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All I can think about is death. I’m only 26 and everyday feels like I won’t live a long time and that my time is up. I wake up with death instantly on my mind. All I do is cry and sleep. I miss who I was. I can’t enjoy anything without thinking “this will be gone one day” I miss loving life

Considering not posting because looking at my feed and it looks like a lot of people are struggling right now. My mind is telling me that I caused this because when I first got onto the app a month or two ago my feed was a lot of wins and overcoming, then I posted about struggle a few times and now it’s all struggle. And sure, maybe I did do that. And maybe I didn’t. regardless, what I’m ACTUALLY coming here for is a question and maybe seeking a little support/knowledge (if anyone has it in them—maybe it’s the holidays too? I know they can be so hard for many.) Sometimes, not very often, but sometimes I have these thoughts that absolutely fill me with horror and dread. It’s usually about something that is a big fear of mine, and I’ll have a thought or cluster of thoughts and then something in me will shift from “what if” to “this is definitely real and imminent.” I think I know the answer, but is that OCD? Because often times the what ifs can be easy to ignore, because I don’t know, but then my mind comes up with all of this “evidence” followed by a gut or bodily sensation, and that combo tells me the I’m basically (correctly) predicting the future. What happened tonight was a new level of worrying about my brother and his family. I worry about my brother having ptsd and the ‘what if’ he doesn’t treat it or what if it gets worse and we “lose him” (psychologically) and then how that will affect me and his family and our family and then I decide I need to go into a career in therapy so I can handle it or prevent it even, and since I’m directionless and careerless now anyway and interested in that as a career and he does genuinely have PTSD, why not do this? So I guess…why not do this? Is it wrong to make a decision like this? Is this ocd, and if it is, what’s the nuance where ocd and real logic and common sense overlap? I realize this is something I should bring to my therapist, and I will, but this community has been really helpful in just providing comfort and support through shared experience. And now…I just realized this is post is probably a compulsion, what I’m doing right now. The dread and horror felt so bad that I came here because it absolutely does make me feel better and sitting with it felt unbearable. And now posting feels wrong, because I do feel better lol But I still want the advice and, now, maybe an objective view on if it seems like I’m currently posting an ocd cycle in real time. This is hard.

Do you have personal experience with OCD medication, and do you would recommend one over another? Up until 2.5 years ago, I thought I had general anxiety with OCD thrown in. Then I determined that it's actually OCPD and OCD calling the shots, and they cause me general anxiety. I've been taking Citalopram for GAD the past 11 years, and I don't think it's as effective anymore. I would also like to try something that's prescribed for OCD. I've done my research and have come across a couple I want to talk to my doctor about, but it's always good to hear others' experiences too.

All sorts of things bother me. I can’t even name them. I feel so alone, and I don’t really have many hocd thoughts. But I keep thinking about what’s wrong with me. I really wouldn’t want to be asexual or aromantic — I feel like there is a desire inside me to be close to someone, more intimately, safely. Of course I often think about sex too. I’m 21, and it honestly hurts that even people younger than me experience love, relationships, closeness. And I feel like I can’t, like I’ll never fall in love. And at the same time I hope I’m not a lesbian :( I hope I’m not just forcing myself to be straight, like what if I’m only imagining that I’m straight. I feel like I can’t talk about the topic of men with anyone — I feel anxiety and start getting uncomfortable because I feel like I’m lying to myself, that I’m not straight. And I’m scared that this is a sign that I’m not into men. Because if I were straight, I probably wouldn’t have these feelings, right? But then I imagine a man’s hands caressing me, hugging me… and I actually tend to imagine intimate things with a man. But in real life I don’t like anyone. And if someone would told me to try to find someone, to download a dating app for example, to reach out to someone — suddenly I feel like I don’t want to, like I want to run away, and I start feeling sick. But at the same time I have no desire to date women either, I’ve never wanted a relationship with a woman. I’d rather not even think about it. I keep testing it in my head. Whenever love or relationships are mentioned, I feel like running away. But why do I feel some kind of longing inside, or want to not be left out of that feeling? To also have the chance to love, to experience a relationship, maybe even s*x if I felt trust and closeness. But I really don’t understand any of this anymore. Maybe I’m just too emotional today and it hurts me inside. I really wouldn’t want to find out that I’m a lesbian. Because I’m not even interested in looking for women. I never have been. I never had a reason to. I only admired women and wanted to be like them and yea i like my friends but that’s it. It troubles me. I guess I don’t know what love is. At the same time, why did I have that thought recently about that one man, a long time ago — just the image of him giving me a kiss on my forehead, and then later the idea that he gave me flowers, and it made me cry. I felt it in my chest. And even when I remembered it later during the day, I didn’t feel uncomfortable. It felt good. Like it warmed my heart a little. But I’m scared that it’s fake. And what if men actually disgust me. 💔

I have been with my boyfriend for well over 3 years. I didn’t develop these unwanted thoughts until last December, so almost a year ago, and they have been plaguing me since. We have such an amazing relationship. We have the same values, he respects me, and I know I love him. The past few days have been extremely rough on me. I have felt completely disconnected and almost numb. I say almost because sometimes when we’re eating and I lose track for a minute, I feel happy. But then, my mind says that I’m just faking my emotions. Anyways, i was confessing to my boyfriend today about my current struggles and he asked me out loud “do you love me?” I said yes and then he asked “do you want to break up with me” because I had told him that was one of my thoughts. I said no, but ever since then I feel extremely guilty because I’m scared if it was a lie. I feel so guilty for not knowing whether or not I want to stay. I had an immense break-up urge because of this while we were having dinner to where all I could do was argue with myself on whether or not I “wanted” to be with him. I couldn’t stop from crying and it was kind of hard to breathe. Is this a common obsession for anyone? Is this ROCD? My newest therapist said that she does believe I am experiencing ROCD, but I’m scared it’s not, and it’s just me losing feelings and love for him. Is it common to obsess over if you want to break up or not? I think deep down I truly don’t because I know we have made an amazing relationship that doesn’t have any external bad things going on. In fact, I very very much wanted to marry him before all of this happened. It is just all in my head and in my feelings. Is this a common thing to obsess over?

Does anybody constantly think about how a therapist would react to your real event if you were to tell them about everything you’ve been going through with intrusive thoughts and past memories/actions when surrounding taboo topics. Like my brain is telling me that even though they may not directly say that I’m a sick/bad person, they will secretly think it. Like one of the biggest reasons as to why I haven’t sought out a therapist is because I’m afraid they’ll secretly think I’m a pedo. I also keep imagining actually meeting with a therapist and then them going home, sharing their day with other people like we all do and then saying things like “ I had this new patient and this is what she did, when she first told It was the first time I’ve been taken aback and I had to hide my disgust, she’s really sick” like that’s literally the worst case scenario for me. I think because my real event(s) doesn’t involve any one real or has to do with anything illegal and my brain can’t turn to what are the consequences of this it turns to my own morality and catastrophizes it in the sense that I’m actually a sick person and although my undiagnosed ocd is a mental illness, it’s only bringing to light what I didn’t recognize before my ruminations and obsessions.

Soocd. Still awaiting help. Been talking to ChatGPT all this time. I just really don’t know myself. I don’t know. I’m young, so I know there’s lots to figure out, but why am I so adamant that I must be into dudes and not girls? Why can I not just be ok with it???

I’m not sure how to handle this so I come for some advice and maybe tips on how to handle the ROCD. Basically, my boyfriend had a friend group some years ago, they stopped talking to him in a way that made him feel sad. I have no friendship with them and honestly don’t care about them nor like them. They go to my school, I see them in the hallways sometimes; here’s the problem, I waved to them and they waved to me for some time after they stopped talking, I thought nothing of it and didn’t even register for a sec that it was them waving at me, how? Well I used to wave at people if they seem familiar to just go on about my day and avoid embarrassment or comments about being rude later, I kinda used to do it as a reflex so that doesn’t happen, now I don’t anymore, but sometimes happened more when I was stressed and dissociating because school is just an extremely stressful place for me where mu thoughts are racing and I’m only concerned about surviving the damn day, not really present, and just thinking about how to relax which puts more pressure on me. I don’t say this to justify the waving, it’s an explanation of why I did it. Something my grandma told me when I asked for advice was that I didn’t do it with intentions of being friendly to them or making my boyfriend feel hurt, and that made me feel better because it is true, but the guilt and doubt and rumination and memories and everything honestly, are eating me alive I’ve been ruminating about this and feeling extremely guilty for it, my mind makes me feel like it’s the end of the world and I should be punished because it feels like a form of betraying and I feel this is something that could actually make him feel hurt. I’ve been meaning to apologize because in my eyes it’s better to be honest and I always wanna be honest to my partner and give him the power to decide how to feel about this situation. I’ve been putting it off however because my mind tells me “What if instead I make it worse and he feels my explanation is really stupid and that I did this on purpose? I mean my explanation tho true, could sound false and stupid” “What if this is confession OCD or just a compulsion to apologize and I make it worse due to being so anxious?” “What if I make the problem worse?” and the one that sets me back the most, “I need to be regulated in order to properly apologize and approach this with a cold mind since I don’t wanna feel so guilty he ends up conforting me or carrying my emotional load instead of me carrying and caring for his” This is also important: I’ve been having memories which I’m not sure are even true, I have a distant memory about the moment this happened, because yes I was there and yes this makes me feel EVEN WORSE I kinda remember saying they wave at me and I wave at them and him telling me it’s ok and he doesn’t really mind, the memory is so distant I can’t tell if it’s actually real or it’s just again, OCD! (wether real or not tho, I still feel the need to apologize again and it’s my intent ) I’m pretty tired of ruminating and beating myself up and I feel like it’s kinda complicated to talk now that he moved away and we’re long distance, I’m gonna cry more than I already have I also have been dying because the thoughts and guilt and doubt are all eating me alive and it creeps whenever I say I love you, whenever I make a gift or card or say anything with love. My mind is bullying me and I’ve been beating myself up about it. I’m stuck and confused and anxious Please share some advice if you have

If ur here just to give some encouragement dw ab reading this Im just venting 😭. If you read my billions of posts you can see I’m having a really hard time. I’m analyzing memories, possible false memories, weird childhood exploration, uncomfortable thing that happened in 7th grade that feels like undeniable proof, the beginning stages of SOOCD, my crushes in the past to see if they were real or if I liked them enough, false attractions (which are constant now), I’m triggered by everything, I’m checking for attraction, I’m just miserable. I cant even enjoy old movies or cartoons that used to bring me comfort because I have thoughts like “Did I find this character attractive? I probably didn’t if I can’t remember. I used to always want the boy and girl to be together, but I cant remember if I liked the boy, It must be denial. I probably liked the girl.” I can’t remember shit and my brain keeps filling in the blanks but idk if it’s real. Im worried that this isn’t even OCD because the thoughts aren’t consuming me it’s just pure rumination and other compulsions. Is that still OCD? I still get random thoughts like when I’m watching something random on social media. I could be calm, not triggered by anything, and get a thought like “If she was naked you’d be aroused, rmbr that childhood exploration, you’ve been aroused to XYZ so you probably would be right now” and then I start to ruminate. Idk if that’s rumination or intrusive thoughts. But I usually just ruminate all the time 🧍‍♀️as soon as I wake up and when I go to bed. I get like images and flash backs of the “proof” idk if that counts as intrusive thoughts. I feel so terrible and completely numb to everything. What’s eating me alive right now is my years of numbness. Was that OCD, depression, or me just being in denial? I feel like there’s too much proof at this point. I really have suffered a lot with my mental health over the years so it could possibly just be that my brain is just in shock mode but I don’t know why it’s been so long. I haven’t seen anyone on this app say all their libido and attraction went away for YEARS. But then again I was not diagnosed for 5 years and just completely shut down. I was still numb when I started dating my boyfriend and I was so afraid that it would ruin the genuine feelings and attraction I started having for him before we started dating. I was feeling happier so maybe that’s why I started to feel those good feelings and emotions again. I swear to whoever reads this I DID feel attraction, excitement, all the things for him 😭. Him confessing to me made me anxious and scared bc my numbness makes me feel like a rock and I wasn’t sure I wanted to peruse a relationship. But I was like no, I felt those feelings after YEARS, he makes me feel happy and I have a crush, I won’t let fear take this away from me. I was doing good, my checking compulsions were annoying, but I was doing pretty good. The fear was going away, I was checking less and started feeling the full attraction again, I was in the moment when we hung out, dates were amazing, but then the thoughts and ruminating literally fucked it all up. When I was laying down in bed one night I thought “What if my numbness makes me stop liking him.” It automatically made me anxious and I was stuck ruminating about it all day. Then it just progressively got worse and now I’m stuck dealing w full on SOOCD again 😭. I feel like a rock towards my man now. He sent me a picture and I felt nothing. But then I think “you were numb anyways you probably never liked him.” I don’t even know if my feelings for him a couple months ago were even real bc of how much I ruminate. I was so sure of myself a couple months ago but not anymore. How do I go from “Omg his smile is so nice, I want him to kiss me so bad, his laugh is so cute, he looks so good.” to NOTHINGGGGGG. Prior to the big flare up I rmbr going to a festival with my sister and thinking another guy was cute bc he looked like my man (I swear he was waking up my emotions again) and I started to worry and freak out ab finding another man attractive. Why is my brain so confusing 😭? I want to hangout with him but I’m also scared to at the same time bc I’m afraid of feeling nothing and being triggered by it and ruminating, checking, analyzing. I feel like i’m shutting down again. That’s what’s been happening since high school. If my mental health and OCD make me feel like shit, my brain shuts everything down, and I do nothing. I want to do nothing and isolate because it’s safe, it’s not triggering, and it doesn’t leave me exhausted. Ever since I graduated high school I have been a rock. I have no goals, wants, motivation, NOTHING. I had to drop out for a bit bc when the lcd calmed down a bit, the depression just TOOK OVER. I feel like there’s never going to be an end to this. If this isn’t OCD then idk what to do.

I was doing fine. My psychiatrist told me we can quit the medicine. And my therapist told me that i don't need to continue therapy since i was in a good place where i could control my OCD symptoms. But a couple days ago my intrusive thoughts came back. And yesterday i went to see my psychiatrist and she decided to go back to my usual dose. But she also told me she had suspicions that what i have is OCD. She told me i could be more like Generated Anxiety disorder. But when i tell her about my most prominent intrusive thought, she told me this was OCD and i should not dwell on the titles. I am confused and panicked now thinking if i am not OCD, then what i am thinking is real? But i don't want it to be. The thought makes me scared and panicked. And i find myself thinking about it constantly. Looking for evidences and checking my past memories. And then i go back to thinking what if i am in denial and this fear is the fear of denial? What should i do? How can i stop this chain of thoughts?

Hey so i've been mia for a while but school started and i just had a bunch of stuff going on. I'm back on my meds because the last few months were rough, however i've been through this before and i know myself and i can tell i'm getting better again, thankfully. Now there is something stressing me out and intrusive thoughts are taking over. I'm going to finish my major this year, and to do so i need to do an internship at a lab. We get to choose the lab, and so far so good. I have always loved Forensic Sciencies and Criminal Investigation, and for a while now i have been pursuing them academically, not directly but through a major and internships that will let me work in that field. So when i got to pick the lab i chose a forensics laboratory that deals with everything from forensic pathology to autopsies to toxicology, etc. I have been exchanching emails with the lab and everything seems to be on a good track for me to go there. However, I now start wondering if this is really for me, what if i get there and im too squeamish, feel nauseous, or just straight up have a panic attack?! What if i see things i never wanted to and they haunt me? What if seeing a dead person is too much for me? Or the smell or even the samples? Im genuinely scared of getting something engraved in my mind my ocd and anxiety can feed off- and i know that can happen because that has happened before in a very different situation and i worked through my ptsd episode with my therapist, but while also being haunted by it for months. The thing is, if this isnt right for me, i don't know what is, because i've been after it for so long and while i do believe i'll love it and feel gratified, i'm also so so so scared. Should i do anything to prepare myself? Should i be scared? What do i do? Anything would help rn guys.

Please please pleaaaase someone read my posts 🧍‍♀️just tell me how to not spiral pls and thank you 😭 I think right now i’m experiencing real event and SOOCD. Read the millions of posts i’ve made these past couple months to get context if you want.

Do you guys evevr get confused when you see a masculine female I saw one And her hairs were so short and she had that masculine body its impossible to say she's a woman.. Im scared im attracted to her.. And ngl she looks like a man.. She's handsome .im sacred...im attracted yo ehr and i cant deny it..😞😨❓⁉️

Chatgpt is triggering..

Hey everyone! Not trying to seek reassurance, but more so would just love to know if others can relate so I feel less alone. I am engaged and planning my wedding for next summer, which has been very exciting and fun, EXCEPT that I sometimes get triggered by seeing TikToks or hearing people say that wedding planning should be like 100% equally shared between partners. I would say I am handling a bit more of the planning, mostly because I am the one who wanted the wedding more (as opposed to like a courthouse wedding) and will have many more guests, and my fiance is also just very easygoing and doesn’t have a ton of strong opinions about wedding stuff. But I’ve been hearing people say things like “planning your wedding together foreshadows how your marriage will be” and it’s causing me to overanalyze things, like how much we’re each contributing and whether it’s “enough” or whether it bodes well for our marriage. Even though we have a very healthy relationship and I’m super excited to marry him, and I really do consider us partners in every way. I just hate the black and white idea that everything should always be exactly 50/50 because my OCD brain latches onto that and starts looking for ways that we are “doomed.” Anyone out there experiencing something similar?

I read on Facebook that the brain emits low frequencies, which means it can connect to universe and then our thoughts will connect to universe and make them true. Is that correct?Does ocd thoughts will connect to frequencies and make our thoughts true?I fear about law of attraction. Does law of attraction and manifestation make our thoughts true without action?

Before i had Soocd i wasnt aware of what kind of men i like(im a girl) After it i got attached to specific type of men as if i found my type in men.. Many say their prespective and types got ruined due to OCD But mine seems to be different Is it ocd or am i pretending to have a type

Hi everyone, I’m considering starting therapy and possibly SSRIs for HOCD, but I have a few questions I’m hoping you can help with before I dive in. Right now, I often get fleeting images, mental scenarios, and emotional sensations sometimes sexualized, sometimes just “feeling into” a scene involving women. These sensations trigger a lot of panic and anxiety, and I constantly worry that they’re proof of hidden desire or orientation. Or its genuinely me.. I’m wonderingAfter therapy and/or SSRIs, will these images and sensations stop completely, or will they still appear but feel neutral? Will I experience them in the future and potentially feel anxious, or will HOCD lose its power over them? How do you approach these sensations in treatment do they naturally fade, or is the goal more about learning to experience them without panic or meaning?(do this waay the lose their power and stop interfering??) I want to start therapy, but I’m nervous because I feel like I might always have these thoughts or sensations, and I would end up liking them😞 Im done it makes me feel like its better not to approach for therapy self help would be best..

Do anyone do behavioural supressions like avoiding fantasies,daydreams,scenario that creaate spiral? Chatgpt todl me its a supression I dotn do it cause of anxiety whaat if i like it (Wait now i feel like i like it) help how do i calm down)