freaking out

my therapist suggested that some of my less bad rocd intrusive thoughts are actually mine, and not intrusive. She ended up taking it back when she saw the alarm on my face and saw how panicked I got. I feel really freaking anxious. We were only talking about it because I mentioned a lot of doubt surrounding those less bad ones, but it only filled me with more doubt. I don’t want those thoughts to be mine. I really don’t. I feel scared and so discouraged after this session. I feel scared about the worst thoughts, what if those aren’t intrusive. I feel so much doubt.

Anon849

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 35w

the goal of ERP therapy is to get you to hear your OCD thoughts and not have a visceral reaction. My therapist says things to egg me on, too. As you said, she SUGGESTED it, but I bet the ROCD made you focus 99% on "It could be true" vs "It could be false". She took it back because you were not ready for this exposure. ERP has some trial and error. Some things you or your therapist might think are low scale exposures might actually then turn out to be an extreme exposure. That's OK. We see how we react and reassess our treatment plan. Keep going, you got this!

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 35w

@Anon849 My therapist is new to treating OCD. We have not done any ERP as she hasn’t started her training for it. We were discussing how to identify my thoughts as intrusive and she told me this thought didn’t sound intrusive despite my distress about having it. Yes, you are right the OCD made me focus on the bad thing but the whole point of bringing that up was to get some advice on how to identify intrusive thoughts, not to validate or reassure me. I was already set on it being intrusive. Now I just feel panic again.

Anon849

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 35w

@isshpra 🫶🏻 Oh. See a different therapist then. I saw a CBT therapist for about 9 months before seeing an ERP therapist and they always suggested my SOOCD was always true and I never got the help I really needed from them. My new therapist specifically treats OCD, and after 5 months I feel a lot better and more equipped to deal with any OCD thought. Until you find an ERP therapist that treats OCD: Trying to identify intrusive thoughts is a compulsion, it will not help you recover from OCD. It might make you feel better in the short term to have a criteria or list of what is "intrusive" so you can determine if a distressing thought/feeling/urge is intrusive, but in the long run, you'll use this list to question all of your thoughts, in turn you'll just be keeping yourself in an OCD loop. Instead, you should acknowledge your thoughts. Maybe these thoughts are mine, maybe not. Maybe my partner is ugly. Maybe my partner isn't the right one. And then still choose to be with them. Make them feel loved, cherished, and appreciated. The doubt and anxiety are not dangerous. You can and will survive this. You can have all the doubts in the world, but you are still in control of your actions. You can still love and cherish your partner EVEN if you are feeling a lack of love or your body physically feels sick when they get close to you.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 35w

@Anon849 Thank you, i appreciate your advice

Anonymous

Date posted: 35w

Too much concern over which thoughts are intrusive sounds like a compulsion to me, too, and a recipe for more doubt. If a thought causes you distress, that’s really all that matters. Just sit with the distress and don’t do anything to reassure yourself. If you’re so worried whether a thought is ‘yours’ because it causes you distress, there’s your answer. You don’t identify with the thought, so just let it upset you and leave it at that. Besides, how can a thought you didn’t ask to have be yours? Thoughts just pop up and you get to choose which ones are really yours.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 35w

@Anonymous Thank you so much. I will follow this logic. I really appreciate it, truly

FloralEnvoy

Date posted: 35w

Hey thanks for making this post, you got some advice that helped me by reading it. Hope you're doing better! You are far from alone in thus

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 35w

@FloralEnvoy Thank you, I’m glad the advice in these comments helped you :)

1twilightloverr

Date posted: 35w

hey! it’s okay, as much as it sucks you need to feel doubt in order to get over it. if you don’t want the thoughts you don’t have to act on them. i’m not really experienced with therapy as i’ve only had two session but to give the benefit of the doubt to her she probably tried to not give you reassurance but im not sure of the context. thoughts don’t necessarily have meaning unless you want them to.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 35w

@1angieee I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt because she’s new to treating OCD. She wanted me to differentiate between an intrusive thought and my own so I brought up the thoughts I know are intrusive but my OCD has an easier time convincing me they’re mine because they’re not as disturbing as my other intrusive thoughts. She doesn’t want me to think all negative thoughts are intrusive, which I understand and I agree with but suggesting that thoughts I had already classified as intrusions because of how much distress they cause me were my real feelings, made me go into full panic.

1twilightloverr

Date posted: 35w

@isshpra 🫶🏻 ooh yeah my therapist did the same thing, it did freak me out but ultimately i know how i really feel so i didn’t let it bother me

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 16w

I’m freaking out please help

I don’t know if my hormones are extra wild this month or what, but I have been having so many POCD thoughts lately. It feels like I enjoy them in the moment, and then a few seconds later, I get this tiny flicker of *wait I don’t think I actually want to enjoy that.* It’s scaring me a lot. I was watching adult videos for the first time in about a year, since I had been avoiding them because of my OCD. I know they are not good for anyone, but I felt like i could (ironically it felt like a tiny win that my OCD had calmed down enough). But while watching, I had like 3 separate POCD thoughts. And it felt like I liked them. Like genuinely *liked* them. I don’t know if maybe my body was mixing up physical pleasure and mental pleasure, and then my brain inserted those not okay thoughts into the situation, which got tangled up with the pleasure responses I felt mentally and physically. It is all really confusing. I just feel so scared. I know OCD thoughts are supposed to feel real, and that once you get desensitized to the anxiety, they lose their power. But this feels like I am *actually enjoying* the thoughts, and that makes me want to cry. I’m scared that I actually like these thoughts when I’m really aroused :( Please help.

samlovesjesus

Date posted: 16w

i’m really worried

so i start therapy tomorrow. but bro it’s just getting worse and im so scared. like the thoughts are getting more frequent and i genuinely feel evil and i hate it. i keep thinking what if i do it and im scared im eventually gonna. i’m scared i give off a creepy vibe or im lying to myself or others. please tell me is this ocd? do i need to be actually worried? i’m really freaking out

galina

Date posted: 13w

Bad session today

I had a very bad session with a therapist today (NOT FROM NOCD). She basically told me I can’t be helped without medication, said I am too needy and if I keep being needy, people will continue to leave me, and my past trauma from relationships is my fault. I then had a second session with my old therapist who helped process and explain that OCD is lifelong and some people manage it but others have flare ups and I think I’m having a bad flare up (a month long basically) and that I may need medication which I’m terrified to go back on. Does it get better? Will I need meds? I’m scared. I don’t want to get worse and I don’t want these thoughts to scare me.

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