hocd soocd

signs of comphet (comphet is when lesbians who don’t know it and just follow norms and believe there straight) ive felt: “I never really felt anything when kissing boys and totally thought that was normal… I talk to men, go on dates, but I think it’s to keep my life ‘interesting’ and have something to talk about with friends.” • lack of deep, natural emotional connection • trying to replay moments where i “felt” something with my boyfriend (probably arousal or excitement from being wanted, not actual sexual/romantic attraction) to again remind myself of my “attraction” towards them• talking about my boyfriend to other people made me feel “cool”, “worthy”, “interesting” and felt like a way to prove myself • being able to clearly articulate all the reasons I liked a guy crush/my boyfriend (he’s smart, funny, kind, handsome, etc) whereas with a girl crush I can’t exactly put my finger on why I like them but I’m just naturally drawn to them • never missing my exes or feeling heartbroken about them (i would feel sad from being lonely and no longer having that daily routine of having someone to talk to, but didn’t necessarily miss that specific person) • i was always very hesitant about “becoming official” with a guy i would be seeing and would make him wait before deciding to date because i “didn’t know if i really liked him or not” (i didn’t!) only being aroused by their desire for me (this is what made me figure out I was a lesbian). • Thinking I was cooler than other girls because I didn't spend any time thinking about how cute boys were or being "boy-crazy". I was under the impression for a while that I must just be less shallow than other people because I didn't really take looks into account when I had a crush on a boy, I only factored in their personality. Turns out this is called not being attracted to men and just wanting to be their friend! XD i’m scared my experiences with men have been only comphet because they all align with this. like when i had my hocd break for two years and went back to men it aligns with comphet so now im like was me going back to men not genuine and im actually lesbian. but it’s like have i been emotionally or romantically actually attracted to a man or has it been comphet and i haven’t and i just did it because i thought i should like my sister or friends

Anonymousesti

Date posted: 2d

Heyy, so that was super triggering but if it makes you feel any better the person who wrote this eventually turned out to be bi and not a lesbian and I know a lot of straight or unlabled women who also relate to some of the points in this document. Sometimes its a universal experience and it just happens to be the wrong person for you! no matter what you should accept the possibility and sit with it! SOOCD is a big bully

anonymous123...

Date posted: 2d

@Anonymousesti sorry it was triggering that’s my bad! but thanks for the response. those bullets we’re just people i read on reddit and it really scared me cause litteraly all my attraction to men sounds like the bullets so now i dont believe any of it was real.

OutstandingC...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2d

Everyone’s experience is different, there is no list of criteria that can tell you if you’re gay. Let the uncertainty ride

LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2d

I know how stressed you feel. I have been there!!! One thing to remember and expose yourself to is that we all grew up in a society that encourages people to be heterosexual. It is just how it is. Keep doing exposures and exposing yourself to the idea that this all might be true. That you could have comphet. I PROMISE the exposures do help and will get you through. You’ve got this!

anonymous123...

Date posted: 2d

@LV4523 but now i’m even more confused all my past with men sounds comphet like even just kissing or dating boys. thanks for your reply btw and it helped

ryan_12

Date posted: 2d

lowkey wish i never read this hahah my whole life i am a straight man never questioned it so i doubt this will be me

Anonymous

Date posted: 2d

One of the hardest things for me to remind myself is that my experiences are my experiences. OCD wants certainty and no matter how hard we try we won't ever figure it out the way OCD wants. Like my OCD therapist says, reduce, delay, resist the compulsions to look online, to compare experiences and past feelings and relationships and checking for feeling turned on or sexual arousal. If able find a OCD therapist here at NOCD or IOCDF if you have insurance and the like.

Mt2019

Date posted: 20w

Question about HOCD

Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please

Lost in the ...

Date posted: 17w

Lost

I cant afford therapy which is why i’m not diagnosed with ocd. The first time i had heard what ocd was truly abt was 6 years ago when i overthinking my sexual identity and it fit. Additionally, i struggle with debilitating health anxiety and when i was in a rlt i was extremely anxious that i might not love my partner. This is the third year i experience distress around my sexuality but this year it feels real. And it could also explain my rlt anxiety. Comphet is a concept that really scares me. I dont want to be with a girl. I would rather die than discover i was lesbian. I cant accept uncertainty cz i dont want to be homosexual. Chat GPT told me it wasnt ocd + the thoughts dont distress me anymore. I experience 3 intense weeks of anxiety prior to now. Maybe its internalized homophobia. Maybe its comphet. I do find women to be attractive but i dont wanna be with them. Maybe i’m in denial. Idk anything anymore. I’m remembering times where i would find an actress attractive and try to shift my focus towards the man cz it would make me anxious. I’m not well at all.

Sexual Orientation OCD

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 14w

feeling helpless

As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.

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