i don’t know what to do anymore

i haven’t talked to anyone about this, not my therapist, not my girlfriend, not my parents, but these days i find myself thinking about just ending it all. i wouldn’t actually do it, i’m too scared to, but sometimes it feels like that’s the only way out, the only solution. i feel so wrong, like everything about me is wrong, and i can’t find it in myself to believe i’m worth living. i need to know if it gets better. i’m 20 years old and have spent the vast majority of my teenage years in therapy. i can’t stop feeling like i need to confess everything, especially to my girlfriend. obviously i try to resist the urge to but the mental battles are exhausting. every time something is even slightly wrong, i feel like i can’t i breathe. whenever i’m trying to distract myself, whenever i’m busy, all i can think about is everything i’m doing wrong. how can i possibly live life to the fullest if this is how i am?

chris102889

Date posted: 20h

I’m the same way. To others it’s a small issue to me it’s life altering

chris102889

Date posted: 20h

That’s part of this awful disease

🌷🌸

Date posted: 20h

same here, welcome to ocd :(.

chris102889

Date posted: 20h

I honeslty wish everyday I can be “normal” and ask why me why am I like this. Not matter how hard I try to block it out it fix it nothing changes

dollandtoylover

Date posted: 20h

I’m in the same position :( All we can do it try and try.

chris102889

Date posted: 20h

Honeslty I thank god I found this app bc I was starting to feel so alone. I have a very supportive husband and family but unless u have ocd you don’t totally understand

EvanMR

Date posted: 20h

Hey, if you read this, please do not kill yourself! You life is a gift from God. Do not waste it! I honestly would tell your therapist or your parents about this. It seems like you desperately need help, and hopefully they should be able to give you the help you need. I am 23 and have spent a lot of time in therapy. Trust me when I say there are ups and downs. But you WILL get through this!! I know it!

JustJess

Date posted: 16h

I’ve had OCD for 27 years now. Started when I was 9. My teen years were some of the most difficult times. I ended up homeschooled due to how bad it all got. I was going to intensive outpatient therapy for OCD at 16 three times a week. Eventually, I was able to go back my senior year and graduate. Now 20 years later, I’m back in ERP therapy as my OCD changed themes and I was unaware. I have debilitating social anxiety and agoraphobia. Sometimes it feels like I’m too tired to keep fighting so I understand that feeling. However, I continue to persevere because we are worth it, every single one of us. We all have a unique gift to share with the world. OCD is a part of us and while it may never go away, we can absolutely learn to coexist with it. After all these years, I’m finally leaning into self-compassion. Hating myself for having OCD hasn’t made it any better. Society is hard on us enough, we deserve to be our own safe space. Since OCD is the doubting disorder, we tend to have very little self-confidence that we can overcome these battles, but we are stronger than we know. It takes a lot of courage to get up everyday and deal with OCD. Are you currently doing ERP therapy? If not, I really hope you can seek out a therapist trained in it. Remember, healing is not linear, but you deserve to live a life you love. We are here for you and you are not alone in this journey ❤️

violettag6

Date posted: 23w

Not doing great

TW I’m feeling really bad about myself today. I feel like a fraud and a liar. I’ve been unable to enjoy my time with my girlfriend because I’m bombarded with my thoughts. I’ve been asking for reassurance from so many people and nothing is helping. Nothing makes me feel better anymore and I’m worried that this is just how it’s going to be for forever. I miss when I could just be happy and not overthink so much. I miss being able to get through my days without this crippling anxiety. I’m worried there’s going to be a day where I realize I have no fight left in me

rosiemae474

Date posted: 13w

Please help

It’s never been this bad before. I feel like I’ll never get better. Every day I remember new things to feel guilty about and new fears pop into my head. What if I get doxxed? What if I said something online that could get me in trouble? What if I was hacked? What if someone is looking through every post, every message, every account I’ve ever made. I feel like I’ve dug myself into a hole and there is no way out. I’m 21, I keep thinking “no one will have grace for you because of your age. You are an adult. You should have know better. You don’t deserve to get better”

nae nae

Date posted: 9w

Tired of feeling like a bad person

I genuinely can't help but feel irredeemable over every little mistake made or regret I've had. It's so up and down, but I just miss the certainty. Knowing "this is who I am." I'm so disconnected from myself. Like, I'm really, really trying. Today is really rough... I got triggered the other night, and it's been hell since. I've been fighting seeking reassurance. I want it so, so incredibly bad, but I know it won't help me :( Some days, I just don't want to be here. It's funny because yesterday I felt amazing until I got triggered. I just immediately spiraled after that. I don't know. Does it genuinely get better? Will therapy really help me? Sometimes, I think maybe this is the best it'll get, and that scares me. Sorry for the vent. I'm just feeling so overwhelmingly anxious right now. I can't even cry (due to Zoloft). It feels claustrophobic somehow, having all these emotions trapped inside of my body with nowhere to go 😭

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i don’t know what to do anymore

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