chating if her boyfriend talks to his girl classmates. I tell myself: oh I have done that too I am a terrible person, girlfriend, daughter etc.. If he treats me good, it gets worse because I feel like I dont deserve it. Sometimes I wish I was single and alone so I wouldnt have ROCD but id probaly have other forms of ocd. Im tired from this, I cant focus on school because of these thoughts, I skipped so many days because it became worse, currently Im in 12th grade and its my last school year so the most important one. Im trying to fight myself against this but I cant, there were also times where I didnt have ROCD 24/7 and if I remember these times I feel like ive lost control over these times.. I analyse every joke ive made, every step, every thought, every breath, every intention, every conversation, everything. Im tired. :/ I go to sleep with ocd and wake up with it continiuing. My class friends dont understand me, "You wont pass this year" or "Just dont think about it" they dont understand how it feels thinking about this sh.. everyday all the time Im just tired of everything. Im dizzy and tired all the time, Im zoning out in classes and always talking to my amazing parents who are helping me 24/7. Theyve always been perfect, helpful and kind and Ive made a huge mistake not telling them earlier, Ive been suffering alone with these thoughts. I love my parents I just hope somebody can relate to all of this, I feel like Im alone deeply I know that I love my boyfriend more than anything but I cant handle it anymore Im tired.

I don’t know when or how I developed OCD but I remember it coming out of nowhere. I think I was 14 years old and I kept obsessing over silly things. I would do things because I thought that if I didn’t do those things, then bad things would happen. for example, if I was making something in my microwave and I didn’t stop it once second exactly my family was going to die that sounds very silly and I know probably some of you relate to this I’m sorry if you do, I noticed other things like I have to count something couple times or make sure that the oven turned off even though I didn’t use it but somehow maybe there’s a chance that I did and if I didn’t turn off then I would probably die. I would constantly constantly wash my hands and if I had a cut I had to wash it and keep an eye, even though if it was a very, very small cut, I would think I would eventually get an infection and die!! Sometimes if I don’t have things in a right way, I feel like unsettled and there’s like this weird bad feeling and if I don’t fix that thing, then I just feel uneasy until I fix it. I’ve gotten better with my OCD but they are definitely sometimes I struggle more. Recently I have been having lots of health OCD or whatever you call it thinking I’m going to get sick, I feel like I feel like this every single time there’s an important event coming up. This Friday is my birthday and I’m terrified of getting sick and ruining plans so I’ve been very cautious about getting sick washing my hands constantly, taking all the precautions etc. I think I just have this feeling that like if I have an important event coming up then I will get sick and then it will just ruin the plans I have because it has happened to me. I know that there’s an OCD where you have intrusive thoughts or compulsive thoughts and it is where you have weird thoughts that make you think something I really don’t want to say it out loud I’m using text speech, but I’ve had that too. For example, this is a less serious one, but when I was dating someone I had to thought that I would accidentally cheat on them, even though I would never do that and that’s not possible because I control my actions I’m not gonna cheat on someone. It was so weird. i’m in a new relationship that’s healthier. I’ve never had that thought so I’m glad I got over that. OCD is just so… I’m trying to think of the right word. It’s so restricting I feel like I can’t live a normal life like everyone else. I think I’m weird for the thought to have for the compulsion or whatever, my brain is different from normal person. I think the worst part about OCD is when you’re trying to explain it to “normal “person. I’m explaining these feelings and thoughts and they’re like what the heck I’m like yeah lol that’s so weird who would even say that, I think the worst flair up of my OCD was when I had fiberglass in my bed and the fiberglass was getting everywhere. I had to clean my whole room put a thing on my bed to stop it from spreading more fiberglass. In my head, I thought every single thing in my room was contaminated and I wanted to throw everything away but I couldn’t. Do not have money to go buy a whole new wardrobe or new bed or new shoes was probably the worst ever experience I’ve ever had. To this day I still feel uncomfortable in my room. Sometimes I feel like all my clothes still have fiberglass on them and I’m cautious, I feel like I won’t feel normal in my room until I move out and get a different room but I wont for a long time. It’s something I’ve accepted. I guess I just want to share my experience with OCD. If anybody has experienced these let me know show your story I know this is a lot to read, but I’m using text to speech ha ha thank you for reading if you came this far, take care.

I got supper triggered righ now because I was talking to my fiance about SOOCD and wht it feels like it is or it not and at one point I felt like all the signs were pointing towards the fact that im just in denial since 15 years and I got anxious and just wanted to leave/stop everything (aka the relationship) and I felt kind of relieved at the thought of that and the spiral started all over again like “ if you’re relieved that means that you want to leave him and be with a women”. We were talking about romantic attraction and physical attraction and I was saying how sometimes when I look at him I dont have the desire to touch him but if I see a picture of a naked women or just an underboob I just feel something strong down there… he told me even if its the case we’re been together for 8 years and I would know if you were truly faking it… and my thoughts are like “would he?” “Maybe im just a great actress and I’ll snap one day soon” . Idk if anyone relates!

I’ve been struggling with HOCD for months now and it’s killing me. Like it feels like I can’t accept who I truly am and like why if I am gay just let me accept it but something inside of me won’t let me accept it. Like I would never want to be with a girl or spent my future with a wife I’ve ALWAYS wanted a husband sometime in the future and I’m a teenager so I was always SOSOSOOSOS excited to have a boyfriend and wanted one sooooo bad and now I’m crying everyday just thinking: I don’t want to be gay. I don’t know how much longer I can life like this. There is not one single second of the day where I’m not thinking ruminating and worrying I feel like crying 24/7. ITS KILLING ME. And around girls that trigger me I get completely like paralyzed because they’re really pretty and I’m convinced I have a crush on them like I have to watch them all the time when I see them I get like a sting in my chest and Idk if it’s bc of my HOCD or bc I just can’t accept that I have a crush on them and can’t accept my true self. I just wish things could go back to the way they were before this