ivefailed.

Date posted: 2d

why? utterly defeated.

i was scrolling through instagram and an ad suddenly appeared to me. they were all female t**nagers soccer players. but what my eyes saw first were thighs and legs and the worst part is not like i simply recognised impersonally an attractive look, i automatically perceived attractiveness and se&uality of the thighs. why did it happen to me? I dont want it. I don't desire it. So why was i able to find the legs attractive? When I saw the faces I knew I wasnt attracted, but what about the legs? I feel utterly defeated. I'm disgusted and traumatised by the fact that i perceived those legs and thighs attractively. i'm starting to feel like a ****.

POCD

ivefailed.

Date posted: 2d

I'm a bit calmer now. I'll go through what happened again rationally: I was scrolling through instagram and suddenly a triggering advert appeared. I saw the presence of triggers but my eyes first noticed the thighs and legs of a female t**nager that was seated. The whole moment was egodystonic, meaning that whatever i perceived, i wasnt into it, i wasnt liking it and okay with it, not like a happy aroused state when you see attractive legs on a woman. So my reaction ≠ perception But nonetheless what freaked me out is that i perceived effortlessly the same perception of attractiveness and se&uality, not any different from women's legs, by that trigger's limbs. I don't know how to explain other than it looked the same attractive like a woman's thighs. The perception was the same, only the reaction was of concern. -> is this normal/okay?

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2d

@ivefailed. Happy you’re feeling better already 👍 That was fast! 👏 For your question of whether this is normal or not: A common ERP technique we use is saying “maybe, maybe not.” It helps us to get out of that reassurance-seeking cycle, which keeps us forever stuck in OCD. The uncertainty statement is perfect to use here 🫶

ivefailed.

Date posted: 2d

@Love1another<3 i'll try to sit with it, thank you for always answering enthusiastically

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2d

@ivefailed. Aw that’s nice. Glad I could help 😇 Amazing job trying to sit with the discomfort 👍 It always passes faster- the less we compulse 💪 You got this

Yourfavocdgal

Date posted: 2d

Hey I think you’re having hyperawarness of things you see and that automatically thinking or feeling it must’ve been attractive or noticing something about the legs and then panicking it means ur a p

ivefailed.

Date posted: 2d

i often do self sabotage myself into looking and i pressure myself into self admission because i get pressured by logic and proof of an objective look; but this time it was different, i perceived an attractive look automatically. im not sure abt hyperawareness and what it really means.

Anna,hi!

Date posted: 2d

Here is another valid point from the article: “One of the most common questions that patients ask me that have pedophile ocd is how do they know that they are not actually a pedophile. And it’s not at all a difficult question to answer, because a pedophile sees children’s sexual nature in a very positive and appealing way where they engage in a great deal of conspiring to find ways of being with children in a sexual way. Persons with Pedophile OCD are exactly the opposite. They have associations regarding children in a sexual way, but then react to those associations as if they're are a morale criminal, and are desperately trying to prove whether they are guilty or not, and desperately trying to make sure they would never act in such a way.”

ivefailed.

Date posted: 2d

could you link the article? thank you so much

izzyyyy24

Date posted: 2d

@izzyyyy24 I also wanted to add that while this article may give you some reassurance, your ocd will in fact argue back with the reassurance but this article definitely helped me in feeling less shameful around the more taboo parts of this theme <3

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2d

Are you able to do ERP treatment? That will get rid of all of these intense worries and you can be happy again :) You can feel better a month from now. The treatment works pretty fast sometimes! You got this ❤️

ivefailed.

Date posted: 2d

ERP doesnt erase what just happened. i perceived se&ual attractiveness on the thighs of a trigger.

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2d

@ivefailed. You’re correct that ERP can’t erase everything we’ve already experienced. I’m sorry you’re struggling. ERP does physically change the wiring in our brains. So the frequency and intensity of these triggers will come down :) That’s amazing. So this thigh trigger can be something that will no longer bother you in the future, believe it or not. I see you have OCD. It doesn’t go away without treatment sadly. I highly encourage you to seek ERP treatment because I want you to be happy ❤️

Lulu~

Date posted: 19w

Someone please help me right now

I’m a csa survivor which made me develop hypersexuality while actually being a asexual individual. (Where I did CP and talked to groomers and sexted, ect ect) A few months ago I’ve started to heal, but the fact that I’ve seen so many private parts since I was idk, young? I imagine them everywhere, it’s really frustrating and sometimes I also get intrusive thoughts about other kids or my siblings. It’s deeply distributing but I also kind of think of it from a curious kind of aspect which I despise too. Honestly I have a hard time with any kid in underwear, my intrusive thoughts have been ALOT the last months and they’re really really overwhelming. I also easily go into overanalysing them or even trying to figure out more clearer the thoughts to “test myself”. I think, I hope. Idk it’s scary

POCD

Faker6532

Date posted: 18w

This felt way too real!!

Why the h•••ll did this happen to me? Seriously, I felt like a normal person yesterday, and now this morning, I feel like I am now a p•••do. When I first woke up, I kept thinking about about the usual things about a kid, only this time it felt real. It was like I was into them sexually and because of that, my private parts growed. Even though I kept saying "no, no ,no" a lot, I felt was only talking to open air and it didn't feel like I meant it God, for the last couple of days, I truly felt normal for once, and against these thoughts. But now I know that I am a p•••do and a piece of s••••it for seeing kids that way. If I could go back before all of this happened, I f••••cking would. Because I KNOW I was never like this before.

Anonymousssssss

Date posted: 17w

Can someone please offer words of advice :(

Why are things so real the first time they’re in my mind and then when I think about it later it’s easier for me to be like wtf?? I was watching a movie earlier and the young girl had developed more in the chest area than the last movie and I felt the desire to check her out so I did. Then later I let myself imagine her having sex and I liked it. But now looking back I’m like ew. The boys in the movie have also developed as the movie went on and I couldn’t help but think that in their real life they’ve probably woken up to boners and s*men and stuff. And looking back it’s just ugh. Idk if it’s sexual relevance but I genuinely let myself indulge in these thoughts and groinal responses and I remember thinking to myself I don’t want to be attracted to little kids and how do I stop myself (everyone has attractive qualities so in younger boys I see man like qualities). Idk I need help. I wouldn’t type this out if I truly believe I was messed up but I’m still scared

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