OCD is ruining my favorite hobby, please help

I don't even know why this suddenly started upsetting me when I've been doing it for months, but it's triggering my OCD so badly now. I feel like crying. I do creative writing and it's my haven, my safe place, my favorite thing to do. I write fanfictions and write about things that are important to me and it's helped so much. For a few months, I've been using DeepSeek AI to help give me feedback. I show my work every 1000 words in and then it gives me bullet points that I'll show a screenshot for. After it gives it critiques, I go back and manually fix everything; edit sentences, add more pacing, remove stuff when I feel like it was going on too long, etc. It helped a lot with seeing mistakes I didn't notice before, but my writing wouldn't change that much with or without it since I just use it for help proofreading when I'm done with a large chunk and just need to edit. For whatever reason, I feel this horrendous guilt for using this tool-- like I'm cheating or not a real writer. It feels terrible because I write everything myself and it gives feedback like a friend or teacher, but I feel so terrible. I think it's because a lot of people on Tik Tok or social media would judge me, even though my online friends love my writing and think that I'm overthinking this a lot. I can't write without feeling guilty or like I need to confess the whole process so people know that I write everything myself and I'm not using it to write anything for me. I'm scared people will assume I'm lying. I never worried about this before I started seeing so much stuff on social media. I just want my favorite hobby back :( (note: the story was about a boyfriend comforting his trans boyfriend through his period)

Anonymous

Date posted: 4d

Your post really reached me because my OCD has ruined bicycling for me. That's right, bicycling. Like little kids do without a thought. I started riding long distances several years ago and built up my strength and endurance. Then, I hit a wall. Not literally but emotionally. As my ability improved, I put more pressure on myself to keep succeeding. Failure is not an option, you know. Then my friends complimented me. (How dare they.) Now, my anxiety makes me panic at the thought of doing something that once brought me so much joy. Finding this program is the first time I have truly felt some power over this needless shame, and fear of some perceived failure. Keep on doing the work and finding your way through to keep exercising your talent. BTW-your story sounds fascinating.

AnAnxiousPerson

Date posted: 4d

Thank you so much :(<3 That's really inspiring to hear! It's so odd what OCD attacks. I've never seen a disorder that genuinely finds so many innocent things to latch onto it. It's truly like the most horrific bully. I'm just scared of judgement and I don't know if I'm doing something wrong and I keep checking other people's opinions and that makes me more anxious And thank you :) I really liked how my story turned out

anonymous00001

Date posted: 4d

Hi! Thank you for sharing! I really relate to the feeling you’re talking about. Before I was diagnosed with OCD, I stopped my favorite hobby, historical fashion, for very similar reasons of debilitating guilt. I remember being in my studio standing at the cutting table, and brought to my knees by fears that I’m “racist” for liking Victorian fashion, that I’m sexist for studying the history of women’s wear or wearing a corset, even though my values as a person are clear. Eventually I packed everything up into a storage unit and I haven’t made a garment since. I just could NOT take the guilt and intrusive thoughts and I spent all my time compulsing instead of sewing. I wish I knew about OCD back then because I think the modalities of treatment that I’m doing now would have allowed me to push past the feelings of doubt and guilt and to accept them along with my passions. If I could give you some advice, it would be to hold on to that precious thread that connects you to your work. If you’re not in therapy already, I suggest considering it, and if you are in therapy, I highly recommend working with your therapist to do some exposures around accepting the guilt and fear and doing your writing in the way that works for you. OCD attaches to the things we care about most. ❤️

AnAnxiousPerson

Date posted: 4d

Thank you so much! Hearing other people's stories has felt really nice :(<3 Your story is really inspirational, and I also love sewing :) and those fashion timelines It must have been really hard to not know you have OCD! I remember when my symptoms were getting bad and I didn't know a thing about it and it felt terrifying! This advice helped a lot<3 I'm going to message my therapist about it and I'm going to try and connect to my work :):)

nae nae

Date posted: 4d

Honestly, I don't have a lot of advice, but I can relate to this and to social media being a huge trigger. I get so obsessed with whether or not my opinion is the "right" or "wrong" one, if that makes sense. Even if it's irrelevant online discourse lol. I get so stressed out about it, but I can't stop reading comments or looking through videos to make sure 😭 What I've been trying to do is not spend so much time on social media, or I'll click "not interested" on videos I don't want to see to curate my feed. I promised myself that this year, I'd work on my individuality and getting comfortable with being authentically myself :)

AnAnxiousPerson

Date posted: 4d

Exactly! That's what I've been doing as well 😭 I don't know what happened to social media recently, but I do genuinely feel like polarization, poor communication, and lack of empathy has increased so much. It's also difficult because I have different opinions than my friends sometimes and that makes me feel terrible. I've been trying to be confident in my own opinions more I think it's awesome and inspiring that you've been working so hard to authentically be yourself! That's really amazing :) I'll try to do the same

anonymous00001

Date posted: 4d

@nae nae I relate to this SO much!

nae nae

Date posted: 4d

@AnAnxiousPerson YES, I've noticed that, too. A lot of people say the internet has always been like this, but I've genuinely noticed a huge shift in how people are interacting online. It's draining to witness so much negativity be thrown out into the world :( Thank you! And I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with that. I hope we'll get to a point where this is no longer something either of us worry over. It's okay to have differing opinions from those around us. If OCD tries to convince us otherwise, we'll just have to persevere and sit with it! 🫶🏻🫶🏻 You got this, friend!

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