Just had a very inaproppriate intrusive thought while I had an intimate moment, I do not know how to deal with it. I feel like a monster, I never experienced sexual intrusive thoughts, and this one is actually disgusting. What bothers me the most is the moment when it happened. I will not name it, but is it something that I should talk about with my partner? Or move on? But I feel like talking about it would do good.
This is something that you should definitely NOT talk about with your partner. It's just OCD. Every time OCD comes up, you need to practice moving on while you do NOTHING about it. I know this is hard. I know it feels like you need to do something to rectify the situation. But you need to practice moving on after every episode while doing nothing to fix it. This means that you don't confess your partner. This means that you don't have to sit around and feel guilty about it. It means that you just move on. Period.
@Tea and Honey I am doing the same thing right now. Since I struggle with religious OCD, my brain is trying to spiral about my salvation. I have to practice doing NOTHING to fix the situation. I have to practice moving on, even though my anxiety level is up, and I am uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable to do nothing. Our OCD minds want to spin and fix and fix and fix. But the solution is found in doing nothing and moving on. Overtime, this will get easier for both of us !!! I know it's really hard right now:(
@Tea and Honey One more thing – remember that the OCD thoughts do not make you a monster. In fact, the OCD thoughts don't mean anything about us at all. One of the biggest lies of OCD is that the thoughts means something about us. But the truth is that all the thoughts are meaningless. OCD will bring thoughts in areas that you care about. For people who care about God, the OCD will bring terrible negative thoughts about God. For people who care about their spouses, the OCD will bring horrible unfaithful or even pedo*ic thoughts. The truth is that it doesn't matter what the thoughts are. And the thoughts don't mean anything about the person with OCD. That's why we have to practice ignoring the thoughts . Imagine that OCD is like a little gremlin that sits on your shoulder. It will feed you the thoughts that you hate the most. And then it'll try to tell you that you wanted those thoughts in the first place. We can't control the fact that the little gremlin is feeding the thoughts. But you can take away any power that the gremlin has when you just ignore him and move on with your life.
@Tea and Honey - First of all thank you for your replies. Means everything. Yes, the thought to me is truly horrific. I saw a non sexual image some time ago, it was not even real, it was something drawn but my mind threw it right at me at the worst possible moment. First it was about me being unfaithful, and later it even turner into "if the drawing was this or that age..." you know what I am talking about, I can not even type it out because I think I would throw up. Again, thank you. Feels better to talk about it.
@ocdbelowzero Yes, this is all just typical OCD. This is what OCD does!! I'm realizing that we are all on the stormy ocean with our OCD. These episodes are GOING to happen. We can expect them. But all we need to do is ride out the stormy waves each time. Don't worry. This is actually making us stronger. I heard a quote once that "stormy seas makes stronger sailors" :):) I'm in the same boat you are. Hang in there!!!! I wish the uncomfortable feelings and fear would go away. But I am not in charge of that timeline. All I can do is wait out and ride out the waves.
Everyone gets intrusive thoughts. Those of us with OCD put those thoughts under a microscope and ask "what does this say about me?" Remember, we are not our thoughts and we are not our feelings. I've experienced this many times myself and I know how disconcerting it can be. Don't give OCD the reaction it wants from you which is fear, anxiety, and a compulsion to reinforce the pattern. Sit with the anxiety, let it pass and move forward.
Remind yourself that this is OCD. It's very normal to feel momentarily disgusted by an intrusive thought, but what others do without this disorder is simply to let it go. It does not connect with your values, hence it is intrusive. If you do feel like talking to someone about it, if you're seeing a therapist I'd recommend talking to them about it instead, if you're at the level where you can share that kind of stuff with them.
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