vicelizviz0121

Date posted: 12d

Long post ahead- The tie between SOOCD and ROCD

Does anybody else face both SOOCD and ROCD? I feel like it has been an ongoing cycle since January and now its July. This all started over a “should I kiss her” thought when dropping off a friend at home and ever since then, it is ongoing. My reaction used to be to cry and panic, and now its kinda mellowing out which scares me into thinking it could be real (all because my reaction is not what it used to be). I also have been facing sheer panic anytime I face something related to coming out. For instance, I seen a post on social media the other day about a women who came out after 14 years being with a man, after she rekindled a friendship with an old female friend…My head goes “so it could happen to me”. Or for instance, the other day, my grandma gave me a hoodie to give to my mom, or for me to keep for myself if it fit, and of course when she showed it to me, it had a rainbow heart and rainbow draw strings. This immediately sent me into a stomach turning panic. On the other hand, this is causing me to feel like I need to leave my boyfriend because what if I leave him in future anyway because of my sexuality. What if im saving him? This has all stopped me from feeling anything towards him and our relationship and Im scared on what that means. I know a lot of things read that it can cause a mental shut out of emotions, and a disconnect in the relationship, but it is making me feel nothing anymore and im scared that it means its time to let go. Our relationship has been nothing but perfect for 2 years. We barely argue and if we do, it is over quickly. Hes always opening my door, checking on me, taking me to do things to create memories, etc. I know that the honeymoon phase ends quickly but im having a hard time disassociating the difference between honeymoon phase is over, this is normal, or if I should leave him and because of the SOOCD thing or maybe I really am not straight. Thank you to whoever read all this. Im sorry for it being so long.

RaRaRa

Date posted: 12d

Yes I have experienced this, the love of my life is a trans guy and when the spike started my ocd started to say mean stuff as "what if I want to date with a cisgender man instead of my boyfriend?" And make me doubt about my sexual orientation and what if I wasn't queer all this time Your rocd related to thoughts about your friend are very common an actually you can find that exact example on the nocd page! I can guarantee you, you love your partner very much because look how you distress you are feeling rn to the idea of hurting him <:') are you in therapy or pills by any chance?

vicelizviz0121

Date posted: 12d

@RaRaRa Hi!! Thank you for responding! I am currently in therapy but in all honesty, its every other week (twice a month), and I opted in to going without pills and to go the natural way. It comes and goes in waves so some days are better than others. Ive tried magnesium glycerinate because it helps with calming and relaxation. Ive tried minimal to none with caffeine cause that spikes it. I talk to my boyfriend but of course he has a hard time understanding and just gives me a hug, kiss on head, and says “you’re okay” but I say “what if….”. It just gets tiring and im so over it

iwillgetbett...

Date posted: 12d

something really helpful i learned a bit ago: using anxiety as a way to gauge if this is OCD or not is not what you want to do. because, ocd is going to put that thang down flip it and reverse it, and suddenly you feel numb. its like OCD saying “hah! gotcha there!” this also comes from fighting against the thoughts so much and being so distressed that your body and mind become desensitized to the thoughts.

vicelizviz0121

Date posted: 12d

@iwillgetbetteroneday This makes sense…. I kinda figured that was happening. I hate that it makes the thoughts feel real, but then takes away everything you once knew and felt:(

isabellamper...

Date posted: 12d

@iwillgetbetteroneday this has been happening to me… thank you so much for this. it helps immensely

vicelizviz0121

Date posted: 12d

@isabellampereira Really?! Like even with being in a relationship with your boyfriend and everything?!

isabellamper...

Date posted: 12d

@vicelizviz0121 yup. it’s the most difficult thing i’ve ever gone through

vicelizviz0121

Date posted: 12d

@isabellampereira Me too and I feel bad for him because he doesnt deserve it and he doesnt know how to help

isabellamper...

Date posted: 12d

@vicelizviz0121 right. i don’t tell mine about it because i don’t think he’ll understand

vicelizviz0121

Date posted: 12d

@isabellampereira I was the same way in the beginning. I was so afraid he was gonna leave because maybe he thought I was trying to tell him something. He was actually very reassuring and kept saying “Honey, you know the answer. If you truly not straight, there would be other signs. Try to listen to what you know, not what is in your head”. How long have you been going through this? Mine started as health anxiety/ocd, then SOOCD and then ROCD. I never know how to label it because it always changes but I would rather deal with the health anxiety than this

isabellamper...

Date posted: 12d

@vicelizviz0121 mine started as just SOOCD and then ROCD came into the picture, though i’ve had bouts of different themes in the past, but i always recognized that they were ridiculous and that they weren’t aligned with who i am. this theme is very confusing and very hard to deal with, and the constant rumination, isolation, checking and what not doesn’t help despite me really wanting to do those things. I’ve been going through this since 10 april 2025. it’s been hell on earth the last three months, but i’m surviving and getting better i think. I try to tell my boyfriend about it but he doesn’t understand—he’s neurotypical and an engineer (and an aquarius lol) so he’s very analytical and logical, and so he doesn’t understand OCD. I do, because I have it and I’m the emotional one of the two of us lol. He’s doing his best to be gentle and understanding, but it’s been havoc on our relationship, at least for me. I wish I was afraid of the color blue again over this awful theme

vicelizviz0121

Date posted: 12d

@isabellampereira I completely understand and empathize with you. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here! Makes me feel better knowing I am not alone and that this is truly OCD. It is hard for me as well because I used to think females were very petty and caddy so I never had many (maybe 4 solid female friends- rest were boys and still are to this day), but I still think that about them so now I have no female friends. Yes some female “friend” coworkers but not the type to hang out after work. Now anytime I do, I feel so weird to ne around them. Idk if its from not hanging out with any females for some time, because of this mental thing (SOOCD) or whatever that case may be. This truly is hell on earth like you aaid

isabellamper...

Date posted: 12d

@vicelizviz0121 it’s good to know we’re not alone. i appreciate you!

iwillgetbett...

Date posted: 12d

@isabellampereira these messages mean so much to me 🥹 as a teenage girl who has wanted a husband her whole life, has dreamed of love every single day, and is struggling with SO-OCD just as much as you two makes me feel not alone 😭

iwillgetbett...

Date posted: 12d

@iwillgetbetteroneday and i’m so glad i could give you guys some advice and help even though im still struggling myself 😪🥲

isabellamper...

Date posted: 12d

@iwillgetbetteroneday girl trust me, i’m in the same boat as you. i met my person and my brain decided to start abusing itself😐 but it gets better!! the rumination is what gets me, but i promise my dear you’re gonna be okay. i have horrible days but i survive every single one, and im sure you will too. it gets better ❤️‍🩹

vicelizviz0121

Date posted: 12d

@iwillgetbetteroneday I finally dont feel alone either. I just want to be happy with my boyfriend again and to feel something again. Its hurting me everyday even if it doesnt show:(

vicelizviz0121

Date posted: 12d

@iwillgetbetteroneday If you ever need anything, im here!

avf2000

Date posted: 12d

In high school I broke up with my boyfriend 13 times in 8 months. the first few times was because I thought I was a lesbian but I clearly wasn't. I kept crawling back to him. My SOOCD and rOCD were directly linked. I no longer have SOOCD but my rOCD is still very loud. It sounds like you love your boyfriend and you have a stable relationship with him. OCD latches on to what we care about the most. I don't know if he's the one for you but it's clear that you care about him dearly. I empathize with what you are going through.

vicelizviz0121

Date posted: 12d

Just because it doesnt cause intense panic like it used to, does anyone think that means anything?

RaRaRa

Date posted: 12d

Yeah pretty much, is common for us to think that a panic attack is a proof of "Okay I'm feeling horrible and anxious, this is all I need to know I don't want to feel this way", once your brain adapts to it you will think "okay why I don't feel bad anymore, my thoughts were right all along and I was just denying?" It is not a proof of being bad person but ocd will pick anything

vicelizviz0121

Date posted: 22w

So-ocd

Im a 21 year old female in a straight relationship with the best guy a girl could ever ask for. About 2 months ago, I went to get coffee with a friend and as I dropped her off, I got a “weird” vibe from her and the look she gave me which lead to the thought of “should I kiss her”….Ive never had a thought like that before and I never have ever wanted to kiss another girl. I have also never had a desire to be with another girl (sexually or romantically). Now though, I have had one other experience of being with a different friend going to get lunch and it felt weird. Ever since then I have been on google non stop with hundreds of different searches, questioning if im lying to myself of my boyfriend, wondering about my past relationships even though Ive only dated boys, been attracted to boys, crushed on boys, etc… boy crazy! Reading on other forums has been a big thing too or doing quizzes. I believe its SO-OCD but im so scared that what if its not. I am in therapy and actually had two weeks of not even thinking about it or googling it until yesterday. I dont know what to do.

Miss.OCD

Date posted: 8w

Let's Chat?!

TW: SO-OCD. I have been a part of the NOCD community for around 4 years now. I am seeing more and more posts, but I am very rarely seeing people actually commenting, reposting and engaging back. I think I have always had obsessive thoughts, but never knew it was a thing until around 5 years ago. I believe my first theme was Harm OCD, when my little brother was first born in 2007. I used to scream at night as I was so worried he was going to be kidnapped, or he may d*e. I would avoid sleeping at friends house's, my dad's (as my parents had split) as I thought if I wasn't there to protect him then something bad would happen. My mum said she would wake up and I would be asleep net to his cot in the morning (I was only 10 at the time). Fast forward to 2017, where me and my high school boyfriend split up, I convinced myself I may be gay as I no longer wanted to have sex with him (almost found it a chore). I was 16/17. We split up and I lived my 'single' life. Spent my time dating males etc and then myself and my ex got back together in 2018. My intrusive thoughts took a turn for the worst in lockdown, when again may libido decreased significantly, and I didn't feel and ;urge' with my boyfriend sStill current partner). I remember one day, bursting into tears, had a panic attack and cried for hours with the most excruciating anxiety chest pains. I told him and my mum about my thoughts. They are both incredibly supportive and my mu actually told me that she had these thoughts too when she was round 19 and still does now (I also didn't know that COD can be inherited). After about 18 months of the worst mental health, significant weight loss, social thoughts and almost ending my relationship, I started to see light at the end of the tunnel. 2022, things started to get better. My partner and I were in the best place we could have EVER been! Sex life was AMAZING (quality of quantity I mean) and I honestly thought, this was the end. March 2024 I fell pregnant. Again, I had a great pregnancy, sec life was great, was so excited for our future. I have never been one to be bothered about marriage, but kept having this lovely vision of us getting married and our little girl walking down the aisle. Baby girls born in November 2024 and BAM, SO-OCD and ROCD have kicked in. I am now questioning my sexuality again, if I am in the right relationship, am I just 'settling'?, does he deserve me?, am I in denial?, what if we get married and then it turns out I am gay?, I don't want him to propose as I am scared etc. Just relentless every single day. I even question, if any of the conversations I have had with family and friends where they have related to me, were even real or if I made them up for my own comfort, so that I do't feel alone?! I am constantly reviewing past events, as I worry that I wanted to explore my sexuality in university, as I remember having an amazing friendship with a lesbian (who was, I am not afraid to admit, very 'handsome'), and we did flirt, as she did with everyone!! But we never took it any further, it never crossed my mind! I almost don't even get the 'anxiety/'sick' feeling anymore because I am SO used to the thoughts. I don't have an urge to act on my thoughts, but they are also no longer debilitating for me. I just feel exhausted with them. They are ALWAYS there. I have gone down the rabbit hole of avoiding meeting new women friends incase 'I find them attractive', if there is a same sex couple on a program I watch, I automatically avoid. I compare my relationship to others. I saw an insta reel yesterday of a women in her 30's that said 'when you're lay in bed with your husband, searching 'Am I Gay' questionnaires and you decide to divorce and follow your heart' and it was a page dedicated to her helping other mid life adults cope with coming out as gay! It really really really triggered me. I am just exhausted. If anybody else wants to share there story, comment below. It doesn't have to be the same sub types, but just an opportunity to vent!

Mariabae

Date posted: 7w

please read- rocd… or is it? im in agony

Hi. I wanted to stop posting here, but I can’t hold it in anymore. I’m feeling so lost. I’m in a relationship that, from the outside, looks wonderful. We’ve been together for 2 years. He loves me deeply. He’s kind and caring. And still… I can’t feel anything. I can’t imagine a future with him — living together, starting a family, growing old. When I try, it feels like something in me shuts down, like it’s wrong. I don’t feel happiness in the relationship. I don’t feel love, warmth, or comfort. I feel anxiety, numbness, guilt, and fear. We fight over the smallest things. My thoughts scream that I don’t love him, that I’m forcing this, that I’m just used to him. The scariest part is: sometimes I feel okay, even calm. And that’s when it hits me — “What if this calm means I’ve accepted the truth? What if I don’t love him?” It feels like I’m in shock. Like I’m finally seeing clearly… but I’m terrified that it’s a clarity I never wanted. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I just know that I’m exhausted. And I want peace. If anyone else has felt this — the numbness, the fear, the doubt that feels like the truth — please tell me how you’ve gotten through it. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this. i know that people reading this will tell me to leave. but i dont have any reasons. All the problems started because of my never ending thoughts. i feel like i ruin everything. i feel like i have changed. im so lost and scared. i dont understand what is happening. It feels so real. im in agony, im crying so much. I wasnt always like this. i am trying to remember times i felt better and i cant. i cant feel anything. its so hard. i can’t explain how i feel and in scared what are you going to respond if someone will. i usually see “if you feel so bad then leave” but its not like that. he loves me so much and if the thoughts werent there it would gave been so different. everything was perfect. but i keep thinking that when the thoughts started, one and a half years ago, i realised that “i just dont like him” and gbat i couldn’t accept the truth and i am denying it. i feel fake. do i even have rocd? or is this cope?? why do i feel like this. why does it feel so real? please somebody help me

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Long post ahead- The tie between SOOCD and ROCD

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