Happy New Year. in a need of a friend

This year has been super tough but also super rewarding. on a good note i healed a lot of OCD habits and tendencies and unraveled completely new ones that are much deeper and harder to heal. it’s funny once you get rid of the surface level stuff the deeper rooted issues come to fruition and you have to start the process again and again of healing. recently a lot of my healing g has been centered towards acknowledging avoidance, being more communicative and being more focused on maintaining connections because of my tendencies to isolate. i would be lying if my relationship hasn’t been affected. lately we haven’t seemed to be in the same place as we used to. sometimes she feels distant and when i ask for more words of affection or something more from her she feels i’m pressuring her. this really hurts but i understand why she feels this way- she explained that when i was dealing with more intense OCD, asking for reassurance or holding everything in it felt like what she did was never good enough. now that ive gotten to a place that feels more grounded and healed and ready to really commit and go the extra mile, she’s started to put energy in other places:( it caused me to feel resentful towards those hobbies and places she’s taken up and it makes me feel like a lot of this is my fault. a month ago we began communicating about how we’re really doing to which she relayed all of what i’m recounting now. things felt good until a few weeks ago she said one day she’d like to move to another country where her family is from one day. which totally caused me to freak out, my mind straight to this idea of us continuing to date and her breaking up with me after a long time to go:/ i told her it would be hard to extend myself to her in the ways i want to-thinking we may break up one day and she would just leave me. now it sucks. i feel like i’m back at square one. i’m constantly worrying about getting what i want from her in terms of affection, constantly worrying that we’re incompatible and should just break up, closing myself off and becoming distant again:/ it sucks because we both just want to be happy with eachother. now im worried it’s too late and that ill mess it up. what doesn’t help is that this year ive lost a lot of friends or connections. since graduating i dont have many people in my circle and im very lonely. i’m envious of other people having friendships and being happy and content with connections. i feel like an outsider and like im doing g everything wrong. i used to be so happy and full of life and excited about it, now it just feels dull and like everyday is the same because of post grad AND i cant surround myself with a lot of friends. i feel like i go crazy sometimes and i blame a lot of my change in her because for a while this relationship caused me a lot of anxiety and obsession. i feel like ive lived in my head this year and it doesn’t feel good. i just want friends and to be happy with my relationship but it all feels so complicated :(