I feel so bad

Kind of a long story but as ive grown older i found out what real event OCD is, realized that I have it a couple years ago, and ive really just been feeling like shit for the last couple years. I have good periods and bad periods, recently havent been worrying too much but I have my moments from time to time. Im in a band and I play shows frequently now, and happen to see people from my past that bring me anxiety sometimes because their last impression of me was when I was a kid and didnt really have my head on straight because of the people that were influencing my life and the edgy nature of my personality. A couple months ago we took a show super late notice, like 8 hours notice literally, and I ended up running into a person from my past that i havent spoken to since i was 15 (22 currently). In summary, i was just a complete jerk to this person that was supposed to be my friend, and i thought for whatever reason it would be funny to throw pebbles at them and make fun of them for being Jewish literally the first time i met them in person. Ive never actually been hateful towards any group of people in my life, never had anything against jewish people, i was just really really edgy and watched youtube content from people like filthy frank and idubbz and basically took their personality on as my own (worst kind of person on this planet). To me it was nothing but a joke at the time but i literally just didnt see that what i did to this person was legitimately fucked up beyond belief and i still think about it to this day. On top of that (probably didnt get it as bad as most people so i dont want to use it as an excuse), i was also getting slightly groomed at that time in my life on the internet and as a result repeated some of the behaviors those people used on me onto them, mainly just by being kind of pushy over text and just coming off as a total weirdo. I understand i was a teenager but this while thing legitimately makes me sick to my fucking stomach. So i end up seeing this person at the show, and our interaction was pretty awkward. I had apologized to them on time in the past a couple years prior, and it seemed to go over well. We shook hands when i walked into the building, said it was nice to see each other, and then ended up being outside in a group of people together at the same time while smoking. They then confronted me - “remember when you threw rocks at me? How do you feel about jewish people now?” It was said in kind of a lighter tone but that wave of guilt i felt all the time just came crashing onto me immediately, and i had to stay there to play the show anyway so it was just really uncomfortable. I got a lot of mixed signals from them for the rest of the night, we continued to have some light conversation after that and everything felt fine in that moment but i could tell they still didnt really like me very much. When i left we shook hands and said goodbye, but i just felt so fucking horrible. How could I have been that way at any point in my life? The whole situation is so ego dystonic to who I am now, so dystonic it almost doesnt even feel like me who did that - but I understand that i cannot skirt accountability and recognize that unfortunately that was how i behaved, no matter how desperately i want to fix it. Theyre friends with my friends, and it makes me so sad to know this person seems to be so uncomfortable with me that we cant really be around each other. Since that time in my life where this happened when i was 15, ive worked on myself so much, have a beautiful girlfriend who loves and support me even after i tell her about all the dumb shit i used to get up to, and i want NOTHING MORE, so desperately than for them to understand the depths of my sadness for how i treated them and how badly i wish to take it back. Ive apologized in the past and its gone over well before, but i know i probably shouldnt do it again cause i dont want to make them uncomfortable and it seems like we’ve already had our words. How can i handle this? I really want to see a therapist but I dont really have the money or the time at the moment. Im just so fucking ashamed. Any advice is appreciated, sorry for the long read. This is the best i can do at the moment to take accountability