- Date posted
- 15h
I need help
Hi… sorry in advance for this long post. I’m newly diagnosed. I have a small idea of what ocd means to me. I’m still looking for an ocd therapist. Here’s what’s going on. My spouse and I are moving, thanks to my dad and his wife generously helping us buy our first condo. Without them, we wouldn’t ever have the means to get a foot in the door in the housing market. Both my spouse and I are neurodivergent, have felt with depression and suicidal ideation, we both have ocd and we both have anxiety. We just don’t have the energy. We’re currently living in an old apartment which we say has a mold problem. But our landlord hasn’t been very attentive to that. In addition, my dad and his wife are helping to pay for my spouse to go back to college, and he offered us their ‘old’ comfy couch, which we accepted happily. Well… ocd has a genetic component right? My big sister and I both have ocd, and we strongly suspect our little sister does too, but she’s very dismissive of that idea to even check. Which is fine… but then she came to me saying that my dad and his wife might have carpet beetles. Right before this, she lived with some family friends who definitely have carpet beetles. She took pictures. And she swears she saw the larva at our dad’s when she stayed night. My dad and his wife never told us until she told me one week later. Of course, I was upset at this. They’re giving us their old couch and are intimately helping us with moving to our new place. But I pushed that aside for now. I talked with my dad over the phone. I already had ocd anxiety about the mold in our old apartment and how it could transfer to our new place. So I tried to explain to my dad that hearing this news about the carpet beetles was definitely going to trigger my ocd, and I hoped he’d humor me for now because I don’t really have any coping mechanisms right now, as I’ve explained my current condition. He said something along the lines of, “I’m not going to humor you, I’m going to respect you.” Great! We’re on the same page. Well… Let me explain who his wife is. I’ll call her Gail. Many days earlier when they helped us posting our rooms, we were explaining our disabilities and how we’d need more time. Her response: “I get it, you’re special.” She takes everything as a personal attack, and believe me, my sisters and I have all given her so much grace. She’s done a lot more. So she goes to explain how she feels like we don’t trust them to be adults about this. She consulted her cousin who I think has past experience but very little with carpet beetles. Then they tell us they’ve inspected the carpet and couch themselves and haven’t found anything. My ocd kicks in. In a way, no I don’t trust them. They didn’t tell us right away they had carpet beetles for reasons I’ve already explained. But come on. They obviously have the money to hire someone with actual experience to inspect their place right? But apparently that’s too much because Gail says “good grief, don’t let your anxiety rule your life!” Okay, fine. I have a friend with experience. He offered to inspect and spray for free. Still no. Meanwhile, I’ve been having panic attacks and breakdowns because I can’t tell what’s real, what’s right, or what to do. I don’t know how to identify my ocd thoughts and I’m confused. Is this something to be worried about? Are my concerns valid? My spouse and their best friend both grew up in horrid conditions and they plus friends say you don’t fuck around with infestations. Plus we’re living in a condo, it could spread to other people! Don’t answer those questions… I just don’t know how to approach this. I want to call my dad and explain what’s going on, why I feel hurt and dismissed, but how much of this is ocd??? I don’t have the resources to figure this out yet, and I feel like I’m going crazy. I went to work only to break down in tears the minute I clocked in and had to go home. I can’t tell what’s real. This was my big sister’s suggestion to ask for advice here. If you’re still here reading this, please help.